Class-Action Lawsuit Filed Against Barack Obama
Just hours after Barack Obama was elected the first black president in the history of the United States of America, a $500 million class-action lawsuit has been filed against him on behalf of more than 40,000 African-American male plaintiffs. The lawsuit, filed in Illinois state court, claims that Barack Obama’s election to the US presidency has unfairly denied them the use of systematic nationwide racism as a reason for their shiftless, lazy and generally irresponsible ways.
The attorney handling the lawsuit, Reuban Himmelfarb-Jackson JSD, released this statement, “Countless black people in this country have depended on America’s racism to validate their inactions and bad choices. Not to mention giving them the freedom to not try to succeed. Now that Mr. Obama has become president people are expecting them to actually put forth effort. And I think we all know that that’s just not right.”
A plaintiff, who identified himself only as Lil Poo, had this to say, “Because of that damn Barack Obama my mama said I gotta move out her basement and get a job. Three of my babies’ mamas are actually expecting child support and worse they want me to spend time with my kids. Dis is some bulls**t!”
At the time of publishing, President Elect Obama could not be reached for comment. However, one of his spokesmen said that the lawsuit is completely without merit, citing the fact that Obama is only half black and was raised by a white mother and grandmother. Himmelfarb-Jackson, who is half Jewish and half African-American himself and was raised by his “Bubby”, refuted the bi-racial argument based on the long accepted one-drop rule, saying, “I don’t care if he’s mulatto, quadroon or octoroon. Hell he could be hexadecaroon for all I care. In this country he’s seen as a black man just like me and just like my clients.”
One of our Atlanta based reporters spoke to another plaintiff, Quontavious Jenkins, from his room at Grady Memorial Hospital. Mr. Jenkins is quoted as saying, “I’ve lived in Atlanta all my life. I’ve been surrounded by successful black folks. But until now no one ever expected anything of me. I was free to claim that Atlanta was an anomaly because the rest of the country was generally racist and wouldn’t let me get ahead no matter how hard I tried. Thanks to Obama, that’s all over. The whole “yes we can” thing was great but no one said anything about “now we expect you to”. What am I gonna tell my nana when she asks why I haven’t found a job?” When asked why he was hospitalized, Mr. Jenkins declined to respond. However, further checking revealed that he suffered a mild stroke when he realized he would have to get a job and stop living off his grandmother’s social security benefits. We also found that Mr. Jenkins holds degrees in both thermonuclear physics and actuarial science from Georgia Tech University.
