Andy Rooney on sex

[preston1980]

>
> ANDY ROONEY ON SEX
>
>
>
> 1. When I was born, I was given a choice - a big d*ck or a good memory....I don't remember what I chose.
>
> 2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
>
> 3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for s*x.....she objects.
>
> 4. Impotence: nature's way of saying...."No hard feelings"
>
> 5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - 'don't' and 'stop', unless they are used together.
>
> 6. Panties: not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.
>
> 7. There are three stages in a man's life: Tri-Weekly, Try Weekly and Try Weakly.
>
> 8. Virginity can be cured.
>
> 9. Virginity is not dignity, it's lack of opportunity.
>
> 10. Having s*x is like playing bridge - if you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand.
>
> 11. I tried phone s*x once....but the holes in the dialer were too small.
>
> 12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.
>
> 13. Question: What's an Australian kiss?
> Answer: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.
>
> 14. A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing.
>
> 15. Question: What are the three biggest tragedies in a man's life?
> Answer: Life sucks, job sucks and the wife doesn't.
>
> 16. Question: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
> Answer: Breasts don't have eyes.
>
> 17. Despite the old saying, 'Don't take your troubles to bed'.....many men still sleep with their wives!
>

[02cetransam]

awesome!!

[Brian H Drifer]

I can hear him saying that now.

[toi tyme]

..ugh i hate andy rooney...



but that shit's pretty funny

[davebowtie]

Andy Rooney is ALWAYS funny. Really!

[0rion]

obviously not andy rooney but who can read that without doing the voice after seeing his name up there?

[0rion]

whether you like him or not you have to appreciate the little things in life he picks up on and points out. He's one of the last great ones IMO.
[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PAERJdQa6mo&feature=channel[/ame]