a list of humorous things I found.... Enjoy.
I do know everything, just not all at once. It's a virtual memory problem.
Code so clean you could eat off it
I'm having a problem here. Do I put the serial number in the box that says 'serial number,' or do I put it in the box that says 'company'? - Oh, those poor tech support people
Why geeks like computers: unzip, strip, touch, finger, grep, mount, fsck, more, yes,fsck,fsck,fsck,umount, sleep.
10 Sin
20 goto Hell
2 * 3 * 3 * 37 : The prime factorization of The Beast
665.9238429876 - Number of the Pentium Beast
A bad random number generator: 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 4.33e+67, 1, 1, 1...
A computer is like an Old Testament god, with a lot of rules and no mercy. - Joseph Campbell
A computer scientist is someone who, when told to 'Go to Hell', sees the 'go to', rather than the destination, as harmful.
A core dump is your computer's way of saying "Here's what's on my mind, what's on yours?"
A good programmer is someone who looks both ways before crossing a one-way street. - Doug Linder
A hacker does for love what others would not do for money.
A nerd is someone whose life revolves around computers and technology. A geek is someone whose life revolves around computers and technology, and likes it!
A program is a device used to convert data into error messages.
A)bort, R)etry, I)nfluence with large hammer.
ACK and you shall receive.
Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.
All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?
And God said "Let there be light." But then the program crashed because he was trying to access the 'light' property of a NULL universe pointer.
APATHY ERROR: Don't bother striking any key.
Application has reported a 'Not My Fault' in module KRNL.EXE in line 0200:103F
As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.
Back when I was a boy, we carved our own IC's out of wood.
Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay...
Behind every good computer... is a jumble of wires 'n stuff.
Being married to a programmer is like having a cat. You talk to it but you're never really sure if it hears you, much less comprehends what you say.
Beta testers who lie! Next time on Geraldo!
Beta. Software undergoes beta testing shortly before it's released. Beta is Latin for 'still doesn't work.'
BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go!
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot. C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg. - Bjarne 'Stumpy' Stroustrup
C Programmers do it recursively.
C.O.B.O.L - Completely Obsolete Boring Old Language.
Calculating in binary code is as easy as 01,10,11.
Carpe Aptenodytes! (Seize the Penguins!)
Computer Science: solving today's problems tomorrow.
Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
cthread. cthread_fork(). Fork, thread, fork!
Documentation is like sex: when it is good, it is very, very good. And when it is bad, it is better than nothing. - Dick Brandon
Drag me, drop me, treat me like an object!
During my service in the United States Congress, I took the initiative in creating the Internet. - Al Gore, March 9, 1999: On CNN's Late Edition
End User (V): An act the Customer Support Staff wishes to carry out. (Known variant is "Disastrously End User" depending upon the magnitude of the stupidity.) - Anis Shiekh
Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue...
Epigram: Ada is the 400-pound gorilla of programming languages.
Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.
Error: Sector not found -- search behind couch? (Y/N)
Excuse me for butting in, but I'm interrupt-driven...
FATAL ERROR! SYSTEM HALTED! - Press any key to do nothing...
File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
Fine, fine, everything is fine. But using your GUI's breaking my mind! Change this, don't change that, can't you redesign!!! (to the tune of 'read the signs')
Finish the project. We'll buy you a new family.
Found in the OpenGL header file for Visual C++ 6: 'typedef GLint int '. AAAARRRRGGGHHHH!!! [Don't get it? You're not a C programmer.]
Frequent lock ups are a symptom of not enough memory but only in the way that nosebleeds are a symptom of gunshot wounds to the head.
Geek by nature, Linux by choice!
Give me one good compiler and I can redesign the world.
God is real... unless declared an integer.
Hey! It compiles! Ship it!
Historically speaking, the presence of wheels in Unix has never precluded their reinvention. - Larry Wall
I feel like a genocidal maniac when emacs asks me if I want to kill 10789 characters.
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
I read the FM, and it didn't work.
I thought I had a back-up, but she refused to type it in again.
ICMP: The protocol that goes PING!
If computers were a religion, I'd be the Pope.
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce today would cost $100, get a million miles to the gallon, and explode once every few weeks, killing everyone inside.
If the Start Windows Restart when Windows starts check box is checked Windows Restart will start automatically every time Windows is started. - Actual excerpt from a windows program help file
If you declare love, what identifier scope does it have?
Intel: We put the 'um...' in Pentium.
Let's face the obvious. Yesterday we were nerds. Today we're the cognitive elite. Let's conquer. - Chester G. Edwards
Life is like an Adventure... BUT COOL GRAPHICS
Life's unfair - but root password helps!
Linux renders ships, NT is rendering ships useless.
Linux: Because rebooting is for adding new hardware.
M.C.S.E :- Minesweeper Consultant & Solitaire Expert
Mac OS X. Because making Unix user-friendly is easier than debugging Windows.
Marketer to coder: "You start coding. I'll go find out what they want."
Mountain Dew and doughnuts... because breakfast is the most important meal of the day.
mv bin/laden /dev/null
My operat~1 system unders~1 long filena~1 , does yours?
My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.
No trees were killed in the creation of this message. However, many electrons were terrible inconvenienced.
Once we've got the bugs ironed out, we'll be running on flat bugs.
PCMCIA - People Can't Memorise Computer Industry Acronyms
Press any key to continue or any other key to quit...
Programmer's Drinking Song: 99 programming bugs in the code/99 programing bugs/Fix one bug/compile it again/now there's 100 bugs in the code! (repeat until bugs==0)
Programmers never die: They just GOSUB without RETURN.
Programming graphics in X is like finding sqrt(pi) using Roman numerals.
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning. - Rich Cook
Real programmers don't document. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to understand.
Real_men_don't_need_spacebars.
Remaining time multiplied by distress is constant.
RTFM: No just an acronym, it's the LAW!
Sleep: A completely inadequate substitute for caffeine.
Software isn't released, it's allowed to escape.
Spouse: 'What did you do today?' Computer Science Prof: 'I taught some UNIX.' Spouse: 'That's nice, dear. What did you teach them?'
Standards are industry's way of codifying obsolescence.
Students nowadays, complaining they only get 5MBs of disk space! In my day we were lucky if we had one file, and that was /dev/null.
Technical support is how much a minute? Only one other industry charges $3.99 a minute to talk to you, and at least you get some degree of pleasure out of that!
The Geek shall inherit the earth. - Linus 5:5
The programmer's national anthem is 'AAAAAAAARRRRGHHHHH!!'.
The three most dangerous things are a programmer with a soldering iron, a manager who codes, and a user who gets ideas.
There are 10 kinds of people in the world: Those who understand binary and those who don't...
There are two ways to write error-free programs. Only the third one works.
This message has been brought to you by the language C and the number F.
Three things are certain: Death, taxes, and lost data. Guess which has occurred...
To know recursion, you must first know recursion.
True software development embraces consistent inconsistency.
Universe.SYS corrupted. Reboot? [Y/N]
Unix, BASIC, C, PASCAL, APL, ADA, and PROFANITY spoken here.
VI VI VI The editor of the beast.
Whip me. Beat me. Make me maintain AIX.
You know you're obsessed with computer graphics when you're outside and you look up at the trees and think, "Wow! That's spectacular resolution!"
You know you've spent too much time on the computer when you spill milk and the first thing you think is, 'edit, undo.'
You've heard about the computer programmer that died while washing his hair in the shower. The instructions said, 'Lather, rinse, repeat.'
