Tales of Orion

The doctor said, "Orion, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine, and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles." Orion was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He couldn't concentrate long enough to answer, but decided he had no choice but to go under the knife.

When he left the hospital he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life. He saw a men's clothing store & thought, "That's what I need - a new suit." He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit."
The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see ... size 44 long."
Orion laughed, "That's right, how did you know?"
The tailor replied, "Been in the business 60 years!" Orion tried on the suit. It fit perfectly.
As Orion admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?"
Orion thought for a moment and then said, "Sure." The salesman eyed Orion and said, "Let's see, 34 sleeve & 16-1/2 neck."
Again, Orion was surprised, "That's right, how did you know?"
"Been in the business 60 years!"

Orion tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly. As Orion adjusted the collar in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about new shoes?"
Orion was on a roll and said, "Sure."
The salesman eyed Orion's feet and said, "Let's see ... 9-1/2 E." Orion was astonished,
"That's right, how did you know?"
"Been in the business 60 years!"

Orion tried on the shoes and they fit perfectly. Orion walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, "How about some new underwear?"
Orion thought for a second and said, "Sure."
The salesman stepped back, eyed Orion's waist and said, "Let's see... size 36."
Orion laughed. "Ah ha! I got you! I've worn size 34 since I was 18 years old." The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear a size 34. A size 34 underwear would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache.

I'll sit on the sidelines waiting to ring the bell. Where's Jimmy Buffer DAMMIT??!!:D:boxing:

Orion and Ed were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in court on Friday before the judge. The judge said, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance rather than jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use and get them to give up drugs forever. I'll see you back in court Monday."

Monday, the two guys were in court, and the judge said to Ed, "How did you do over the weekend?" "Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever." "17 people? That's wonderful. What did you tell them?" "I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this...

O o

...and told them this (the big circle) is your brain before drugs and this (small circle) is your brain after drugs."

"That's admirable," said the judge.

"And you, how did you do?", he asked Orion,

"Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever." "156 people! That's amazing! How did you manage to do that?!?", "Well, I used a similar approach. (draws two circles)

o O

I said (pointing to the small circle) "this is your asshole before prison, ..."

:bravo::haha:

Ed walks into a bar with his buddy Orion. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, Orion starts jumping all over the place. Orion grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them,then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole.

The bartender screams at Ed, "Did you see what your buddy just did?"

Ed says, "No, what?"

"He just ate the cue ball off my pool table - whole!" says the bartender.

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies Ed.

"He eats everything in sight, the little twerp. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff." He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves. Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and he has his buddy Orion with him. He orders a drink and Orion starts running around the bar again.
While the man is drinking, Orion finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender is disgusted.

"Did you see what your buddy did now?"

"Now what?" asks Ed.

"Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, then pulled it out and ate it!" says the barkeeper.

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies Ed, "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he ate that damn cue ball he measures everything first!"

Orion goes and buys this really nice motorcycle and he asks the seller how old it is. The seller tells him its 30 years old and he keeps it looking so good by putting vaseline on it every time it rains.

So the next night, Orion is eating dinner at his girlfriend's parents' house. After seeing a huge pile of dishes, he asks his girlfriend about them. she tells him if that whoever talks during dinner has to clean all of them. No one has apparently talked for quite awhile.

Well, Orion figures the only safe way to avoid dishes patrol is to get them to talk. So they are all sitting there eating dinner and he grabs his girlfriend and starts banging her right there on the table... but no one says a word.
As he is walking back to the table after freshening up, he again sees the dishes. So this time he grabs his girlfriend's sister and starts fucking her on top of the mashed potatoes. Again, no one says a thing and again he sees the dishes. So now getting desperate, he grabs the girlfriend's mother and starts riding her on the table, but still no one says a thing.

Once again he freshens up and is walking back to the table and notices its starting to rain. He's worried about his motorcycle so he pulls the vaseline jar out of his pocket. The father seeing this yells out "Aww fuck it, I'll do the damn dishes."

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Sarge

Orion and Ed were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in court on Friday before the judge. The judge said, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance rather than jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use and get them to give up drugs forever. I'll see you back in court Monday."

Monday, the two guys were in court, and the judge said to Ed, "How did you do over the weekend?" "Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever." "17 people? That's wonderful. What did you tell them?" "I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this...

O o

...and told them this (the big circle) is your brain before drugs and this (small circle) is your brain after drugs."

"That's admirable," said the judge.

"And you, how did you do?", he asked Orion,

"Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever." "156 people! That's amazing! How did you manage to do that?!?", "Well, I used a similar approach. (draws two circles)

o O

I said (pointing to the small circle) "this is your asshole before prison, ..."

---

:spit:

This farmer has about 200 hens, but no rooster and he wants chicks. So, he goes down the road to the next farmer and asks if he has a rooster. The other farmer says, "Yeah, I've got this great rooster, named SleeperC5; he'll service every chicken you've got. No problem."

Well , SleeperC5 the rooster is a lot of money, but the farmer decides he'd be worth it. So , he buys SleeperC5. The farmer takes SleeperC5 home and sets him down in the barnyard, giving the rooster a pep talk, " SleeperC5, I want you to pace yourself now. You've got a lot of chickens to service here and you cost me a lot of money and I'll need you to do a good job. So, take your time and have some fun," the farmer said with a chuckle.

SleeperC5 seemed to understand, so the farmer points towards the hen house and SleeperC5 took off like a shot ~WHAM~ He nails every hen on there THREE or FOUR times and the farmer is just shocked. SleeperC5 runs out of the hen house and sees a flock of geese down by the lake ~WHAM~ He gets all the geese. SleeperC5's up in the pigpen. He's in with the cows. SleeperC5 is jumping on every animal the farmer owns.

The farmer is distraught, worried that his expensive rooster won't even last the day. Sure enough, the farmer goes to bed and wakes up the next day to find SleeperC5 dead as a doorknob in the middle of the yard. Buzzards are circling overhead.

The farmer, saddened by the loss of such a colorful animal , shakes his head and says, "Oh, SleeperC5, I told you to pace yourself. I tried to get you to slow down, now look what you've done to yourself."

SleeperC5 opens one eye, nods towards the sky and says, "Shhh. They're getting closer...."

:lmao:

I see we are feeling a bit frisky again today, huh, Sarge? :lol:

Yup

KahanaReef explains to the doctor, "When I touch my arm, ouch, it hurts. When I touch my leg, ouch, it hurts. When I touch my head, ouch, it hurts. When I touch my chest, ouch, it hurts."
The doctor just shakes his head and asks, "You're a natural red hair, aren't you?"
KahanaReef smiles and says, "Why, yes I am. How did you know?"
The doctor replies, "Because your finger is broken."

A Doctor was caring for KahanaReef in the hospital and asked, "So, how was your breakfast this morning?"
"It was very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste," KahanaReef replied.
He asked if he could see the jelly and KahanaReef produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."

bbbaahahaha

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Sarge

KahanaReef explains to the doctor, "When I touch my arm, ouch, it hurts. When I touch my leg, ouch, it hurts. When I touch my head, ouch, it hurts. When I touch my chest, ouch, it hurts."
The doctor just shakes his head and asks, "You're a natural red hair, aren't you?"
KahanaReef smiles and says, "Why, yes I am. How did you know?"
The doctor replies, "Because your finger is broken."

---

Stupid Doctor... my Red Highlights come from a bottle! I was born a blond :lmao:

KahanaReef was trying to sell her old car but wasn't having any luck because the car had 250,000 miles on it.
One day, she mentioned this to a friend. Her friend told her, "There is a way to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal."
"That doesn't matter," replied KahanaReef, "I've just gotta sell it."
"Okay," said the friend. "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the odometer in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it should not be a problem to sell it."
The following weekend, KahanaReef made the trip to the mechanic. About one month after that, her friend asked her, "Well, did you sell your car?"
"No," replied KahanaReef, "why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it!"

:lmao: :rotfl:

Two Valencia babes were sitting on a bench on the Atlantic City boardwalk admiring a beautiful, bright full moon. One said to the other, "I wonder which is further away, Florida or the moon?"
"Duh..." said KahanaReef, "Can you see Florida from here?"

Daaaaaaayyyuuuuuuum!!!!!

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his neighbor KahanaReef came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house.
A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox, again opened it, and again slammed it shut. Angrily, back into the house she went. As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it shut harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?" To which she replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps saying, 'YOU'VE GOT MAIL'."

Two Santa Clarita women are sitting at a table in a coffee shoppe in such an obviously celebratory mood that a man drifts over intending to offer to buy them something to drink. When he gets close he hears one say to the other "Here's to 17 days!" Smiling, the man says, "Congratulations! What's so special about 17 days?"
Eyes twinkling, KahanaReef explains, "Well, we've been spending our evenings working on a jigsaw puzzle! And it said 3-5 years on the box, but we finished it in only 17 days!"

Quote:

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Originally Posted by KahanaReef

Stupid Doctor... my Red Highlights come from a bottle! I was born a blond :lmao:

---

Once upon a time, KahanaReef (a true blond) became so sick of hearing blond jokes that she had her hair cut and dyed red. A few days later, as she was driving around the countryside, she stopped her car to let a flock of sheep pass. Admiring the cute woolly creatures, she said to the shepherd, "If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one?"
The shepherd, always the gentleman, replied, "Of course."
KahanaReef thought for a moment and for no discernible reason said, "352."
This being the correct number, the shepherd was, understandably totally amazed and exclaimed, "You're right. Okay. I will keep to my end of the deal. Take your pick of my flock."
KahanaReef carefully considered the entire flock and finally picked one that was by far cuter and more playful then the others.
When she was done, the shepherd turned to her and said, "Okay, now I have a proposition for you. If I can guess your true hair color, can I have my dog back?"

Orion, a ventriloquist and chronic house cleaner, is doing a show at a local club. With Ed on his knee, he's going through his usual repertoire of dumb blond jokes.
Suddenly KahanaReef (a true blond) in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting, "I've heard enough of your stupid blond jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype a woman that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and reaching our full potential as a person, just because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blond, but women in general! And all in the name of so-called humor!"
Orion is shocked. He begins to apologize when the blond yells, "You stay out of this mister! I'm talking to the little jerk on your knee."

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v6...ishingWell.jpg

Eugenio_SS is walking down the street with a case of beer under his arm.

His friend Spaz stops him and asks, "Hey Eugenio_SS! Whatcha got that case of beer for?"

"Well, I got it for my wife, you see?" answers Eugenio_SS.

"Wow," exclaims Spaz, "Great trade."

An American (Orion), a Aussie (FireBug) and a Canuk (Eugenio_SS) were in a terrible car accident. They were all brought to the same emergency room, but all three of them died before they arrived. Just as they were about to put the toe tag on Orion, he stirred and opened his eyes. Astonished, the doctors and nurses present asked him what happened.

"Well," said the Orion, "I remember the crash, and then there was a beautiful light, and then Eugenio_SS and FireBug and I were standing at the gates of heaven. St. Peter approached us and said that we were all too young to die, and that for a donation of $100, we could return to the earth."

He continued, " So of course, I pulled out my wallet and gave him the $100, and the next thing I knew I was back here."

"That's amazing!" said one of the doctors, "But what happened to the other two?"

"Last I saw them," replied the Orion, FireBug the Aussie was haggling over the price and the Canadian Eugenio_SS was waiting for the government to pay for his."

Sarge is getting on in years and has damn near every toy known to man, but his buddies really want to get him something to remember for his upcoming birthday..
After due consideration they decide on a top end call girl, yanno the 2000 bucks a night sort.
They chip in and set it up.
The day of his birthday comes around and Ole Sarge gets a knock on the door sometime after 7:00 pm.
There at the door is a Stunning young woman dressed to slay..
Sarge squints at her and snarls out "What you want woman..?"
She grins and pulls her tiny mini skirt up abit higher to show an incredibly shaped thigh, leans into him and purrs..."I am here to give you a night of Super Sex.." and vampishly walks into the doorway..
Sarge thinks on this a moment..
"Ok" he says, "I'm a bit tired for Sex.. But I skipped Lunch so I'll take the soup."

PS :hide:

It's Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right at center ice. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks Eugenio_SS Sr. if someone will be sitting there. "No," says Eugenio_SS Sr. "The seat is empty." "This is incredible", said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for final game of the Stanley Cup playoffs and not use it?" Eugenio_SS Sr. says "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Stanley Cup we haven't been to together since we got married in 1967." "Oh ... I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else, a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?" Eugenio_SS Sr. shakes his head "No, they're all at the funeral."

Sarge joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day there he takes off his clothes and starts to wander around. A gorgeous petite blonde walks by and Sarge immediately gets an erection. The woman notices his erection, comes over to him and says, "Sir, did you call for me?" Sarge replies, "No, what do you mean?" She says, "You must be new here, let me explain. It's a rule here that if you get an erection it implies you called for me." Smiling she leads him to the side of the swimming pool, lies down on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets Sarge have his way with her.

Sarge continued to explore the colony's facilities. He enters the sauna and as he sat down he farted. Within a few minutes a huge, horrible, corpulent, hairy man lumbers out of the steam toward him. "Did you call for me?" says the hairy man. "No, what do you mean?" says Sarge. "You must be new here," says the hairy man, "it is a rule here that if you fart it implies that you called for me." The huge man easily spins him around, bends him over a bench and has his way with Sarge.

Sarge staggers back to the colony office, where he is greeted by the smiling, naked receptionist. "May I help you?" she says. Sarge yells, "Here is my membership card, you can have the key back, and you can keep the $500 membership fee." "But sir," she replies, "you've only been here for a few hours, you haven't even had the chance to see all our facilities." Sarge replies, "Listen lady, I'm 58 years old, I get a hard-on once a month, but I fart 15 times a day!"

Eugenio_SS got him a job as coastal watch for the Canadian Government. His first day on the job........
Eugenio_SS:
Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
AMERICANS:
Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.
Eugenio_SS:
Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
AMERICANS:
This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
Eugenio_SS:
No, I say again, you divert YOUR course.
AMERICANS:
This is the aircraft carrier USS Lincoln. The second largest ship in the United States Atlantic fleet. We are accompanied by three destroyers, three cruisers, and numerous support vessels. I demand that you change your course15 degrees north...
I say again...That's one-five degrees north.... or counter-measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship!
Eugenio_SS:
I am in a lighthouse. Your call

:lmao:

Eugenio_SS is a terrorist expert for the Canadian Government. He has eradicated terrorist from all Canadian soil utilizing his "plan"....today we have obtained a copy of the boy's plan......
The Eugenio_SS Counter Terrorism Plan
As we all know, the Taliban considers it a sin for a man to see a naked woman who is not his wife. So, this Sunday at 2:00 PM Eastern time all Canadian women are asked to walk out of their house completely naked to help weed out any neighborhood terrorists. Circling your block for one hour is recommended for this anti- terrorist effort. All men are to position themselves in lawn chairs in front of their house to prove they are not Taliban, demonstrate that they think it's okay to see nude women other than their wife and to show support for all Canadian women.
And since the Taliban also does not approve of alcohol, a cold six-pack at your side is further proof of your anti-Taliban sentiment.
The Canadian Government appreciates your efforts to root out terrorists and applauds your participation in this anti-terrorist activity.
God Bless Canada!

Sarge went bear hunting once but was having no luck in finding his quarry. All at once, he felt a tap on his shoulder from behind. It was a huge grizzly bear.

Sarge was shocked when the bear spoke to him. "You are hunting me, I'll bet", said the bear. "You may choose your punishment. Either I will maul you to death or fuck you up the arse!"

Sarge didn't want to die, so he consented to give the bear the pleasure of his booty. The bear left satisfied and the hunter returned to his cabin.

The next day, Sarge decided to kill the bear for revenge. But, as luck would have it, the grizzly found him first. Once again, Sarge felt the tap on his shoulder and the bear made his request. Sarge dropped his pants, bent over, and took what the beast had to offer.

The third day, Sarge was really irate and decided he would torture and kill that bear! Once more, though, the bear was the better hunter. When Sarge felt the familiar tap on his shoulder, he expected to hear the grizzly's offer of a choice again, but this time the bear just said, "You're not really into this for the hunting anymore, are you?!

An Englishman named FireBug wanted to become an Irishman, so he visited a doctor to find out how to go about this. "Well" said the doctor, "this is a very delicate operation and there is a lot that can go wrong. I will have to remove half your brain". "That's OK" said FireBug. "I've always wanted to be Irish and I'm prepared to take the risk".
The operation went ahead but FireBug woke to find a look of horror on the face of the doctor. "I'm so terribly sorry!!" the doctor said. "Instead of removing half the brain, I've taken the whole brain out". FireBug replied, "No worries, mate!!"

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by 0rion

Sarge went bear hunting once but was having no luck in finding his quarry. All at once, he felt a tap on his shoulder from behind. It was a huge grizzly bear.

Sarge was shocked when the bear spoke to him. "You are hunting me, I'll bet", said the bear. "You may choose your punishment. Either I will maul you to death or fuck you up the arse!"

Sarge didn't want to die, so he consented to give the bear the pleasure of his booty. The bear left satisfied and the hunter returned to his cabin.

The next day, Sarge decided to kill the bear for revenge. But, as luck would have it, the grizzly found him first. Once again, Sarge felt the tap on his shoulder and the bear made his request. Sarge dropped his pants, bent over, and took what the beast had to offer.

The third day, Sarge was really irate and decided he would torture and kill that bear! Once more, though, the bear was the better hunter. When Sarge felt the familiar tap on his shoulder, he expected to hear the grizzly's offer of a choice again, but this time the bear just said, "You're not really into this for the hunting anymore, are you?!

---

:haha::haha::haha::haha::haha:
:haha::haha::haha::haha::haha:
:haha::haha::haha::haha::haha:

It really makes me sad how people can make fun of other members on here.

Sarge goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer named FireBug and gets talking. FireBug shows off his big wheat field and Sarge says, "Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large".
Then they walk around the ranch a little, and FireBug shows off his herd of cattle. Sarge immediately says, " We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows".
The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when Sarge sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asked, "And what are those"?
FireBug replies with an incredulous look, "Don't you have any grasshoppers in Texas"?

Sarge goes into the Social Security Office and fills out an application. Too old to have a birth certificate, he is asked to prove he is old enough. Sarge opens his shirt and shows them the gray hair on his chest and they accept that as proof. He goes home to Mamma, show's her the check, and explains to her what has happened. She replies, "Well get back down there, pull down your pants, and see if you can get disability!"

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Nhra Firebird

It really makes me sad how people can make fun of other members on here.

---

Nhra Firebird and Burns were sitting on a park bench holding hands and Nhra Firebird was reading a travel brochure, Nhra Firebird sez - lets try GREECE this year, Burns replies- why,whats wrong with VASELINE

Sarge, wearing a stovepipe hat, a waistcoat and a phoney beard sat down at a bar and ordered a drink. As the bartender set it down, he asked, "Going to a party?" "Yeah," Sarge answered, "I'm supposed to come dressed as my love life." "But you look like Abe Lincoln," protested the barkeep. "That's right. My last four scores were seven years ago."

Nhrafirebird was walking down the street when he noticed Sarge sitting on the porch, in the rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down. "Sarge, what are you doing?" he exclaimed. Sarge looked off in the distance and did not answer him. "Sarge, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?" he asked again. Sarge slyly looked at him and said, "Well, last week I sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck. This was Mamma's idea!"

One evening his family brings Sarge to a nursing home and leaves him, hoping he will be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathe him, feed him a tasty breakfast, and set him in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. Sarge seems OK, but after a while he slowly starts to fall over sideways in his chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch him and straighten him up. Again he seems OK, but after a while he starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back and once more bring him back upright. This goes on all morning. Later the family arrives to see how Sarge is adjusting to his new home. "So Sarge, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?" They ask. "It's pretty nice," he replies. "Except they won't let you fart"

Sarge went to the local drug store and asked the pharmacist for Viagra. The pharmacist said "That's no problem. How many do you want?" Sarge answered, "Just a few, maybe 4, but cut each one in 4 pieces." The pharmacist said, "That won't do you any good." Sarge said, "That's alright. I don't need them for sex anymore as I am over 80 years old. I just want it to stick out far enough so I don't pee on my shoes."

Sarge had just moved out to the country and decided that he needed some animals, so he decided to walkup and down his road to see what his neighbors had.

The first farm he came across had a bunch of chickens running in the yard. “Say farmer” Sarge yells, “Would you be willing to sell me one of your chickens?” The farmer replies, “Sure, but around here we don’t call ‘em chickens, we call ‘em pullets”.

Sarge thanks the farmer for the advice and picks up the pullet and continues on down the road until he comes to the next farm where the yard is full of roosters. “Say farmer”, yells Sarge, “Would you be willing to sell me one of your roosters?” “Sure”, says the farmer, “but around here we don’t call ‘em roosters, we call ‘em cocks”.

Sarge thanks the farmer and puts the cock under his other arm and continues walking down the road. He soon spots a farm with a herd of donkeys. “I could use one of those”, he says . “Hey farmer”, he yells “Would you be willing to sell me one of your donkeys?” “Sure”, says the farmer “but around here we call them asses”.

Sarge takes the ass and starts leading him away when the farmer yells, “Hey that ass is a little persnickety. If he decides to sit down all you have to do to get him up again is scratch him behind his left ear.”

Thanking the farmer yet again Sarge decides to head for home with his animals. On the way the ass decided to sit down. Sarge was in a bit of trouble, he had his pullet under one arm and his cock under the other. If he put one down it would surely wander off.

Now it just so happened that a nun was just walking over the hill. Sarge quickly ran up to her. “Excuse me miss,” he said. “Would you hold my cock and pullet while I scratch my ass?”

Sarge went for his annual physical. All of his tests came back with great results. Dr. Smith said, "Sarge everything looks great physically. How are you doing mentally, emotionally and are you at peace with your self and have a good relationship with God?" Sarge replied, "God and me are tight. We are so close that when I get up in the middle of the night, poof!...the light goes on and I go to the bathroom and then poof! the light goes off!" "Wow," commented Dr. Smith, 'That's incredible!" A little later in the day Dr. Smith called Sarge's wife. "Mamma," he said, "Sarge is just fine. Physically he's great. But I had to call you because I'm in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and poof! The light goes on in the bathroom and then poof! The light goes off?" Mamma replied, "Oh God! He's peeing in the fridge again!"

Sarge goes to the doctor for a regular check up...

as he waits in his room a very hot beautiful young nurse walks in and begins examining him and she suddenly stops and says "Sarge... i'm afraid you're going to have to stop masterbating..." Alarmed Sarge asks 'why'... the nurse looks at Sarge and says "Because I'm trying to examine you right now..."

Sarge is in a hospital with a oxegen mask on his face... in walks a beautiful young nurse... as she walks by Sarge says in a very muffled voice from the mask "are my testicals black?*" the nurse blush and she says "I don't know... I guess i can check" so she gets down on her knees and lifts Sarges hospital atire and grabs his balls gently and inspects them... she gets back and says "No... they look just fine to me..."

Sarge pulls off the oxegen mask and says "Thanks... but i wanted to know if my 'test results were back'..."

Now this thread, is EPIC... :lol:

Orion and NHRAFirebird are going out for the evening. The last thing they do is put their cat out.

The taxi arrives, and as they walk out of the house, the cat scoots back in.

NHRAFirebird returns inside to chase it out. Orion, not wanting it known that the house would be empty, explains to the taxi driver, 'He is just going upstairs to say goodbye to Sarge.'

Several minutes later, an exhausted NHRAFirebird arrives and climbs back into the taxi saying, 'Sorry I took so long, the stupid idiot was hiding under the bed and I had to poke him with a coat hanger several times before I could get him to come out!'

Sarge and NHRAFirebird go on a camping trip, set up their tent, and fall asleep. Some hours later, Sarge wakes his faithful friend.

'Derek, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.'

Derek replies, 'I see millions of stars.'

Sarge asks him: 'What does that tell you?'

Derek ponders for a minute.' Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?

Sarge is silent for a moment, then says blankly: 'Derek, you idiot, someone has stolen our tent.'

Sarge was driving down the freeway, his cell phone rang.
Answering, he heard Mamma's voice urgently warning him,
"Sarge, I just heard on the news that there's some delusional old man in a car going the wrong way on highway. Please be careful!"

"Hell," said Sarge, "it's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"

Sarge went to his doctor seeking help for his terrible addiction to cigars. The doctor was quite familiar with his very compulsive patient, so recommended an unusual and quite drastic form of aversion therapy. "When you go to bed tonight, take one of your cigars, unwrap it, and stick it completely up your asshole. Then remove it, re-wrap it, and place it back with all the others in such a fashion as you can't tell which one it is. The aversion is obvious: you won't dare smoke any of them, not knowing which is the treated cigar." "Thanks doc said Sarge, I'll try it." And he did. But three weeks later Sarge came back to see the doctor again. "What? My recommendation didn't work? It was supposed to be effective even in the most addictive of cases!" "Well, said Sarge… it kind of worked, doc "What in the hell is that supposed to mean?" "Well, said Sarge, I don't smoke cigars anymore, but now I can't go to sleep at night unless I have a cigar shoved up my ass..."

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by FORD RECOVERY EXPERT

Sarge and NHRAFirebird go on a camping trip, set up their tent, and fall asleep. Some hours later, Sarge wakes his faithful friend.

'Derek, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.'

Derek replies, 'I see millions of stars.'

Sarge asks him: 'What does that tell you?'

Derek ponders for a minute.' Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?

Sarge is silent for a moment, then says blankly: 'Derek, you idiot, someone has stolen our tent.'

---

can we switch Sarge with KahanaReef? I would sooner camp with her.

:haha:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Nhra Firebird

can we switch Sarge with KahanaReef? I would sooner camp with her.

---

I like camping :naughty:

Sarge was walking into town one day wearing nothing but his gun and his boots. Just as he began walking down Main Street he was confronted by the Sheriff. ''Hey, Sarge, ya mind if I ask you what you are doin' walkin' down Main Street wearin' nothin' but your gunbelt and boots?''

''Well Sheriff,it's a long story.''

''I ain't going nowhere,'' said the Sheriff.

''Well Sheriff, a couple hours ago I ran into Mama in the saloon. We had ourselves a couple of drinks and then we started to feelin' kinda frisky and Mama said, 'Why don't we go out to the barn?' So we did. Then we started getting real close and cuddin' and smoochin' and Mama said, 'Why don't we go out back and go up to the top of the hill.' So we did. He continued, ''We started cuddlin' and smoochin' some more and the next thing I know, Mama had taken off all her clothes and she suggested that I do the same. So I did, all except my gunbelt and boots. Then Mama laid down on the ground and and said 'Okay, Sarge, go to town!' And, here I am Sheriff!''

Quote:

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Originally Posted by KahanaReef

I like camping :naughty:

---

I will bring the whip cream to make smores

Damn. Before I left to go out tonight there was only ONE PAGE. Now we're up to THREE. HOLY SHIT!!!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Nhra Firebird

I will bring the whip cream to make smores

---

What??? No Marshmallows or Chocolate :dunno:

The whipped cream is supposed to be for after Smores silly :p

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by KahanaReef

What??? No Marshmallows or Chocolate :dunno:

The whipped cream is supposed to be for after Smores silly :p

---

I guess we will have to skip the smores part.:p

Well Mama read this entire thread....I could hear her laughing all the way in the living room.......she walks back in and sits down......looks at me and sez..."them kids sure know you".....

By the way....what is Orion's maiden name anyway?

Sarge and Orion decide to take a camping trip. They pack up gear and leave on Friday. Friday evening they arrive at the camp site, set up camp and cook some grub. Sitting there Sarge offers up the idea that they should each go a different direction to see what the coolest thing to do way out here is. That way we can do the best thing Sunday before we leave. Orion agreed, and they went to their tents to get some rest. The following morning after breakfast Sarge took off to the East and Orion took off to the West. As it is getting dark they both arrive back at the camp site. They cook up some dinner and begin discussing the days events.
Orion: "So what did you do today?"
Sarge: "Well I found a cool little waterfall swam for awhile fished for awhile it was pretty chill!, So what did you do?'
Orion: "I found a train track and walked along it for awhile, then I found a woman TIED to the track, I untied her and we fucked all day long!"
Sarge: WOW did you get any head?
Orion: Nope couldn't find her Head!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Sarge

Well Mama read this entire thread....I could hear her laughing all the way in the living room.......she walks back in and sits down......looks at me and sez..."them kids sure know you".....

---

Glad Mama got a giggle out of it :D

:Popcorn:

One day Sarger complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts, I guess I should see a doctor."

His friend offered, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker an cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10."

Sarge figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water, avoid heavy lifting, and ease up on the masturbating. It will be better in two weeks.

Late that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, Sarge began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction.

Sarge went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message:

Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better.

How did you know my dog had worms?
WTF???
Internet magic...

the machine told me...

This thread sucks without me :shitstorm::no::screwy:

One day, Preston was enjoying the aquatic world 20 feet below sea level. He noticed Sarge at the same depth he was, but he had on no scuba gear whatsoever.

Preston went below another 20 feet, but Sarge joined him a few minutes later. Preston went below 25 feet, but minutes later, Sarge again joined him. This confused Preston, so he took out a waterproof chalkboard set, and wrote, "How the heck are you able to stay under this deep without equipment?"

Sarge took the board and chalk, erased what Preston had written, and wrote, "I'm drowning, you moron!"

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by KahanaReef

One day, Preston was enjoying the aquatic world 20 feet below sea level. He noticed Sarge at the same depth he was, but he had on no scuba gear whatsoever.

Preston went below another 20 feet, but Sarge joined him a few minutes later. Preston went below 25 feet, but minutes later, Sarge again joined him. This confused Preston, so he took out a waterproof chalkboard set, and wrote, "How the heck are you able to stay under this deep without equipment?"

Sarge took the board and chalk, erased what Preston had written, and wrote, "I'm drowning, you moron!"

---

:lmao:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by KahanaReef

One day, Preston was enjoying the aquatic world 20 feet below sea level. He noticed Sarge at the same depth he was, but he had on no scuba gear whatsoever.

Preston went below another 20 feet, but Sarge joined him a few minutes later. Preston went below 25 feet, but minutes later, Sarge again joined him. This confused Preston, so he took out a waterproof chalkboard set, and wrote, "How the heck are you able to stay under this deep without equipment?"

Sarge took the board and chalk, erased what Preston had written, and wrote, "I'm drowning, you moron!"

---

:spit::lol::rotfl::lmao:

awesome

Sarge was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. Mamma was
really pissed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 130 in 1.5 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning Sarge got up early and left for work. When Mamma woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, Mamma put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Sarge has been missing since Friday.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by FORD RECOVERY EXPERT

Sarge was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. Mamma was
really pissed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 130 in 1.5 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning Sarge got up early and left for work. When Mamma woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, Mamma put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Sarge has been missing since Friday.

---

:haha::lmao:

A few days after Christmas, KahanaReef was working in the kitchen listening to NHRA Firebird playing with his new electric train in the living room. KahanaReef heard the train stop and Derek said, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."

KahanaReef went nuts and told Derek, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."

Two hours later, Derek comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and KahanaReef heard Derek say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." she hears Derek continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."

As KahanaReef began to smile, Derek added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen."

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by FORD RECOVERY EXPERT

A few days after Christmas, KahanaReef was working in the kitchen listening to NHRA Firebird playing with his new electric train in the living room. KahanaReef heard the train stop and Derek said, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."

KahanaReef went nuts and told Derek, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."

Two hours later, Derek comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and KahanaReef heard Derek say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." she hears Derek continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."

As KahanaReef began to smile, Derek added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen."

---

Haha! I almost used that one too :lol:

GTP231 tells NHRA Firebird: "You know, I'm a virgin and I don't know
anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?"

"OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your butthole 'the
prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the
prisoner in the prison.

And then they made love for the first time.

Afterwards, the Derek is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.

Nudging him, Carpy giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped."

Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him."

After the second time they spent, Derek reaches for his cigarettes but
Carpy, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him
a suggestive smile, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!"

Derek rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently
born foal.

Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted.

Carpy nudges him and says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again."

Limply turning his head, Derek YELLS at him, "Hey, its not a life sentence,
OKAY!

SleeperC5 escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds KahanaReef and NHRAFirebird in bed.

He orders the Derek out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying KahanaReef to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, Derek tells KahanaReef:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong..."

To which KahanaReef responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong!!"

:haha: :p :lol:

Mamma decides to take Sarge to a strip club for his birthday.

They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, Sarge! How ya doin'?"

Mamma is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.
"Oh, no," says Sarge. "He's on my bowling team."

When they are seated, a waitress asks Sarge if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.

Mamma is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says,"How did she know that you drink Budweiser?"

"She's in the Ladies' Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them."

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Sarge, and says "Hi Sarge. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"

Mamma, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.

Sarge follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but Mamma is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book.

The cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, Sarge."

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by KahanaReef

One day, Preston was enjoying the aquatic world 20 feet below sea level. He noticed Sarge at the same depth he was, but he had on no scuba gear whatsoever.

Preston went below another 20 feet, but Sarge joined him a few minutes later. Preston went below 25 feet, but minutes later, Sarge again joined him. This confused Preston, so he took out a waterproof chalkboard set, and wrote, "How the heck are you able to stay under this deep without equipment?"

Sarge took the board and chalk, erased what Preston had written, and wrote, "I'm drowning, you moron!"

---

I have crashed the party :bravo::lmao::yourock:

A school bus full of catholic girls crashes and everyone on board dies and goes to heaven. At the pearly gates, they meet St. Peter. Peter tells them to form a line so he can get them into heaven in a timely manner.

After the line is formed her turns to the first girl in line and says, "Blackbeauty98, have you ever touched a penis?" Blackbeauty98 replies, "Yes, but only with my finger." Peter says, "that's fine, just dip your finger into the basin of holy water over there and you may enter heaven."

After Blackbeauty98 has entered heaven, Peter asks the second girl in line, "KahanaReef, have you ever touched a penis?" KahanaReef responds, "Yes, but only with my hand." Peter says, "that's fine, just dip your hand into the basin of holy water over there and you may enter heaven."

As soon as KahanaReef enters heaven, there is a commotion towards the end of the line and Peter sees a girl pushing her way to the front of the line. Peter calmly asks her, "Stevie, what is this all about?" Stevie answers, "I want to drink the holy water before TAP sticks her ass in it!"

^^^^AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAAA!!!!!!!::lol:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Sarge

KahanaReef explains to the doctor, "When I touch my arm, ouch, it hurts. When I touch my leg, ouch, it hurts. When I touch my head, ouch, it hurts. When I touch my chest, ouch, it hurts."
The doctor just shakes his head and asks, "You're a natural red hair, aren't you?"
KahanaReef smiles and says, "Why, yes I am. How did you know?"
The doctor replies, "Because your finger is broken."

---

Hey! I resemble that remark! :spit:

Sarge, Orion and Preston go to a ski lodge, But, there aren't enough beds. So, they all have to share a bed.

In the middle of the night, Preston wakes up and says, "I just had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!" Orion wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, as well. Then Sarge, who had slept in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!"

Kahanareef was due for an appointment with the gynecologist when early in the morning she received a call from his office. she had been rescheduled for early that morning at 9:30AM.

she had just packed everyone off to work and school and it was around 8:45.

The trip to his office usually took about 35 minutes so she didn't have any time to spare.

As most women do, I'm sure, Kahanareef liked to take a little extra effort over hygiene when making such visits, but this time she wasn't going to be able to make the full effort. So she rushed upstairs, threw off her clothes, wet the washcloth and gave herself a wash in "that area" in front of the sink, taking extra care to make sure that I was presentable.

she threw the washcloth in the clothes basket, out on some clothes, hopped in the car and raced to her appointment.

Kahanareef was in the waiting room only a few minutes when he called her in. Knowing the routine, as I am sure you all do, she hopped up on the table, looked over at the other side of the room and pretended she was in Hawaii.

she was a little surprised when he said: "My...we have taken a little extra effort this morning, haven't we?", but she thought nothing of it.

The appointment over, she heaved a sigh of relief and went home.

The rest of the day went normal, some shopping, cleaning and the evening etc. At 8:30 that evening her daughter was fixing to go to a school dance, when she called down from the bathroom, "Mom, where's my washcloth?"

Kahanareef yelled back for her to get another from the cabinet.

her daughter yelled back, "No I need the one that was here by the sink. It had all my glitter and sparkles in it."

Sarge, Preston, and Ed, were all getting short on cash, so they decided to go rob a bank and go hide out for awhile untill it was safe to come out of hiding and live normally...

Well they went out one night and found a rather large bank and started their ingenious plan, they cut the glass and slipped inside without a noise...

Once inside the bank shortly after midnight, their efforts at disabling the internal security system got underway immediately. They expected to find one or two large safes filled with cash and valuables, but were surprised to see hundreds of smaller safes scattered throughout the bank.

Ed cracked the first safe's combination, and inside Preston found only a bowl of vanilla pudding. As recorded on the bank's audio-tape system, Sarge said, "At least we'll get a bit to eat,"

Ed opened up a second safe, and it also contained nothing but vanilla pudding. The process continued until all the safes were opened.

They found not one pound sterling, a diamond, or an ounce of gold. Instead, all the safes contained covered bowls of pudding.

Disappointed, they made a quiet exit, each leaving with nothing more than a queasy, uncomfortably full stomach.

The newspaper headline the next morning read:

OKLAHOMA'S LARGEST SPERM BANK ROBBED EARLY THIS MORNING.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Sarge

An Englishman named FireBug wanted to become an Irishman, so he visited a doctor to find out how to go about this. "Well" said the doctor, "this is a very delicate operation and there is a lot that can go wrong. I will have to remove half your brain". "That's OK" said FireBug. "I've always wanted to be Irish and I'm prepared to take the risk".
The operation went ahead but FireBug woke to find a look of horror on the face of the doctor. "I'm so terribly sorry!!" the doctor said. "Instead of removing half the brain, I've taken the whole brain out". FireBug replied, "No worries, mate!!"

---

:lmao: It's funny cause it's true... :lol:

Sarge, an Firebug and Orcus were sitting in a bar enjoying a few beers.

Sarge grabbed his Budweiser beer, knocked it back in one gulp, threw the glass into the air, and shot it with his handgun. As he set the gun on the bar, he said to Firebug and Orcus, "In the great U.S. of A. we have so much money, we never drink out of the same glass twice.?"

Next Firebug his Fosters beer, threw the glass into the air, and shot the glass with Sarge's gun. As he was setting the gun back on the bar, he proclaimed, "In Australia, we have so much sand that glass is cheap, and we too never have to drink out of the same glass twice."

Finally, Orcus drank his Labatts Blue beer, grabbed the gun off the bar, and shot Sarge. As he was setting the gun back on the bar, he told Firebug, "In Canada, we have so many Americans, we never have to drink with the same one twice." :usa: :canada: :aussie:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Firebug

Sarge, an Firebug and Orcus were sitting in a bar enjoying a few beers.

Sarge grabbed his Budweiser beer, knocked it back in one gulp, threw the glass into the air, and shot it with his handgun. As he set the gun on the bar, he said to Firebug and Orcus, "In the great U.S. of A. we have so much money, we never drink out of the same glass twice.?"

Next Firebug his Fosters beer, threw the glass into the air, and shot the glass with Sarge's gun. As he was setting the gun back on the bar, he proclaimed, "In Australia, we have so much sand that glass is cheap, and we too never have to drink out of the same glass twice."

Finally, Orcus drank his Labatts Blue beer, grabbed the gun off the bar, and shot Sarge. As he was setting the gun back on the bar, he told Firebug, "In Canada, we have so many Americans, we never have to drink with the same one twice." :usa: :canada: :aussie:

---

Not to try and be off topic here but the sand in australia is amazing.... blew hawaii and florida to hell...

Truly amazing mate. Amazing how much one can carry in ones ass crack after a day at the beach... :lol:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Firebug

Truly amazing mate. Amazing how much one can carry in ones ass crack after a day at the beach... :lol:

---

no doubt... I had sand coming outa places i never knew i had....

Sarge and Firebug are at a bar drinking beer when the conversation turns to sex.

Sarge says, "Us Texans are great lovers. After 6 hours of continuous
love making to Mamma, she levitates 3 feet off the bed!"

Firebug says: "Streuth mate, when I've finished 'rooting'
me Sheila, I get off the bed, wipe me cock on the curtains...and
she goes through the fucking roof!!"

Sarge, Derek and Orion were all sitting around drinking beer. Orion was drinking coolers light. After he finished his beer he tossed the can up in the air, and pulled out his gun to shoot it. He said, "I just shot the silver bullet." Sarge was drinking Budweiser and after he finished his beer he tossed it up in the air and shot it. Sarge said, " I just shot the king of beers." Derek was drinking Old Milwaukee and after he finished the beer he tossed it up and shot Orion in the head and said, "It doesn't get any better then this."

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by suede

Sarge, Preston, and Ed, were all getting short on cash, so they decided to go rob a bank and go hide out for awhile untill it was safe to come out of hiding and live normally...

Well they went out one night and found a rather large bank and started their ingenious plan, they cut the glass and slipped inside without a noise...

Once inside the bank shortly after midnight, their efforts at disabling the internal security system got underway immediately. They expected to find one or two large safes filled with cash and valuables, but were surprised to see hundreds of smaller safes scattered throughout the bank.

Ed cracked the first safe's combination, and inside Preston found only a bowl of vanilla pudding. As recorded on the bank's audio-tape system, Sarge said, "At least we'll get a bit to eat,"

Ed opened up a second safe, and it also contained nothing but vanilla pudding. The process continued until all the safes were opened.

They found not one pound sterling, a diamond, or an ounce of gold. Instead, all the safes contained covered bowls of pudding.

Disappointed, they made a quiet exit, each leaving with nothing more than a queasy, uncomfortably full stomach.

The newspaper headline the next morning read:

OKLAHOMA'S LARGEST SPERM BANK ROBBED EARLY THIS MORNING.

---

THAT'S F---ING NASTY!!!!! EEEEEWWWWWWW!!!!:barfonu::lmao:

Sarge and Nhrafirebird were over at Sarge's place one time and Sarge says watch this. He walks over to his dog and makes a fist and punches the dog right in the top of the head. Immediately the dog starts to lick Sarge's balls.
Sarge turns to Nhrafirebird and says " You wanna give it a try?" and Nhrafirebird says "Sure, but don't hit me that hard."

:gotpics:

^^You wanna see derek licking Sarge's balls???


:Puke:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by FORD RECOVERY EXPERT

^^You wanna see derek licking Sarge's balls???


:Puke:

---

:think: