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Thread: break in
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08-21-2010, 03:32 PM #1
break in
Iroc seems to be the creative writer on the site, ill take a stab at a piece...
It's winter. You've just finished up your shift at work. It's early evening, and you can't wait to get home to have dinner with your wife. You've been thinking of that roast all day. The drive home takes forever, as you anxiously hit ever last red light. The car is warm as you trench through the snow. Holiday music radiates through the cabin. Lights and decorations can be seen on the houses you pass. 3 weeks till Christmas. This weekend you have to go pick up the diamond earrings you've picked up for your wife, along with reserving the room at the ski resort you plan to take her to as a surprise. You picture her smile and beautiful eyes as she looks up at you after opening her box. The smile that could melt you on the coldest day. You pull up to the house, and all seems normal. You get to the door, and notice that it's open just a crack. You open up the door, looking around. No one in sight. You migrate from room to room, looking for your honey. Not on the first level. You hear a creaking come from upstairs. You quietly put your things down and take off your coat. As you walk up the stairs you see shoe prints.
At the top of the stairs, you look around quickly, searching for her. You hear voices. Adrenaline fills your body. The wood floor feels warm underneath of you. You walk to the back bedroom and throw open the door. You first see your wife, tied up at her wrists, gagged with a hankerchief. Her legs open, bleeding, as she lay there crying. You then see the two men. One on top of her, the other standing over her.
Rage fills your veins as you leap forward. Your fist lands on the first man's face, knocking him off your wife. You can hear her try to scream as she sits up crying. The second man, the standing one, grabs you from behind. Your training kicks in. You elbow the man in the stomach, and then again in the face. The first man gets back up, and rushes you, knocking you back into the hallway. You wrestle with him as you both struggle to stand up. You get in front of the top of the stair case as he gets in front of you. You take his head in your hands, and smash his face into your knee. He steps back, stunned, along with a broken nose. You take your foot and kick him backwards, him falling down the steps. You see him at the bottom, bleeding, not moving.
Just then, out of the corner of your eye, you see something shiny. Before you have a chance to react, you feel something sharp. Then feel very warm. As you step back, you notice your hands are covered in warm blood. But it's yours. You fall to your knees in shock, as the man heads back to your wife. You see her struggle to get free. The man takes her by the hair and slams her to the ground. Standing over her, he takes the same knife he used on you, and thrusts it into her. You hear her try to scream, but it's muffled by the hankerchief. You try to get up, holding your side, and make your way down the hallway. You open up the closet and find your handgun. You aim it at the man, who looks at you with fear. You feel the cold nickel in your hand. Cold revenge as you pull the trigger, aimed at the man's privates. Another shot to the chest, and the man is down.
You fall back down to the ground. You crawl over to your wife, as she lay there twitching. You tell her you love her with all your heart, and that everything will be ok. You know it's nearly over, and that you're not far behind. You take her head in your lap, and soon you feel the life force leave her body. Off in the distance you hear sirens. They are most likely headed to your house. You feel numb all over, and tired. You can feel yourself start to pass out, and begin to think about your wife's face. Her beautiful smile as she looks up at you after she opens her box.
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08-21-2010, 04:15 PM #2
DANG!! That's good, sad, but good.
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08-21-2010, 04:19 PM #3
- Join Date
- May 2007
- Location
- Davenport, Iowa
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- 36
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- 1,977
Bright Red- 1999 Trans Am Ws6
Tl dr
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08-21-2010, 06:28 PM #4
she liked it
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08-21-2010, 09:18 PM #5
- Join Date
- Apr 2006
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- park bench
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- 1,399
- gmcheviac
Stay away from the meds
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08-22-2010, 12:29 AM #6
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08-22-2010, 12:38 AM #7
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08-22-2010, 01:00 AM #8
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08-22-2010, 01:13 AM #9
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08-22-2010, 09:35 AM #10
OP, hi, I liked your story but I was wondering if you could go into more detail concerning the knife used in the murders of the husband and wife? Was it anything special?
The reason I ask is I'm in the market for a new knife. I actually plan on getting two knives in the near future, one 3-inch fixed blade, and the other a 6-inch fixed blade, both to be used for bushcraft, but let us focus just on the shorter knife for now. After reviewing quite a lot of knives, I believe I've found a solid choice in the RAT Cutlery ESEE-3 knife. It is a fixed blade 8" knife with a 3 3/8" blade. The geometry of the blade is a basic drop point, and the blade itself is powder coated. Not only is the blade of this particular knife said to be near indestructible, it is also very easy to sharpen; two qualities that are rare in one knife. I feel that I won't be disappointed if I choose this knife, however as a person who draws literary creativity from real life experience OP, you seem to be a good person to consult in this matter.
Here is a picture of the knife for reference:
The knife on the left, with the black, non-serrated blade.Last edited by 86 IROC-Z; 08-22-2010 at 09:38 AM.
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08-22-2010, 11:10 AM #11
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08-22-2010, 11:24 AM #12
- Join Date
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- White Plains, NY
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- 42
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- 7,788
Silver- 2002 Trans AM
did the story died?
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