I was called in early to work this weekend

[JHayesLS1]

I was called into work early over the weekend-
It was about 8:17 AM on Saturday, August 21st 2010. After a long night of drinking the last thing anyone wants to wake up to is their phone ringing that early in the morning. I hear what sounds like Shines-IT and a group of gay gorillas having sex coming from my phone and I ignored it once I saw it was my manager. I knew he wanted me to come in but I wasn’t scheduled until 10:00AM so fuck him I said.

2 minutes pass, it is now 8:19AM and the orgy comes blaring from my cell phone again. This time I ignore it and roll back over to sleep. Then I hear it ringing again on the nightstand. It was around 8:21AM that I got pissed off and texted my manager, just like any asshole would, saying “I don’t work till 10, I’ll see you then.”
The manager and I are good friends so we can talk pretty rude to each other, so I get this text. “Look mother fucker I need you to come in right now nobody else will it an emergency!!!”
Being that my weekend job is at Subway I figured oh this guy probably burned some bread. I reply to him “I’ll be there in an hour.” Since it was around 8:25 at this point I figured that 9:30 was good, we could get caught up and whatnot. He calls again and I answer to him telling customers to please give him a second while he calls in another employee for the breakfast shift. He then tells me “I’m busy and I need some relief because I have to take a shit and I don’t think I can hold it any longer.” He then hangs up on me and I think to myself, what kind of bullshit job is this when you can’t even go shit because the owners are too cheap to pay 2 employees to work breakfast.
Regardless, time was of the essence now. My longtime friend was in danger of shitting his pants in front of customers at a Subway restaurant. I put on some shorts and a fresh fit T-shirt and jump in the car. I’m wearing flip flops and I hadn’t shaved in about 8 days. I do not look like the guy who needs to be making your food, but it didn’t matter because I wasn’t the one who risked shitting their pants. I called my girlfriend and woke her up yelling at her because its bullshit that she was able to sleep and I wasn’t. I ordered her to bring me my sneakers from her car and a razor blade from her collection of pussy priming shavers. This is what women are for after all. I didn’t have time to explain so I hung up on her and ignored her text. I look down at the speedo and see that I’m going 15 over the speed limit and at first I didn’t care, then it dawned on me that if I was to get pulled over my friend would surely drop a fat steamer right straight down his pant leg onto the floor. I began to slow down and heard my phone ring with that obscene rape ringtone and it was my mother. She began to ask me why there was blown up condoms on the carport and why my clothes smelled like alcohol. This pissed me off because I’ve lived back at home for a month and I can’t drink, piss or fuck without someone knowing. I started to talk but just hung up the phone because there was no explaining the condoms. I had no clue.
Damn you red light, damn you to hell. I go down the road more and its 8:37 when I turn onto the street that our store is on. From a distance I could the parking lot and it was empty. I breathed with a sigh of relief, he was probably passing the stool as I was thinking and now I could just get some free hours at work.
I could tell something was wrong as soon as I opened the door because he hadn’t yelled out welcome to subway just yet. He’s probably in the bathroom and I walk in the back.

There he sat, almost in tears on his phone trying to reach his wife. When he looked up I could see that he had indeed shit his pants, and upon losing the shit his dignity went with it. The moment went quickly from sadness to him pissed the hell off at me. He told me all about it. How there was four people in line and the lady he was helping was ordering about 9 different breakfast subs and he knew he wouldn’t make it past the 4th one. He said that he asked the woman to please give him a few minutes to use the restroom and she started carrying on about not having enough help and she was on a schedule so he tried tightening up but it did him no good. He felt it coming and just backed off into the back and as he was walking it happened. I saw the crime scene that he had attempted to clean near the back door. He said all of his customers just walked out after a while because they must have known what had happened.
As he was yelling at me my phone rang again. His ranting ceased for my ringtone that I had no recollection of even having. I ignored my mother again fearing what else she might have found somewhere.
A great moment of shame came over me. Had I picked up the phone and came in when he asked this wouldn’t have happened. A grown man shit his pants that day. And I can only blame myself.

[SMWS6TA]

Pics or it didn't happen

[Schmalgar]

um, so glad I chose to read this one whilst eating lunch!

[1MileCrash]

hahahaha...marvelous. i had subway yesterday.

[Spaz]

nothing better than sitting on a pancake at work...

[tallnick]

oh that is some funny shit

[Schmalgar]

oh that is some funny shit

pun intended?

[SMWS6TA]

Subway is good and all but have you ate their tuna.....It will give anybody the runs..

[86 IROC-Z]

[JHayesLS1]

I do work at subway, my manager did shit his pants, the ringtone was legit, so was the condom thing. The rest, I added a lot to make it work.

[SiggyZ]

You said something about shit n Shines and I immediately thought. Did someone eat da poo poo?

[allbaugh_04]

Making sandwichs or take a poop...

[brendan.9]

wow i would have been like wait 5 min and fu**ed off anyways who cares if they leave its not like its packed there not gonna lose even 100 dollars its his dumb fault that he didn't go don't blame yourslef

[Smkn_TA]

Yeah, only once have I had a close call like that. I said fuck it, hit the emergency stop button and walked as safely as possible. Boss was pissed, but shit. At least we know the button works.

[silverWS6]

good story, nice to know I can't count on someone else besides Iroc for a good story

[LeadFarmer]

This thread is worth my signature method of internet applause.

SOOOO much fucking win! hahaha


why the hell didn't he just fuck the customer and run to the shitter?

[wheeliE-maxx]

This thread is worth my signature method of internet applause.

SOOOO much fucking win! hahaha


why the hell didn't he just fuck the customer and run to the shitter?

The vigorous thrusting might agitate his situation

[LeadFarmer]

The vigorous thrusting might agitate his situation

Imagine randomly taking a dump while doing a chick in the middle of a subway.

[c5z28]

I had subway today

[RJWZ28]

SO MUCH HILARIOUS IN THIS THREAD!!!