WS.6 College Essay

[Styke]

I just got done writing this for a class and it's due in about 8 hours. This is really rough draft but i liked so i was hoping to get some feedback.

"First gear. It’s like riding 325 horses at once. They start slow, one after the other. Each hoof hits the ground and thumps in unison with hundreds of others creating the most beautiful rumble you will ever hear. They move as one body, gaining speed as they push through anything in their path. The front end of the car lifts up as if it’s about leave the ground completely. I grasp the smooth leather shifter tighter as I push the motor to the far edge of limits. It growls in a low, angry voice as I engage the clutch.

Second gear. I jam the shifter backwards. It seems a shame to handle such a delicate thing in a way you might treat a dangerous horse. As soon as that realization comes so does another, I am dealing with a dangerous horse, hundreds of them in fact. Now as I push the accelerator harder, knowing it’s as far down as it goes, I’m happy for the comfortable leather seats hugging my hips and shoulders. I’m being pulled back by a million hands, but the horses keep on pulling.

Third gear. I push up hard on the leather ball a top the shifter that I just can’t seem to let go of. I push even harder on the gas. I front of me now I can see my destination, a large yellow square, turned to an angle. I’m still too far to read the inscriptions on the sign, but I will find out soon enough. I take a moment to glance up; the sun and clouds are smiling at me, so brightly that I have to blink for the first time since I saddled my horses.

Fourth Gear. Again, I attack the shifter and throw back harder than I ever have before. As I disengage the clutch the engine sings to me. It praises me for my tough love. Less hands are pulling me into my dark leather throne and my horses seem to be pulling less hard, but still gaining speed none the less. The white lines on the road in front of me are blurring into one solid trail leading me on, guiding me into the distance closer to my goal. The yellow diamond sign is closer than ever and growing at immense speed. Almost there.

Fifth gear. I change gears in the usual fashion, and my car loves it. It only whines slightly at the fact it can’t accelerate the way it has been. But when the world is flying by a hundred miles an hour you don’t need to go any faster, it’s time sit back and enjoy your surroundings. I can just start to make out the black, block style writing on the sign ahead.
Sixth gear. As I pull toward the yellow sign I speed read it faster than my horses run.

Shit. “Stop sign ahead”.

Metal on metal screams and rubber on asphalt wails as I hit the brakes harder than I ever had hit the gas. The horses disappear in flash, my surrounding fade into focus and I can make out individual trees instead of a green blur over a brown one. I see the sign, a red and white dot in the distance. But the distance is not far enough, I’m there and gone in a second, leaving the sign in my rearview mirror. Red, blue, and silver streaks fly past in front, behind and next to me. Trying desperately to avoid them I crank the stiff gritty wheel to the right and my world begins to spiral wildly. After spinning for what felt like hours, or at least long enough for me to think about how ironic it was that my goal was actually deadly stunt, I come a stop. In front of me was the back of a stop sign and behind me was the back of another. There are two more positioned in the same way to my left and right. Spaced between them are people with blank stares looking over their own steering wheels. I engage the clutch and head back the way I came, embarrassed at my own ignorance yet still smiling at my own luck. First gear. It’s like riding 325 horses at the same time."

[2000pontiac6]

i didnt read the whole thing but why would you start it and end it with basically the same exact sentance? Creative way of writing tho, splitting paragraphs by gears

[SexyWS6Mama]

hmm. yeah..i'm not digging the last sentence either....I see that you wanted to bring back something to connect but maybe by just re-wording that last sentence it may help. Or write a new last sentence.

Sounds good. You want to write one about an A4 now??

[Jon7I2]

Awesome paper!

[BULLET_WS6]

that is completely badass... the last sentence makes the whole paper, dont listen to them if they didnt read the whole thing

[Jon7I2]

I couldn't agree more w/ the last statement, very well writen.

[01WS6speed]

all of my professors have positive comments when i end a paper with what it was started with... i like it... just your professor might not like the shit part in it lmao