Wife is pissing me off.

**Spikito** · 03-31-2012, 05:45 AM

So I've never been a super neat person, but never a slob, and as i got into bigger apartments, and eventually my house, where I had useable space it really wasn't bad.

Well then I got married, she moved in, and as expected, the house is a little more cluttered, that's to be expected.

But heres my deal, her clothes are everywhere, which doesnt bother me THAT bad, but still, mine are put away for the most part. Were also dog sitting, and that dog tears up everything, papers, blinds, clothes, luckily not furinture, so theres little bits of torn up shit scattered all over the house, And its mostly things she left out where the dog could get it....and were dogsitting for 3.5 months....2 months are done.

I also dedicated a room to her, she a photographer and an art major, so all her painting stuff is in there, i made her a big drafting table that she paints on, and has her iMac for work...well I went in there yesterday, and its not ever navigatable, just disorganized shit.

in the kitchen the sink was overflowing with dishes, and they were stacked on the counters. dining room table is covered in random stuff

all 5 of our laundry hampers were overflowing. I tried to help out by starting my own scrubs in the wash, but i opened it and it had days old wet clothes in it...dryer is in my detached garage, and its been 85degrees.

When we bought the house we agreed that I would take care of the function of the house, the cars, and the yard, so far ive held up my end...and she would keep the house clean.

Well since weve been married the house stays trashed, if i make suggestions, she acknowledges it, but doesnt do anything, and if i call her out, or try to clean myself, she gets all pissy about how "she was just about to do that"

I pissed her off last night and she said shed spend all night cleaning while I was at work...i work 4-5 14hour night shifts a week.... I came home this morning and the house is messier than before.

When I'm home and awake, she wants to spend time with me, but is always so far behind with school or photo editing, she spends her time in her room, and I'm watching TV or working outside, and when I'm at work she goes to her parents or a friends.

Also, right now shes asleep, its almost 9am....I go to bed about this time, and get up at 4pm....thats the equivalent of normal people getting up at 4am, just so i can see her, and be productive before work...she stays piled up in bed all the time...

so far nothing has worked, and with her, it takes drastic measures to get the point across...since shes sleeping, i really want to go tip over our industrial shelving in the panty, that holds all our canned goods, cleaning supplies, and appliances

**robs98mysticZ** · 03-31-2012, 06:32 AM

wow thats insane my girl is messy she cant keep her car clean its a civic so i dont care that much but i hate getting in it and doing that sit down dance just to put my feet on the carpet...yesterday i put air in her rear left tire..she kept claiming she would but after 2 months, yes 2 months on a >5psi tire and maybe 2-2500 miles. i said fuck it n put air in it. we dont live together nor am i married but i can partially see where your coming from. its not the big arguments its the little shit the irks the hell out of you especially when they "Got it" or "ill do it tomorrow" lol. Sounds like a talk is in order where you stress the importance of the initial agreement without cutting her down otherwise she will focus on herself instead of the lack of responsibility she is keeping up on her part as far as household "duties"

**gonzo99ta** · 03-31-2012, 06:40 AM

if she won't talk seriuosly with you about improving the situation and following through with improvement plans, it may be time for professional help. she may need to be seen for depresion or other issues.

**SeVeReDiStOrTiOn** · 03-31-2012, 08:11 AM

You never know someone until you live with them. Especially in todays world, there's no reason not to live with someone for at least a year (preferably two) before getting married. It would lower the divorce rate i'm sure.

In your situation I think your household chore agreement sounds like more of an appeasement on her part...and really it doesn't even sound fair IMO. Ok so you mow the yard once a week/month, change the cars oil every few months and turn a light bulb here and there. Basically on a day to day basis you're not doing anything. On the other hand her chores are vast, everyday and continuous. Re-do the chore list based on what you BOTH want...varying it up between inside and outside chores between you. And then every couple weeks switch schedules.

From what i've seen artsy people can be a little disorganized/scatter brained. Sounds like she's getting overwhelmed with finding a starting point. I would break down and do all the intial chores WITH her just to get everything clean. The key is maintenance because maintenance will be less overwhelming for her.

**reaper ws6** · 03-31-2012, 08:27 AM

man all girls are the same bro lol you just have to lay down the law if she gets piss just take your camaro out for a spin, thats what i do lol (also thats wen i take my best pictures) mine is also messy but not that messy also for the most part i always take care of my lil boy she never really helps out i mean she cares about him but she is just lazy and about have of the time im cleaning the house,cooking, and taking care of my lil boy, i dont really mind rite now since she is the one working, sometimes you just have to swallow your pride and do a little cleaning, but after talking to her if she really dose not want to listen she may need some help. like a marriage counselor

**TLS_Addict** · 03-31-2012, 08:32 AM

My girl did the same shit to me.....we are no longer together. lol

**dethinboots** · 03-31-2012, 08:35 AM

Im on the opposite end of the spectrum with this. Im an infantrymen in the army, so one could say im a little less refined than normal but no slob. My wife on the other hand has OCD and is an extreme neat freak. Trying to help her tidy up just results in me being scolded because i didnt follow her preset sequence of events. Kinda scary sometimes....

**KahanaReef** · 03-31-2012, 09:08 AM

Originally Posted by dethinboots

Im on the opposite end of the spectrum with this. Im an infantrymen in the army, so one could say im a little less refined than normal but no slob. My wife on the other hand has OCD and is an extreme neat freak. Trying to help her tidy up just results in me being scolded because i didnt follow her preset sequence of events. Kinda scary sometimes....

I pretty much fall into the same category. Artistic perfectionist. I like everything to be done just right. Everything has a proper place and I don't like anything being out of place. I'd rather not have any help because personally, the old adage; if you want something done right, you have to do it yourself, pretty much applies to everything around my house. Shoot... every where really

So, I know I'm probably not the easiest person to live with, perhaps a tad controlling

But, my husbands first wife was the complete opposite. Completely unorganized. So, he's learned to appreciate the fact that I need to have a system in place around the house or I nut up.

His only jobs around here are to bring home a paycheck, put the trash bins out on trash day and mow the lawn. I take care of everything else.

I will say though that he does try to help around the house. He'll do dishes or vacuum here and there, etc... and as soon as he leaves, I'll be right behind him cleaning up the spots he missed. But at least he does try. And, I do appreciate that.

**tnthub** · 03-31-2012, 09:31 AM

My wife's sloppiness is limited to her simply picking up after herself. Wet towels on the floor, a trail of dirty clothes between the bedroom and bathroom, jackets on the floor by the door, books everywhere, the Sunday newspaper will typically be in sections all over the house, and bags of recycle stuff strewn everywhere. In the grand scheme of relationships this type of stuff is a minor annoyance to me. My brother's wife is totally neat all the time and she drives him crazy if there is a coffee ring left on the counter...

I am somewhere in the middle. I like neat and organized and my home office is neat and organized, but when I am busy I do let things go to the point where I can't move. However when things slow down I pick up, vacuum, dust, and make things nice again. A couple of times each year I go overboard and even dust the tops of doors and picture frames, even though the dust cannot be seen. I think of it a "cleaning". I blow the dust out of my computers once a year and I like to keep bookshelves orderly.

Having a totally neat person sharing my home would drive me crazy. There are times when I am also a slob and sometimes dishes do not get done for a day or two, but most of the time I do the dishes and put them away and... I clean the sink when I am done. My wife never bothers to clean the sink after she does dishes.

At the end of the day I have a perfect wife. She is kind, honest, challenging and loving. She works hard at her job and puts up with my crap. We have a great relationship and have been together 21 years. I would not trade her for the world. Additionally, she takes care of herself and although I usually pick up the dental floss she leaves on the sink, it is a small price to pay for a gal who lets me be me and wears the same clothing size as she did decades ago when we first met.

**jiveass** · 03-31-2012, 09:49 AM

my "wife" is a bitch.....

**kenro23** · 03-31-2012, 09:53 AM

My compromise for the house/yard/car stuff is I will wash the clothes but she folds em. Still super easy on my part but helps her out a little. That and we usually do the dishes together. Gives us a little more time with no kids to talk and joke around. Works for us but she is still a work in progress with messiness

**Smittro** · 03-31-2012, 10:36 AM

Welcome to marriage..

**dethinboots** · 03-31-2012, 11:30 AM

Originally Posted by KahanaReef

I pretty much fall into the same category. Artistic perfectionist. I like everything to be done just right. Everything has a proper place and I don't like anything being out of place. I'd rather not have any help because personally, the old adage; if you want something done right, you have to do it yourself, pretty much applies to everything around my house. Shoot... every where really

So, I know I'm probably not the easiest person to live with, perhaps a tad controlling

But, my husbands first wife was the complete opposite. Completely unorganized. So, he's learned to appreciate the fact that I need to have a system in place around the house or I nut up.

His only jobs around here are to bring home a paycheck, put the trash bins out on trash day and mow the lawn. I take care of everything else.

I will say though that he does try to help around the house. He'll do dishes or vacuum here and there, etc... and as soon as he leaves, I'll be right behind him cleaning up the spots he missed. But at least he does try. And, I do appreciate that.

Our roles arent completely broke down like that though. I cook most of our meals, 1 because im a great and healthy cook if i say so myself, and 2 she is a terror in the kitchen. I was always told Puerto Rican women are known for cooking among other things, but i guess she didnt get the memo lol. Anywho im 21 and going will be married 3 years this year with no children quite yet. I think the toughest challenge we had was learning to co-exist with someone at such a head strong stage in life. Especially after coming off of my 1st tour in iraq... Anyway, its been the best thing ive ever done and love the good and the bad. I can overlook with her obsessive traits and be happy

**KahanaReef** · 03-31-2012, 11:56 AM

Originally Posted by dethinboots

Our roles arent completely broke down like that though. I cook most of our meals, 1 because im a great and healthy cook if i say so myself, and 2 she is a terror in the kitchen. I was always told Puerto Rican women are known for cooking among other things, but i guess she didnt get the memo lol. Anywho im 21 and going will be married 3 years this year with no children quite yet. I think the toughest challenge we had was learning to co-exist with someone at such a head strong stage in life. Especially after coming off of my 1st tour in iraq... Anyway, its been the best thing ive ever done and love the good and the bad. I can overlook with her obsessive traits and be happy

My husband and I just had our 18th anniversary and we've been together over 20 years. Raised 3 kids from previous marriages. Known each other since we were 16 years old, having grown up living just a block away from one another as well as hanging out in the same crowd of friends... Learning to coexist and compromise with one another is what it's all about. You learn to count on the others strengths and become aware of their weaknesses. One picks up where the other leaves off so to speak. You find what works

**Spikito** · 03-31-2012, 01:07 PM

Yall made some good points, I went to bed right after i posted this, and she was still in bed, it appears that she spent quite a bit of the day cleaning, which in turn resulted in me missing a lot of sleep, but I'm used to that.

But now I'm up, her car is gone, and one of her guy friends jeep is in front of my house.....

**Hi-Po** · 03-31-2012, 01:36 PM

Sounded good until the last sentence.

**Smittro** · 03-31-2012, 05:23 PM

Originally Posted by Hi-Po

Sounded good until the last sentence.

+1. oh boy..

**KMdef9** · 03-31-2012, 05:58 PM

Didn't you recently get Married?

I've always been an advocate for living with someone before I would even consider marrying them for this very reason. My girlfriend and split chores around the house, but if mine are all caught up, I try to help out on her end. Everything is 50/50 with us.

**Smittro** · 03-31-2012, 06:02 PM

Originally Posted by KMdef9

Didn't you recently get Married?

I've always been an advocate for living with someone before I would even consider marrying them for this very reason. My girlfriend and split chores around the house, but if mine are all caught up, I try to help out on her end. Everything is 50/50 with us.

I agree 100% even though living with someone before marriage goes against my religous beliefs.

I'm not perfect anyways so..lol

You don't buy a car without test driving it first..lol