Funny Quotes Thread

[loasdrums]

Memeticists argue that the memes most beneficial to their hosts will not necessarily survive; rather, those memes that replicate the most effectively spread best, which allows for the possibility that successful memes may prove detrimental to their hosts. - Kevin Kelly

[Mr. Luos]

Prevent AIDS....shoot for the chin.

[loasdrums]

The Rules
The moral of 'The Game'.
In order to play the game, one must simply know about the game, and have a basic grasp of the rules. Thus, if you do not wish to become a participant of this simple but unfathomably stupid internet concept ritual right now, simply click the random page button. Beware: This may lead to goatse. If one does not read the rules and thus is not playing and cannot lose he wins.

[suede]

I ate pizza all my life thinking it would make me fight like one of the ninja turtles, now im just 3oo lbs and cant get off the couch

[Spaz]

Today... is Christmas! There will be a magic show at zero-nine-thirty! Chaplain Charlie will tell you about how the free world will conquer Communism with the aid of God and a few Marines! God has a hard-on for Marines because we kill everything we see! He plays His games, we play ours! To show our appreciation for so much power, we keep heaven packed with fresh souls! God was here before the Marine Corps! So you can give your heart to Jesus, but your ass belongs to the Corps! Do you ladies understand

-sgt hartman

[LSCyaL8R]

I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was "You'll never find anyone like me again!" I'm thinking, "I should hope not! If I don't want you, why would I want someone like you."

[LSCyaL8R]

Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect.

[LSCyaL8R]

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.

[fbod91]

where there is white water -almost heros

[SMWS6TA]

This is full of great ones!

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=17VrLTWxw2A[/ame]

[snaggeltooth]

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WiTKIbR69ss&feature=related[/ame]
One of Mel Brooks best ...

[4get gto]

every time they make something idiot proof, someone builds a better idiot.

[snaggeltooth]

if everything is working fine..you doing something wrong ..

[sharptransam]

when in doubt...empty the magazine

never fight an ugly man. he has nothing to lose. -grandpa wisdom

you can only hold their head underwater. you can't make them drink.

[twozs]

guy to hot chick; "as long as i have a face , you have a place to sit"

[wheeliE-maxx]

A taxpayer voting for Obama is like a chicken voting for the colonel

[waldo]

Some people are like Slinkies; not really good for anything but they bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs.

[GTP231]

Of all the things I've lost I miss my mind the most - Ozzy

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy - Ben Franklin

They say she's retarded but them titties aren't retarded - Dave Attel