Does your spouse work? Rant

Just a bit of a rant guys.... I'm sure I'm not the only one who has been through a situation like this.

Been with my girl 8+ years. Were not married but have a 2 year old child in the mix. She's a first time mom so of course she wants to spend time with the kid. We of course also have a household to maintain and bills to pay etc. She is currently working a office job part time at 26 hours a week or so. I currently work as much as humanly possible so I usually end up around 70-80 hours a week.

Now I am pushing her to go back into fulltime work, because she is not bringing in enough cash to even really cover her expenses. Now she says she wants fulltime work but I can' t say I see her making a effort to make it happen. I recently gave her a car (because hers was falling apart) and I went out and bought me something else to drive daily. I constantly find her car on Empty (so I put gas in it) and I been paying for all repairs and oil changes because she has no money to maintain it. Yet the girl will find any excuse to be out driving all dam day doing things that don't need to even be done. for example (driving around looking at xmas lights) I'm not being a prick but I know when I was broke trying to survive I was not out doing that kinda stuff. All in all It's got me a little frustrated.

I try to find jobs in her field and she has every excuse. that job is 40 or 60 mins away... My reply is well I have been driving that far every day for 15 years. then she will say I'm gonna apply to this job that's like 3 hours away..... It's a job you want me to get a job.... lol Then she says well I would have to move closer to those jobs... My reply is drive like everyone else...

Then she says she wants to work for a company that treats their workers good like google or something etc and I'm trying to tell her just about every company treats it's workers like shit. it's just one bs excuse after another.

ranting done I guess... Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

My wife doesn't work but she takes care of the kids and I make the money. I would never force her to get a job unless we would starve without it. You have been with her longer than I have been married and I consider everything ours not mine or hers. It may be different with just dating someone that long but I feel like I would feel the same possibly but maybe not, it is hard to say being married and not just with the person.

Why don't you just flat out ask her why she seems very reluctant to get a full time job or even just a different job for that matter? Also can she not just work more hours with the job she has now?

I try but it just seems to end up in a argument with her getting upset saying you don't think I'm trying. But I told her I could get her a job working with me fulltime and it would put her in a better position money wise but then she would see the kid less.... but that's the real world struggle we live in. i tell her do you think I enjoy working 7 days a week 12 hours a day... I don't but I volunteer for every ounce of overtime I can get because it keeps us afloat. But i'm not trying to do this for the rest of my life. I am debt free and got money in the bank cause I worked my ass off for it. I'm coming from the viewpoint that I have to support my family no matter what. so If I lost my job I would do anything to pay the bills. she is coming from the angle that this is her skill set and she can't go outside of that. That frustrates me. I told her to try nursing, that was a no... lol She is super smart and wants something in internet security and tech but she never finished her degree so I dunno. I know if something happened to me there would be a girl pushing 40 who is living with her parents... that's not good.

Does she have a security clearance? If she doesn't anything in Internet or computer security is out the door. Trust me I have a degree in Cyber Security and lots of contacts in that sector but no security clearance or well when I was I applying I didn't now I do. Plus she'll need either a degree or years of professional experience depending on the level she wants to go in as.

What is her field exactly?

I'm a woman and you are sounding incredibly selfish.

Wow, just wow.

Dude, she's the mother of your damn kid and your girlfriend, not your freaking roommate.

Quit working so many hours and just spend time with your family. If you are out of debt like you say, then find ways to cut back and let the mother spend quality time with the child.

And quit pressuring her.

Well someone has to keep gas in these cars and have cash on hand to fix things when they break. Love don't pay the bills and put kids through college. I also have another older child as well. I want a strong independent woman not another dependant. I'd at least like to leave the woman a house she can afford to maintain in the event I kick the bucket... lol

I don't believe she has any clearances or anithing like that. She was a executive assistant without the degree but when she lost that job she has had a hard time recovering. She works now as basically a secretary. I'd like for her to back to school.

Which is more important, your family or random stuff?

I also have to constantly put gas in my wife's car because she doesn't have any money, because she doesn't work.

Well, doesn't work at a job that is. What she does is more work than I could do.

My wife quit a 75k a year job 17 years ago because we decided before we had kids that they would be raised by their parents and not a daycare.

All too often nowadays people are far more concerned with getting a new car or a bigger TV than they are about raising their children.

It doesn't necessarily take dual incomes to get by, it does take sound decisions based on what you need vs what you want.

Look closely at what she will make vs what it will cost to put the child in daycare.

Is it even worth it?

Your child is 2. Do you want your child to be raised by a stranger?

And dumping the child on grandparents long term is incredibly selfish, so as much as they want to help out, please don't do it.

I'm not saying anything...... :D

Well I don't want to work 70 hrs a week to get by. I'm not talking about buying bigger tvs . I talking being able to retire. Take vacations. Save money so the kids have something. Due to our schedules now we're hone at the same time. I told her just pick up a weekend gig. We have grand parents avail so daycare is not a major issue.

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Originally Posted by jrbonds

I'm a woman and you are sounding incredibly selfish.

Wow, just wow.

Dude, she's the mother of your damn kid and your girlfriend, not your freaking roommate.

Quit working so many hours and just spend time with your family. If you are out of debt like you say, then find ways to cut back and let the mother spend quality time with the child.

And quit pressuring her.

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Bull shit comment. He sounds selfish? What about her? She is the one being picky about jobs when it sounds like she doesn't have the qualifications to be. She should want to do all she can to better the life for the family and help the guy who has to work 70-80 hours per week so they can live a comfortable life. So that he can spend time with the child.

Life is full of preasure. You deal with it and succeed or you make excuses and stay stuck in the same place you are.

Mine has always worked up until the past 5-6 months and it suckssssssssssssss with a capital S. She left a really really good paying job to finish her degree but she had to because she is going to school to be a teacher and you have to student teach/intern at the end of your degree in order to graduate. She just wrapped up student teaching so hopefully *fingers crossed* she'll have a job sometime at the beginning of next year and her degree is already in the mail.

Our situation is obviously a little different, but it sucks being on 1 income...we were used to having 2 incomes so our spending was probably a little higher than usual because we had 2 incomes to pay for it...now that all of the bills fall on me its pretty rough. Especially around the holidays...but like I said, it is what it is.

Unless you are ready to part ways with her over a job I think you are screwed because it sounds like she doesnt really want to work...it happens...if I had the option to not work I'd probably take it for a month or 2 and then I'd go crazy and have to find a job.

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Originally Posted by Zinergy

Bull shit comment. He sounds selfish? What about her? She is the one being picky about jobs when it sounds like she doesn't have the qualifications to be. She should want to do all she can to better the life for the family and help the guy who has to work 70-80 hours per week so they can live a comfortable life. So that he can spend time with the child.

Life is full of preasure. You deal with it and succeed or you make excuses and stay stuck in the same place you are.

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yep...

Lol preasure.

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Originally Posted by Zinergy

Lol preasure.

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I wasnt picking on the spelling lol I was agreeing with the statement :D

I know, I was picking on my own spelling.

I personally would rather have my wife stay at home with the kids and take care of them than have another income and dump them in daycare or the grandparents because I want them to be with us and have us raise them not other people. I don't have to work 80 hours to keep afloat though but I would in order to have my wife able to stay home with the kids. Then again she doesn't just sit at home and do nothing she takes care of the kids and all of the household stuff. Another thing what is with all this my money and her money if I did that my wife and kids would have nothing but live off of and that is selfish as we are a family and so are you. In your situation it wouldn't matter to me if I was married or not as that is just a piece of paper. I don't know I have always survived on one income and it is quite doable but it seems if you want to do that without working your current hours you would need a better paying job. I would just sit down and have a civil conversation and ask what it is she wants to do eventually whether it is working full time or staying at home and taking care of the house and kids. Again just my .02 not trying to dig at anyone here.

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Originally Posted by theorangeguy

if I had the option to not work I'd probably take it for a month or 2 and then I'd go crazy and have to find a job.

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I am already going stir crazy for being off for just over 1 week lol.

Sounds like you are just frustrated at the over all situation...let it out on here and be happy you have a family. Sure life can be a pain in the ass and bills arent going to pay themselves, but it could be way worse...would you rather have a family and less money or your income to yourself and no family?

I grew up in a single parent home so I view things a little differently and every once in a while if I get aggravated about something I think about how things were when I was a kid and it usually puts everything back into perspective.

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Originally Posted by 98TransAmWs-6

I personally would rather have my wife stay at home with the kids and take care of them than have another income and dump them in daycare or the grandparents because I want them to be with us and have us raise them not other people. I don't have to work 80 hours to keep afloat though but I would in order to have my wife able to stay home with the kids. Then again she doesn't just sit at home and do nothing she takes care of the kids and all of the household stuff. Another thing what is with all this my money and her money if I did that my wife and kids would have nothing but live off of and that is selfish as we are a family and so are you. In your situation it wouldn't matter to me if I was married or not as that is just a piece of paper. I don't know I have always survived on one income and it is quite doable but it seems if you want to do that without working your current hours you would need a better paying job. I would just sit down and have a civil conversation and ask what it is she wants to do eventually whether it is working full time or staying at home and taking care of the house and kids. Again just my .02 not trying to dig at anyone here.



I am already going stir crazy for being off for just over 1 week lol.

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When you have to work 80 hours a week and the other doesn't it still isn't US raising them. It is HER raising them.

I hope you homeschool your kids as well because you don't want anybody else raising them right? They spend the same amount of time with teachers and their friends at school as they would with the daycare workers and their friends at the daycare.

You are really just splitting hairs at this point because you have no other point in your argument that has any validity. I still am home with them some and to help in the raising of them. If both parents are not home and work full time essentially it is someone else for raising them not either of us. If you were not going to really be home to spend time with your children then you shouldn't have kids. Teachers don't do much raising if you ask me in regards to life lessons and other important things, only book learning and perhaps social skills. They don't parents or teach kids how to become decent human beings. So like I said they don't really raise your child, just because they are with them for hours a day doesn't mean they are raising them. I learned most of who I am today from my parents and seeing their example and taking it to heart much more heavily than my teachers. If I did the reverse I would probably be I a worse place than today.

This is not what this thread is about though so let's get back on topic.

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Originally Posted by 98TransAmWs-6

You are really just splitting hairs at this point because you have no other point in your argument that has any validity. I still am home with them some and to help in the raising of them. If both parents are not home and work full time essentially it is someone else for raising them not either of us. If you were not going to really be home to spend time with your children then you shouldn't have kids. Teachers don't do much raising if you ask me in regards to life lessons and other important things, only book learning and perhaps social skills. They don't parents or teach kids how to become decent human beings. So like I said they don't really raise your child, just because they are with them for hours a day doesn't mean they are raising them. I learned most of who I am today from my parents and seeing their example and taking it to heart much more heavily than my teachers. If I did the reverse I would probably be I a worse place than today.

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I think it is a valid point. You consider sending your kid to daycare during the day while you both work to not be raising your own children. Yet sending them to school all day while you are at work or not is somehow not the same thing? Eitherway they are spending 8+ hours a day under the care of other adults with their peers and not with you the parent. So what is the difference? Most daycares also include learning schedules at the age of 2 and older. So they do also teach your children. Sure parents and family in general is often a main shaping factor but I just don't see how one could support public schooling and the stick their nose up to daycare.

One is required by law and one isn't lol. Let's just say I have had bad experiences with daycares in the past. I also am not sticking my nose up about it just stating my opinion. Most of what I said goes for people that have no intention of really raising their kids at all not those who end up having to use daycares because suddenly they need to work more to make ends meet. It is different if you work so much and you need to use a daycare than if you choose to do so I just wouldn't use a daycare if I had a choice personally and if I knew I would never end up spending much time with them outside of the school hours (and they would end up just staying at daycare until late) I wouldn't have kids.

Yes one is required by law... but you could also homeschool and then they wouldn't have to be raised by other adults. Could it be that you want your children to have social exeriences outside of home? Or are you just too lazy to homeschool?

I have had some bad experiences with schools as well. You can feel however you want about daycares or schools but to claim that sending your kid to one "isn't raising" them and sending your kid to the other is "raising" them is illogical.

I dont know very many people with young kids who want them getting an education in public schools which is pretty sad...

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Originally Posted by theorangeguy

I dont know very many people with young kids who want them getting an education in public schools which is pretty sad...

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In this case it's any school really, I jsut said public meaning going to school with the rest of the publics children compared to homeschool.

And there are still some very nice public schools. Around here MPS(Milwaukee Public Schools) are the ones to stay away from. Most of the suburbs have nice schools. The 3 closest to me are all new construction and are good schools.

:Popcorn:

:slash:

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Originally Posted by Zinergy

Yes one is required by law... but you could also homeschool and then they wouldn't have to be raised by other adults. Could it be that you want your children to have social exeriences outside of home? Or are you just too lazy to homeschool?

I have had some bad experiences with schools as well. You can feel however you want about daycares or schools but to claim that sending your kid to one "isn't raising" them and sending your kid to the other is "raising" them is illogical.

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Social experiences is the main reason. A lot of the daycares around here have teenage kids working at them and set really bad examples for kids hence I wouldn't have my kids in one in addition to the reasons I have already said. The public schools around us are some of the best so education wise I am not worried about that. Stating what you stated as fact by your logic illogical as well....because well it is an opinion lol. Obviously you have no clue what an opinion is because if you did you wouldn't be stating what you just did. I am done talking to you and let's just agree to disagree.

I was raised in a single parent household and also co parent a child with an idiot ex. So I totally understand that viewpoint. I also was required for a time to pay child support. Guess what happens if your not working then?... lol. They don't care if u see your kids. Your to busy working paying the bills.

My main concern is what if something happens to me. Our child will suffer because she is not able to provide the necessities. They will also be living at grandmas. No matter what its a no win situation. Were in our prime money making age right now. Gotta take advantage of it.

I want my daughters raised to not be dependant on a man to support them.

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Originally Posted by 98TransAmWs-6

Social experiences is the main reason. A lot of the daycares around here have teenage kids working at them and set really bad examples for kids hence I wouldn't have my kids in one in addition to the reasons I have already said. The public schools around us are some of the best so education wise I am not worried about that. Stating what you stated as fact by your logic illogical as well....because well it is an opinion lol. Obviously you have no clue what an opinion is because if you did you wouldn't be stating what you just did. I am done talking to you and let's just agree to disagree.

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I didn't state it was FACT. I said it is illogical and then I pointed out why. Your points for the most part have been irrelevant because regardless of where you send them they are spending the same amount of time under the supervision of other adults and not you the parent. AKA not raising your child. You just fail to recognize this point because you are set in your beliefs and that is fine and your right to feel that way. Illogical but fine.

so without being too specific, what percentage of your income is going to bills and expenses...? You dont have to use actual dollar amounts...but %'s will give an idea of what type of situation you are in.

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Originally Posted by knightryda01

I was raised in a single parent household and also co parent a child with an idiot ex. So I totally understand that viewpoint. I also was required for a time to pay child support. Guess what happens if your not working then?... lol. They don't care if u see your kids. Your to busy working paying the bills.

My main concern is what if something happens to me. Our child will suffer because she is not able to provide the necessities. They will also be living at grandmas. No matter what its a no win situation. Were in our prime money making age right now. Gotta take advantage of it.

I want my daughters raised to not be dependant on a man to support them.

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I have had a little of all of it with my children. My first child was raised at home until the age of two. Then her mother got a job and she went to daycare for about a year. Then she went back to staying at home with her mom until she was 4 and started half days in K4. Our second child has never gone to a daycare simply because we didn't need her too. Plus it is nice not paying 1000-1100 dollars a month. Their grandmother doesn't work and she is pretty young for a grandma. She watches the kids for an hour and a half everyday until I get home from work. Wife works nights now.

You can definately tell a difference between Lily and Rowan's ability to interact with new people.

ok....since I have some first hand experience in all this I'll weigh in my opinion.

I haven't worked in 8 years or so. I definitely think our kids have been the main beneficiary of that. You ask anyone that knows us and they'll tell you my kids are better behaved than the average. They know right from wrong and the 2 that are in school make honor roll. A parent at home when the kids are young does make a difference. There's no argument you can make otherwise. A small kid will always benefit from being around their parent more than they will at daycare. I'm not saying going to a daycare is bad......I'm saying it's not as good as being around a parent. I still think that even when the kids are of school age they benefit from having a parent at home and not being latchkey kids. There's just no way you can replace that parental guidance without having a parent present. A daycare worker isn't going to yank a knot in a kids ass when they screw up......I will. My kids are also very outgoing. We travel a lot and have a ton of people around us almost all the time so that's probably what helps them in that dept. but neither kid has a problem making friends. When we go camping they know every kid's name in the camp within the first day.

All that said.....if I needed to go back to work I would do it in a heartbeat. Eating is also something a kid benefits from just like having electricity and shit like that. I think you need to sit down with your girlfriend and show here the bills and your paychecks and do some simple math with her. Don't make her feel ignorant or lazy.....just show her the numbers and say "look....we can't make it on 1 income and the family is going to need you to go back to work." You need to get her on board. Making her go back to work isn't going to work out.....it'll drive you guys apart I bet. You need to let it be her decision and it also has to be a job she picks out. That's just my opinion.

I agree with most of what you have said. There are however some benefits a child gets from going to daycare vs staying home but they won't make me send them to daycare if the option to stay home is there. As there are benefits a child gets from staying at home too.

Not only is food and electricity a benefit for kids, but so is a good household and that doesn't mean the family simply being together. That means a sturdy place that everyone ca rest their heads and be proud to call home. Vacations, trips etc will improve their abilities to know and deal with different types of people from different places. These things don't come free.

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Originally Posted by Zinergy

I agree with most of what you have said. There are however some benefits a child gets from going to daycare vs staying home but they won't make me send them to daycare if the option to stay home is there. As there are benefits a child gets from staying at home too.

Not only is food and electricity a benefit for kids, but so is a good household and that doesn't mean the family simply being together. That means a sturdy place that everyone ca rest their heads and be proud to call home. Vacations, trips etc will improve their abilities to know and deal with different types of people from different places. These things don't come free.

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Personally......I see no benefits to putting a kid in daycare over keeping them at home. It's almost always better on a child to be with their parent than anyone else. Unless you're a recluse the kid is going to get plenty of social interactions. You're also having someone else teach your kid their values. I do agree that if finances become an issue then you do what you have to do but i can really see no other reason to put my kid in someone else hands. If we want to go out by ourselves then that's what grandpa is for. :D

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Originally Posted by 0rion

Personally......I see no benefits to putting a kid in daycare over keeping them at home. It's almost always better on a child to be with their parent than anyone else. Unless you're a recluse the kid is going to get plenty of social interactions. You're also having someone else teach your kid their values. I do agree that if finances become an issue then you do what you have to do but i can really see no other reason to put my kid in someone else hands. If we want to go out by ourselves then that's what grandpa is for. :D

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I wholeheartedly agree with your stance on this issue :yup:

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Originally Posted by SMWS6TA

:Popcorn:

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+1 this one is classic

Guess I'll chime in now that I see some others have already given you shit lol.

First off, you dated a long time and knew how she was and STILL decided to have a child with her at that point. News flash, but people don't change. Now you must deal with it.

Secondly, you don't get very far in life by relying on others. You want something to happen, you go out and get it done yourself. With that said, nobody should have to work 70 hours a week to "stay afloat". If they do, it tells me a) your job doesn't pay much or b) you two live well beyond your means. If a, find a better paying job. Work less. Spend more time with your kid. Win/win. If b, that's easy....stop buying wine when you have beer money.

I see you are saying her, her, her....have you looked in the mirror to see what you can do differently? I commend you for working hard and going beyond to take care of your family, but bitching about it will put you in the same place 8 more years from now.

As stated earlier by others...you need to make your gf understand that your life choices are for your child now. You seem to already understand this, but it doesn't seem like your gf does.

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Originally Posted by theorangeguy

or your income to yourself and no family?

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:D

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Originally Posted by 35th-ANV-SS

First off, you dated a long time and knew how she was and STILL decided to have a child with her at that point. News flash, but people don't change. Now you must deal with it.

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This.

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Originally Posted by knightryda01

Just a bit of a rant guys.... I'm sure I'm not the only one who has been through a situation like this.

Been with my girl 8+ years. Were not married but have a 2 year old child in the mix. She's a first time mom so of course she wants to spend time with the kid. We of course also have a household to maintain and bills to pay etc. She is currently working a office job part time at 26 hours a week or so. I currently work as much as humanly possible so I usually end up around 70-80 hours a week.

Now I am pushing her to go back into fulltime work, because she is not bringing in enough cash to even really cover her expenses. Now she says she wants fulltime work but I can' t say I see her making a effort to make it happen. I recently gave her a car (because hers was falling apart) and I went out and bought me something else to drive daily. I constantly find her car on Empty (so I put gas in it) and I been paying for all repairs and oil changes because she has no money to maintain it. Yet the girl will find any excuse to be out driving all dam day doing things that don't need to even be done. for example (driving around looking at xmas lights) I'm not being a prick but I know when I was broke trying to survive I was not out doing that kinda stuff. All in all It's got me a little frustrated.

I try to find jobs in her field and she has every excuse. that job is 40 or 60 mins away... My reply is well I have been driving that far every day for 15 years. then she will say I'm gonna apply to this job that's like 3 hours away..... It's a job you want me to get a job.... lol Then she says well I would have to move closer to those jobs... My reply is drive like everyone else...

Then she says she wants to work for a company that treats their workers good like google or something etc and I'm trying to tell her just about every company treats it's workers like shit. it's just one bs excuse after another.

ranting done I guess... Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

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Sorry to hear about this man. After reading the comments in here, i'm reminded of how LS1 can be the home of a foot in the Ass that's for sure. That said I believe you need to sit down and have a talk with your girl. Have you guys discussed marriage? Does she ever bring it up(often)? I have head many women in the past say they will start to take a situation more seriously when the guy steps up to the plate(marriage). Don't get me wrong you seem to be taking care of the family and you have my respect for that. But maybe she's looking for more from you besides money. Again I don't know her, but it is something to think about. Do you work the xtra hours to make it, or just to have xtra money?

Good luck with whatever decision you end up making. I didn't get to read all pages but I've been in the same situation.

Good and bad with daycare and staying home pre school age. My kid got to learn sign language at a young age and was able to socialize with other children.

After my wife quit to be a stay at home mom, she had to find ways on a weekly basis educate and socialize. She got to provide the family values she wanted. We cut a lot of bills out and our kids health seemed improved at least short term (friggin kids are always passing shit around).

I chose to support my wife until our kid became school age and she just got her first real job starting in Janafter 5 years,so hopefully all of this will pay off

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Originally Posted by 35th-ANV-SS

Guess I'll chime in now that I see some others have already given you shit lol.

First off, you dated a long time and knew how she was and STILL decided to have a child with her at that point. News flash, but people don't change. Now you must deal with it.

Secondly, you don't get very far in life by relying on others. You want something to happen, you go out and get it done yourself. With that said, nobody should have to work 70 hours a week to "stay afloat". If they do, it tells me a) your job doesn't pay much or b) you two live well beyond your means. If a, find a better paying job. Work less. Spend more time with your kid. Win/win. If b, that's easy....stop buying wine when you have beer money.

I see you are saying her, her, her....have you looked in the mirror to see what you can do differently? I commend you for working hard and going beyond to take care of your family, but bitching about it will put you in the same place 8 more years from now.

As stated earlier by others...you need to make your gf understand that your life choices are for your child now. You seem to already understand this, but it doesn't seem like your gf does.

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No she was always a full time working girl before the child. She had a good job an unfortunately lost that job. Like I said I understand the importance of mom staying home with young child. Child is 2 now time to get back on the horse. Maybe I go overboard with overtime but my mindset is get it now while I can because I know it won't last forever. I built a pole barn this year, paid cash. Bought a newer car, paid Cash. This is how I want to live. Not check to check struggling.

I totally reverersed my financial situation and don't plan on going backwards again

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Originally Posted by knightryda01

No she was always a full time working girl before the child. She had a good job an unfortunately lost that job. Like I said I understand the importance of mom staying home with young child. Child is 2 now time to get back on the horse. Maybe I go overboard with overtime but my mindset is get it now while I can because I know it won't last forever. I built a pole barn this year, paid cash. Bought a newer car, paid Cash. This is how I want to live. Not check to check struggling.

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If you are paying cash for everything then you are light years ahead of 90% of the population in this country...assuming your house isnt paid for, if your cars are paid for then you are WAY better off than most.

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Originally Posted by theorangeguy

If you are paying cash for everything then you are light years ahead of 90% of the population in this country...assuming your house isnt paid for, if your cars are paid for then you are WAY better off than most.

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+1

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Originally Posted by theorangeguy

If you are paying cash for everything then you are light years ahead of 90% of the population in this country...assuming your house isnt paid for, if your cars are paid for then you are WAY better off than most.

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Yes ... trying to keep it that way. I mean I'm not living rich by any means, but I def try not to waste my money. My house payment is under $700 a month and I got rid of the credit cards etc. The bird needs more go fast parts but.... lol Id like to go back to school to better myself, but once again momma's gotta be working. Unemployment is not going to cut it.

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Originally Posted by knightryda01

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Originally Posted by theorangeguy

If you are paying cash for everything then you are light years ahead of 90% of the population in this country...assuming your house isnt paid for, if your cars are paid for then you are WAY better off than most.

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Yes ... trying to keep it that way. I mean I'm not living rich by any means, but I def try not to waste my money. My house payment is under $700 a month and I got rid of the credit cards etc. The bird needs more go fast parts but.... lol Id like to go back to school to better myself, but once again momma's gotta be working. Unemployment is not going to cut it.

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Unless you are making like $10 an hour you should be in pretty good shape based on how you are describing your living expenses. I know kids aren't cheap but it sounds like you have basically no debt with the exception of your house...it's starting to sound more and more like you are just aggravated she isn't working lol which is perfectly fine...

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Originally Posted by theorangeguy

Unless you are making like $10 an hour you should be in pretty good shape based on how you are describing your living expenses. I know kids aren't cheap but it sounds like you have basically no debt with the exception of your house...it's starting to sound more and more like you are just aggravated she isn't working lol which is perfectly fine...

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Yea that's pretty much it. I just don't like the road were on, and I don't want to be on it 2 years from now. It really hit me over the last few months, I watched my bank account drop $5000 from various expenses all hitting at the same time. I had no intentions of buying another car, but her car took a crap and she needs a car. so it's not the fact that I did something nice for my lady but with her not having money to even put in gas or even to just keep the oil changed it sucks. I don't want to still be doing this years from now. Like I said If I lose my job or worse yet something happens to me she is not in a position to take care of herself or our child. That's what has me frustrated.

You could always consider discussing other job options that a stay at home mom does. When we were transitioning out of my wife's job she had a stay at home mom friend who would babysit other kids. You can keep it to friends or kids friends etc if you don't want to just have a bunch of crazy kids roaming around.

You live in Michigan...couldn't she just shovel snow in your neighborhood? :dunno:

Lol that will make her want to get an office job real quick.

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Originally Posted by Zinergy

Lol that will make her want to get an office job real quick.

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thats exactly how I would do it..."well the good news is that you can just shovel snow here on our street for a few hours a day and you dont have to drive to work..."

Being smart by playing dumb is always fun...

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Originally Posted by theorangeguy

You live in Michigan...couldn't she just shovel snow in your neighborhood? :dunno:

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:lol: that's good. Hopefully he'll let us know how that conversation works out for him. :lol:

Great ideas guys... lol. She is quick to tell me that cleaning up after me is a full time job. Yet I'm never home so go figure... lol

The bad thing now with her current job is she works enough to not be available for other little part time gigs.

speaking from experience.....cleaning up after people is a full time job. We have 3 kids so there's 5 of us here. Dishes and laundry going almost constantly here. :lol:

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Originally Posted by theorangeguy

Sounds like you are just frustrated at the over all situation...let it out on here and be happy you have a family. Sure life can be a pain in the ass and bills arent going to pay themselves, but it could be way worse...would you rather have a family and less money or your income to yourself and no family?

I grew up in a single parent home so I view things a little differently and every once in a while if I get aggravated about something I think about how things were when I was a kid and it usually puts everything back into perspective.

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This.

I am the single earner in our house. Wife and three kids, with one more on the way. Been doing it for the last 5 years now. Wife got pregnant and we did the math: her part time gig, which paid pretty good, would be eclipsed by day-care costs. With the money issue being a wash, it was a no-brainer: wife would stay home with the kids. When she quit work, she started homeschooling our oldest, and taught him more in THREE MONTHS than he learned in his entire 7 years of school prior (he was in 6th grade when she quit her job). It was a serious eye-opener for us about the public school system.

In any case, I work full time, usually 10-20 hours of overtime in a week, though some weeks are "short" and I only work the basic 40. It's a struggle sometimes because it takes longer to make financial progress, but our kids are doing great and I love having them in mom's care 100% of the time. We've thought about putting the kids in school for a year or two in order for my wife to put away an emergency fund and get some momentum, but with a new baby on the way, that can is getting kicked down the road for at least another 5 years... lol! And we were so close just two months ago... haha! :D

I'm getting snipped... lol

Girl's gotta work man. It may sound selfish but I'm not settling for a life with a smaller tv, no boat, no ATV, plus work way to many hours. I have a life to live to and my life starts when work ends. I work my butt off for 45ish hours a week and so does my wife. We pool our money together, pay the bills, put gas in the boat and take the kids out on the water.
We pay a daycare to teach our kids and when we get home, we raise them. My daughter is 6 and her daycare experience was amazing. My son is 1 and unfortunately I'm a little less then amazed with his daycare so far. They don't seem as involved and "teach-oriented" as my daughter's care was. My wife and I are just starting to way options here.
6 years ago most of wife's income was washed out with daycare expenses. But she needed to work for our family (and herself) because her health insurance are way better then mine and that really makes a HUGE difference in our lifes. And her retirement benefits were another reason. She doesn't want to retire broke.

She also works for her own professional development. Putting that on hold for 10 years or more would just put us further in the hole down the road.

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Originally Posted by 98TransAmWs-6

I personally would rather have my wife stay at home with the kids and take care of them than have another income and dump them in daycare or the grandparents because I want them to be with us and have us raise them not other people. I don't have to work 80 hours to keep afloat though but I would in order to have my wife able to stay home with the kids. Then again she doesn't just sit at home and do nothing she takes care of the kids and all of the household stuff. Another thing what is with all this my money and her money if I did that my wife and kids would have nothing but live off of and that is selfish as we are a family and so are you.

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+1. My wife doesn't work. Ours is 2 and a half and she should be at home with him.

This thread makes me realize how glad I am I busted my ass growing up to make shit happen for myself while a lot of my friends fucked off lol.

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Originally Posted by 35th-ANV-SS

This thread makes me realize how glad I am I busted my ass growing up to make shit happen for myself while a lot of my friends fucked off lol.

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Your welcome!... lol

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Originally Posted by 35th-ANV-SS

This thread makes me realize how glad I am I busted my ass growing up to make shit happen for myself while a lot of my friends fucked off lol.

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+111111111111

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Originally Posted by 35th-ANV-SS

This thread makes me realize how glad I am I busted my ass growing up to make shit happen for myself while a lot of my friends fucked off lol.

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Haha!!! Hindsight is 20/20, right?

Youth is wasted on the young... and all that. :P I didn't really bust my ass when I was young, but I'm busting my ass now, and the light at the end of the tunnel is close, thank goodness.

Do you have cable, internet, netflix? Cancel those. You're never home to enjoy them anyway, and you'll save money. Then she'll get a job.

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Originally Posted by allbaugh_04

Do you have cable, internet, netflix? Cancel those. You're never home to enjoy them anyway, and you'll save money. Then she'll get a job.

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yeah....I wanna hear how this one works out also :lol:

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Originally Posted by allbaugh_04

Do you have cable, internet, netflix? Cancel those. You're never home to enjoy them anyway, and you'll save money. Then she'll get a job.

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thats a damn good idea...

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Originally Posted by 35th-ANV-SS

This thread makes me realize how glad I am I busted my ass growing up to make shit happen for myself while a lot of my friends fucked off lol.

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this thread makes me realize why the divorce rate is so high :lol:

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Originally Posted by 0rion

this thread makes me realize why the divorce rate is so high :lol:

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Money is the root of all evil...you can apply that saying to just about any situation involving money "like divorce for instance".

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Originally Posted by theorangeguy

Money is the root of all evil...you can apply that saying to just about any situation involving money "like divorce for instance".

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well.....when it comes to marriage nothing is ever as simple as shutting off the cable :lol: In his first post he said she's working part time so she is contributing. One of my questions would be then how is the house work divided? If he's working 70 hours a week then I'd gamble to say that he's not doing a ton of the housework......and shouldn't be.....but if she's working part time and doing all the house work that tells me she's working a shit ton more hours than he is and most of her hours are shitty unpaid hours. :D

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Originally Posted by 0rion

well.....when it comes to marriage nothing is ever as simple as shutting off the cable :lol: In his first post he said she's working part time so she is contributing. One of my questions would be then how is the house work divided? If he's working 70 hours a week then I'd gamble to say that he's not doing a ton of the housework......and shouldn't be.....but if she's working part time and doing all the house work that tells me she's working a shit ton more hours than he is and most of her hours are shitty unpaid hours. :D

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I work and clean house :dunno: hell I even cook too...

Since my wife got laid off last week I haven't cooked or done dishes once. I have said it many times before if I made enough to support our life style while also putting money in the bank I would rather she didn't work. I can definately afford the house, cars etc by myself but then she gets cabin fever when she can't just go on shopping sprees and belong to wine clubs, gyms, eyebrow places etc.

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Originally Posted by theorangeguy

I work and clean house :dunno: hell I even cook too...

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Yeah, but 0rion is a PRO at it...

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Originally Posted by 67CamaroRSSS

Yeah, but 0rion is a PRO at it...

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Right....boiling some hotdogs and picking your socks up off the floor aren't "cooking and cleaning". :lol:

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Originally Posted by Zinergy

Since my wife got laid off last week I haven't cooked or done dishes once. I have said it many times before if I made enough to support our life style while also putting money in the bank I would rather she didn't work. I can definately afford the house, cars etc by myself but then she gets cabin fever when she can't just go on shopping sprees and belong to wine clubs, gyms, eyebrow places etc.

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there's adjustments and sacrifices made for sure.......still though.....not as much as you think. We rarely are left "wanting" for anything but we are realistic about things. We're not buying any yachts in the near future but we have enough to live on and still have savings. Very few people on their death bed wish they would've worked more and even less want to see how much they have in their savings account. I've been thinking about going back to work the last month or so. We've talked about it a few times and we always decide it's better for me to be at home. We'll see......I will probably end up back at work at some point. Just not sure when or in what capacity. We both want a new house and it would be faster/easier to get this one fixed up to sell if I was working. Shit gets expensive in a hurry when you start doing real work to a house.

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Originally Posted by 0rion

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Originally Posted by 67CamaroRSSS

Yeah, but 0rion is a PRO at it...

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Right....boiling some hotdogs and picking your socks up off the floor aren't "cooking and cleaning". :lol:

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Men know how to cook if you come from my neck of the woods lol if you're from Louisiana and can't cook you're an ugly duckling.

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Originally Posted by theorangeguy

Men know how to cook if you come from my neck of the woods lol if you're from Louisiana and can't cook you're an ugly duckling.

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There's been a huge shift in cooking.....on this site alone there's a lot of guys that cook and do it well. The kitchen thread we have proves that. There's some good cooks on this site.

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Originally Posted by 0rion

there's adjustments and sacrifices made for sure.......still though.....not as much as you think. We rarely are left "wanting" for anything but we are realistic about things. We're not buying any yachts in the near future but we have enough to live on and still have savings. Very few people on their death bed wish they would've worked more and even less want to see how much they have in their savings account. I've been thinking about going back to work the last month or so. We've talked about it a few times and we always decide it's better for me to be at home. We'll see......I will probably end up back at work at some point. Just not sure when or in what capacity. We both want a new house and it would be faster/easier to get this one fixed up to sell if I was working. Shit gets expensive in a hurry when you start doing real work to a house.

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It would have been easier if she made as much as me and I got laid off. All I would do is reload bullets and shoot my bow lol. And yes shit does get expensive. We were about to order up all new siding, some windows and a new garage door. That is going to be put off until after the new baby now.

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Originally Posted by Zinergy

It would have been easier if she made as much as me and I got laid off. All I would do is reload bullets and shoot my bow lol. And yes shit does get expensive. We were about to order up all new siding, some windows and a new garage door. That is going to be put off until after the new baby now.

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I still have about 5768 things that were put off until after the new baby......he's 2 now :lol: Congrats on the new baby....not sure I was aware you guys were expecting. When is it due?

I would also say that if at all possible make sure YOU'RE the one that quits working......hell of a lot more fun than letting them be the one that stops working. :D You really do get over being made fun of by your friends pretty quickly. When I first quit working it was slightly embarrassing when someone would ask me what I did for a living. I would tell them "stay at home" then always felt like I needed to explain I wasn't some piece of shit that lost their job and never got another one.....it was a decision we made to stop working. That went away....now when they ask I just say "nothing" and smile my ass off. :D

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Originally Posted by 0rion

I still have about 5768 things that were put off until after the new baby......he's 2 now :lol: Congrats on the new baby....not sure I was aware you guys were expecting. When is it due?

I would also say that if at all possible make sure YOU'RE the one that quits working......hell of a lot more fun than letting them be the one that stops working. :D You really do get over being made fun of by your friends pretty quickly. When I first quit working it was slightly embarrassing when someone would ask me what I did for a living. I would tell them "stay at home" then always felt like I needed to explain I wasn't some piece of shit that lost their job and never got another one.....it was a decision we made to stop working. That went away....now when they ask I just say "nothing" and smile my ass off. :D

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Due date is June 27th... so sometime right around then. Our first child came flying out the day after the expected due date and our second she had on the expected due date. Let's see how number 3 goes. Thanks for the congrats.

I am still catching up on the stuff I put off from September through the new year aka hunting season.

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Originally Posted by Zinergy

Due date is June 27th... so sometime right around then. Our first child came flying out the day after the expected due date and our second she had on the expected due date. Let's see how number 3 goes. Thanks for the congrats.

I am still catching up on the stuff I put off from September through the new year aka hunting season.

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ours were early except for Chloe.....wife went into labor on her due date. Pickle (the last one) was a nightmare. His due date was in October and the wife went into labor in August so ended up basically on bed rest from there until October 10th. We had 2 or 3 trips to the hospital in that time due to labor pains. That was a sign of things to come because he's by far the biggest hellion we've had of the 3 :lol: He's a lot of fun though. It's been kinda cool to have a mean ass boy around. Zach has always been well behaved and rarely ever gets in trouble. I like that "all boy" thing. Over xmas we were at my older brothers.....lets just say Pickle was hell on all of his dancing xmas figures him and his wife had there. My brother gets a kick out of it too so it's all good. My brother started the dancing Snoopy and sat it in the floor in front of Pickle who immediately kicked it in the face :lol:

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Originally Posted by 0rion

ours were early except for Chloe.....wife went into labor on her due date. Pickle (the last one) was a nightmare. His due date was in October and the wife went into labor in August so ended up basically on bed rest from there until October 10th. We had 2 or 3 trips to the hospital in that time due to labor pains. That was a sign of things to come because he's by far the biggest hellion we've had of the 3 :lol: He's a lot of fun though. It's been kinda cool to have a mean ass boy around. Zach has always been well behaved and rarely ever gets in trouble. I like that "all boy" thing. Over xmas we were at my older brothers.....lets just say Pickle was hell on all of his dancing xmas figures him and his wife had there. My brother gets a kick out of it too so it's all good. My brother started the dancing Snoopy and sat it in the floor in front of Pickle who immediately kicked it in the face :lol:

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My first daughter Lily is very well behaved, very proper, clean and bossy. She will play in the mud but she will wash her hands 5 times throughout the process. No matter how many times you tell her just to wash her hands when she is all done. The second daughter Rowan is basically the opposite. Care free as can be. Runs around with a wild head of hair and a huge smile on her face jumping and playing in any substance she sees with no need to clean up afterwards. She will be 3 in March and wants a "bow and arrow" so she can "shoot reindeer".

if you're next one is a boy you have to name him Martin so you can have a Rowan and Martin. :D I like that name though....it's unique.

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Originally Posted by 0rion

if you're next one is a boy you have to name him Martin so you can have a Rowan and Martin. :D I like that name though....it's unique.

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Really...? :chuckles:

Yep really, lol.

I named her after Rowan Atkinson

Attachment 26085

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Originally Posted by Zinergy

Yep really, lol.

I named her after Rowan Atkinson

Attachment 26085

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One of the best memories I have is from about 10-11 years ago. Right before my mom died I was down visiting her and we were sitting around talking and watching TV. Mr Bean came on and before it was over we both had tears in our eyes from laughing so hard. I've since sat with the kids and watched about every episode he has. The turkey episode is still one of my favorites.

Good story, I find some of his stuff pretty funny. Plus he is a big car guy. Had one of the highest milesge McClaren F1s out there. Which is saying something when you look at the maintenance schedules on those things. I think I heard it got destroyed recently???

But I didn't really name her after him. The name just jumped out at us.

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Originally Posted by Zinergy

Good story, I find some of his stuff pretty funny. Plus he is a big car guy. Had one of the highest milesge McClaren F1s out there. Which is saying something when you look at the maintenance schedules on those things. I think I heard it got destroyed recently???

But I didn't really name her after him. The name just jumped out at us.

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The mclaren survived actually...the insurance company wouldn't total it out and they had mclaren fix it which is insane because it came out to about the same price as a new one.