Tales of Orion

[KahanaReef]

You kind of asked for that one

[FORD RECOVERY EXPERT]

At least I got to go to Dinner, Dancing, and A Movie with you!!!

[KahanaReef]

At least I got to go to Dinner, Dancing, and A Movie with you!!!

It was a fun time too until we got home though

Somehow, that's the way it's been happening the last 3 times...

[FORD RECOVERY EXPERT]

[KahanaReef]

LOL, Sarge was only there the last two times as I recall

[ls1camino]

^^ Oh, A wise guy, eh???

It was a fun time too until we got home though

Somehow, that's the way it's been happening the last 3 times...

I think you should invest in an Alarm System...these crooks are breaking into your house too easily. Either that or find a man who doesn't puss-out at the first sign of trouble

[Neo]

Three midgets were sitting together one day. They were all extremely depressed because they were midgets and had nothing special whatsoever abouth them.

The first is just finishing his beer when he looks at his hands. Suddenly inspired, he flies to the headquarters of the Guinness Book of World Records. He returns to the other two overjoyed, as he tells them, "I've got the smallest hands in the world! I'm famous!"

Happy for the first midget, the second sees his feet as he gets down from the barstool. Also inspired, he goes to the Guinness Book of World Records and comes back to tell the other two, "I've got the smallest feet in the world! I'm famous two!"

The third, after congratulating the other two, goes to the bathroom and takes a look at his willy as he's relieving himself. Getting the same idea as the other midgets, he goes to the headquarters to get measured up.

He returns to the other two depressed as ever and close to suicide. The two ask him what happened.

He replies, "I went to Guinness to see if I had the smallest dick in the world.....Who the hell is this Orion anyways?"

[FORD RECOVERY EXPERT]

was one of said midgets....


Named Jaison???

[FORD RECOVERY EXPERT]

Nhra Firebird has just taken KahanaReef back to her home after being out together, and when they reach the front door Derek leans with one hand on the wall and says to her, "Kahana, why don't you give me a blowjob?"

"What? You're crazy!" Kahana said.

"Look, don't worry," Derek said. "It will be quick, I promise you."

"Nooooooo! Someone may see us, a neighbor, anybody..."

"At this time of the night no one will show up. Come on, Kahana, I really need it."

"I've already said NO, and NO is final!"

"Honey, it'll just be a really small blowie... I know you like it too."

"NO!!! I've said NO!!!"

Desperately, Derek says, "My love, don't be like that. I promise you I love you and I really need this blowjob."

At this moment Blackbeauty shows up at the door in her nightgown and her hair totally in disorder. Rubbing her eyes she says: "Sarge says, 'Dammit, give him the blowjob or I'll have to blow him but for God's sake, tell Derek to take his hand off the intercom button so the rest of LS1.com can get some sleep.'"

[FORD RECOVERY EXPERT]

Nhra Firebird, SleeperC5, and Sarge in a desert dying of dehydration. Off in the horizon they see a house and finally manage to struggle to it. Derek goes up to the door first to ask for water. The door is opened by this really old, wart-covered, puss covered, scaly, toothless old woman.

"C-c-c-can I h-h-h-have some w-w-w-water for me and m-my friends?" Derek asks.

She replied, "I will... if you have sex with me."

Derek pukes all over the woman and runs back to the other two.

"You guys would not believe who answered the door. Some really gross old lady!" Derek tells them. "She said we could have water if I had sex with her."

"Why didn't you then?" asks SleeperC5.

"Because she was so ugly, I was sick and couldn't do it!"

"Oh, you are such a wuss. (insert: I Fucked her here ) I'll go up to the door," SleeperC5 says.

So SleeperC5 goes up to the door and rings the bell. The old hag answers.

"W-w-w-w-w-w-waaaaaa......" He uses all of his will power to not hurl.

"Water? Yes, I have water," she says knowingly. "But you have to have sex with me."

"AAAAAUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!"

He runs back to the other two and before he could say a word, Sarge goes to the door and rings the bell.

"What do you want for some water?"

"You have to have sex with me."

Knowing that if he doesn't do something, they will all die. So he follows the lady into her kitchen.

"Do me here," she told him.

Sarge sees 3 ears of corn on the counter and gets an idea.

"Lay back and close your eyes. And keep them closed!"

The witch lays back and spreads her legs. Sarge nearly pukes after seeing this. He picks up an ear of corn and screws her with it. Finally she is finished. He throws the corn out the window.

"Oh, God. That was the best orgasm of my life. If you do that again I will give you a million dollars."

"Then lay back and close your eyes again."

This she does and Sarge does her with the second ear of corn until she is satisfied. Then he throws it out the window. This time she doesn't even open her eyes.

"If you do that again, I will give you a Jeep so you can get out of the desert."

"Eyes closed," Sarge says.

Then he does her with the last piece of corn. He brings her to multiple orgasms.

"Ohhhhhhhhh........ The water, money and Jeep are outside," she says as she squirms in ecstasy.

So Sarge runs like hell outside and grabs the water and money and jumps into the Jeep. He wonders where Derek and SleeperC5 are and drives around to find them. He finds them by the window.

SleeperC5 says to him, "Hey, man. I hope you had fun. We just ate the three best pieces of buttered corn you could have imagined!"

[Another WS6 Guy]

Nhra Firebird, SleeperC5, and Sarge in a desert dying of dehydration. Off in the horizon they see a house and finally manage to struggle to it. Derek goes up to the door first to ask for water. The door is opened by this really old, wart-covered, puss covered, scaly, toothless old woman.

"C-c-c-can I h-h-h-have some w-w-w-water for me and m-my friends?" Derek asks.

She replied, "I will... if you have sex with me."

Derek pukes all over the woman and runs back to the other two.

"You guys would not believe who answered the door. Some really gross old lady!" Derek tells them. "She said we could have water if I had sex with her."

"Why didn't you then?" asks SleeperC5.

"Because she was so ugly, I was sick and couldn't do it!"

"Oh, you are such a wuss. (insert: I Fucked her here ) I'll go up to the door," SleeperC5 says.

So SleeperC5 goes up to the door and rings the bell. The old hag answers.

"W-w-w-w-w-w-waaaaaa......" He uses all of his will power to not hurl.

"Water? Yes, I have water," she says knowingly. "But you have to have sex with me."

"AAAAAUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!"

He runs back to the other two and before he could say a word, Sarge goes to the door and rings the bell.

"What do you want for some water?"

"You have to have sex with me."

Knowing that if he doesn't do something, they will all die. So he follows the lady into her kitchen.

"Do me here," she told him.

Sarge sees 3 ears of corn on the counter and gets an idea.

"Lay back and close your eyes. And keep them closed!"

The witch lays back and spreads her legs. Sarge nearly pukes after seeing this. He picks up an ear of corn and screws her with it. Finally she is finished. He throws the corn out the window.

"Oh, God. That was the best orgasm of my life. If you do that again I will give you a million dollars."

"Then lay back and close your eyes again."

This she does and Sarge does her with the second ear of corn until she is satisfied. Then he throws it out the window. This time she doesn't even open her eyes.

"If you do that again, I will give you a Jeep so you can get out of the desert."

"Eyes closed," Sarge says.

Then he does her with the last piece of corn. He brings her to multiple orgasms.

"Ohhhhhhhhh........ The water, money and Jeep are outside," she says as she squirms in ecstasy.

So Sarge runs like hell outside and grabs the water and money and jumps into the Jeep. He wonders where Derek and SleeperC5 are and drives around to find them. He finds them by the window.

SleeperC5 says to him, "Hey, man. I hope you had fun. We just ate the three best pieces of buttered corn you could have imagined!"

[KahanaReef]

The first one was funny

But... OMFG! the second one was soooo disgusting!!!

[FORD RECOVERY EXPERT]

... SOMEONE () needs to help me bring this fed ex thread back...

[FORD RECOVERY EXPERT]

Sarge goes down for breakfast and it is quite obvious that Mamma has the hump with him. He asks what is the matter. She replies, "Last night you were talking in your sleep and I want to know who KahanaReef is?" Thinking quickly on his feet he tells her that 'KahanaReef' was actually a name of a horse that he bet on that day and won $400.00. She seemed quite happy with the explanation and he went off to work. When Sarge got home that night, Mamma had the hump with him again. asing her what the matter was now, she replied "Your horse phoned."

[FORD RECOVERY EXPERT]

67CamaroRSSS went to his parish priest and asked if the priest would hear his confession.

"Of course, my son," said the priest.

"Well, Father, at the beginning of Desert Storm, Stevie knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Terrorists; I hid her in my attic, and they never found her."

"That's a wonderful thing, my son, and nothing that you need to confess," said the priest.

"It's worse, Father; I was weak, and told her that she had to pay for rent of the attic with her sexual favors," continued the 67CamaroRSSS.

"Well, it was a very difficult time, and you took a large risk - you would have suffered terribly at their hands if the Terrorists had found you hiding her; I know that God, in his wisdom and mercy, will balance the good and the evil, and judge you kindly," said the priest.

"Thanks, Father," said 67CamaroRSSS. "That's a load off of my mind. Can I ask another question?"

"Of course, my son," said the priest.

The old man asked, "Do I have to tell her that the war is over?"

[KahanaReef]

Sarge is in line at the supermarket when he notices that a rather dishy blonde behind him has just raised her hand and smiled hello to him. He is rather taken aback that such a looker would be waving to him and although familiar, he can't place where he might know her from, and so he says "Sorry, do you know me?"

She replies "I think you're the father of one of my children."

His mind shoots back to the one and only time he had been unfaithful to Mama. "Holy shit," he says, "are you that stripper from my bachelor party that I screwed on the pool table in front of all my friends while your girlfriend whipped me with some wet celery and stuck a cucumber up my butt?"

"No," she replies, "I'm your daughter’s English Teacher.

[FORD RECOVERY EXPERT]

[KahanaReef]

... SOMEONE () needs to help me bring this fed ex thread back...

This will keep you busy for a while, trying to outsmart your foot, but you can't.

1. While sitting at your computer, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.

2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right hand.

Your foot will change direction. . . . . . and there's nothing you can do about it!

[FORD RECOVERY EXPERT]

...

I can continue the circles while drawing the 6...

[0rion]

Sarge is on a business trip and is staying at a hotel. He goes down to the desk clerk and says " Where would I go to get fu*ked?" The desk clerk says " Go across the street to the apt. building and go up to the 3rd floor and knock on room 3G."
Sarge goes across the street and goes to room 3G and knocks. A deep male voice from inside the room says " What do you want?" Sarge says " I want to get fu*ked." The voice says " Slide $20 under the door." So he does and he waits and nothing happens and he waits a little bit more and still nothing. He knocks on the door again and the same male voice says " What do you want?" Sarge says " I want to get fu*ked" and the male voice says " Again?"