think wife is cheating and or using drugs,need to vent

**konigandy6** · 04-24-2013, 07:24 AM

Well don't stop. If it's something you truly care about do not give in. If your lawyer isn't pulling their weight, tell them to shape the fuck up or you're getting a new one.

At least you know FOR SURE now that your ex was lying and cheating. Not that it's a good thing by any means, but at least you know you made the right decision. Now let's all pray you can get your kids out of this fucking mess!

**whitelightnin99** · 04-24-2013, 07:24 AM

Originally Posted by kenro23

Keep your head up. God has a plan where he wants everything to end up.

With that said, she has custody for now? Maybe I misunderstood something.

Thanks brother

No its like this for this week for example:
Wed and Thursday at her house, Fri-Sun evening at my house, Sun night- Tues night her house, etc

I have them more because i pick them up from school everyday so minimum i should be the primary caregiver. Its a little easier for me when they leave b/c even though they might be going to her house, from 3-6 they are here regardless.

**kenro23** · 04-24-2013, 07:28 AM

I feel your pain to an extent. I just got custody of sons but mine was a much different situation.

In saying that, I really believe that things have a funny way of working themselves out. Keep doin what you do and the BS will come to lite eventually. NEVER let the kids see your stress/anger

**whitelightnin99** · 04-24-2013, 07:40 AM

Originally Posted by kenro23

I feel your pain to an extent. I just got custody of sons but mine was a much different situation.

In saying that, I really believe that things have a funny way of working themselves out. Keep doin what you do and the BS will come to lite eventually. NEVER let the kids see your stress/anger

Congrats on your win , Im trying to stay positive and do the best for my kids while letting their side know im not backing down and not settling.

Also forgot to mention that the marital home that i busted my ass when i lived there keeping it neat and clean.... the yard is seriously 3 feet high in places and thats no exaggeration. Her and her lawyer claim Amanda cant afford it but yet she has an Iphone, new tires on her car and took kids to the beach to stay all weekend in a hotel recently. She is wanting to move out of marital home which is in between work and kid's school. She wants to move to where she works and her man lives which is about 40 miles from me. They are trying to tell me she if she moves then she wants me to pay half of the mortgage even though i dont live there and she wont be living there (until it sells btw). I told her by being late 90 days my credit is screwed so if the bank wants the house back, so be it. Still havent done anything as far as a drug test but now my lawyer says id have to pay for it (which is fine) but now she claims amanda would have to consent to it. I understand that if she refuses to take the test it looks bad but doesnt give me anything i can use in court at the same time. Its one thing after another but yet she continues to do whatever the f**k she wants and im sitting here trying to be the good parent.

**whitelightnin99** · 04-24-2013, 08:02 AM

If i could PROVE she was abusing these pills its game over but nobody seems to know how to do that. Just got off the phone with a drug testing facility near her work and they said it would show all the major stuff including adderrall but the levels will have to be reviewed by a doctor to see whether or not they are above prescribed dosage. He didnt sound real confident but its $80 for the test and $30 for the doctor review, but she would have to consent to it which is bullshit. She has a constant twitch with her fingers and her eyes are always adjusting its obvious if you saw her in person, plus she looks like hell now. Might be worth bringing up to lawyer and have her tell Amanda we want a test done just to see how she responds if nothing else. OR she might be on coke or actual meth which is what a number of people think shes progressed on to

**kenro23** · 04-24-2013, 09:10 AM

To me, at the end of all this drama, your kids will know the truth about what parent did what in their lives. The stuff going on now is just formalities. Shitty but is happening.

The big question that my lawyer brought up is, without your help, can she prove to financially take care of the kids (1) and (2) what are the living arrangements like?? She has to prove both of those things in order to get custody.

May cost extra, I dont know, but CPS can look into her living situation and if its less than yours, you may have a case on that alone. Im no attorney so dont quote me on any of this

**whitelightnin99** · 04-24-2013, 09:28 AM

Originally Posted by kenro23

To me, at the end of all this drama, your kids will know the truth about what parent did what in their lives. The stuff going on now is just formalities. Shitty but is happening.

The big question that my lawyer brought up is, without your help, can she prove to financially take care of the kids (1) and (2) what are the living arrangements like?? She has to prove both of those things in order to get custody.

May cost extra, I dont know, but CPS can look into her living situation and if its less than yours, you may have a case on that alone. Im no attorney so dont quote me on any of this

Well its always been me going for full custody, shes never mentioned it and is ok with joint custody i guess so she can save face with the public but still get a break from the kids. My son knows damn well what kind of person she is and also forgot to mention that 2 Sundays in a row she didnt come get them because she was at her man's house and it was her night.

The living arrangements at the marital home are bigger but not better, 3 full BR brick home with a full acre, etc . She doesnt want to live there and i have no idea where it is she plans on renting. Homes in this quaint little town are hard to come across as rentals so i live in a 2BR single wide on a full fenced in acre but its just to get me away from her and kids settled in school. That might hurt me only having 1 BR but they have bunk beds and love living here. People move from hundreds of miles away to get in this particular school system so dont think any judge would agree to let them go with her after they just got settled in good here.

Here is my question.. she missed 90 days on the family home and like i mentioned earlier, cheated me on taxes to get the money to get it caught up (only b/c her lawyer told her to keep current) Currently she is 3 weeks behind on this month's payment so how in the hell does she expect to pay rent and half the mortgage when she cant even pay the mortgage as it is?

**kenro23** · 04-24-2013, 10:37 AM

Good question

**allbaugh_04** · 04-24-2013, 06:45 PM

I can barely believe this actually working for her. My mind is blown.

Depending what she is on, would she have to take the test as soon as she has consented? Meaning, a lot of drugs show no trace after a couple days. I'm no expert though, depends on the drug.

**cam02ss** · 04-25-2013, 03:52 AM

Well man, I couldn't read through 29 pages of this thread- but from what I just skimmed over I'm sorry that you're going through all of this.

**98TransAmWs-6** · 04-25-2013, 06:31 AM

Can you get the drug test court ordered? I would try because if she has a history with drugs it could impair her judgment when she has your kids which could result in hurting them. Is the custody agreement you have with her a legal one, meaning it went through the courts or did you two decide on that. I know where I live if you fail to pick up your kids when they are suppose to be with you too many times you can lose all custody to them. The point of the question is that if you wanted full custody you could wait for her to not show up again to pick the kids up and report her if that is how it is where you live.

Also I am very sorry for what you are going through.

**konigandy6** · 04-25-2013, 06:47 AM

I don't understand how you can't get custody on the sheer fact that she can't afford proper living conditions for your children. Fucking legal system, I am praying it works out for you... and I don't pray.

I hope for the sake of your kids they see this. Keep your chin up no matter what. And just know that you are the better person in this whole situation. None of this is your fault.

**jrbonds** · 04-25-2013, 07:35 AM

Honestly I don't see why you don't get a new attorney. Your attorney sounds like he doesn't do jack shit for you.

After proving time and time again she can't pay for the marital home, your attorney should have an emergency hearing fighting to get you the house back or have it sold. She's just going to ruin both of your credit ratings.

Also a new attorney might be more up to demanding a court ordered drug test and making sure that neither parent can have new partners around the children until the divorce is finalized and they are remarried.

Im sorry you are in this situation and I wish you the best.

**SiggyZ** · 04-25-2013, 10:33 AM

I agree with Jodi. Your attorney's really not doing jack shit for you. Based on what you've said, you should have full custody of your kids as she's highly unstable.

**kenro23** · 04-25-2013, 10:44 AM

The not having a new partner around the kids is a great point. My friend has it written in their custody papers...neither can have a partner over unless dating more than 6 months and ZERO alcohol can be in the house when they have their daughter

**whitelightnin99** · 04-25-2013, 12:55 PM

You guys are all correct and here's the newest as of today, hot off the press. Im not perfect but I do believe in God and have been praying this morning to please let me know what to do. I could settle with her and keeps things as-is and just be done , joint custody , or continue to fight. Im responsible for picking up the kids every single day so went to pick up my 4 year old. Her daycare teacher comes out and says she had a "booboo" on her toe and it was cut pretty good. Apparently her mom took them to eat last night and she stumped her toe and somehow cut it pretty good. Teacher said she came in with a dirty bandaid so mustve bled during the night after her bath. My little girl said that mommy didnt give her a bath which i confirmed with her and her brother. Also pointed out a small cut on her finger that came from the pocketknife that her mom gave her?? WTF?! Needless to say her teacher wiped her underside since little girls especially need to be sure its clean down there and i rebandaged her toe again when we got home. I feel like that was the sign i was asking for , Amanda isnt ready for the full responsibility of kids at this point and time and i sure as hell better not settle .

I called our Guardian Ad Litem (sole job is to look after kid's well being) and he was pretty upset. Asked for daycare teacher's # and called her immediately . I know this because she called me and let me know she told him everything - im the one who takes her, im the one who pays, always clean when i bring her, etc.

We have a meeting setup with both lawyers and me and my ex this coming Tuesday afternoon and im going to try and be calm and cool and present to her lawyer why i feel like i deserve sole custody and at the least primary custody. Im going to bring the pics of the shithole house, video of her and her man kissing, how she cheated me on taxes, and ive got years worth of notes and also reference letters from church, doctor, employer and both schools showing Im the one that signed them up and make sure they are in their respectable places. She has jack shit on me, nothing so how in the hell I feel so helpless is beyond me. If nothing comes out of it im searching for a new lawyer.

**kenro23** · 04-25-2013, 01:01 PM

I would FOR SURE bring up what happened at day care and make sure the lady that told you about it is aware you are going to bring that up so she can confirm (if they ask). Good luck bro!

**whitelightnin99** · 04-25-2013, 01:02 PM

Oh shes already spoken to the Guardian , she really understands how hard im trying and just the few times she met Amanda she didnt have really good things to say about her

**kenro23** · 04-25-2013, 01:03 PM

She being the daycare lady?

**jrbonds** · 04-25-2013, 01:04 PM

Originally Posted by whitelightnin99

Oh shes already spoken to the Guardian , she really understands how hard im trying and just the few times she met Amanda she didnt have really good things to say about her

Guardian Ad Litems are good at helping decide the best interest of the children. But seriously, keep an eye on that attorney and be demanding of him!