This sucks! I haven't talked to many people and don't really rely on the internet for things like this too much but I'm curious if anyone thinks I'm a fool. A little back ground.
The wife an I have been together for 7 years. We were young when we got married. She had a troubled past, as did I and we saw something in each other. We could lean on each other and get through our issues together. Anyway...7 years and 2 awesome little kids later, my life has been plagued with bad decisions. I'm not nor will I ever say that I'm perfect...I certainly am an asshole and have screwed up my share of things in our life together but 4 years ago I came home from a trip with the military to, "I don't love you anymore!" I fought for 2 years. Went to counseling and all. She told me I needed counseling because of PTSD and never having dealt with my father dying when I was young. She told me she needed it too. So we went to counseling together. She said she wanted to do it together and the first session turned into her bashing me for being there and telling me that I was the one who needed it. So, in order to save my marriage and keep her from taking my boys I kept going alone. I can honestly say that it helped me. Her answer to counseling was to talk to her mom on the phone. Her mom and her mom's decisions plagued my wife and were a direct reason for many of her troubles. I told her I thought it may not be the best venue and that she should seek professional help but that I stood behind her decision and supported it. Things got better for a while. She was back in college and essentially dropped out. (That's how I see it.) She was in a certificate program. The first year is in prep for a test (intermediate) and the second year for another (professional). After the first year she said she wanted to wait to take the test until she was done with the second year and just do both tests at once. I asked if that was logical and admitted to not being able to give much advise because I know hardly anything about her chosen profession. She said it would work. Again, I was behind her at first. Then she finished the second year and decided she wasn't ready to take the tests. She said she wanted to go back and re-study her books from the first year. I told her that the further she got away from formal schooling, the harder it would be to take the test and do well on it. She blew my comments off. I took a job that required us to move across the state and she quit working. She couldn't find work and started getting depressed because she didn't have any friends. She was sitting at home spending money hand over fist on our single income. I complained but tried to limit my open frustration. She finally took the test and failed it. I didn't say anything and she got mad at me. She told me I could have at least told her, "It's going to be ok." I said I was a realist and that I couldn't say that because I didn't think that. She called her mom who immediately called me and called me everything in the book for not being supportive. So my wife decided to go back to school. I kind of rolled my eyes but said if that was what she wanted to do...fine. She is doing well and I frequently ask her how its going, give her help when she asks and tell her good job when she does a good job. There were lots of thing in there that I got upset about and we had our issues but recently it's gotten kinda crazy.
It wasn't the first time something like this happened but I went out of town and she didn't have a baby sitter. A friend came to the rescue but we had to leave the kids a couple hundred miles away for the week. When I got home we went to get them. On the way home, our older son stepped in a fire ant bed. He had probably 20 ants on his feet biting him. She was brushing them off and yelling at him to stop crying before she gave him a reason to cry. When both the boys were in the car I cornered her, "Fuck babe...I'm grown and if I had ant all over me like that...I'd think about crying too. Take it easy on him." She started sulking and continued the whole home.
When we got home she fussed at me for accelerating in her car. I told her I paid the car note, insurance, bought the gas and paid for the tires. The way I saw it, I could drive it anyway I wanted to drive it. it probably wasn't the best thing to say but at the time, I was still pissed about her yelling at my boy for something totally stupid.
She didn't say much at all to me the rest of the night and I went to bed so I could get up at 6 in the morning. When I got up she said that she needed to tell me something. She told me how one of the guys at the Honda dealer she works at had gone out driving off road and gotten stuck. He called her at 2AM to see if she could help him. So she tool my truck and went to go help him. I freaked out. I told her she had no business out at that time of night, married with some dude who was too dumb to keep his truck out of somewhere he shouldn't have driven it. I've been stuck but I always go with a crew of guys and we pull each other out. I never do that shit alone. I explained all of that and she said that she was the only person he knew with a truck. Again, I opened my mouth..."I paid off my damn truck. I had it before I knew you and I work on the damn thing myself. I put the lift kit on it. It's not your damn truck to me driving off road especially with out ask me or even telling me you were going out to help that damn drama queen you work with." She started crying and I wasn't nearly done. She had gone out earlier in the month a 2 am to go walk on the beach without telling me and left me in a frenzy trying to find her. We have 2 kids and both work. I'm at work at 7am, she's at work at 8. Why the hell would a logical person want to be out at that time if they have to go to work in the morning? So I kept going. I told her she was making bad decisions and I was tired of fixing her fuck ups. I was tired of our sons having to deal with her dumb, selfish decisions and having to scrape my ass to get things back in order. I was tired of her over drafting her bank account and me having to take money out of our savings to fix it or count pennies to keep everything going and then I said something bad....Do you just want a divorce. I walked out of the room and went to work.
The next morning her friend slapped me on the shoulder for saying all of that and asked me if I meant it. I stupidly replied..."You damn right I did." as I drove away. So she told my wife. That night my wife asked me if I meant it. I knew immediately that she and her friend had talked and so I said...Yup. I did. I do. I'm pissed off and I'm tired.
I try to make decisions based on logic and keep from saying things when emotions are running high. But so far we've been working together and agreeing on how we are going to divide everything. We have an agreement on the kids.
Today she wanted us to go sit with a lawyer and told me she had the kids taken care of so we could go. Then right before we were going to leave she asked me if I was going to pick up our oldest from the bus stop. I asked if she was going to the lawyer and she said yes. I asked if we were supposed to bring the kids and she said, "No." So I asked who was watching them and she said she didn't know, she hadn't thought about it. I told her to go and I'd stay with my boys.
I know this is a long rant and that there are three sides to every story. I left a ton of stuff out to include her driving my kids home drunk. All she had to do was call me and I'd have come and gotten her and the boys. I'm so damn tired of stupidity and simple lack of thought.
I'm sure she has problems with things I've done but am I illogical to be pissed?
