Does your spouse work? Rant

**Murder after Midnight** · 12-22-2014, 08:10 PM

Originally Posted by knightryda01

Just a bit of a rant guys.... I'm sure I'm not the only one who has been through a situation like this.

Been with my girl 8+ years. Were not married but have a 2 year old child in the mix. She's a first time mom so of course she wants to spend time with the kid. We of course also have a household to maintain and bills to pay etc. She is currently working a office job part time at 26 hours a week or so. I currently work as much as humanly possible so I usually end up around 70-80 hours a week.

Now I am pushing her to go back into fulltime work, because she is not bringing in enough cash to even really cover her expenses. Now she says she wants fulltime work but I can' t say I see her making a effort to make it happen. I recently gave her a car (because hers was falling apart) and I went out and bought me something else to drive daily. I constantly find her car on Empty (so I put gas in it) and I been paying for all repairs and oil changes because she has no money to maintain it. Yet the girl will find any excuse to be out driving all dam day doing things that don't need to even be done. for example (driving around looking at xmas lights) I'm not being a prick but I know when I was broke trying to survive I was not out doing that kinda stuff. All in all It's got me a little frustrated.

I try to find jobs in her field and she has every excuse. that job is 40 or 60 mins away... My reply is well I have been driving that far every day for 15 years. then she will say I'm gonna apply to this job that's like 3 hours away..... It's a job you want me to get a job.... lol Then she says well I would have to move closer to those jobs... My reply is drive like everyone else...

Then she says she wants to work for a company that treats their workers good like google or something etc and I'm trying to tell her just about every company treats it's workers like shit. it's just one bs excuse after another.

ranting done I guess... Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Sorry to hear about this man. After reading the comments in here, i'm reminded of how LS1 can be the home of a foot in the Ass that's for sure. That said I believe you need to sit down and have a talk with your girl. Have you guys discussed marriage? Does she ever bring it up(often)? I have head many women in the past say they will start to take a situation more seriously when the guy steps up to the plate(marriage). Don't get me wrong you seem to be taking care of the family and you have my respect for that. But maybe she's looking for more from you besides money. Again I don't know her, but it is something to think about. Do you work the xtra hours to make it, or just to have xtra money?

**chuckie669** · 12-22-2014, 09:17 PM

Good luck with whatever decision you end up making. I didn't get to read all pages but I've been in the same situation.

Good and bad with daycare and staying home pre school age. My kid got to learn sign language at a young age and was able to socialize with other children.

After my wife quit to be a stay at home mom, she had to find ways on a weekly basis educate and socialize. She got to provide the family values she wanted. We cut a lot of bills out and our kids health seemed improved at least short term (friggin kids are always passing shit around).

I chose to support my wife until our kid became school age and she just got her first real job starting in Janafter 5 years,so hopefully all of this will pay off

**knightryda01** · 12-23-2014, 01:43 AM

Originally Posted by 35th-ANV-SS

Guess I'll chime in now that I see some others have already given you shit lol.

First off, you dated a long time and knew how she was and STILL decided to have a child with her at that point. News flash, but people don't change. Now you must deal with it.

Secondly, you don't get very far in life by relying on others. You want something to happen, you go out and get it done yourself. With that said, nobody should have to work 70 hours a week to "stay afloat". If they do, it tells me a) your job doesn't pay much or b) you two live well beyond your means. If a, find a better paying job. Work less. Spend more time with your kid. Win/win. If b, that's easy....stop buying wine when you have beer money.

I see you are saying her, her, her....have you looked in the mirror to see what you can do differently? I commend you for working hard and going beyond to take care of your family, but bitching about it will put you in the same place 8 more years from now.

As stated earlier by others...you need to make your gf understand that your life choices are for your child now. You seem to already understand this, but it doesn't seem like your gf does.

No she was always a full time working girl before the child. She had a good job an unfortunately lost that job. Like I said I understand the importance of mom staying home with young child. Child is 2 now time to get back on the horse. Maybe I go overboard with overtime but my mindset is get it now while I can because I know it won't last forever. I built a pole barn this year, paid cash. Bought a newer car, paid Cash. This is how I want to live. Not check to check struggling.

**knightryda01** · 12-23-2014, 01:55 AM

I totally reverersed my financial situation and don't plan on going backwards again

**theorangeguy** · 12-23-2014, 05:08 AM

Originally Posted by knightryda01

No she was always a full time working girl before the child. She had a good job an unfortunately lost that job. Like I said I understand the importance of mom staying home with young child. Child is 2 now time to get back on the horse. Maybe I go overboard with overtime but my mindset is get it now while I can because I know it won't last forever. I built a pole barn this year, paid cash. Bought a newer car, paid Cash. This is how I want to live. Not check to check struggling.

If you are paying cash for everything then you are light years ahead of 90% of the population in this country...assuming your house isnt paid for, if your cars are paid for then you are WAY better off than most.

**Murder after Midnight** · 12-23-2014, 08:53 AM

Originally Posted by theorangeguy

If you are paying cash for everything then you are light years ahead of 90% of the population in this country...assuming your house isnt paid for, if your cars are paid for then you are WAY better off than most.

+1

**knightryda01** · 12-23-2014, 06:45 PM

Originally Posted by theorangeguy

If you are paying cash for everything then you are light years ahead of 90% of the population in this country...assuming your house isnt paid for, if your cars are paid for then you are WAY better off than most.

Yes ... trying to keep it that way. I mean I'm not living rich by any means, but I def try not to waste my money. My house payment is under $700 a month and I got rid of the credit cards etc. The bird needs more go fast parts but.... lol Id like to go back to school to better myself, but once again momma's gotta be working. Unemployment is not going to cut it.

**theorangeguy** · 12-23-2014, 06:58 PM

Originally Posted by knightryda01

Originally Posted by theorangeguy

If you are paying cash for everything then you are light years ahead of 90% of the population in this country...assuming your house isnt paid for, if your cars are paid for then you are WAY better off than most.

Yes ... trying to keep it that way. I mean I'm not living rich by any means, but I def try not to waste my money. My house payment is under $700 a month and I got rid of the credit cards etc. The bird needs more go fast parts but.... lol Id like to go back to school to better myself, but once again momma's gotta be working. Unemployment is not going to cut it.

Unless you are making like $10 an hour you should be in pretty good shape based on how you are describing your living expenses. I know kids aren't cheap but it sounds like you have basically no debt with the exception of your house...it's starting to sound more and more like you are just aggravated she isn't working lol which is perfectly fine...

**knightryda01** · 12-24-2014, 03:33 AM

Originally Posted by theorangeguy

Unless you are making like $10 an hour you should be in pretty good shape based on how you are describing your living expenses. I know kids aren't cheap but it sounds like you have basically no debt with the exception of your house...it's starting to sound more and more like you are just aggravated she isn't working lol which is perfectly fine...

Yea that's pretty much it. I just don't like the road were on, and I don't want to be on it 2 years from now. It really hit me over the last few months, I watched my bank account drop $5000 from various expenses all hitting at the same time. I had no intentions of buying another car, but her car took a crap and she needs a car. so it's not the fact that I did something nice for my lady but with her not having money to even put in gas or even to just keep the oil changed it sucks. I don't want to still be doing this years from now. Like I said If I lose my job or worse yet something happens to me she is not in a position to take care of herself or our child. That's what has me frustrated.

**chuckie669** · 12-24-2014, 07:21 AM

You could always consider discussing other job options that a stay at home mom does. When we were transitioning out of my wife's job she had a stay at home mom friend who would babysit other kids. You can keep it to friends or kids friends etc if you don't want to just have a bunch of crazy kids roaming around.

**theorangeguy** · 12-24-2014, 07:33 AM

You live in Michigan...couldn't she just shovel snow in your neighborhood?

**Zinergy** · 12-24-2014, 07:56 AM

Lol that will make her want to get an office job real quick.

**theorangeguy** · 12-24-2014, 07:59 AM

Originally Posted by Zinergy

Lol that will make her want to get an office job real quick.

thats exactly how I would do it..."well the good news is that you can just shovel snow here on our street for a few hours a day and you dont have to drive to work..."

Being smart by playing dumb is always fun...

**0rion** · 12-24-2014, 08:05 AM

Originally Posted by theorangeguy

You live in Michigan...couldn't she just shovel snow in your neighborhood?

that's good. Hopefully he'll let us know how that conversation works out for him.

**knightryda01** · 12-24-2014, 03:22 PM

Great ideas guys... lol. She is quick to tell me that cleaning up after me is a full time job. Yet I'm never home so go figure... lol

The bad thing now with her current job is she works enough to not be available for other little part time gigs.

**0rion** · 12-24-2014, 04:20 PM

speaking from experience.....cleaning up after people is a full time job. We have 3 kids so there's 5 of us here. Dishes and laundry going almost constantly here.

**Naaman** · 12-24-2014, 11:28 PM

Originally Posted by theorangeguy

Sounds like you are just frustrated at the over all situation...let it out on here and be happy you have a family. Sure life can be a pain in the ass and bills arent going to pay themselves, but it could be way worse...would you rather have a family and less money or your income to yourself and no family?

I grew up in a single parent home so I view things a little differently and every once in a while if I get aggravated about something I think about how things were when I was a kid and it usually puts everything back into perspective.

This.

I am the single earner in our house. Wife and three kids, with one more on the way. Been doing it for the last 5 years now. Wife got pregnant and we did the math: her part time gig, which paid pretty good, would be eclipsed by day-care costs. With the money issue being a wash, it was a no-brainer: wife would stay home with the kids. When she quit work, she started homeschooling our oldest, and taught him more in THREE MONTHS than he learned in his entire 7 years of school prior (he was in 6th grade when she quit her job). It was a serious eye-opener for us about the public school system.

In any case, I work full time, usually 10-20 hours of overtime in a week, though some weeks are "short" and I only work the basic 40. It's a struggle sometimes because it takes longer to make financial progress, but our kids are doing great and I love having them in mom's care 100% of the time. We've thought about putting the kids in school for a year or two in order for my wife to put away an emergency fund and get some momentum, but with a new baby on the way, that can is getting kicked down the road for at least another 5 years... lol! And we were so close just two months ago... haha!

**knightryda01** · 01-18-2015, 09:48 PM

I'm getting snipped... lol

**Cutlass** · 01-18-2015, 11:48 PM

Girl's gotta work man. It may sound selfish but I'm not settling for a life with a smaller tv, no boat, no ATV, plus work way to many hours. I have a life to live to and my life starts when work ends. I work my butt off for 45ish hours a week and so does my wife. We pool our money together, pay the bills, put gas in the boat and take the kids out on the water.
We pay a daycare to teach our kids and when we get home, we raise them. My daughter is 6 and her daycare experience was amazing. My son is 1 and unfortunately I'm a little less then amazed with his daycare so far. They don't seem as involved and "teach-oriented" as my daughter's care was. My wife and I are just starting to way options here.
6 years ago most of wife's income was washed out with daycare expenses. But she needed to work for our family (and herself) because her health insurance are way better then mine and that really makes a HUGE difference in our lifes. And her retirement benefits were another reason. She doesn't want to retire broke.