Having a rough time, need some help

**predator** · 02-07-2008, 04:20 PM

I know this is kinda odd to say on a forum, but im more likely to find someone who might have gone through something like this on here than i am talking to anyone i know... they will pretty much just say "get over it"... and if thats what your gonna say just dont even bother...

Ive been really depressed over a year... i thought it was a slump like usual, but i just cant pull out of this one... I had some bad stuff happen that started it all, but really life isnt that terrible for me... It just seems like little stuff keeps adding up (mostly financial) and i dont really seem to be getting anywhere in life...

I honestly feel like i have failed myself... I thought i was doing it all right... im a descent guy, but i feel like i never catch a break... im really hard on myself... i HATE my job... FUCKING HATE my job... I hate to face the reality that even though i tried to get myself of to a good start with a college degree and so forth im still nothing... Im living paycheck to paycheck... the world appears to be going to shit FAST... no one seems to care that the world is going to shit fast...

Like i said its just the lil things adding up.... restraunt service sucks... my car gets egged for no reason... i cant sell my car... or my ATV... if i did sell them well i would still have nothing... i feel that i never will have anything no matter how hard i try... and im sick of it... near suicidally sick of it... Ive lost alot of my emotion... all my motivation... and i honestly wish i could just stop breathing...

i cant quit my job for reasons i cant control right now... so that easy fix isnt gonna do it...

I dont know what the hell is going on... im losing it... and im losing it fast...

Like i said i know its odd, but im not someone to take meds for this type of shit and i just need something to try to pull me out of this hole... I try to just wake up and reset myself, but its not that easy... I truely hate 90% of my life... (because most of it is my job or bills)...

I dont even feel like its gonna get better... i dont think family or any of the stuff i woudl be missing out on is worth the next 45 minutes of misery im in... and definately not worth years...

Im starting to get scared im gonna do something stupid one of these days when im really down...

I know it could be worse... but thats not the point the point is im at a breaking point and i cant seem to pull myself back...

-me

**SeVeReDiStOrTiOn** · 02-07-2008, 04:30 PM

As far as money and material things go, just keep working hard...those things will come. When the time is right change your job and do something that you enjoy...even if that means less money.

Just remember things will always get better...don't think about doing something stupid and permanent for just temporary problems.

**bandit95** · 02-07-2008, 04:31 PM

i know the feeling man. i lost myself in 2 failed marriages, inconsistent jobs, a college education that has taken me nowhere, had to sell both my trans ams, and i cant stand living paycheck to paycheck. and i'm younger than you are. life can be shitty but it's what you make it to be. i've got all the reasons in the world to be depressed and angry and shit but i'm not gonna live my life in that misery. my oldest brother has done it for 35 years and i see him not doing anything but blaming things for why his life has gone to shit. if you have to just take a weekend and get away for awhile. clear your head and plan for what you want out of life. it wont just get better overnight but you can make it what you want it to be. carpe dium brother! seize the moment! i'm pulling for ya man!

**chefdan** · 02-07-2008, 04:44 PM

Hey man we have all been there. It WILL get better! I hate living paycheck to paycheck as well.

I am living in a one bedroom apartment and paying 800 dollars a month just for rent. Money is tight but dont let it change your attitude toward life.

Stop and think about all the good things in life you have. You have a car, family, and probably good health. I worked in the restaraunt industry for 4 years and let me tell you a lot of your depression may come from the people you work around. most servers are college kids with nothing but drinking and sex on their minds.

get yourself another job and surround yourself with positive people.

p.m. me if you need to talk man!

**NSSTG8TR98** · 02-07-2008, 05:44 PM

Just have to give yourself a break. No one can really know what you're going through, I mean we all go through shit but you only know what you know. What I can tell you though is that this too shall pass. Get a game plan together, make yourself a budget. Get a part time job. Find what makes you happy. Try new stuff. Nothing changes if we keep doing the same thing. Whatever you're doing now isn't working so try and mix it up. But don't give up on yourself. It's corny as hell but we all fall down so that we learn to get back up. Keep your head up man.

**LS1Powerhouse** · 02-07-2008, 06:10 PM

I know I'm young but I've been somewhat in your position... I'm a really soft hearted guy and I get really attached to people... After about 1.5 years my girlfriend cheated on me and unfortunately thought it was the end of the world... Just to add to the insult it was my best friend who did it... It sucked ass and I was depressed for a long ass time... I didn't talk to anyone because I didn't really have anyone to go too...

With that being said this is how I pulled out of it... Every weekend I'd take a little road trip to a place in the middle of nowhere (preferably a hill that overlooked everything) and I'd just sit there and reflect on GOOD things... Fresh air really helps a person (plus it makes you sleep like a baby) And seeing everything in its beauty is nice, it lets you know not everything in the world is bad... After about 3 months everything started to turn around because I developed a positive attitude...

I understand that you can't get out of your job and all but it seems like that is a big thing that is affecting your outlook on life... If you're in a contract see if you can find a hole or if it's financial try to find another job before you leave your current one... A lot of big companies will accept people for lower jobs even if they don't have training and they will provide you with insurances and all that good stuff after 60 days (depending on policy) plus the average pay of $12/hr. (although you might worth third shift).

So really all I can say really is just keep your head held high and focus on your goals... And good luck. And if you need anything else I'm sure anyone on this board is willing to help

**SeVeReDiStOrTiOn** · 02-07-2008, 06:22 PM

Originally Posted by LS1Powerhouse

After about 1.5 years my girlfriend cheated on me and unfortunately thought it was the end of the world... Just to add to the insult it was my best friend who did it... It sucked ass and I was depressed for a long ass time...

Damn dude...that sucks. I hope you at least kicked his teeth in and punched her in the cooter.

**LS1Powerhouse** · 02-07-2008, 06:34 PM

Originally Posted by SeVeReDiStOrTiOn

Damn dude...that sucks. I hope you at least kicked his teeth in and punched her in the cooter.

Tell me about it... I really didn't do anything... I just went straight down the drain... Didn't show any emotion in public or anything... I even almost went back to her... Thank God I didn't...

Note for OP: Routine in life creates harmony.

**310stanger** · 02-07-2008, 06:40 PM

Originally Posted by NSSTG8TR98

Just have to give yourself a break. No one can really know what you're going through, I mean we all go through shit but you only know what you know. What I can tell you though is that this too shall pass. Get a game plan together, make yourself a budget. Get a part time job. Find what makes you happy. Try new stuff. Nothing changes if we keep doing the same thing. Whatever you're doing now isn't working so try and mix it up. But don't give up on yourself. It's corny as hell but we all fall down so that we learn to get back up. Keep your head up man.

this is fantastic advice, and something that i'm really thinking about now, i'm gonna use this advice myself.

**NSSTG8TR98** · 02-07-2008, 06:52 PM

Originally Posted by 310stanger

this is fantastic advice, and something that i'm really thinking about now, i'm gonna use this advice myself.

Thanks, I hope it helps. Hate to see anybody feeling like this.

**moondog** · 02-07-2008, 07:11 PM

If you really feel that you are at a breaking point then I would suggest you get some professional help and that does not mean you have to take medication. Most universities that have a psychology program will have a student clinic for their PhD/PsyD students training. They have a sliding fee schedule for everyone and more than likely you'll be talking to someone close to your age. If you don't want to do that then there are other options like talking to a priest, or a Licensed Professional Counselor that have lower rates than a PhD. If you feel you are in a crisis situation then call your local MHMR hotline.

If you keep adding up all the little negative things that have happened to you soon you'll have 2 tons of crap bearing down on you and it will be a crushing weight. It's hard but you have to learn to seperate each event from each other. Sounds like you have some financial problems and there are solutions, not fast ones but obtainable ones. Seriously, material objects dont define you, if someone would ask a friend or your parents who you are they will not say ohhh he's the dude that drives a vette.

**redhcnc** · 02-07-2008, 07:29 PM

Really sorry to hear about everything on the forum. If I could help I would.

**ss~zoso~ss** · 02-07-2008, 07:48 PM

we all have hard times man, and sometimes its really hard to see the light, but just dont do anything stupid. you got a lot going for ya, i mean shit you got your engineering degree, that its self would drive many people into depression. You got a nice car, but you're catching some shit right now. everyone gets shit on in life, some more than others but it all comes out in the wash.

There's always somebody who has it worse, much worse, just hang in there man, things will look better tomorrow, just keep your head up and look at what you got in life.

**blackout5.3** · 02-07-2008, 07:58 PM

thats why were here, most of us have been through some of what your going through now, just strive to go on and focus what you want, just remember as my counsliour said, just let it go and that simple fixes do not work, it may sound hard to do or near impossiable, but its not, and seriously, the old saying things get better in time, when i was your age i said that was the stupidest thing everr heard, i Look back now and its true, Now devise a plan and stick with it think what you would like to do,think what would i need to achieve it start small thinking of things to fix and move you way up to larger nothing is to overwhelming to fix you can do it and keep telling yourself that i can do it seriously make yourself believe it you can do it. and be sure to give your friend some lovin in the chin with your boot for me.

**0rion** · 02-07-2008, 08:58 PM

I'm not gonna stick my tongue in your ear and rub you on the butt and tell you it's gonna be ok. It gets worse as you get older. There's only one person that can pull you out of your slump and that's you. I've been there and done that for years and years. I blamed it on my job ( which really was a huge part of it) and if my job was going fine at the moment I found something else to blame it on. I've been in the exact same spot you are right now. I'm not just saying that. I've lived it. I remember one time when I was about your age I got drunk and rolled my truck after my divorce. The paramedics were there checking me out and I remember telling them that I blew it. That was my chance out and I blew it. Looking back that's the most rediculous thing ever but at the time I meant it.
I finally just got sick of feeling like you do right now and decided I would devote the time and energy towards feeling better. That helped some but still didn't fix everything. Then I left the place I worked and that made a huge huge difference. It almost seems like one day I woke up and saw what I really had and felt pretty good about it.
You're definitely in a crappy spot but the only advise I have for you is to start with the shit that's making you feel that way. Get a different job, you'll be amazed at the difference even that'll make. I don't have a college education so you have that on me right there. Stop looking for reasons your life sucks and look for reasons it doesn't. I was in a financial shithole at one point. Creditors calling and all that. I made it through it and financially got my shit together. I just checked my score last week, 767, not bad for someone that had frigin sears calling them 10-15 years ago. That's petty shit that can be fixed. Work on the bigger stuff that's harder to fix like your self esteem and self worth.
In a pinch drop me a PM. I'm always willing to listen and help you hash this stuff out. Know exactly how you feel right now and it DOES pass. Takes a while and some work though.

**rbob93** · 02-07-2008, 09:22 PM

You may try to volunteer some time to the Salvation Army or the local homeless shelter, hospital, etc.
Also, you may take a weeks vacation & go to work through a labor pool just to see how less fortunate people live on a daily basis.
You may change the way you see things, & appreciate what & who you really are.

PS.....lighten up on yourself.....you've been too hard for your own good.
You're a good guy, give yourself some slack.

**FasstChevys** · 02-08-2008, 07:22 AM

Dude, here's the deal. You say that you 'hate' your job. Well, in a lot of instances you are going to find out if that job is for you or not within a relatively quick time. If you hate your job so much, move on. No one should stay at a job they hate so much that it brings you down. QUIT your job......AFTER you find another one. Give them two weeks notice, do it with dignity. No employer wants a bad apple on the team that spreads piss poor attitudes around. You say you 'can't quit your job'. Why not? Will no one else hire you? I find that hard to believe, unless there's something we don't know.

There is one rule in life that has taken me a long time to learn, and it's possibly one of the most important ones, and here it is: There's only one person that can make you happy......and that person is YOURSELF. There isn't anyone else that is going to do it for you........your job isn't going to do it for you and neither is your family. Just remember, no one owes you anything. Keep your head up, get your head screwed on straight and decide what really matters in life and most likely things will turn around. Good luck!

**Mike's02Z28M6** · 02-08-2008, 07:27 AM

A truly viscous (sp?) cycle is self loathing mixed in with your depression. Don't do it. Do not ever let yourself push yourself down.

Though I wouldn't suggest church I would suggest praying. God's got me through sh*t that I'd have otherwise handled in an extremely negative way without Him.

**67CamaroRSSS** · 02-08-2008, 07:35 AM

Originally Posted by FasstChevys

There's only one person that can make you happy......and that person is YOURSELF.

Very sound advice! Take me for instance: I'm old fat and lazy, been divorced twice and only got my financial situation together in the last 10 years - but I'm happy as a clam @ 53 because I like myself and could give 2 shits less what anybody thinks about me. Always have been this way and I always will be this way.

Also: DO NOT live your life for any one else but you.

**predator** · 02-08-2008, 07:42 AM

I can't quite my job because of a relationship... I'm in one that is going well so i dont want to have to drop her, but its not at marriage level either... I cannot move on till we are no more or she will go with me... thats the 10% of my life i dont loath... Also there arent any jobs around here that pay near what my job does and as stated b4 money is an issue so tanking a pay cut to get another job is also not an option... Im hoping 1 more year in the job and i can do something about it...

I'm trying to get things lined up a lil better in life... My vette has been for sale for 6 months with no takers... My atv is an unsellable paper weight... I was just gonna try to get the monte paid off (would have been this month if it wasnt for the egg), sell the vette and quad, and get a bike for around $6000 and use that as my outlet of expression... are you seeing the trend here? I dont seem to be able to get out from under anything... yes i could drop price to sell, but i dont even get reasonable offers... the quad will kbb for like $4500 and i cant sell it for $3k...

seriously i just want to bail out and maintian my fishtank, a bike, and build up so cash to start looking around for another ride, but i cant even seem to get rid of stuff...

now i have to drop $1000 in the vette to get it all touched up so that maybe ill be able to sell it the spring... it's fucking frustrating and annoying...

Even if i do get all that straightened out ill stil be pissed... i mean i make good money especially for AR, but since the housing market and economy are so shitty i cant afford jack... I couldnt go out and buy a new quad cab silverado if i wanted to... WTF!!!! a mechanical engineer cant buy a normal fucking truck... refuckingdickulous...

-me