Post situations that caught you entirely off guard

[86 IROC-Z]

This phillipino woman was like "can you fixing the internet in this room please"
so I was like, sure. I walked into the room and right off the bat smelled mold and noticed the bottom inch of all four walls was black and moldy. I saw that she had DSL, status light flashing, and traced the phone line back behind an old dresser, and saw immediately that it was wet as fuck. I placed a call to her phone number and observed sparks coming out of the phone jack. so I was like "problems with wet jack." I kinda talk with a phillipine accent when Im talking to them... I cant help it. So shes like "ohhhhhhhhh chispas" I guess that means sparkles in phillipino. I said, "no problem I think I have one I can give to you." I find an old phone jack and bring it inside to replace it. So I move the dresser and the carpet one inch away from the wall is soaking wet. I pull the jack off the wall and see about an inch of standing water frozen inside the wall. the inside heat would melt the ice and cause it to drip down the wire into the phone jack. I show her this and shes like "ohhhhh" so Im like, "uh, Ill just putting this up high so the water wont drip down the wire into the phone jack." shes like ohhhhhh ok. So I throw the new jack on there, plug in her modem and turn on her computer. like 15 minutes later it finally boots up because she has 7 kids and they all take turns downloading bullshit onto the computer, pc defender, chikka messenger, donwload manager this, spyware fixer that. So I click through the 15 pop up ads telling me I have to buy pc defender or buttfuck.trojan will anally rape my computer. yes I want to continue without safeguarding my computer, fucking piece of shit.

She has six daughters and one son named ram. Ram is like 2 years old pawing on my leg saying "up daddy" like he wants me to pick him up and put him on my lap. im like fuck you kid, the last thing I need is molesterer charges. I say "no, not daddy!" like hes a bad dog. He does the most logical thing, and falls...no... bodyslams himself to the floor, slamming his head on the ground... and its a crawlspace/ plywood floor construction so the sound of this kids head slamming over and over on the ground reverberates through the entire house. this lady left me alone in the room with 3 daughters and ram, because she is bringing me mango juice, and um.. those brown donuts with the white filling inside, bananas, etc. A little historical background is America liberated the phillipines from the Japs and pretty much said "heres your fucking shit back. laters." Unlike the other invaders of the phillipines, who came in and fingerbanged them constantly until the next invader came along. so its basically the last place America liberated and acted like Americans and left the people alone. Consequently, they have a fairly good opinion of Americans, and im an American, so I was reaping the rewards my forefathers fought for. in the form of ho-hos. She steps over her screaming kid and then she goes "you want rice?" Im like, yeah. sure. please. She comes back with a fucking mound of rice as big as my ass, and a little bowl of stew looking stuff. I ask "Is this pigs?" Cause I dont eat pig, and shes says "oh no, is beef" So I take it and then she goes "beef liver" Call me unreasonable, but for me the jury is still out for whether I feel I should be eating the organ responsible for filtering poison out of nasty fucking cows. but I cant refuse her gracious hospitality and insult her at this point. So i mixed it in with the rice to thin it out as much as possible and dug in. mmmm liver. gross. then this little baby cockroach smells the food and crawls out from under the printer and starts crawling on all the wires and shit. Im just pretending I dont see it, but then it crawls onto the monitor, with a white background. just plain as shit. So im looking at her, looking at the cockroach.. looking at her. now thats fucking awkward. I reached over and flicked it off and smiled and kept eating, but I wasnt very hungry anymore at that point. I got the hell out of there as fast as I could and left a lot of food on the plate, but I couldnt help it.

My abs hurt now

[Smkn_TA]

100% true story. Highschool, junior year. I was wandering the halls as I always do. Seen this hot blonde comming my way. I knew her, never talked to her though. Said wassup to her. Said she just got there, little late. Was on her way to change for gym class. Without missing a beat I said, "Can I watch?". She smiled and said go ahead.

Never in a million billion gillion years did I expect that answer. The face I made I can only describe as if some guy said, would you give me a blowjob for 3 million. You say yes, and he pulls out 3 million. The face you would make in that situation.

I never got any from her, but still that was a fucking awesome day. It taught me an awesome lesson to, no matter how hott a chick is, until you ask, you never never know the answer!

Oh, and another moment was when Iroc posted his picture and he wasn't a 5'2" 220lbs troll, that totally caught me off guard.

[86 IROC-Z]

100% true story. Highschool, junior year. I was wandering the halls as I always do. Seen this hot blonde comming my way. I knew her, never talked to her though. Said wassup to her. Said she just got there, little late. Was on her way to change for gym class. Without missing a beat I said, "Can I watch?". She smiled and said go ahead.

Never in a million billion gillion years did I expect that answer. The face I made I can only describe as if some guy said, would you give me a blowjob for 3 million. You say yes, and he pulls out 3 million. The face you would make in that situation.

I never got any from her, but still that was a fucking awesome day. It taught me an awesome lesson to, no matter how hott a chick is, until you ask, you never never know the answer!

Oh, and another moment was when Iroc posted his picture and he wasn't a 5'2" 220lbs troll, that totally caught me off guard.

[Smkn_TA]

What you quoted is original material.

**trollin' harder than iRoc since 2009**

[allbaugh_04]

Nice one modulistic!


OOOO i got another one.

We are having our pizza hut xmas party at the bowling alley and me and a friend of mine head to the bathroom after we just ran around town for the scavenger hunt (great times, and we won! ran a few red lights but it was late and the town was dead, great times)

So we go to the bathroom and i immediately spotted Ashley and Hannah (very good looking waitresses) in the men's bathroom and they are just going nuts and writing profanity all over the walls, everywhere! They got their backs turned so i just do my thing (stare at their nice asses) and read the meaningless profanity on the walls.

I am absolutely awe struck and i got my mouth dropped to that diry scummy floor in amazement. I look over at Brad and he's still coming in the bathroom. I look back over at these cute ladies and they are still going at it.

Brad has the same idea as me and joins me next to my side and we just keep watching. I look at Brad and he looks at me and we can't believe it.

Ashley turns around to grab another wall (stall). And she just screams (shrieks really loud) and immediately grabs me, cuz she is happy it's only me. They are about to leave and Hannah sticks her hand in my pocket like she was looking for something...i never had that happen before but i liked it.

I think that was a sign to talk to her later, but I was too chicken, still kicking myself in the ass for that one...

[justinmc978]

100% true story. Highschool, junior year. I was wandering the halls as I always do. Seen this hot blonde comming my way. I knew her, never talked to her though. Said wassup to her. Said she just got there, little late. Was on her way to change for gym class. Without missing a beat I said, "Can I watch?". She smiled and said go ahead.

Never in a million billion gillion years did I expect that answer. The face I made I can only describe as if some guy said, would you give me a blowjob for 3 million. You say yes, and he pulls out 3 million. The face you would make in that situation.

I never got any from her, but still that was a fucking awesome day. It taught me an awesome lesson to, no matter how hott a chick is, until you ask, you never never know the answer!

Oh, and another moment was when Iroc posted his picture and he wasn't a 5'2" 220lbs troll, that totally caught me off guard.

THIS. times2