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08-04-2008, 01:42 PM #1
- Join Date
- Aug 2005
- Location
- Crystal Lake IL
- Age
- 47
- Posts
- 2,517
Pewter- 2001 Camaro Z28 M6
joke thread.. NWS for words, filth, dirt, rude
feel free to add your best... keep them rude, dirty and filthy, the nastier the better!
here is a few, post some more!!!
What's the diference between a fag and a freezer?
Freezers don't fart when you pull the meat out...
What did the two condoms say when they walked past the gay bar?
Let's go get shit faced!
What did one gay sperm say to the other Gay sperm?
How do we find the egg in all this shit?!...
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08-04-2008, 01:44 PM #2
- Join Date
- Nov 1999
- Location
- over here...
- Age
- 45
- Posts
- 25,709
[]D [] []V[] []D- 1999 trans am
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.
She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"
The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Bob has been missing since Friday.
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08-04-2008, 01:57 PM #3
- Join Date
- Apr 2007
- Location
- Denton (Dallas)
- Posts
- 10,580
Silver- 2003 GTI 1.8T :(
my dad just told me this one....
This little mexican boy walks into the room with his mother and had gotten into some flour.
He said, "Look mom, I'm white!"
She slapped him and told him to go see his father.
He went in the room and said, "Look dad, I'm white!"
His father did the same thing and slapped him and told him to go see his grandmother.
He went to his grandmother and said, "Look, I'm white!"
She slapped him and told him to go see his mom.
He walked back in the room with his mom and she said, "Did you learn anything from this?"
The little mexican boy said, "Yeah, I been white for 5 minutes and I already hate you damn mexicans."
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08-04-2008, 02:00 PM #4
- Join Date
- Aug 2008
- Location
- Syracuse, NY/Wilmington, NC
- Age
- 38
- Posts
- 61
The only one I know that should be in here.
What do you call a hooker with a running nose?
FULL
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08-04-2008, 02:07 PM #5
- Join Date
- Aug 2005
- Location
- Crystal Lake IL
- Age
- 47
- Posts
- 2,517
Pewter- 2001 Camaro Z28 M6
those are good!
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08-04-2008, 02:08 PM #6
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08-04-2008, 02:14 PM #7
- Join Date
- Nov 2007
- Location
- Ft. Rucker Area, Lower AL
- Posts
- 674
Arctic White- 01 TA / 06 Duc 749D
this is my favorite dumb joke.
two muffins are baking away in an oven,
one of them looks over and says to the other,
"hey it's getting pretty hot in here"
and the other muffin says,
"HOLY SHIT a talking muffin"
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08-04-2008, 02:21 PM #8
- Join Date
- Aug 2005
- Location
- Pittsburgh, PA
- Age
- 42
- Posts
- 21,720
My life is a- Ben Stiller movie.
what's the rest of this one???
what's the difference between jesus and an oil painting?
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08-04-2008, 02:23 PM #9
- Join Date
- Nov 2007
- Location
- Ft. Rucker Area, Lower AL
- Posts
- 674
Arctic White- 01 TA / 06 Duc 749D
two nuns are on their way back to the convent and decide to take a short cut through a dark alley.
well half way through this dark alley two thugs jump out and start raping the two nuns.
then half way through this rape session one of the nuns looks up and says,
"forgive him, for he knows not what he does"
and the other nun says,
"mine does"
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08-04-2008, 02:24 PM #10
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08-04-2008, 02:31 PM #11
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08-04-2008, 02:38 PM #12
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08-04-2008, 02:38 PM #13
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08-04-2008, 03:01 PM #14
- Join Date
- Sep 2007
- Location
- Philly+Glenmoore, Pa
- Age
- 35
- Posts
- 4,703
Pewter Metallic- 2002 Trans Am WS6 M6 D1SC
Good jokes guys, keep em comin. I cant think of any off the top of my head but ill work on it.
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08-04-2008, 03:26 PM #15
- Join Date
- Nov 2005
- Location
- Cypress, Texas
- Age
- 42
- Posts
- 1,054
Burple- 1966 427 Cobra Replica
This one is funniest with proper delivery.
An old woman lives alone on a big ranch in Montana. Her husband has just passed away.
Knowing that the ranch is too much for her to handle alone but not yet being ready to give it up, she decides she'll find some hired help.
The interviews don't go very well. Most of the applicants are tough, crusty dudes and the old lady is afraid of what they might do to her all alone, in the middle of nowhere, Montana.
The old woman resigns herself to selling the ranch until she meets the last applicant. He's rough and tough, fully capable of performing all the necessary ranch-hand tasks.
The thing is, he's gay. She hires him on the spot.
After about a month the ranch still looks great. The cattle are healthy and all is well.
The old lady calls to her gay ranch hand, "Hey, you've been workin' real hard and the place looks great. How about you take a much deserved break and go out for a night on the town."
The hired help agrees.
While the old lady goes for her evening ride to inspect her land, he cleans up and heads into town.
Around three in the morning, the gay ranch-hand makes his way home.
Much to his surprise, the old lady is still up... waiting for him in her rocker by the fire...
He slowly opens the front door hoping she's asleep.
"Hey," she says, "Come here and take of my shoes."
Fearing for his job, he does as she says.
"And take off my blouse."
Again, he does as she says.
"Now take off my skirt."
He obeys.
"Now take of my bra..."
He has no choice if he wants to keep his job.
"There that's better," says the old lady, looking up at him...
After a few awkward moments staring at each other. The old lady finally speaks.
"If you EVER borrow my clothes again, you're FIRED!"
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08-04-2008, 03:32 PM #16
All I know are terrible, terrible racist jokes. Sure to get me called the next Slim_durst...I'll give ya one of my lighter ones...
Q: What do you call a black man at the bottom of the ocean?
A: Pollution
Q: What do you call the ENTIRE black population at the bottom of the ocean?
A: Solution.
Q: What do you call a black man on the moon?
A: Problem.
Q: What do you call the ENTIRE black population on the moon?
A: Problem solved.
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08-04-2008, 07:08 PM #17
True story from years ago when I worked on office equipment:
*Phone rings*
Me: Hello
Women on line: I need to know the fax number in Africa
Me: I am sure there are many fax machines in Africa, I would not have any listing for any of them
Women: Oh, alright I will find it another way then.
*woman hangs up*
20 mins later
*phone rings*
Me: Hello
Woman: I got the number to the fax in Africa, but it is not working.
Me: tell me what is happening
Women: The document is not going throu
I walk here step by step on how to send a fax.
Women: Its not working.
Me. did the screen say completed?
Women: yes.
Me: Then it sent ok
Women: no it did not, It is still here!!!!!!!!!
Me: yes maam, this is not StarTrek, it will not beem it over, it just sends a copy.
*women hangs up*
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08-04-2008, 08:51 PM #18
- Join Date
- Apr 2007
- Location
- Denton (Dallas)
- Posts
- 10,580
Silver- 2003 GTI 1.8T :(
so i saw a comic live on saturday night... it was awesome... named mario digiorgio and i bought his book titled A cynic's guide to a rich and full life...
it contains a bunch of little "motivational" daily phrases...
i will continuosly add my favorites in here as time passes for yall...
Volunteer to read at a nursing home. Dressed as Death.
Purchase a "Baby on Board" decal. Stick it on your luggage.
Take a small gift to a dinner party. Like a bucket of chicken, or anal beads.
Hire a maid service for the day. Spend the entire afternoon pointing at your crotch saying "You missed a spot."
Take a kid to the zoo. Then leave them there.
Help a child plant a garden. They have no idea what pot looks like.
Every once in awhile, trip a child.
Attend a high school gymnastics meet. Lick your lips repeatedly.
Own a comfortable chair for reading. Then fuck in it.
that is all for today... if people feel they fit in here and they like them i will keep posting random ones... hope you enjoy them as much as i do!
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08-04-2008, 09:02 PM #19
- Join Date
- Sep 2007
- Location
- Philly+Glenmoore, Pa
- Age
- 35
- Posts
- 4,703
Pewter Metallic- 2002 Trans Am WS6 M6 D1SC
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08-04-2008, 09:06 PM #20
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