Things My Mother Taught Me

For Mother's Day....Things My Mother Taught Me.

{Yeah I know I'm late, so what!}



1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside.. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC .
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS .
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA .
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION .
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING .
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT .
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE .
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

Yep, it's all in the handbook and we all have it memorized too :yup:

Yup. My mother has told me alot of those. :D

I believe I've heard everyone

I almost thought Orion was the OP...

mine is more along the lines of what my parents taught me


1 My father taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .
"If you don't do it the way I say you will do it until it is right"

2 My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that your father is in a good mood when he gets home"

3 My father taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you back into the middle ages!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why."

5 My father taught me MORE LOGIC .
"if you break your damn neck don't come running to me crying"

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My father taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS .
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9 My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10 My father taught me about STAMINA .
"GET YOUR ASS OUT OF BED I HAVE ALOT OF WORK FOR YOU TO DO" (usually came at 5am after getting home at 4am from drinking at friends houses)

11 My Father taught me about WEATHER.
" I will beat you until you cry up a storm"

12 My father taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"don't you dare go out and buy another car" ( he had 20 collectors cars at the time)

13. My father taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out, and it don't bother me because I can make another just like you"

14 My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION .
"Stop acting like your father!"

15 My mother taught me about ENVY.
"not everyone has a mother and father like you have"

16. My father taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Go to your room while I think of your punishment."

17. My father taught me about RECEIVING .
~whistle~ ~WHACK~ (The sound the paddle made)

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"if you eat any more of that super spicy chili you made your gonna shit yourself to death"

19 my father tought me ESP
"BOY DON'T LIE TO ME ,I KNOW WHEN YOUR LYING"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"Don't make me get the paddle" (funny because it never hurt from her)
21. My father taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT .
"IF YOU DON'T LISTEN TO ME YOU WON'T MAKE IT TO YOUR NEXT BIRTHDAY"

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're a jackass just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"(to which I responded once ONCE well you said I am a jackass)

24. My father taught me WISDOM.
"if you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. My parents taught me about JUSTICE .
"I hope you have a son just like you or worse"

26 my mother taught me about THE UNDEAD

" WHEN YOUR FATHER GETS HOME HE IS GIONG TO KILL YOU(or half kill you)"