Facebook Stalker (TL;DR)

[jiveass]

this is, without a doubt, your finest work. evar.

yea man...the method of story-telling in this one is pretty damn good....

[SMWS6TA]

Beginning and middle started good then the last part seems to drift into something else. Maybe his ADD kicked in and get distracted and changed subject.....


BTW, thanks for an idea for Halloween.

[67CamaroRSSS]

Heelys. Not wheelies

Heelys, wheelies, big dealies!

Only reason I know about them is due to a gal I was dating a few years ago. Her youngest daughter had some that she wore all the time.

[86 IROC-Z]

this is, without a doubt, your finest work. evar.

it's copypasta lol. I don't have the imagination to sound like that much of a douchebag stoner.

[86 IROC-Z]

Sick, I’m lookin buff nasty for sure and am finna try out some new MMA locks on this donkey. Lookin like a young bronco I’m scanning the crowd for a dime piece thoroughbred u dig? After this showing theres no doubt I’ll be humping whoever I want tonight. While hittin my last couple toning crunches fireside, my eyes catch a smokin pair of thirty-six double d’s. Standard, a blonde and hinting she’s DTF. As we lock eyes she bites her bottom lip and my dick almost tears clean through my Under Armour compression shorts.

Tucking my dick back down I stand up and turn towards the brother. We begin circling each other and the silence of the crowd is broken by my roomie who can’t control himself any longer. Taking off his shirt in the heat of the moment and showing off his skeletal-like figure he flexes and screams in his randy savage voice, “OH YEEAAH! AWWW YEEEEEEEAH!! BRING DA PAIN MODUS, BRING DA PAAAAIN!!!!” and tosses me my 775,000 Volt Stun Gun. As I menacingly power the gun off and on the crackling sound of the electricity sends a chill down even my spine. I slowly advance towards the brother, who is suddenly panic-stricken and he cries out, “dude what the fuck, put that shit down.” Pausing to look back and make sure the blonde hottie is still watching, I come to a halt.

Looking back at the brother I quickly jam the stun gun to my own neck and instantly 775k volts of electricity are pumping through my veins. I’ve done this before, it hurts but its impressive. good thing is its pretty much maximal muscle contraction so ima look the sickest I possibly could. Suppressing cries of pain my entire body feels it’s on fire. Every muscle is firing full force, I’m unable move my thumb off the switch and the crowd begins to scream. As I continue to electrocute myself a steady stream of warm urine begins to trickle down my left thigh and my eyes begin to turn back in my head as I slowly fall to the ground.

Next thing I know I’m on my back and wake up to see stalker bitch hovering over me with tears in her eyes. The moment my eyes open she cries out in apology and says “MODUS, OMG, I’M SO SORRY OH MODU-“ her voice is abruptly cut off as I put my hand around her throat. Didn’t take me long to realize I had to choke this bitch out once and for all. The crowd roars with excitement as I rise to my feet. As the adrenaline flows through my body I continue to hold this skinny bitch above the ground and my roommate cries out “FUCK HER UP MODUS!” Instantly the brother turns around to see his little sister being choked and gasping for breath.

In a blind rage he comes charging at me, but I’m ready. I toss the stalker bitch to the ground and run to cut him off. As we get within inches of each other I swiftly duck down and give him the signature Alexi Lalas dirty slide tackle. Connecting with his ankle he gets airborne for a moment and quickly comes crashing to the ground; I roll over and immediately thrust the Stun Gun into the back of his thigh. He lets out a yelp of pain and the crowd is shocked he goes into a disturbing death rattle on the ground. After a few more shocks his body finally became limp. Sick, flawless victory. While I begin to raise my head in triumph I see stalker bitch run over and kneel down at her brothers unconscious body. I lightly tap her on the shoulder and when she slowly raises her head I plant the stun gun to the side of her neck and she’s instantly out. I continue to apply safety shocks on brothers body for good measure, I need him unconscious for a while.

My roommate darts in the now extinguished fire circle in the yard and hands me a piece of rope then immediately runs off towards the garage. As I begin to tie an overhand knot around his feet I can hear my roommate starting up my 260cc RoadRunner. (0 to 60 in I believe 4.1 seconds) As I tighten the final knot just about his ankle my roommate parks right next to the brothers limp body and begins to tie the remaining end of the rope on the back of my moped while I make a quick change of outfits. Sprinting towards my BodyBuilding.com duffle bag I procure a white speedo thong fashioned out of a fresh pillow case.

Bustin out the Halloween costume a lil early no doubt I’m getting some pussy tonight. Going as King Xerxes, dont see any other choice, look too fine not to. Holding a torch high above my head as I sit upon my moped, the thin layer of sweat has my glossy muscles shining bright. I begin to ride in circles around my lawn, dragging the brothers limp body by his ankles, sending a message to anyone that feels they can step to me. You will get pwned and I might fucking kill you. The crowd watches in complete silence as i continue to circle around, the sound of brothers body being dragged across the grass can be heard by all.

This joker said he’d put me in the hospital and now he’s gonna be lucky if I don’t put him in the ground ya dig? Prob woulda but deep in the distance I can see a couple of his punk ass football friends watching from afar, they def see me ridin phattie sick.

[ccusum]

well where is the rest of it!!! I was enjoying the read!

[ccusum]

never mind! thx!

[86 IROC-Z]

“Yea. Fuck yea thats perfect!” Applying some Nick Chavez Styling Clay and shaping my hair I’m looking up and down myself in the mirror. Sick, fresh cut, not the ‘do, but the bod. No fucking body fat, u dont kno about that. Slipped outta my Xerxes costume and ran back to my room right quick to take care of some business u dig? No doubt this blonde beauty is gonna want to screw till the sun comes up. Gotta be on the top of my game, gotta have a fresh bone, no choice now, gotta beat the meat.

Getting ready to crank one out I throw in a sick new mix and google a few pictures of serena williams. Hit the play button on my BOSE remote and with the speakers still on full blast out explodes: [ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GtUVQei3nX4[/ame]

Sick im jerkin to the beat goin about 90 tpm’s (tugs per minute) its lookin pretty standard. Walk over to the mirror to catch a glimpse of myself, decide to stay. After a couple minutes I’m struggling to stay standing but I kno if I can just pump out a few more minutes this will be a hall of fame session. Moments before I’m about to paint the ceiling I loud frantic knocks on my door.

“WHAT??” I scream out.

My roommate cries out terrified, “MODUS! MODUS! THEY CAN SEE YOU THRU THE WINDOW!”

I instantly become frozen and look to my right. Seeing my reflection in the window I realize the crowd below has a full view from the front lawn. Standard, lookin sick unintentionally, whatever. Cant let these slutts have a free show tho, walking to the door I turn the lights off and hide myself from view. Through the door again I hear my roommate say “Modus, what should I do?” Thinkin about it for a minute i reply “ummm just bring the blonde girl up here.” I hear him rush down the hall and I walk over to my dresser and pull out my emergency blunt. Exhausted after a long day I lay down on the floor in the middle of my room while blowin twisted tornados up towards the ceiling. little worried I didn’t get to fire one off I’m hopin I dont bust on initial penetration this time u dig?

A couple minutes later I hear a knock at my door, I reply, “what” and to my surprise I hear my roommates voice again. He responds, “Oh Modus, she can’t come, she said she had to go to sleep early.” Enraged I scream “WHAT THE FUCK?” wowowow a bitch, give me those sexy eyes then drop me last second? She won’t be receiving any condolences when she comes to apologize thats for sure. My roommate opens the door and turns the lights on, he sees me smoking the e-blunt and lays down next to me. Puffin phattie rips we’re suckin it off nicely.

As its about to extinguish my roommate rolls his head on the ground and looks at me and says, “Modus…whats it like to be you.” Looking up towards the ceiling and pondering the question for a while I finally roll my head to meet his eyes, smiling back I reply, “….its sick.” After talking for a few more minutes my roommies words became muffled as I couldnt help but fall asleep.

[ls1camino]

Pics of Blonde Chick?

[silverWS6]

Mooooooooar iroc! Moooooar!!

[blackSS01]

Never laughed out loud at anything this much on LS1.com

[One_Bad_TA]

WIN! So much win in this thread. Dear God this is amazing.

[TmaxicanA]

can we vote this for thread of the month?..better yet thread of the year?

if there isnt one..then this thread just created it.

[67CamaroRSSS]

Pics of Blonde Chick?

I like it! Asking for pix of a non existant person. Am awaiting Iroc's outrageously fabricated reply...

[86 IROC-Z]

I like it! Asking for pix of a non existant person. Am awaiting Iroc's outrageously fabricated reply...

lol yeah only that first pic was included in the copypasta.

[67CamaroRSSS]

lol yeah only that first pic was included in the copypasta.

I think we (at least I was) were both referring to the blond with the 36 DD's. 1st pic chick has brown hair...

[86 IROC-Z]

I think we (at least I was) were both referring to the blond with the 36 DD's. 1st pic chick has brown hair...

Yeah that's what I was saying, the story only came with a picture of the stalker chick, it didn't have any other pics, blonde girl or otherwise.

[Zapper2003]

Make one up. Improvise dammit.

[LeadFarmer]

so much fucking win

[silverWS6]

Was that the end?