Wow.... i got.... dumped.

[Kennedy]

and for good measure

[Mr. Luos]

Say what?

Exactly what it said.

[NorthwoodDavid]

dam bro that kinda suxs...at first lol

yeah next chick will be better, most of the time i let chicks choose me...let me explain:i dont holler(for lack of a better word)at chicks, or spend forever trying to hook up. Once they show an intrest(first) i attack lol, that way i manipulate them.dump them and they comeback. Fuck them when i choose lol.then on the road lol

idk it works for me lol

shotgun affect works to lol

[ztrouble]

Deacon Effect: I hit her cause I love her...
By: Sabastian

Deacon is a stud and he knows it. He used to be nice to girls like way back in high school, then after a few hot girlfriends he became a d!ck. Did girls stop liking him? No, if anything they wanted him more. Several different types of girls fall prey to ########s. The "I can tame the beast" type is one such victim. Another type is "My daddy used to beat the h3ll out of me".

I, Sabastian, will attempt a scientific experiment in which I will be an ####### in an attempt to score. I will hold back nothing, blah blah in the name of science blah blah blah...



Sabastian testing the Deacon Effect:

*Disclaimer - Please Read*

Since I am normally very nice to the ladies, so I am told, it is my duty to become an #######, in the name of science, to see if the Deacon Effect is a valid method of getting women. Now we will find out if this method is at mankind's disposal...

Two ladies will be tested. The two ladies chosen were "Sarah" and "Katie". Katie is the typical nice girl, on one hand she will probably put up with a ton of ####, on the other she probably has idealistic image of how men are supposed to act, think: Gentlemen. Sarah is your typical raving b!tch, she won't put up with any ####, on the other hand her image of men is less idealistic and more "bad boy", think: Biker Trash. Both ladies will experience "Sabastian the #######".

Sabastian

I'm a ####ing idiot.


Sarah

The Test Subject: Total b!tch


Katie

The Test Subject: More wholesome than spinach

Part 1 - Sarah:

Sarah was first seen leaning up against something. She looked like the kind of girl you would want on your side in a bar fight. I walked up to her giving her a look, you know, the kind where you want to get caught. She scowled. I glared and sat down at a table to enjoy my newly bought beverage. Much to my surprise she walked over and sat at the table next to me. I sat slurping my straw. She spoke first, the b!tch.

Sarah: I'm Sarah.

I took a long cold sip...

Sabastian: I'm thirsty.
Sarah: Yeah, but what's your name?
Sabastian: Sabastian.
Sarah: That's an interesting name...
Sabastian: I'm glad you approve.
Sarah: What the h3ll is wrong with you? I just came over cause you looked like you might be cool to talk to.
Sabastian: Sorry, just not used to being accosted by random people at the mall.
Sarah: I can leave...
Sabastian: But you won't.
Sarah: You are a total d!ck.
Sabastian: And you are still here.
Sarah: Yeah well it's a free country, d!ck.

She still had not left, with no other reason to be sitting there I knew she was intrigued by my ####-faceness. I would wait until she spoke again.

Sarah: Well it was nice meeting you, Sabastian.

She sat for a second longer and stood up. It was at this point that I made eye contact with her.

Sarah: How can such an ####### have such nice eyes?
Sabastian: Were you leaving?

She sat down across from me. This kind of persistance is typical in b!tches. The best part is they think they have control of the situation because they think you really want them to leave.

Sarah: Oh my god, you are such a #####!
Sabastian: I thought I was an #######.

I got up and walked away, I was none too shocked when I was followed into the music store. She followed me around as I looked at typical ####head music, Limp Bizkit and such. After awhile she got me to answer typical first meeting questions. Finally, when I was walking out to my car she gave me her number and told me to call her. Christ, I was a total d!ck to her... Maybe Deacon is smarter than he looks.


Part 1 - Katie:

Katie was also met at the mall. We were in some lame a$$ store. I was walking around with bra on its hanger hanging from my shirt collar and a pair of matching panties hanging from my belt. This time I accosted the test subject. I could tell by her Abercrombie look that I would have to come in as just a jerk and work my way up to total ####ing ######## #######.

Sabastian: How do I look?
Katie: What? Oh um, I don't know.
Sabastian: C'mon, tell me what you think, I don't have all day.
Katie: Well you look like a guy wearing a bra.
Sabastian: ####!

I threw the bra and panties on the floor and kicked them under a table.

Katie: Um, okay.
Sabastian: My name's Sabastian.
Katie: I'm Katie. Do you always wear bras and go hit on girls?

She knew I was hitting on her. Good and bad, I would have to "work it".

Sabastian: Only for the skanky ones.

She just chuckled. I was testing her ####### threshold. If it was too low I would have to find another subject. So far her hull had not been breached, shields were still at maximum.

Katie: Great pickup line.
Sabastian: A pickup line would imply I was trying to pick something up.
Katie: You aren't?
Sabastian: Don't sound so dissapointed.
Katie: Trust me, I'm not. I just figured that since you just walked up to me at the mall that you were hitting on me.
Sabastian: You aren't that pretty.
Katie: Oh my god, you're such a jerk off.
Sabastian: Do you want me to leave?
Katie: You can do what you want.

I turned and walked away. To my NOT surprise she followed.

Katie: I didn't say you had to leave.
Sabastian: Carry my bag for me.

I handed her my bag. She took it and looked inside. Nothing of any importance, a shirt, some socks, some glow condoms and XXX playing cards from Spencers.

Katie: Nice shirt.

Her number was soon acquired. If only it was that easy when you weren't doing scientific research. With part one taken care of I had to prepare for part two, calling each of my test subjects. A minimum of one week would be waited before calls were made. Nice guys call within three days.


Part 2, "The Phone Call" - Katie:

I waited a week to call Katie, despite the fact that I met her on the previous Wednesday and told her I would call her the Friday of that week. The call was made the following Thursday so a date could be set up for the weekend. I would have gone longer but I decided that if I waited too long a wholesome girl like Katie might be married by that time. To create the right mood I put on some White Zombie at a volume just loud enough to be irritating and cause me to say, "what?" a lot. Here are some highlights:

Sabastian: Why don't we hang out this weekend?
Katie: Okay, what should we do?
Sabastian: I'll think of something special.
Katie: I hate bowling though.
Sabastian: As if I would take you bowling on a first date. You insult me.
Katie: Sorry.
Sabastian: What?
Katie: So do you want to pick me up?
Sabastian: What? No, drive to my house.

I gave Katie directions to my house. Not picking up a chick on a date is an ultra classy move. I was proud of myself. Katie would arrive at my house on Friday night at 9:00PM. Later dates are a typical ####### move.


Part 2, "The Phone Call" - Sarah:

I gave Sarah an extra week, you know, so she could fester in a pool of her own hate. I figured I could go longer with Sarah since any "other interests" of hers were probably serving time. I wouldn't have any competition unless a parole hearing went well.

To set the mood, I #### you not; I threw in a p0rno and turned it up loud. Sarah can dish out quite a lot of ####, the phone conversation was mostly us insulting one another and saying, "####in'" a lot. There were no real highlights other than me telling her about how I hate my cat and own it just to impress girls (it's all lies, I love you, Little Britney Spears). I set up the same scenario with her as I did with Katie, Friday, 9:00PM, meet at my place (while scheduling both dates for the same Friday would have been an impressive move, I did not).

My thoughts so far: The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of the Deacon Effect.

[ztrouble]

Part 3, "The Date" - Katie:

Katie showed up at my house at exactly 9 PM. It was amazing; I've never seen a punctual girl before. I poked her really hard on that sensitive spot of the collarbone to make sure she was real. She was wearing a really cute sweater and some tight jeans... Typical Abercrombie look. She looked really nice; no compliments were given.

Katie: Did you decide what we are going to do?
Sabastian: First I thought we would go grab something to eat, I'm ####ing starving, dude.
Katie: Alright.

I drove. Even though I have a '94 Toyota Camry we took my '90 Eagle Talon. It has no heater and sounds like the Klingon ship on Star Trek IV when they had to go around the sun to gain enough speed to go back in time; it's a racecar. It won't do warp nine but it does 0-60 in 4.6 seconds which I repeatedly demonstrated on wet/icy, residential roads. It also has to run on special, leaded racing gas in order not to explode. It smells like lead, so does any living creature that contacts it. Katie asked what my car was named, I told her, "The Skinny Little B!tch". Most chicks ####ing hate the Talon, they think it's loud, dangerous, irritating, cold, hot, stinky, a waste of time and money, and lastly: stupid. Katie, oddly, seemed intrigued by my hobby. ####.

I took her to Taco Bell. I made her pay for her own food. Let me just say this was very difficult to do... I wanted to be nice but I kept thinking "for science". We took the food back to my place which momentarily seemed to shock Katie. She must have expected me to take her somewhere...

I explained to her that we would be watching a movie. She wanted to know which theater. I said, "my living room." Watching a movie at home is exactly what you should not do on a first date. First off the chick is in a strange place with someone she barely knows. Katie still had no way of knowing if I was some weird rapist guy or someting. Perfect. I put in the movie Ravenous the gorriest, least romantic movie ever.

I sat down on the couch and began eating, Katie had gone to the bathroom. When she came back she sat next to me on the couch.
Sabastian: Don't eat on my couch, it's new. House rule.
Katie: But you are.
Sabastian: Rules were meant to be broken...

I set a pillow for her on the floor. Katie reluctantly got off the couch and sat on the floor. She ate her food and to my surprise she sat next to me again and even cuddled up. Possibly because I turned my heater off and it was 60 degrees in my house, she was stealing my body heat. B!tch.

When the movie was over I shut everything off with the remote. It was dark. Katie sat next to me for a good 15 minutes, presumably waiting for me to kiss her or something. Either way I sat there in silence as she cuddled up with me. Then I told her that I was tired and had to wake up early. She stood up and grabbed her things. She stood by the door... she was waiting for me to walk her out, I could tell. At that point I figured I had done enough research to give her that one polite gesture. I walked her down to her car. She gave me a good, long, tight hug and told me to call her. Somehow the Deacon Effect had worked... Katie must have been just insecure enough to tolerate my ####ing bull####.

The date reminded me of this nature show I saw where these two rogue lions went around killing stuff for fun. I was the rogue lion of the dating world.


Part 3, "The Date" - Sarah:

Sarah, the late b!tch, showed up at my house at around 9:30. Luckily she was late for a date and not her period, because then she would be pregnant. She was wearing this stupid, long black skirt thing that was paper-thin and some hot little maroon fuzzy top with no sleeves. I told her it was a stupid skirt and her top "made her #### look big." With the lack of clothes she was wearing how she was not frozen defies logic.

Despite me telling Sarah that I was, "####ing starving" she said she was not and didn't want to go eat. I practically had to drag her to Taco Bell. I decided to drive the Camry because with the clothes Sarah was wearing, driving the Talon with no heater would be a medical mistake. When we got back she had no food so I couldn't make her get off my couch. Damn. I did, however, go to the bathroom and came and sat on the floor far away from her. She then went to the bathroom and came back and sat next to me. WTF? Why wasn't she letting me "work"?

I put in the movie, Ravenous again. We got about 25 minutes into the movie, Sarah chatting the whole time, and she decided she wanted to go out and get coffee. We went to Starbucks. At this point I was out of ideas, she was such a bitch that I looked like a saint. She wasn't a true "b!tch" just not a very thoughtful date. She was always interrupting me and talking about herself and her ### ex-boyfriends. It worked out though since I wasn't a very thoughtful date either. It ended up being so casual that we didn't have to be "on". Of course I was still in "####### mode" but at least I wasn't trying to impress her like I would on a date that mattered.

We talked over coffee until about 1 AM and then drove back to my place. It turns out Sarah is sort of cool in a disturbed sort of way, like that poem, "The Raven" by Edgar Alan Poe. When we got back to my place Sarah said she was "too tired to drive home" and asked if she could spend the night. Hmmm...

Conclusion

The Deacon Effect works. At first I thought it worked on Katie because she was just insecure. Maybe that's true. But the actual reason the Deacon Effect works is because women instinctively like a challenge. ######## are challenging. Girls sometimes say they want a "Prince Charming", that's a lie. Prince Charming is ####ing boring and probably never gets laid. You can probably be challenging without being as #######. It's just harder.

As for the chicks I tested here, nothing really happened with either of them. I liked them both but if I continued with either of them I might have been compelled to tell the truth, maybe because I'm nice, but maybe because it's funny. For Katie this would mean, possibly, suicide; for Sarah it would have meant murder-suicide. Both were risks I was not willing to take. Instead I decided to sort of fade away, not call them, let them forget about me. I read the newspapers and obituaries during the following weeks, from my assessments I have concluded both have taken it well.

The End

[illcul8troffcr]

that is way too much shit for me to read ..

[JoshieDoom]

No shit. deleted her number and all remaning info of her.

damn rain...

[bluefields88]

that is way too much shit for me to read ..

ya, I skipped over it.

[TempleU_WS6]

Too... many... words!!!!

[B34M3R]

cliff notes: Be a dick and you will get pussy.

[SeVeReDiStOrTiOn]

Kinda funny but I drove by to see my gf(of 3 years) at her lunch break. She said she didnt love me and she wanted to be alone for college....

what the fuck..


epic! lol

Alone my ass...she's probably got a dick in each hole as we speak

[310stanger]

Alone my ass...she's probably got a dick in each hole as we speak

I'm glad you aren't a shrink, your patients would last one session before suicide

[bluefields88]

I'm glad you aren't a shrink, your patients would last one session before suicide

don't do it Josh!!!!

[rbob93]

Time to find a girl who enjoys cars.. my main thing.

I rather have one that enjoys giving head

[andrew rs]

When my ex dumped me, I called up her best friend asked if she wanted to hang out, then fucked her. That helped me get through it, and made my weiner happy in the mean time.

[310stanger]

When my ex dumped me, I called up her best friend asked if she wanted to hang out, then fucked her. That helped me get through it, and made my weiner happy in the mean time.

You are lucky she had a pig of a best friend...... lol shit dont always work out that way son

[andrew rs]

You are lucky she had a pig of a best friend...... lol shit dont always work out that way son

The ex was a superficial bitch so she would only hang out with "beutiful people" so it was kinda nice. I should call her friend up again now that I think about it...

[JoshieDoom]

Shes in ohio.. buy me a damn plane ticket...

[andrew rs]

Shes in ohio.. buy me a damn plane ticket...

bring the t/a up here its south west ohio... dayton.

[JoshieDoom]

ive got 200 dollars cash and a gas card.. can i make it?