I prefer Pemican....

**0rion** · 04-08-2008, 11:31 PM

My brother and I are generally prepared for trips. Last weekend was no exception. We were flying out together for a 5 hour flight to Vegas. Got all of our necessities in order. Car mags....check, candy bars.....check, chips.....check, beef jerky.......check. I turned him on to Pemican beef jerky a few years ago but this time around we couldn't find any so we each bought a bag of Jack Links. I got original and he got terriyaki. That way we could split it up and have a little of both.
We flew southwest ( which sucks) and they do a lottery type seating deal ( which is why they suck) and we drew "B" group. When we got on the plane the only seats together were the last row. We sit down and both of us are the size of offensive linemen so they just don't make airplane seats that are comfortable for us. His step-son to be was with us and since he's the youngest and smallest he got stuck in the corner.
Plane takes off and 30 minutes into the flight me and him are still elbowing each other for breathing room. Banging knees for leg room and what not, just jockeying for seat space. His step-son is just screwed in this deal because any extra space is coming from his seating area. After that's all worked out we settle in for magazine and snack time. I had Camaro Performers because I'd already read all the other GM mags in the stand and he had a vette magazine. They bring the first round of drinks by and I think now is a good time to start the snack portion of the flight.
I break out my "original" flavored jack link's beef jerkey and tear the little bullshit seal on it then pull apart the freshness seal. DAMN, beef jerky will stink an entire plane up. That shit was strong and really nasty smelling. After I cracked the seal on it I see all the people in the rows in front of us looking at each other to see who farted. It smelled like the plane hit a skunk......that had crawled out of the ass of another skunk.
I look at my brother and he looks at me and we bust out laughing. I'm talking snot flying out of your nose kinda laughing and we can't stop. At that point everyone in the rows in front of us are now turned around looking at us because there's no doubt which row the smell is coming from. We laughed off and on for the next 20 minutes trying to figure out how to get this nasty shit out of the bag and into our mouths without stinking up the whole damn plane again. We worked out a buddy system. I would work a piece up near the seal with the bag still closed and then give him the nod and he would break the seal and reach in and take a piece. Then we'd do the same thing for my piece. Then we thought, maybe the terriyaki won't smell and got it out. I opened it up and it smelled like a skunk had ate the first 2 skunks and then shit those out. It was worse than the first and got us to laughing again.
Even though it smelled like shit in an airplane we still managed to eat both bags but I guarantee you someone from those rows in front of us is telling someone else about the smelly bastards behind them.
Next trips snack......pork rinds. I imagine those will make someone yak.

**jimmybling31** · 04-09-2008, 12:29 AM

Originally Posted by 0rion

My brother and I are generally prepared for trips. Last weekend was no exception. We were flying out together for a 5 hour flight to Vegas. Got all of our necessities in order. Car mags....check, candy bars.....check, chips.....check, beef jerky.......check. I turned him on to Pemican beef jerky a few years ago but this time around we couldn't find any so we each bought a bag of Jack Links. I got original and he got terriyaki. That way we could split it up and have a little of both.
We flew southwest ( which sucks) and they do a lottery type seating deal ( which is why they suck) and we drew "B" group. When we got on the plane the only seats together were the last row. We sit down and both of us are the size of offensive linemen so they just don't make airplane seats that are comfortable for us. His step-son to be was with us and since he's the youngest and smallest he got stuck in the corner.
Plane takes off and 30 minutes into the flight me and him are still elbowing each other for breathing room. Banging knees for leg room and what not, just jockeying for seat space. His step-son is just screwed in this deal because any extra space is coming from his seating area. After that's all worked out we settle in for magazine and snack time. I had Camaro Performers because I'd already read all the other GM mags in the stand and he had a vette magazine. They bring the first round of drinks by and I think now is a good time to start the snack portion of the flight.
I break out my "original" flavored jack link's beef jerkey and tear the little bullshit seal on it then pull apart the freshness seal. DAMN, beef jerky will stink an entire plane up. That shit was strong and really nasty smelling. After I cracked the seal on it I see all the people in the rows in front of us looking at each other to see who farted. It smelled like the plane hit a skunk......that had crawled out of the ass of another skunk.
I look at my brother and he looks at me and we bust out laughing. I'm talking snot flying out of your nose kinda laughing and we can't stop. At that point everyone in the rows in front of us are now turned around looking at us because there's no doubt which row the smell is coming from. We laughed off and on for the next 20 minutes trying to figure out how to get this nasty shit out of the bag and into our mouths without stinking up the whole damn plane again. We worked out a buddy system. I would work a piece up near the seal with the bag still closed and then give him the nod and he would break the seal and reach in and take a piece. Then we'd do the same thing for my piece. Then we thought, maybe the terriyaki won't smell and got it out. I opened it up and it smelled like a skunk had ate the first 2 skunks and then shit those out. It was worse than the first and got us to laughing again.
Even though it smelled like shit in an airplane we still managed to eat both bags but I guarantee you someone from those rows in front of us is telling someone else about the smelly bastards behind them.
Next trips snack......pork rinds. I imagine those will make someone yak.

that's hilarious. I ended up having a hot girl next to me that I had never met last time I was on a plane. we had some interesting conversations.lol.( I was single at that time)

**Eugenio_SS** · 04-09-2008, 12:32 AM

you have a footnotes version ?

**0rion** · 04-09-2008, 12:39 AM

Originally Posted by Eugenio_SS

you have a footnotes version ?

I typed it real slow because I know you're a slow reader.

**Eugenio_SS** · 04-09-2008, 12:40 AM

epecially @ this time...

**oo7steven** · 04-09-2008, 08:47 AM

That's classic. Similar thing happened on a smaller scale with me and three college girls on a spring break road trip to Canada. Huge beef jerky fan myself. My all time favorite brand went out of business some time ago. Now it depends on the flavor I am after. Bridgeford is usually my preferred brand.

**hoss 2000 z-28** · 04-09-2008, 09:55 AM

Awesome story, you guys made a memorable flight. Surely somebody on that plane will be going back the same flight you will. Get those pork rinds and let us know how that goes.

**TempleU_WS6** · 04-09-2008, 10:05 AM

thats great!

**GULLETT17** · 04-09-2008, 10:05 AM

hiiiilarious . . . everytime i eat a pickled sausage (Big Mama brand) lol . . . everybody's always complainin and whinin how bad it stinks . . . i love em!

**Spaz** · 04-09-2008, 10:08 AM

that reminds me of that one amewrican airlines flight that got grounded from a lady farting...

**GULLETT17** · 04-09-2008, 10:09 AM

Originally Posted by Spaz

that reminds me of that one amewrican airlines flight that got grounded from a lady farting...

nnnoo way!!!

**0rion** · 04-09-2008, 12:31 PM

there's also a part B to the flight that I'll post up later on.....that one was already long enough and I didn't want Eugenio ss to hurt himself reading anything longer than that.

**Spaz** · 04-09-2008, 12:32 PM

Originally Posted by GULLETT17

nnnoo way!!!

google it...

**GULLETT17** · 04-09-2008, 12:43 PM

Originally Posted by Spaz

google it...

your wrooong . . .they grounded the flight because she lit matches to cover up the smell of her fart!!!

http://www.anorak.co.uk/strange-but-true/178511.html

**Spaz** · 04-09-2008, 12:50 PM

Originally Posted by GULLETT17

your wrooong . . .they grounded the flight because she lit matches to cover up the smell of her fart!!!

http://www.anorak.co.uk/strange-but-true/178511.html

still was grounded cause she was farting... if she wasn't farting she wouldn't have been lighting matches...

**GULLETT17** · 04-09-2008, 12:56 PM

Originally Posted by Spaz

still was grounded cause she was farting... if she wasn't farting she wouldn't have been lighting matches...

good point

**ss~zoso~ss** · 04-09-2008, 01:04 PM

i got one of those "pounder" bags from pemican, way better than jacks links

**71skylark** · 04-09-2008, 01:10 PM

i went to vegas this past weekend and the plane was just about to go down the runway and some fuckhead puked all over the place. so they cleared the front few rows that were splattered by this dick. we sat there waiting for about an hour, we were pissed.

**0rion** · 04-09-2008, 01:10 PM

Originally Posted by ss~zoso~ss

i got one of those "pounder" bags from pemican, way better than jacks links

yep, I'm a big fan of pemican. I make my own deer jerky but if I buy store bought I try to hunt down Pemican. It's actually kinda tough to find here.

**0rion** · 04-09-2008, 01:11 PM

Originally Posted by 71skylark

i went to vegas this past weekend and the plane was just about to go down the runway and some fuckhead puked all over the place. so they cleared the front few rows that were splattered by this dick. we sat there waiting for about an hour, we were pissed.

sure someone didn't open some beef jerky behind them?