Depressed.

**Poppn** · 09-22-2009, 04:10 PM

My parents are divorced. It happened back in September 2006 (my first day of senior year actually) when I was 17 years old. I didn't talk to my Mom for 8 months after that.

Ever since, things haven't been the same. My Dad became a very bitter person, and any Father/Son moments or activities are nonexistent. My mom moved out to first an apartment, then a condo, and then eventually remarried and now lives in a house across town.

My Dad, brother, sister and I had to move out of the house we all lived in to downsize because of the one income my Dad was on. Me and my brother let my Dad borrow a combined $15,000 to help pay off whatever settlements with my Mom. He said he would pay us back when the house sold.

That never happened. My father owes me $7,000 to this date. My father is a very irresponsible person, and I fear that it is rubbing off onto me by living in this household. I have strongly considered moving out and living with my Mom, but I fear my father will drop me from his health insurance (which I pay for) and car insurance (which I also pay for).

We now live in a smaller house on the other side of town. I've been working since I was 16 and feel like I completely missed out on my senior year of high school and the prime years of my teens because of this nasty divorce.

A few months after I turned 18, I couldn't stand the bitterness of my Dad and moved out, in October to be exact. I lived with my girlfriend at the time and rarely ever went home, maybe once or twice to pick up something I forgot. This probably tore up the relationship between her and I since we were too young for a change like that. I moved back home in February 2008 to the same bitter Dad.

Fast forward to now. My Dad loves to talk about anything bad, NEVER anything good, EVER. He says the situation with income (he works at a GM dealership as a salesperson) isn't working, and he has drained his savings to keep the house. I told him to go back to his old career, working in the autoglass industry. He doesn't listen. He did autoglass for 20+ years, and it pays more than what he does now.

I know my father. We will end up selling this house in 6 months I'm sure, because he says he can't afford it. Because he doesn't have the drive to change the situation, he just sits back and accepts it. I love my Dad, but the stress this entire family has gone through is too much to bear sometimes. The only thing I don't pay is rent, everything else (cell phone, health insurance, car insurance, FOOD, ect I do pay). I will bring it up with him soon about paying him rent now.

I'm just stressed. I'm in alot of debt and fear I will need to sell things like my Nova and my Camaro to get by. At 20 years old, I feel cheated out of a childhood because of something stupid like a divorce.

Just needed to type that and get it out.

**toi tyme** · 09-22-2009, 04:18 PM

Man Im sorry... the KID shouldnt have to take care of the parent at that age.

He really needs to not be so selfish and step up.. He owes you that much.

I think all you can do is focus on you... let your dad lose the house.. he shouldnt have to depend on HIS dependents.

Do what you think is best for you. Go talk to your mother...maybe find some motivational help for your father...

idk its tough. but it isnt your fault what happend to your family

i wish the best for you and your family

**wheeliE-maxx** · 09-22-2009, 04:19 PM

That sucks man, i'm in a hole myself, rather not get into it though. If possible you should try for a cheap apartment imo

**86 IROC-Z** · 09-22-2009, 04:19 PM

Is your own debt from helping your father? Or from other things (personal consumer debt, student loans, etc)

**George** · 09-22-2009, 04:20 PM

This is life! Stuff like this happens, you just have to learn to deal with it at best you can. My father is on his fourth wife now, and I'm only 25. Makes it easier not living in the same state anymore, but it is still hard sometimes. BTW, what town do you live in? I used to live in Wallingford.

**c5z28** · 09-22-2009, 04:20 PM

We have downs so we can enjoy the ups. Your the kid not the adult he needs to deal with this and by helping pay the bills you are enabling his bad attitude, hopefully with no one supporting his perpetual moroseness he will snap out of it. Good luck to you.

**Poppn** · 09-22-2009, 04:26 PM

Originally Posted by 86 IROC-Z

Is your own debt from helping your father? Or from other things (personal consumer debt, student loans, etc)

Both. I have become very materialistic in hopes of making myself feel happy.

I bought my Camaro, a Firebird, a Buick, countless random shit I know I don't need after I broke up with my girlfriend.

Buying things makes me feel good temporarily. For instance, today I toyed around the idea of selling my Buick Century and getting a Regal GS instead, basically an even swap. I was all excited about it until I came home from work to my father's depressing stories.

On a semi good note, someone came to look at the Firebird I have for sale. I believe it needs a starter. If we can pop start it tomorrow, they will buy it (thank God)...if it doesn't start, no sale.

**Poppn** · 09-22-2009, 04:27 PM

Originally Posted by George

This is life! Stuff like this happens, you just have to learn to deal with it at best you can. My father is on his fourth wife now, and I'm only 25. Makes it easier not living in the same state anymore, but it is still hard sometimes. BTW, what town do you live in? I used to live in Wallingford.

Newington

**George** · 09-22-2009, 04:29 PM

Originally Posted by Poppn

Newington

You know Jay Quigley?

**Transamws6** · 09-22-2009, 04:30 PM

Sorry to hear that man......

**86 IROC-Z** · 09-22-2009, 04:30 PM

Originally Posted by Poppn

Both. I have become very materialistic in hopes of making myself feel happy.

I bought my Camaro, a Firebird, a Buick, countless random shit I know I don't need after I broke up with my girlfriend.

Buying things makes me feel good temporarily. For instance, today I toyed around the idea of selling my Buick Century and getting a Regal GS instead, basically an even swap. I was all excited about it until I came home from work to my father's depressing stories.

On a semi good note, someone came to look at the Firebird I have for sale. I believe it needs a starter. If we can pop start it tomorrow, they will buy it (thank God)...if it doesn't start, no sale.

You're 20 years old. Turn it around now and stop destroying your credit rating. When you get past all of this, your debt and your credit rating will stop you from being able to do many things. Sell all your cars but one, pay off your consumer debt, stop buying things beyond your means.

**86 IROC-Z** · 09-22-2009, 04:31 PM

Money doesn't buy happiness, ESPECIALLY money you don't have in the first place.

**310stanger** · 09-22-2009, 04:32 PM

My dad for the most part has always pissed and moaned about monies he's ever had to give my mom and my mom isnt the worlds best mathematician so yeah, i dont blame him on always doing the calculations and double checking because although my mom is bad at math, she never makes errors that benefit him if you catch my drift. however, the monies that he would pay my mom would be my sisters child support and expenses from her 4 yrs at college. As just being her brother i view it like its money thats going to my sister. That being said, he has an unemployed girlfriend who has been living with her unemployed "retired" mother in his retirement house in NC for maybe about a year i think now. He doesnt bitch about that, even though his girlfriend is a MAJOR drain on his wallet. Their house together blah blah. Only hes the one paying for everything. He says "oh well they are paying utillities while they are down there". Well shit, how fucking nice of them. The woman has had credit problems since I can remember and they been together forever, and shes not working cause she cant find a job supposedly. Awfully fucking convenient if you ask me. A few years ago she wanted and had to have a lexus. Was calling her name. She couldnt get in one. Ends up getting a jeep. Couldnt make the payments. Now a corolla. Cant make the payments on that and he already pays her insurance on the car and other shit. So heres this major financial drain on him, yet like my sisters college expenses are a pain in his ass. This kinda shit makes me really wanna make this lady dissappear. The real kicker of it all is she bitches about how his new house in NC is "too small for 2 people" And really wants a house with granite etc. I've almost considered hiring a P.I to investigate what the fuck this woman does down there while my dad is up in jersey most of the year. I plead with him to make sure his name is the only one on documents pertaining the house.

so whats my answer to all this shit dude? Live for yourself, do whatever it takes to make yourself affluent enough to live on your own even if you have to live in a toilet of an apartment. Cause they aggravation will never end for you by living with the parents. I'm in the same boat.

**310stanger** · 09-22-2009, 04:34 PM

and exactly what iroc said. impulse buy multiple cars is a REALLY bad idea.

**Poppn** · 09-22-2009, 04:36 PM

Originally Posted by 86 IROC-Z

You're 20 years old. Turn it around now and stop destroying your credit rating. When you get past all of this, your debt and your credit rating will stop you from being able to do many things. Sell all your cars but one, pay off your consumer debt, stop buying things beyond your means.

I do have a credit card, but most of it comes from money I have on hand. Money I know I shouldn't be spending. The situation, and the lack of discipline basically allows me to do whatever the hell I want. I thought for the longest time, since I was 16, that being independent would be the greatest thing in the world.

I'm quickly realizing that I'm in too deep. This past weekend alone I have pissed off at least 3 of my closest friends over completely stupid shit. Things I never would have imagined doing, ever. I COMPLETELY fear I am turning into what my father has become, it's scaring me shitless. I've tried living on my own, it basically made things worse.

**Transamws6** · 09-22-2009, 04:36 PM

Are you in school? If not I would get into one for sure if I was in your situation, so I could work my way to getting a decent job and make decent money so I could get out of that household.

**Poppn** · 09-22-2009, 04:41 PM

Originally Posted by 310stanger

My dad for the most part has always pissed and moaned about monies he's ever had to give my mom and my mom isnt the worlds best mathematician so yeah, i dont blame him on always doing the calculations and double checking because although my mom is bad at math, she never makes errors that benefit him if you catch my drift. however, the monies that he would pay my mom would be my sisters child support and expenses from her 4 yrs at college. As just being her brother i view it like its money thats going to my sister. That being said, he has an unemployed girlfriend who has been living with her unemployed "retired" mother in his retirement house in NC for maybe about a year i think now. He doesnt bitch about that, even though his girlfriend is a MAJOR drain on his wallet. Their house together blah blah. Only hes the one paying for everything. He says "oh well they are paying utillities while they are down there". Well shit, how fucking nice of them. The woman has had credit problems since I can remember and they been together forever, and shes not working cause she cant find a job supposedly. Awfully fucking convenient if you ask me. A few years ago she wanted and had to have a lexus. Was calling her name. She couldnt get in one. Ends up getting a jeep. Couldnt make the payments. Now a corolla. Cant make the payments on that and he already pays her insurance on the car and other shit. So heres this major financial drain on him, yet like my sisters college expenses are a pain in his ass. This kinda shit makes me really wanna make this lady dissappear. The real kicker of it all is she bitches about how his new house in NC is "too small for 2 people" And really wants a house with granite etc. I've almost considered hiring a P.I to investigate what the fuck this woman does down there while my dad is up in jersey most of the year. I plead with him to make sure his name is the only one on documents pertaining the house.

so whats my answer to all this shit dude? Live for yourself, do whatever it takes to make yourself affluent enough to live on your own even if you have to live in a toilet of an apartment. Cause they aggravation will never end for you by living with the parents. I'm in the same boat.

I know how you feel. My Mom pays my Dad child support for my little sister (She will be 15 in a few months). My Dad lets my sister get away with EVERYTHING. Buys her basically whatever the fuck she wants. She wants new shoes? NO PROBLEM. Clothes? YOU GOT IT. Money for random shit. I know it's child support, but me and my brother had JOBS at her age, if not YOUNGER (we both had paper routes in our early teens, with no help from parents).

**Poppn** · 09-22-2009, 04:47 PM

Originally Posted by Transamws6

Are you in school? If not I would get into one for sure if I was in your situation, so I could work my way to getting a decent job and make decent money so I could get out of that household.

Before the divorce, I had my eyes set on a Tech school, for automotive. After watching close friends go to said tech schools, and then realize turning their hobby into a career made them hate their hobby, I decided against it. I tried a local community college, but I'm not going to waste money on an Associates in General Studies. I've been working instead.

I can't bring myself to spend 20,000 on tech school and then a year later hate my job. Friends tell me they basically don't give a rats ass about their cars anymore because they are sick of doing what they're doing, working at dealerships.

I understand you gotta work your way up from the bottom, and my ultimate goal would have been to work at a High performance shop of some sort. But I'm not willing to kill the hobby that basically keeps me alive as a person in order to get there.

If I didn't have that Nova in highschool, or this Camaro now, I honestly think I would have killed myself by now.

I drive when I'm depressed. You can judge how much by how far I go. Sometimes it's 50 miles in a night. Sometimes it is 200 miles. Just random driving, north, south, east west. I hit up different states sometimes. It is COMPLETELY relaxing, and I just sit and think about everything in life. It's basically therapeutic.

**86 IROC-Z** · 09-22-2009, 05:16 PM

Originally Posted by Poppn

I drive when I'm depressed. You can judge how much by how far I go. Sometimes it's 50 miles in a night. Sometimes it is 200 miles. Just random driving, north, south, east west. I hit up different states sometimes. It is COMPLETELY relaxing, and I just sit and think about everything in life. It's basically therapeutic.

I used to do the same thing. Just drive counties away and explore with the T-Tops off. Great way to get your mind off things.

**Transamws6** · 09-22-2009, 05:39 PM

Originally Posted by Poppn

Before the divorce, I had my eyes set on a Tech school, for automotive. After watching close friends go to said tech schools, and then realize turning their hobby into a career made them hate their hobby, I decided against it. I tried a local community college, but I'm not going to waste money on an Associates in General Studies. I've been working instead.

I can't bring myself to spend 20,000 on tech school and then a year later hate my job. Friends tell me they basically don't give a rats ass about their cars anymore because they are sick of doing what they're doing, working at dealerships.

I understand you gotta work your way up from the bottom, and my ultimate goal would have been to work at a High performance shop of some sort. But I'm not willing to kill the hobby that basically keeps me alive as a person in order to get there.

If I didn't have that Nova in highschool, or this Camaro now, I honestly think I would have killed myself by now.

I drive when I'm depressed. You can judge how much by how far I go. Sometimes it's 50 miles in a night. Sometimes it is 200 miles. Just random driving, north, south, east west. I hit up different states sometimes. It is COMPLETELY relaxing, and I just sit and think about everything in life. It's basically therapeutic.

Yea, I do that to. Open the sunroof, roll all windows down. Turn on radio, roll out. Do that sometimes when i'm really upset, ride downtown, ride through southeast (the ghetto part of D.C. is suprisingly peaceful at night). Just ride.

But, I wanted to go to an automotive school my sophmore year which was last year, then started thinking down the line and feared that I would totally spoil my hobby which is really the only thing I think of and the only thing that pushes me to do good in school, so I can have my two dream cars when I graduate college.

Keep working and handle your business you will get through it man.