joke thread.. NWS for words, filth, dirt, rude

[barnac0]

Why are there trees every 10 feet in Harlem? Public transportation.

Did you hear about the big accident on the freeway? This black guy stuck his head out the wndow and his lips beat him to death.

What did the mexican say when two houses fell on him? Get off me homes.

How did Helen kellar burn the side of her face? She answered the waffle iron.

How did she burn the other side of her face? They called back.

nice...

[BdAsBrd01]

nice...

[cuervo25_1]

Barack Obama was visiting a primary school and he visited one of the classes. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asked the president if he would like to lead the discussion on the word 'tragedy'. So our illustrious president asked the class for an example of a 'tragedy'.


One little boy stood up and offered: "If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs over him and kills him, that would be a tragedy."

"No,' said Obama, 'that would be an accident."

A little girl raised her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy."

"I'm afraid not,' explained Obama.
'That's what we would call great loss."

The room went silent. No other children volunteered. Obama
searched the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"

Finally, at the back of the room, Little Johnny raised his hand. In a quiet voice he said: "If the plane carrying you and Mrs. Obama was struck by a 'friendly fire' missile and blown to smithereens, that would be a tragedy."

"Fantastic!' exclaimed Obama. 'That's right. And can you tell me why that would be tragedy?"

"Well,' says Johnny, 'It has to be a tragedy,
because it sure as hell wouldn't be a great loss....
and you can bet your ass it's probably not an accident either."

[OreoLt1]

I'll get the heat off of you...

whats red and white and hanging in my front yard?

its my nigger and i can paint him any girl i want.



now that i type that one out...i think im missing an element....

Like said before no heat intended against BdAsBrd01. I just thought it was a funny coincidence if no one else did that not my issue. Hell I've got my own share of racial jokes I've shared!

[BdAsBrd01]

Barack Obama was visiting a primary school and he visited one of the classes. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asked the president if he would like to lead the discussion on the word 'tragedy'. So our illustrious president asked the class for an example of a 'tragedy'.


One little boy stood up and offered: "If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs over him and kills him, that would be a tragedy."

"No,' said Obama, 'that would be an accident."

A little girl raised her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy."

"I'm afraid not,' explained Obama.
'That's what we would call great loss."

The room went silent. No other children volunteered. Obama
searched the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"

Finally, at the back of the room, Little Johnny raised his hand. In a quiet voice he said: "If the plane carrying you and Mrs. Obama was struck by a 'friendly fire' missile and blown to smithereens, that would be a tragedy."

"Fantastic!' exclaimed Obama. 'That's right. And can you tell me why that would be tragedy?"

"Well,' says Johnny, 'It has to be a tragedy,
because it sure as hell wouldn't be a great loss....
and you can bet your ass it's probably not an accident either."

[cuervo25_1]

A Mexican, an Arab, and a Arizona girl are in the same bar. When the Mexican finishes his beer, he throws his glass in the air, pulls out his pistol, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, 'In Mexico ,our glasses are so cheap we don't need
to drink with the same one twice.'
The Arab, obviously impressed by this, drinks non-alcohol beer
(cuz he's a muslim!), throws it into the air, pulls out his AK-47, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, 'In the Arab World, we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't need to drink with the same one twice either.'
The Arizona girl, cool as a cucumber, picks up her beer, downs it in one gulp, throws the glass into the air, whips out her .45, and shoots the Mexican and the Arab. Catching her glass, setting it on the bar, and calling for a refill, she says, In Arizona , we have so many illegal aliens that we don't have to drink with the same ones twice.'

[cuervo25_1]

What undoubtedly was the best hunter in the world walked into a bar and proclaimed "Give me any dead animal and, blind folded, will tell you what it is and what it was killed with" Not believing what he hears the bartender tells the man to sit down and brings over a blind fold. Then they bring over an animal the hunter rubs his hands over the animal for a few seconds and then shouts "Black Bear, killed with a 30 06" every one in the bar shouts that is amazing. So they bring over another animal and again the hunter rubs his hands over the animal and proclaims "Moose killed with a .308" Again the men n the bar cheer in amazment. This goes on for a few hours then the next morning the hunter wakes up and realizes he has a large black eye. He rolls to his wife and says "Hun how did this happen, i remember drinking but i would have remembered getting in a fight" The wife turns to him and says "Well you came home from the bar and reached your hands down my pants and fondled around for a min then shouted 'Skunk, killed with an axe'"

[pajeff02]

^^ lmao!

[BdAsBrd01]

A Mexican, an Arab, and a Arizona girl are in the same bar. When the Mexican finishes his beer, he throws his glass in the air, pulls out his pistol, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, 'In Mexico ,our glasses are so cheap we don't need
to drink with the same one twice.'
The Arab, obviously impressed by this, drinks non-alcohol beer
(cuz he's a muslim!), throws it into the air, pulls out his AK-47, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, 'In the Arab World, we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't need to drink with the same one twice either.'
The Arizona girl, cool as a cucumber, picks up her beer, downs it in one gulp, throws the glass into the air, whips out her .45, and shoots the Mexican and the Arab. Catching her glass, setting it on the bar, and calling for a refill, she says, In Arizona , we have so many illegal aliens that we don't have to drink with the same ones twice.'

[pecha]

A Mexican, an Arab, and a Arizona girl are in the same bar. When the Mexican finishes his beer, he throws his glass in the air, pulls out his pistol, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, 'In Mexico ,our glasses are so cheap we don't need
to drink with the same one twice.'
The Arab, obviously impressed by this, drinks non-alcohol beer
(cuz he's a muslim!), throws it into the air, pulls out his AK-47, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, 'In the Arab World, we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't need to drink with the same one twice either.'
The Arizona girl, cool as a cucumber, picks up her beer, downs it in one gulp, throws the glass into the air, whips out her .45, and shoots the Mexican and the Arab. Catching her glass, setting it on the bar, and calling for a refill, she says, In Arizona , we have so many illegal aliens that we don't have to drink with the same ones twice.'

from my recent trip:

[BdAsBrd01]

from my recent trip:

Don't be hatin' on AZ!

[Grimpala]

from my recent trip:

I'm sure they feel the same way about you...

[0verkill]

I'm sure they feel the same way about you...

we do
























j/k

[FSANE]

A respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide.."

The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."

The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband. That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now, that's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."

[pajeff02]

This just in -- CNN has reported that BP replaced the wellhead cap with a wedding ring and it has immediately stopped putting out.

[bamaz28]

This just in -- CNN has reported that BP replaced the wellhead cap with a wedding ring and it has immediately stopped putting out.

lol

[FSANE]

How do you do a home made getto pregnancy test?



Stick a fried chicken drumstick up her twat for a minute. When you pull the chicken out, if it's eaten then the pregnancy test worked.

[BdAsBrd01]

This just in -- CNN has reported that BP replaced the wellhead cap with a wedding ring and it has immediately stopped putting out.

Speaking of which, it's my anniversary today.

[4get gto]

from my recent trip:

NWS for words, filth, dirt, rude

This is one of the best laws I've seen passed a in long time...
And I see you agree......................

[pajeff02]

Speaking of which, it's my anniversary today.

Happy Anniversary! Our 11th will be on July 3rd. I assume you have a few more years under your belt than that.