Does your spouse work? Rant

[Zinergy]

You are really just splitting hairs at this point because you have no other point in your argument that has any validity. I still am home with them some and to help in the raising of them. If both parents are not home and work full time essentially it is someone else for raising them not either of us. If you were not going to really be home to spend time with your children then you shouldn't have kids. Teachers don't do much raising if you ask me in regards to life lessons and other important things, only book learning and perhaps social skills. They don't parents or teach kids how to become decent human beings. So like I said they don't really raise your child, just because they are with them for hours a day doesn't mean they are raising them. I learned most of who I am today from my parents and seeing their example and taking it to heart much more heavily than my teachers. If I did the reverse I would probably be I a worse place than today.

I think it is a valid point. You consider sending your kid to daycare during the day while you both work to not be raising your own children. Yet sending them to school all day while you are at work or not is somehow not the same thing? Eitherway they are spending 8+ hours a day under the care of other adults with their peers and not with you the parent. So what is the difference? Most daycares also include learning schedules at the age of 2 and older. So they do also teach your children. Sure parents and family in general is often a main shaping factor but I just don't see how one could support public schooling and the stick their nose up to daycare.

[98TransAmWs-6]

One is required by law and one isn't lol. Let's just say I have had bad experiences with daycares in the past. I also am not sticking my nose up about it just stating my opinion. Most of what I said goes for people that have no intention of really raising their kids at all not those who end up having to use daycares because suddenly they need to work more to make ends meet. It is different if you work so much and you need to use a daycare than if you choose to do so I just wouldn't use a daycare if I had a choice personally and if I knew I would never end up spending much time with them outside of the school hours (and they would end up just staying at daycare until late) I wouldn't have kids.

[Zinergy]

Yes one is required by law... but you could also homeschool and then they wouldn't have to be raised by other adults. Could it be that you want your children to have social exeriences outside of home? Or are you just too lazy to homeschool?

I have had some bad experiences with schools as well. You can feel however you want about daycares or schools but to claim that sending your kid to one "isn't raising" them and sending your kid to the other is "raising" them is illogical.

[theorangeguy]

I dont know very many people with young kids who want them getting an education in public schools which is pretty sad...

[Zinergy]

I dont know very many people with young kids who want them getting an education in public schools which is pretty sad...

In this case it's any school really, I jsut said public meaning going to school with the rest of the publics children compared to homeschool.

And there are still some very nice public schools. Around here MPS(Milwaukee Public Schools) are the ones to stay away from. Most of the suburbs have nice schools. The 3 closest to me are all new construction and are good schools.

[SMWS6TA]

[initechpeter]

[98TransAmWs-6]

Yes one is required by law... but you could also homeschool and then they wouldn't have to be raised by other adults. Could it be that you want your children to have social exeriences outside of home? Or are you just too lazy to homeschool?

I have had some bad experiences with schools as well. You can feel however you want about daycares or schools but to claim that sending your kid to one "isn't raising" them and sending your kid to the other is "raising" them is illogical.

Social experiences is the main reason. A lot of the daycares around here have teenage kids working at them and set really bad examples for kids hence I wouldn't have my kids in one in addition to the reasons I have already said. The public schools around us are some of the best so education wise I am not worried about that. Stating what you stated as fact by your logic illogical as well....because well it is an opinion lol. Obviously you have no clue what an opinion is because if you did you wouldn't be stating what you just did. I am done talking to you and let's just agree to disagree.

[knightryda01]

I was raised in a single parent household and also co parent a child with an idiot ex. So I totally understand that viewpoint. I also was required for a time to pay child support. Guess what happens if your not working then?... lol. They don't care if u see your kids. Your to busy working paying the bills.

My main concern is what if something happens to me. Our child will suffer because she is not able to provide the necessities. They will also be living at grandmas. No matter what its a no win situation. Were in our prime money making age right now. Gotta take advantage of it.

I want my daughters raised to not be dependant on a man to support them.

[Zinergy]

Social experiences is the main reason. A lot of the daycares around here have teenage kids working at them and set really bad examples for kids hence I wouldn't have my kids in one in addition to the reasons I have already said. The public schools around us are some of the best so education wise I am not worried about that. Stating what you stated as fact by your logic illogical as well....because well it is an opinion lol. Obviously you have no clue what an opinion is because if you did you wouldn't be stating what you just did. I am done talking to you and let's just agree to disagree.

I didn't state it was FACT. I said it is illogical and then I pointed out why. Your points for the most part have been irrelevant because regardless of where you send them they are spending the same amount of time under the supervision of other adults and not you the parent. AKA not raising your child. You just fail to recognize this point because you are set in your beliefs and that is fine and your right to feel that way. Illogical but fine.

[theorangeguy]

so without being too specific, what percentage of your income is going to bills and expenses...? You dont have to use actual dollar amounts...but %'s will give an idea of what type of situation you are in.

[Zinergy]

I was raised in a single parent household and also co parent a child with an idiot ex. So I totally understand that viewpoint. I also was required for a time to pay child support. Guess what happens if your not working then?... lol. They don't care if u see your kids. Your to busy working paying the bills.

My main concern is what if something happens to me. Our child will suffer because she is not able to provide the necessities. They will also be living at grandmas. No matter what its a no win situation. Were in our prime money making age right now. Gotta take advantage of it.

I want my daughters raised to not be dependant on a man to support them.

I have had a little of all of it with my children. My first child was raised at home until the age of two. Then her mother got a job and she went to daycare for about a year. Then she went back to staying at home with her mom until she was 4 and started half days in K4. Our second child has never gone to a daycare simply because we didn't need her too. Plus it is nice not paying 1000-1100 dollars a month. Their grandmother doesn't work and she is pretty young for a grandma. She watches the kids for an hour and a half everyday until I get home from work. Wife works nights now.

You can definately tell a difference between Lily and Rowan's ability to interact with new people.

[0rion]

ok....since I have some first hand experience in all this I'll weigh in my opinion.

I haven't worked in 8 years or so. I definitely think our kids have been the main beneficiary of that. You ask anyone that knows us and they'll tell you my kids are better behaved than the average. They know right from wrong and the 2 that are in school make honor roll. A parent at home when the kids are young does make a difference. There's no argument you can make otherwise. A small kid will always benefit from being around their parent more than they will at daycare. I'm not saying going to a daycare is bad......I'm saying it's not as good as being around a parent. I still think that even when the kids are of school age they benefit from having a parent at home and not being latchkey kids. There's just no way you can replace that parental guidance without having a parent present. A daycare worker isn't going to yank a knot in a kids ass when they screw up......I will. My kids are also very outgoing. We travel a lot and have a ton of people around us almost all the time so that's probably what helps them in that dept. but neither kid has a problem making friends. When we go camping they know every kid's name in the camp within the first day.

All that said.....if I needed to go back to work I would do it in a heartbeat. Eating is also something a kid benefits from just like having electricity and shit like that. I think you need to sit down with your girlfriend and show here the bills and your paychecks and do some simple math with her. Don't make her feel ignorant or lazy.....just show her the numbers and say "look....we can't make it on 1 income and the family is going to need you to go back to work." You need to get her on board. Making her go back to work isn't going to work out.....it'll drive you guys apart I bet. You need to let it be her decision and it also has to be a job she picks out. That's just my opinion.

[Zinergy]

I agree with most of what you have said. There are however some benefits a child gets from going to daycare vs staying home but they won't make me send them to daycare if the option to stay home is there. As there are benefits a child gets from staying at home too.

Not only is food and electricity a benefit for kids, but so is a good household and that doesn't mean the family simply being together. That means a sturdy place that everyone ca rest their heads and be proud to call home. Vacations, trips etc will improve their abilities to know and deal with different types of people from different places. These things don't come free.

[0rion]

I agree with most of what you have said. There are however some benefits a child gets from going to daycare vs staying home but they won't make me send them to daycare if the option to stay home is there. As there are benefits a child gets from staying at home too.

Not only is food and electricity a benefit for kids, but so is a good household and that doesn't mean the family simply being together. That means a sturdy place that everyone ca rest their heads and be proud to call home. Vacations, trips etc will improve their abilities to know and deal with different types of people from different places. These things don't come free.

Personally......I see no benefits to putting a kid in daycare over keeping them at home. It's almost always better on a child to be with their parent than anyone else. Unless you're a recluse the kid is going to get plenty of social interactions. You're also having someone else teach your kid their values. I do agree that if finances become an issue then you do what you have to do but i can really see no other reason to put my kid in someone else hands. If we want to go out by ourselves then that's what grandpa is for.

[KahanaReef]

Personally......I see no benefits to putting a kid in daycare over keeping them at home. It's almost always better on a child to be with their parent than anyone else. Unless you're a recluse the kid is going to get plenty of social interactions. You're also having someone else teach your kid their values. I do agree that if finances become an issue then you do what you have to do but i can really see no other reason to put my kid in someone else hands. If we want to go out by ourselves then that's what grandpa is for.

I wholeheartedly agree with your stance on this issue

[Murder after Midnight]

+1 this one is classic

[35th-ANV-SS]

Guess I'll chime in now that I see some others have already given you shit lol.

First off, you dated a long time and knew how she was and STILL decided to have a child with her at that point. News flash, but people don't change. Now you must deal with it.

Secondly, you don't get very far in life by relying on others. You want something to happen, you go out and get it done yourself. With that said, nobody should have to work 70 hours a week to "stay afloat". If they do, it tells me a) your job doesn't pay much or b) you two live well beyond your means. If a, find a better paying job. Work less. Spend more time with your kid. Win/win. If b, that's easy....stop buying wine when you have beer money.

I see you are saying her, her, her....have you looked in the mirror to see what you can do differently? I commend you for working hard and going beyond to take care of your family, but bitching about it will put you in the same place 8 more years from now.

As stated earlier by others...you need to make your gf understand that your life choices are for your child now. You seem to already understand this, but it doesn't seem like your gf does.

[35th-ANV-SS]

or your income to yourself and no family?

[Murder after Midnight]

First off, you dated a long time and knew how she was and STILL decided to have a child with her at that point. News flash, but people don't change. Now you must deal with it.

This.