So I am at my buddys house
....sorta a ritzy thing going on. Bunch of folks I do know and a bunch I dont.....gotta pee.....so I go to the hall bathroom ( Powder Room)...and there is somebody in it...so I wait back in the bar...pretty soon and lady comes out....she is about 100lbs built like a brick shithouse and is with my buddy who started LockTite...yes that LockTite...he bought the patent from a guy and built the company.....anyway....I gotta pee ...so I go in the bathroom....unzip and open the shitter lid and staring back at me is one humongous turd. I mean that turd was the size of a small baby....I never even seen a turd that big.....I dont know how anybody could possibly push that fucking thing out thier ass. Then it dawned on me...that turd just came out of Ms. Bubbles. Holy Shit! That turd probably weighed as much as one of her legs. How in the hell can a giant turd of Guinness World Record size ever come out of that lil girl? Holy Shit is an understatement. She must take a dump once a fucking year.
Then as I started peeing all over aforementioned Turd Giganticus a horrible thought occurred to me. My face froze. Sweat busted out all over my forehead. My heart started racing. I had just taken ownership of the giant turd in the bowl. I was in the bathroom! Everybody would see me walk out and know I just laid a Monster Turd. Oh fuck me.....all my friends...their wives....trophy girlfriends and Sarge just laid a Monster Turd in the toilet everybody was using all night. WTF do I do? Nobody would believe me if I said it was there when I got there. Do I come out and holler "Who gave birth?" No....I need to find something to bust up the Giant Turd. Make it a bunch of lil turds so it will flush down. Nothing....I keep looking for a coat hanger anything to bust this fucking thing up. I think it has grown by the way....well hell....I'm going to have to grab that Giant Turd and break it up with my bare hands....no other choice...time is running out.....been in there 2-3 minutes already......how bad can it be anyway? I mean I'll wash my hands really good.....Beats being known as the guy that gave birth to the Giant Turd at the party the rest of my life....No hell no....I aint going to grab the Giant Turd bare handed...plus there was piss all over it....nope could never eat chicken wings again as the memory of squishing that Giant Turd between my fingers would be burnt into my memory forever and ever....somebody knocks on the door...oh fuck....
What do you think I did?