Understanding women

**Crimson Sin** · 01-06-2009, 09:25 AM

**cammed goat** · 01-06-2009, 02:34 PM

I'm going through a situation right now with a woman I have been crazy about for nine years. A few weeks ago, I emailed her and stated how I felt. Took her off guard. We began to IM each other and she told me she had lost her boyfriend in a motorcycle crash, I didn't know. She stated she didn't know if she could ever love any man ever again and she was afraid she would disappoint me. I replied that I felt like an idiot and should have just stayed away. Now, she won't IM me or email me. But it hurts to see the woman I care about face to face and I can't do anything about it. I feel like the rabbit chasing the carrot on the end of the string. It's total hell. I have never dated before and even I don't know what to do. She doesn't want me to let her go but I really care about her. Talk about "damned if you do and damned if you don't". Ugh!!

**hamburger68** · 01-06-2009, 03:10 PM

reading all this i'm sooo glad i'm with my girlfriend for 14 years now.....

**th4** · 01-06-2009, 03:26 PM

Originally Posted by Popeye1970

Hi guys,
First I wish you all a happy New Year....

It appears I have a problem that's not really in relation with cars....

How do you recognize that a woman is seriously interested in you and is not just teasing or playing around.
I've been dating a girl (a woman, well she's twelve years younger than me, 26) for about two weeks, before christmas we met three times (having a nice dinner, playing snooker, visiting a Christmas-market...) and I think I begin to develop strong feelings for her...I crave for her...but after I came back from my christmas holidays in Austria (skiing, booked long before I met her) I get the impression that she's kind of avoiding me, which is strange as she sent me a photograph of her only several days ago and asked me to send her a photo of me...I'm kind of confused and I'm not sure at all how to deal with that situation...While I was on vacation in Austria we permanently exchanged sms's and I called her to wish her a happy new year..
I don't want to insist too much but now I'm waiting for a reply to my email, where I bluntly asked her if she got a boyfriend or not...

It seems I need some wise piece of advise...

well i could ask the same thing about men, i definately don't think i understand them...

but if it has only been a month then i would think it is only still dating, if you get too serious too fast that scares away some girls, especially if she is younger, try to spend time with her and see where it goes, but stop thinking she is doing something behind your back until you have some more definate proof...

**th4** · 01-06-2009, 03:28 PM

Originally Posted by hamburger68

reading all this i'm sooo glad i'm with my girlfriend for 14 years now.....

can i ask why you haven't married her after 14 years?

**hamburger68** · 01-06-2009, 03:46 PM

Originally Posted by th4

can i ask why you haven't married her after 14 years?

shure you can!

**hamburger68** · 01-06-2009, 03:49 PM

just kiddin'...

we didn't feel the urge yet. we don't have kids (wich wouldn't make a huge difference), but we're sharing a condo, share our money etc, we're more married than a lot of married couples i guess.

btw, we're the last unmarried couple in our circle, even our gay friends got married two years ago!

**th4** · 01-06-2009, 04:01 PM

Originally Posted by hamburger68

just kiddin'...

we didn't feel the urge yet. we don't have kids (wich wouldn't make a huge difference), but we're sharing a condo, share our money etc, we're more married than a lot of married couples i guess.

btw, we're the last unmarried couple in our circle, even our gay friends got married two years ago!

i guess for me it is the final commitment, to know that you make a promise to be together forever, it shows that you are there completely for the other person...

and yes i know that about 50% of marriages end in divorce...

**Kjz99z28** · 01-06-2009, 04:32 PM

^^ I have the same thoughts. The fact that 50% of them end in divorce only says to me that someone, or both people, didn't completely understand the commitment, or didn't mean it when they agreed to take that step forward.

**ZAPFOOL!!** · 01-06-2009, 04:42 PM

the last two post remind me i need to call and warn brian and scott

**th4** · 01-06-2009, 04:46 PM

Originally Posted by ZAPFOOL!!

the last two post remind me i need to call and warn brian and scott

don't worry, he hasn't proposed, we are taking it slow and things are going well...

trust me i don't want a divorce so i don't want to rush into marriage, but yes hopefully we end up there,

**Popeye1970** · 01-06-2009, 05:07 PM

Originally Posted by th4

well i could ask the same thing about men, i definately don't think i understand them...

but if it has only been a month then i would think it is only still dating, if you get too serious too fast that scares away some girls, especially if she is younger, try to spend time with her and see where it goes, but stop thinking she is doing something behind your back until you have some more definate proof...

I guess you're totally right: "scaring her away" by insisting too much, by urging her to fully engage in a relationship with someon she hardly knows. I must try and see things from her perspective. Just too fast, too soon. I'm pretty sure that's my fault, but may be that's because I lost my wife some time ago...all of a sudden you are alone and have to cope with that situation and then you meet someone you appreciate and whose company you enjoy and you almost get to enthousiastic...That's for sure what's happening to me right now. Thanks.

**I lost it** · 01-06-2009, 06:01 PM

just be yourself dont try to put on a front or anything like that if it ment to be then it will if not be the bigger one and just wish her the best of luck in the future after all it will be her lose

**KahanaReef** · 01-06-2009, 06:12 PM

Originally Posted by Popeye1970

I guess you're totally right: "scaring her away" by insisting too much, by urging her to fully engage in a relationship with someon she hardly knows. I must try and see things from her perspective. Just too fast, too soon. I'm pretty sure that's my fault, but may be that's because I lost my wife some time ago...all of a sudden you are alone and have to cope with that situation and then you meet someone you appreciate and whose company you enjoy and you almost get to enthousiastic...That's for sure what's happening to me right now. Thanks.

So sorry to hear about your wife

But... yes. Just be yourself and let things unfold slowly.

As far as advice on women goes... I have none. We are as different as cars on the road. Many may seem to be just like all the others, but... you just never know whats really under the hood or how we'll preform until you take us for a drive

**310stanger** · 01-06-2009, 06:33 PM

Originally Posted by Kjz99z28

^^ I have the same thoughts. The fact that 50% of them end in divorce only says to me that someone, or both people, didn't completely understand the commitment, or didn't mean it when they agreed to take that step forward.

Ever think about how much people can change in 5,10,15,20 yrs? You can't just tell someone I'll love you forever and know for sure that you are gonna. Its a huge leap of faith and its exactly while I'll never get married. Theres no real reason. Just enjoy your time with the person you love, and savor it for what it is. If it ends it ends. But at least you wont have to deal with a messy divorce on account of it. Marriage is for chicks.

**Neo** · 01-06-2009, 06:38 PM

Did we just go two full pages without asking for pics of said hottie? I believe we did.

**Y2KPewterSS** · 01-06-2009, 06:39 PM

Originally Posted by ntimid8r

No man in humanity has ever understood a woman. If they didn't have enjoyable parts to play with.....there would be a bounty to wipe them off the face of the earth.

You may want to confront her on what's going on with her situation. Bring it to a head now. It does seem as though she's hiding something. Just my .02 cents.

No need to read any further, excellent post!

**310stanger** · 01-06-2009, 06:41 PM

The key is to get the girl to fall into what you want gradually man. You can't ask specifically for it. It typically starts off with being friends and keeping it fun. Whatever you do, NEVER let her go bored when shes with you. And give her her space. Have a really fun date, and then let her think about you. Leave the smell of your cologne on a sweatshirt and leave it at her place. trust me, it works.

Cliff notes... Act clingy and no muff diving for you

**ReBop** · 01-06-2009, 07:00 PM

post the pic she sent and let us decide....

**Kjz99z28** · 01-07-2009, 05:28 AM

Originally Posted by 310stanger

Ever think about how much people can change in 5,10,15,20 yrs? You can't just tell someone I'll love you forever and know for sure that you are gonna. Its a huge leap of faith and its exactly while I'll never get married. Theres no real reason. Just enjoy your time with the person you love, and savor it for what it is. If it ends it ends. But at least you wont have to deal with a messy divorce on account of it. Marriage is for chicks.

I guess we have a different perspective on things. I've seen it work. I've also seen it fail. But just because some people's marriages fail doesn't mean I have to lose faith in trying something that I believe in.

If you think you are going to lose your feelings for somebody in 5-10 years, wtf are you doing marrying them? I mean I know that there are people in the "early stages" that can't see past that puppy love thing... and I do think you need to be together for quite some time before considering marriage. You have to have gone through things and make sure you can handle problems together, blah blah blah.

I absolutely hate the idea of never getting married because you're just waiting for it to end. That just seems to set the relationship up to fail. It's saying "No, I don't want to commit to you, something better may come along."

That would never work for me. It would always feel temporary.

Everybody's got their own thing, own opinions. But I do believe that I will hopefully be married one day, not for a long damn time, and not unless I am 100% comfortable with the idea, and once I get married, I will do my best to make it work. I know nothing is guaranteed, but you can bet I'll do everything in my power to make it work.