Went to alabama....details inside
This happened last monday. I posted it on my myspace blog that day but somehow forgot to put it on here.
Quote:
Monday, December 10, 2007
Fun in Alabama or How i learned to Yee-Haw
Current mood: relieved
Went to Alabama today. More specifically i went to the Army base in Huntsville to do a little Christmas shopping. The base is connected to the NASA space center complex. Yes, Alabama has something to do with NASA. I think their mission there is to install the gun-racks and rebel flag stickers on the space shuttles.
Anyway, we are driving down Interstate 65, and i realized that i had made a mistake in wearing a jacket while driving as it was getting a little warmer outside. I also wanted some form of caffeine so i thought to myself this would be a good time to take the next exit so i could take my coat off and grab a nice cold bottle of Mountain Dew.
Ah yes, i see the exit now and i pull off.
As I'm waiting at a red light right before the gas station i notice a big green direction sign on the street right before the gas station. In big white letters on this green sign it said:
"Mental Health Center"
I just shit my pants.
I have seen signs that bring a sense of worry and fear when I've read them. None of them however hold a candle to this. I'm in the state of Ala-fuckin'-bama, and this is where they send the people that THEY deem as mentally destitute.
With hands trembling in fear of being attacked by a fat man wearing Thomas the Train pajamas or a Hillary Clinton 08 rally i make it to the gas station to take care of my present needs.
In record time I'm back on the road trying to get away as fast as i can.
Later in the day, after we had done our shopping, we were heading home. It's lunch time and i start looking for places to eat. I see an exit coming up with multiple fast food establishments on it. I see one of those places is Hardees. It's been awhile since i went to hardees so i figured "What the hell" and we pull up to the drive-thru and i ordered a bacon cheeseburger plain. He (the country sounding fellow over the speaker) asks me to clarify. I told him a bacon cheeseburger with just bacon, cheese, hamburger patty, and bun. He confirms my order back to me and i believe all is well.
We get our food and i pop open the little cardboard container my burger was in, and to my horror it is drenched in mayo and lettuce.
This will not do.
I calmly walk inside and as I'm waiting there, burger in hand wanting for service, i began to look at the people that work there. Jim-Bob-Bubba-Blue that took my order is currently taking the order of a customer at the cash register. Let me tell you, God pissed on this guy. He was a ginger, with big buck teeth, a mouth that didn't close (permanent look of durrrr on his face) and a heavy country accent.
I look over at a cook in the back, he looked normal. If i had to guess i say my order got fucked up by the mouth-breather that took my order and not the cook.
The manager sees me and starts walking my way. I see him and i immediately check to see which exit door i was now close to and what i could use as a weapon........
It was General Lee himself! I had walked into a trap!!!
Remember those cartoons we watched growing up where bugs bunny would be in the south or whatever and it had the "southern gentleman" character with the really white hair and white suit? That was him!
When he asked me what he could help me with i had to bite my tongue pretty much half way off to keep myself my shouting "I do DECLARE! It appears that some no-good Yankee conspira-TORS have sabotaged my dinin' experience!"
The conversation went like this.......
Me: This wasn't supposed to have anything on it.
Him: Say what?
Me: This was supposed to be plain
Him: What is supposed to be plain?
Me: (Shaking my burger in front of his face) This!
Fun times.
