So I got to meet my ex's new bf

**knightryda01** · 12-06-2009, 10:52 AM

First me and my ex have a daughter togther so it is a bit of a sensitive subject with me.

I could care less about the ex, my only concern is how this guy is around my daughter.

He seemed to be a decent guy. Of course it was a little awkward, but my daughter does not seem to notice the wierdness of it, which is good I guess.

Of course he made mention of the "firebird" I drive saying it was a nice car. When someone says firebird I usually say no... it's a trans am... lol but I let it slide this time.

I don't know how to really address this situation. He seemed to be a nice guy and I did not want to come off like an asshole, but you wanna let it be known that if he ever does something bad around your kid you would gut em like a deer.... That's a hard one to do when your trying to be nice. Plus I am sure the ex told the guy many lies about how much of an asshole I am.

He did notice my Big Pitbull (it was an outside candlewalk) and I said yep, he's VERY protective of her. I should've told him he attacks on command too... lol

Do any of you guys have experience in this area..... I wanna be the grown man, but at the same time I don't want this guy thinkin he can get one over on me. I think he tried to rattle me a little... I said yea my daughter is a good kid... he says lots of energy.... and so does her mom.... If you only knew buddy... lol I would have lots of energy to, it I waited 5 years to get a job.

Her last boyfriend was a nice guy, and was deathly affraid of me.... I told him one time, whatever you do, don't knock her up... His jaw dropped. I said you see what kinda bullshit I gotta deal with.... lol

**cammed goat** · 12-06-2009, 10:57 AM

Just make it a point to let your ex's Bf's know YOU are that little girl's father. That is first and FOREMOST.

**sunsetorangess** · 12-06-2009, 11:00 AM

I completely understand what your saying bud, I got married and have a step-daughter, her father is a piece of work that allways use to overstep his boundries. The first time we met i was a adult and professional but i let him know i wasnt putting up with his crap. In my opinion first impressions are everything.
I dont want anyone to fear me but respect my family and I. I'v always told people i have a fast car, a shovel and a get out of jail free pass... Seems to do the trick.
Either way goodluck and just keep your head straight, its about your daughter. Be protective while being responsible.
J

**cammed goat** · 12-06-2009, 11:02 AM

Originally Posted by sunsetorangess

I completely understand what your saying bud, I got married and have a step-daughter, her father is a piece of work that allways use to overstep his boundries. The first time we met i was a adult and professional but i let him know i wasnt putting up with his crap. In my opinion first impressions are everything.I dont want anyone to fear me but respect my family and I. I'v always told people i have a fast car, a shovel and a get out of jail free pass... Seems to do the trick.
Either way goodluck and just keep your head straight, its about your daughter. Be protective while being responsible.
J

I agree.

**SHines-IT** · 12-06-2009, 11:39 AM

Just say, hey want to speak to in private. Tell the guys straight up, that you would kill him if he ever puts your girl and in danger. That you are the father and will be the father.

**1987BuickGN** · 12-06-2009, 11:53 AM

I may look at it differently than most do. First and foremost, most people in his position are already in an uncomfortable situation trying to start a relationship with a broken family member. He already knows you are the kiddos father, you reminding him is not necessary, I say trust the guy until he gives you a reason to not trust him. You have to trust that your ex will have made a decision that is good for her AND your child. She may be a better judge of character than you may be giving her credit for. After all, she chose to be with you too!

Its been said first impressions are everything. I can see how that can hold true. But it goes both ways. Dont give this guy what you wouldnt want given to you. Trust this guy will not be perfect, but will always try to do the right thing and you will be fine. By all means if he crosses any lines and something extreme was to happen, act accordingly. Until then,be the better man.

BTW, this comes from experience. My ex was with some true douchbags. But some of them were pretty cool. I never was pushed around. I never pushed around. I gave what I got.

Good luck in this. It takes patience and understanding and is seldom fun but is a necessary evil.

**35th-ANV-SS** · 12-06-2009, 11:54 AM

Maybe it is just me, but if the guy isn't a dickhead (which from your post seems like he isn't) I am sure he already understands and knows his boundaries in this type of situation. I know I would if it were me.

What I wouldn't do is try to act all badass. That will get you nowhere in terms of him respecting you, your ex, or your daughter.

I understand you want to have the best for your daughter. That is very commendable, but at the same time, I am sure her mother wants the best for her as well. With that being said, she has probably already talked to him to let him know the situation at hand.

And PS, as hard as it may be, you should care about your ex. Her attitude will have an impact on how your daughter behaves.

**35th-ANV-SS** · 12-06-2009, 11:55 AM

Originally Posted by 1987BuickGN

I may look at it differently than most do. First and foremost, most people in his position are already in an uncomfortable situation trying to start a relationship with a broken family member. He already knows you are the kiddos father, you reminding him is not necessary, I say trust the guy until he gives you a reason to not trust him. You have to trust that your ex will have made a decision that is good for her AND your child. She may be a better judge of character than you may be giving her credit for. After all, she chose to be with you too!

Its been said first impressions are everything. I can see how that can hold true. But it goes both ways. Dont give this guy what you wouldnt want given to you. Trust this guy will not be perfect, but will always try to do the right thing and you will be fine. By all means if he crosses any lines and something extreme was to happen, act accordingly. Until then,be the better man.

BTW, this comes from experience. My ex was with some true douchbags. But some of them were pretty cool. I never was pushed around. I never pushed around. I gave what I got.

Good luck in this. It takes patience and understanding and is seldom fun but is a necessary evil.

Posted right before mine. I agree.

**1987BuickGN** · 12-06-2009, 12:01 PM

Originally Posted by 35th-ANV-SS

Maybe it is just me, but if the guy isn't a dickhead (which from your post seems like he isn't) I am sure he already understands and knows his boundaries in this type of situation. I know I would if it were me.

What I wouldn't do is try to act all badass. That will get you nowhere in terms of him respecting you, your ex, or your daughter.

I understand you want to have the best for your daughter. That is very commendable, but at the same time, I am sure her mother wants the best for her as well. With that being said, she has probably already talked to him to let him know the situation at hand.

And PS, as hard as it may be, you should care about your ex. Her attitude will have an impact on how your daughter behaves.

Glad to see I am not alone in my thinking. Well said!

**PontiacFan** · 12-06-2009, 12:04 PM

Yep, it's a two-way street, ...
Treat others how you expect to be treated.

The two previous post'ers made some good comments.

**1MileCrash** · 12-06-2009, 12:25 PM

sounds like you handled the initial meeting pretty well. i certainly don't have any experience in the area...but if he's a stand up guy then he'll already know that you are her father and that he can only be a decent role model but never a father.

**rbob93** · 12-06-2009, 12:27 PM

Originally Posted by 35th-ANV-SS

Maybe it is just me, but if the guy isn't a dickhead (which from your post seems like he isn't) I am sure he already understands and knows his boundaries in this type of situation. I know I would if it were me.

What I wouldn't do is try to act all badass. That will get you nowhere in terms of him respecting you, your ex, or your daughter.

I understand you want to have the best for your daughter. That is very commendable, but at the same time, I am sure her mother wants the best for her as well. With that being said, she has probably already talked to him to let him know the situation at hand.

And PS, as hard as it may be, you should care about your ex. Her attitude will have an impact on how your daughter behaves.

Spot on.

All this macho bullshit for no reason what so ever. You kids need to grow up.

**Brian H Drifer** · 12-06-2009, 01:18 PM

Originally Posted by 1987BuickGN

I may look at it differently than most do. First and foremost, most people in his position are already in an uncomfortable situation trying to start a relationship with a broken family member. He already knows you are the kiddos father, you reminding him is not necessary, I say trust the guy until he gives you a reason to not trust him. You have to trust that your ex will have made a decision that is good for her AND your child. She may be a better judge of character than you may be giving her credit for. After all, she chose to be with you too!

Its been said first impressions are everything. I can see how that can hold true. But it goes both ways. Dont give this guy what you wouldnt want given to you. Trust this guy will not be perfect, but will always try to do the right thing and you will be fine. By all means if he crosses any lines and something extreme was to happen, act accordingly. Until then,be the better man.

BTW, this comes from experience. My ex was with some true douchbags. But some of them were pretty cool. I never was pushed around. I never pushed around. I gave what I got.

Good luck in this. It takes patience and understanding and is seldom fun but is a necessary evil.

I was getting ready to post something until i read your reply.... I think you hit the nail on the head.

**infantryws6** · 12-06-2009, 01:36 PM

You should punch him in the face to show him you are the boss

**knightryda01** · 12-06-2009, 01:58 PM

You should punch him in the face to show him you are the boss

That's what I was thinking... lol

Of course their was the initial size up.... I know my ex is about to be served anyday to go back to court over our daughter so I am expecting world war 3. I leaned a few things the first time through so who knows what's gonna happen.

I'm just hoping she has some common sense this time around.

**cammed goat** · 12-06-2009, 02:06 PM

Why is she about to be served for court? What did she do?

**langss** · 12-06-2009, 02:12 PM

Originally Posted by 1987BuickGN

I may look at it differently than most do. First and foremost, most people in his position are already in an uncomfortable situation trying to start a relationship with a broken family member. He already knows you are the kiddos father, you reminding him is not necessary, I say trust the guy until he gives you a reason to not trust him. You have to trust that your ex will have made a decision that is good for her AND your child. She may be a better judge of character than you may be giving her credit for. After all, she chose to be with you too!

Its been said first impressions are everything. I can see how that can hold true. But it goes both ways. Dont give this guy what you wouldnt want given to you. Trust this guy will not be perfect, but will always try to do the right thing and you will be fine. By all means if he crosses any lines and something extreme was to happen, act accordingly. Until then,be the better man.

BTW, this comes from experience. My ex was with some true douchbags. But some of them were pretty cool. I never was pushed around. I never pushed around. I gave what I got.

Good luck in this. It takes patience and understanding and is seldom fun but is a necessary evil.

Been there and done that and I could not agree more.Always remember whatever you do will in some way affect your Daughter and how she views things.You always want her to see you doing the right thing.They never forget "Stupid".Just my .02.

**Nastyfoot** · 12-06-2009, 02:21 PM

Overall Fear is a great motivator.Intimidation comes off as a need for the weak.

Only intimidate when the circumstance warrants come time. Other than that if needed, go totally bug fuck when the situation calls for it.

In the mean time, try to develop a good relationship with a guy that will spend almost as much time with your daughter as you. Good Luck!

**SHines-IT** · 12-06-2009, 02:24 PM

BEAT HIS ASS, BEAT HIS ASS... Lets just get it over with!

**SeVeReDiStOrTiOn** · 12-06-2009, 02:25 PM

Originally Posted by knightryda01

First me and my ex have a daughter togther so it is a bit of a sensitive subject with me.

I could care less about the ex, my only concern is how this guy is around my daughter.

He seemed to be a decent guy. Of course it was a little awkward, but my daughter does not seem to notice the wierdness of it, which is good I guess.

Of course he made mention of the "firebird" I drive saying it was a nice car. When someone says firebird I usually say no... it's a trans am... lol but I let it slide this time.

I don't know how to really address this situation. He seemed to be a nice guy and I did not want to come off like an asshole, but you wanna let it be known that if he ever does something bad around your kid you would gut em like a deer.... That's a hard one to do when your trying to be nice. Plus I am sure the ex told the guy many lies about how much of an asshole I am.

He did notice my Big Pitbull (it was an outside candlewalk) and I said yep, he's VERY protective of her. I should've told him he attacks on command too... lol

Do any of you guys have experience in this area..... I wanna be the grown man, but at the same time I don't want this guy thinkin he can get one over on me. I think he tried to rattle me a little... I said yea my daughter is a good kid... he says lots of energy.... and so does her mom.... If you only knew buddy... lol I would have lots of energy to, it I waited 5 years to get a job.

Her last boyfriend was a nice guy, and was deathly affraid of me.... I told him one time, whatever you do, don't knock her up... His jaw dropped. I said you see what kinda bullshit I gotta deal with.... lol

sounds like he's saying she likes to fuck...kick his ass seabass