Tales of Orion

[FORD RECOVERY EXPERT]

Mamma decides to take Sarge to a strip club for his birthday.

They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, Sarge! How ya doin'?"

Mamma is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.
"Oh, no," says Sarge. "He's on my bowling team."

When they are seated, a waitress asks Sarge if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.

Mamma is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says,"How did she know that you drink Budweiser?"

"She's in the Ladies' Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them."

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Sarge, and says "Hi Sarge. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"

Mamma, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.

Sarge follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but Mamma is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book.

The cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, Sarge."

[Y2KPewterSS]

One day, Preston was enjoying the aquatic world 20 feet below sea level. He noticed Sarge at the same depth he was, but he had on no scuba gear whatsoever.

Preston went below another 20 feet, but Sarge joined him a few minutes later. Preston went below 25 feet, but minutes later, Sarge again joined him. This confused Preston, so he took out a waterproof chalkboard set, and wrote, "How the heck are you able to stay under this deep without equipment?"

Sarge took the board and chalk, erased what Preston had written, and wrote, "I'm drowning, you moron!"

I have crashed the party

[ls1camino]

A school bus full of catholic girls crashes and everyone on board dies and goes to heaven. At the pearly gates, they meet St. Peter. Peter tells them to form a line so he can get them into heaven in a timely manner.

After the line is formed her turns to the first girl in line and says, "Blackbeauty98, have you ever touched a penis?" Blackbeauty98 replies, "Yes, but only with my finger." Peter says, "that's fine, just dip your finger into the basin of holy water over there and you may enter heaven."

After Blackbeauty98 has entered heaven, Peter asks the second girl in line, "KahanaReef, have you ever touched a penis?" KahanaReef responds, "Yes, but only with my hand." Peter says, "that's fine, just dip your hand into the basin of holy water over there and you may enter heaven."

As soon as KahanaReef enters heaven, there is a commotion towards the end of the line and Peter sees a girl pushing her way to the front of the line. Peter calmly asks her, "Stevie, what is this all about?" Stevie answers, "I want to drink the holy water before TAP sticks her ass in it!"

[FORD RECOVERY EXPERT]

^^^^AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAAA!!!!!!!:

[chiller2484]

KahanaReef explains to the doctor, "When I touch my arm, ouch, it hurts. When I touch my leg, ouch, it hurts. When I touch my head, ouch, it hurts. When I touch my chest, ouch, it hurts."
The doctor just shakes his head and asks, "You're a natural red hair, aren't you?"
KahanaReef smiles and says, "Why, yes I am. How did you know?"
The doctor replies, "Because your finger is broken."

Hey! I resemble that remark!

[KahanaReef]

Sarge, Orion and Preston go to a ski lodge, But, there aren't enough beds. So, they all have to share a bed.

In the middle of the night, Preston wakes up and says, "I just had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!" Orion wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, as well. Then Sarge, who had slept in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!"

[suede]

Kahanareef was due for an appointment with the gynecologist when early in the morning she received a call from his office. she had been rescheduled for early that morning at 9:30AM.

she had just packed everyone off to work and school and it was around 8:45.

The trip to his office usually took about 35 minutes so she didn't have any time to spare.

As most women do, I'm sure, Kahanareef liked to take a little extra effort over hygiene when making such visits, but this time she wasn't going to be able to make the full effort. So she rushed upstairs, threw off her clothes, wet the washcloth and gave herself a wash in "that area" in front of the sink, taking extra care to make sure that I was presentable.

she threw the washcloth in the clothes basket, out on some clothes, hopped in the car and raced to her appointment.

Kahanareef was in the waiting room only a few minutes when he called her in. Knowing the routine, as I am sure you all do, she hopped up on the table, looked over at the other side of the room and pretended she was in Hawaii.

she was a little surprised when he said: "My...we have taken a little extra effort this morning, haven't we?", but she thought nothing of it.

The appointment over, she heaved a sigh of relief and went home.

The rest of the day went normal, some shopping, cleaning and the evening etc. At 8:30 that evening her daughter was fixing to go to a school dance, when she called down from the bathroom, "Mom, where's my washcloth?"

Kahanareef yelled back for her to get another from the cabinet.

her daughter yelled back, "No I need the one that was here by the sink. It had all my glitter and sparkles in it."

[suede]

Sarge, Preston, and Ed, were all getting short on cash, so they decided to go rob a bank and go hide out for awhile untill it was safe to come out of hiding and live normally...

Well they went out one night and found a rather large bank and started their ingenious plan, they cut the glass and slipped inside without a noise...

Once inside the bank shortly after midnight, their efforts at disabling the internal security system got underway immediately. They expected to find one or two large safes filled with cash and valuables, but were surprised to see hundreds of smaller safes scattered throughout the bank.

Ed cracked the first safe's combination, and inside Preston found only a bowl of vanilla pudding. As recorded on the bank's audio-tape system, Sarge said, "At least we'll get a bit to eat,"

Ed opened up a second safe, and it also contained nothing but vanilla pudding. The process continued until all the safes were opened.

They found not one pound sterling, a diamond, or an ounce of gold. Instead, all the safes contained covered bowls of pudding.

Disappointed, they made a quiet exit, each leaving with nothing more than a queasy, uncomfortably full stomach.

The newspaper headline the next morning read:

OKLAHOMA'S LARGEST SPERM BANK ROBBED EARLY THIS MORNING.

[Firebug]

An Englishman named FireBug wanted to become an Irishman, so he visited a doctor to find out how to go about this. "Well" said the doctor, "this is a very delicate operation and there is a lot that can go wrong. I will have to remove half your brain". "That's OK" said FireBug. "I've always wanted to be Irish and I'm prepared to take the risk".
The operation went ahead but FireBug woke to find a look of horror on the face of the doctor. "I'm so terribly sorry!!" the doctor said. "Instead of removing half the brain, I've taken the whole brain out". FireBug replied, "No worries, mate!!"

It's funny cause it's true...

[Firebug]

Sarge, an Firebug and Orcus were sitting in a bar enjoying a few beers.

Sarge grabbed his Budweiser beer, knocked it back in one gulp, threw the glass into the air, and shot it with his handgun. As he set the gun on the bar, he said to Firebug and Orcus, "In the great U.S. of A. we have so much money, we never drink out of the same glass twice.?"

Next Firebug his Fosters beer, threw the glass into the air, and shot the glass with Sarge's gun. As he was setting the gun back on the bar, he proclaimed, "In Australia, we have so much sand that glass is cheap, and we too never have to drink out of the same glass twice."

Finally, Orcus drank his Labatts Blue beer, grabbed the gun off the bar, and shot Sarge. As he was setting the gun back on the bar, he told Firebug, "In Canada, we have so many Americans, we never have to drink with the same one twice."

[suede]

Sarge, an Firebug and Orcus were sitting in a bar enjoying a few beers.

Sarge grabbed his Budweiser beer, knocked it back in one gulp, threw the glass into the air, and shot it with his handgun. As he set the gun on the bar, he said to Firebug and Orcus, "In the great U.S. of A. we have so much money, we never drink out of the same glass twice.?"

Next Firebug his Fosters beer, threw the glass into the air, and shot the glass with Sarge's gun. As he was setting the gun back on the bar, he proclaimed, "In Australia, we have so much sand that glass is cheap, and we too never have to drink out of the same glass twice."

Finally, Orcus drank his Labatts Blue beer, grabbed the gun off the bar, and shot Sarge. As he was setting the gun back on the bar, he told Firebug, "In Canada, we have so many Americans, we never have to drink with the same one twice."

Not to try and be off topic here but the sand in australia is amazing.... blew hawaii and florida to hell...

[Firebug]

Truly amazing mate. Amazing how much one can carry in ones ass crack after a day at the beach...

[suede]

Truly amazing mate. Amazing how much one can carry in ones ass crack after a day at the beach...

no doubt... I had sand coming outa places i never knew i had....

[Firebug]

Sarge and Firebug are at a bar drinking beer when the conversation turns to sex.

Sarge says, "Us Texans are great lovers. After 6 hours of continuous
love making to Mamma, she levitates 3 feet off the bed!"

Firebug says: "Streuth mate, when I've finished 'rooting'
me Sheila, I get off the bed, wipe me cock on the curtains...and
she goes through the fucking roof!!"

[Nhra Firebird]

Sarge, Derek and Orion were all sitting around drinking beer. Orion was drinking coolers light. After he finished his beer he tossed the can up in the air, and pulled out his gun to shoot it. He said, "I just shot the silver bullet." Sarge was drinking Budweiser and after he finished his beer he tossed it up in the air and shot it. Sarge said, " I just shot the king of beers." Derek was drinking Old Milwaukee and after he finished the beer he tossed it up and shot Orion in the head and said, "It doesn't get any better then this."

[cammed goat]

Sarge, Preston, and Ed, were all getting short on cash, so they decided to go rob a bank and go hide out for awhile untill it was safe to come out of hiding and live normally...

Well they went out one night and found a rather large bank and started their ingenious plan, they cut the glass and slipped inside without a noise...

Once inside the bank shortly after midnight, their efforts at disabling the internal security system got underway immediately. They expected to find one or two large safes filled with cash and valuables, but were surprised to see hundreds of smaller safes scattered throughout the bank.

Ed cracked the first safe's combination, and inside Preston found only a bowl of vanilla pudding. As recorded on the bank's audio-tape system, Sarge said, "At least we'll get a bit to eat,"

Ed opened up a second safe, and it also contained nothing but vanilla pudding. The process continued until all the safes were opened.

They found not one pound sterling, a diamond, or an ounce of gold. Instead, all the safes contained covered bowls of pudding.

Disappointed, they made a quiet exit, each leaving with nothing more than a queasy, uncomfortably full stomach.

The newspaper headline the next morning read:

OKLAHOMA'S LARGEST SPERM BANK ROBBED EARLY THIS MORNING.

THAT'S F---ING NASTY!!!!! EEEEEWWWWWWW!!!!

[0rion]

Sarge and Nhrafirebird were over at Sarge's place one time and Sarge says watch this. He walks over to his dog and makes a fist and punches the dog right in the top of the head. Immediately the dog starts to lick Sarge's balls.
Sarge turns to Nhrafirebird and says " You wanna give it a try?" and Nhrafirebird says "Sure, but don't hit me that hard."

[doberman 152]

[FORD RECOVERY EXPERT]

^^You wanna see derek licking Sarge's balls???

[Nhra Firebird]

^^You wanna see derek licking Sarge's balls???