Y'all Are Gonna Think I'm Fucked Up

[tater_salad]

Ok... time....


Normally, I'm a happy-go-lucky kinda guy. I try to be friendly to everybody, a genuine "nice-guy", I guess.

I'm slowly beginning to see, at my young age of 19 (IDK why my age is messed up), that it's getting me no where fast. Even still, I'm not gonna become a dick to everybody now, though.

I'm in, what I like to call, a "rut". I can't seem to hold a job, I'm not sure why, but I can't. It's just as hard for me to find a job, as well. I'm still claimed by my family, so I couldn't get financial aid for college, so I had to quit and go to work to try to support myself. I had a job as a car salesman. I did alright the month I was there, I sold 5, having never sold anything in my life. After a month, the dealership was screwing with mine and 6 other salepeople's money, so we all left. Took me about 2 months to find a job at a pharmacy for long term care facilities. I wasn't very well recieved by my co-workers and direct supervisors, so I was fired during my "probationary" period. They told me they had to constantly remind me to step up production, which was BS. Took me another couple of months to find a job at a small junk yard/parts place. Worked 2 weeks and was told I "wasn't what we're looking for". Nobody ever stood over me like bosses claimed. That was the middle of September. Now I've been without a job for a month. In NC, no car insurance is illegal. So my plates and my liscence are about to be taken away. Liscence because I thought I had a court date moved back for my seatbelt ticket and it wasn't.

My relationship with my family is stressed, to say the least. I don't really get along with my Ma or Stepdad. Granted my Stepdad has been like a father to me, but he always sides with my Ma. My Dad and I are too much alike, we can't be around each other for more than 30 minutes or so or we're at each other's throats. My Grandparents are about the only "family" that I really have.

My friends have helped me out on so many things, but I feel like a burden when I hang out. Only the job at the dealership has been considered "Full Time" but I wasn't there long enough for insurance, and I have medical problems. These problems keep me out of the military, as well.

I don't know what's wrong with me, but I'm beginning to think that suicide is the only way out. I know something's wrong with me, but I can't seem to fix it. I don't know what it is. I just feel like a nuisance to those around me. If I weren't around, my friends and family wouldn't have to worry about me. They wouldn't have to help me out. I wouldn't have to worry about anything...

[whiteLS1TA]

whoa bro thats deep. im in a similair situtation, i feel you though its tough but what i have learned is that once your out of high school you step in whats called "real life" no ones cares about you but yourself and family. even then you have got to do things for yourself, situtations like this makes you and i and other people out there with the same problems as us, men. i've been out of my parents house since i was 17 im 20 now and i didnt know what to do. i got my ass a job at a refinery and busted my ass at that job and saved my money, i now have a 2001 trans am, got my own place with my girl. i i got fired from my job on perpose so i can get unemployment and then went to college because when i was working i realized i was better and i wasnt going to labor for the rest of my life, ima get me and education and make that money. but through all that bro its up to you wether you wanna succeed or not. suicide is a cop out. and you could get finacial aid in college just ask for an application for independent status. thats what i did i get 2,300 a month. i mean im not trying to preach my young brotha but damn man up and do what you gotta do, its game time baby its the real deal now!

[Danger731]

At age 22 you are still young enough to be able to handle a college load. Staying up long hours to study. Focus on 1 thing, yourself only. You are the one that can overcome all the adversity.There is plenty of money available. Go to the financial aid department at the school. I was under my parents when I went and I got financial aid. I had no car, the college was 4 miles away. It was N.J. and I rode my bike in the snow to get there. It sucked but I was determined to go. My dad was a violent drunk but it is all behind me now. I am looking forward to finish my masters degree in summer of 09. As for the labor job, I know how you feel. I worked in an iron works and busted my ass. I was in my 20 and my back was so f'd up I couldn't run fast or sit for more than 45 minutes or my back would ache. Anyone can overcome adversity, you just need to stay focused.

[Nastyfoot]

At age 22 you are still young enough to be able to handle a college load. Staying up long hours to study. Focus on 1 thing, yourself only. You are the one that can overcome all the adversity.There is plenty of money available. Go to the financial aid department at the school. I was under my parents when I went and I got financial aid. I had no car, the college was 4 miles away. It was N.J. and I rode my bike in the snow to get there. It sucked but I was determined to go. My dad was a violent drunk but it is all behind me now. I am looking forward to finish my masters degree in summer of 09. As for the labor job, I know how you feel. I worked in an iron works and busted my ass. I was in my 20 and my back was so f'd up I couldn't run fast or sit for more than 45 minutes or my back would ache. Anyone can overcome adversity, you just need to stay focused.

Well said. And if school doesn't work out, get 3 part time jobs if you need to. Maybe one of them will work into full time. Your too youg to be thinking like that.

You want to be a burden on people, go ahead and kill yourself. People around you will never forgive them selves because they will miss you and wish they could have done somthing.

Now pull your head outta your ass and stop feeling sorry for yourself. That's only gonna work for a small time. Get out there and get going!

[Nastyfoot]

Oh, and remember, you got us here at LS1. You can always come here to shoot the shit when your in the dumps. We''ll pull you up bro!

[secondgearscratch]

sounds like me.

spent a few days in the psych ward last year when i thought the suicide thing should and could happen. didnt turn out like i planned.

ill tell you what, im fucking up college with my procrastination, just got a job but still have no money. my parents have always been crazy and when they were to far away to be at each others throats they came running for mine.

everything is fucked up. i completely understand.

but living is whats great about it.

im in the exact same rut you describe, and ive been in it for about two years. it engulfs everything and the guilt just never leaves. makes you feel chronically depressed.

but you have to do something drastic to pull yourself out of it.

right now i skipped school because i didnt study for an exam and the mid term papers are due, another feat i have yet to accomplish. but i have to do these things. have to.

my z28 is nearly my life and sitting next to it is a 4 cylinder s10 that my dad just split the cost with me. i have to sell the camaro to get out from under debt. so im doing it, begrudgingly.

trust me when i say, actual help is few and far between. you have to go this alone, and be alittle selfish. life for me when down the shitter because i cared too much about immediate family, friends, and girlfriends and neglected the very things that could and should make me successful, or at the very least more sane.

keep pushing. its the only way.

[Neo]

I used to feel the same way too, about a year ago. Almost nothing was going well for me. School was shitty, had very very few friends, that whole BS with that girl, my back wouldn't let me play football, etc. My life fuckin sucked. Only reason I didn't kill myself is because I knew in my heart that it was selfish.

And that's why I pushed through it. I knew that there were always people out there that cared about me. That's what helped me the most. I sat back and realized just how many people there were out there that would be devastated and have their lives ruined if I were to do anything. Try it, sit back and count how many people you think would be devastated if you did that to yourself. Your parents, grandparents, friends, even us on LS1, man.

We're all here for you, and that's what's great about living. It's not about cash or education or any of that petty bullshit. It's about working hard and trying your best and, no matter what, loving everything. After I got out out of my depression I realized just how much there really is to live for. I appreciate so many things now. Now, if someone tells me I'm their friend, I'm deeply touched by it. Even if I know they consider me a friend, it's still nice to hear it.

My opinion on you and your jobs is going to be hard to swallow. I think that you truly aren't working as hard as you can. I think that your excuses for getting fired are just that: excuses. You need to realize that you have to work as hard as you can if you want to succeed in life. All those reasons for you getting fire leaves me with the feeling that you're lazy, and you just think they're being unfair when they let you go. Tough shit, son. Learn from it. Don't make excuses. You're not entitled to anything, champ. If you want your life to be better, then MAKE it better. Reach out to your family for once. Tell them you're going through a "rut" and you need their help more than ever. I disagree with secondgearscratch. This is the time that you need your family and friends the most. Don't be selfish. Tell other people what's going on, open up. Here's when you find out who really cares about you.

Fight through it, man.

[Blitzed]

Man, Alot of you guys sound like your having a hard time. Heres how I look at it, Killing yourself is EMO and EMOs are gay, don't be gay

[secondgearscratch]

i didnt mean to insinuate that you shouldnt care about what youre family and friends think. if you think that then i apologize.

of course you need any help you can get, and being an island is what has probably (in part) gotten you to this point. what i mean is that you need to concern yourself with your life and forget all the bullshit. put your head down and get through it.

my buddies have gotten me through alot as well as opening my ears and eyes as to why im in a rut in the first place. brutal honesty is the key and consequently the first step in solving your own problems. dont RELY on others, rely on yourself.

[redls1]

I feel the same way and hope to not live past 60 as life is a waste of time. I am bipolar and am a little screwed in the head but non the less go day by day. I have a job interview tomorrow and maybe things will look up.

[ztrouble]

i just have no regard left for life... thats why i want to be a gunner on an aircraft, high speed strikes fucking ragheads up and if i get hit i get hit

[redls1]

Yeah if I wasnt to old and messed up in the head I would love to be a sniper in the world someplace.

[Blitzed]

Jesus, alot of you have issues......

cept' for Ztrouble, fucking rag heads up is awesome!

[redls1]

issues issues, just pent up anger!!! LOL

[FantaZGuy28]

Man, Alot of you guys sound like your having a hard time. Heres how I look at it, Killing yourself is EMO and EMOs are gay, don't be gay

[redls1]

I dont want to kill myself anymore, just think life sucks.

[FantaZGuy28]

Just think of it like this, after you've lost everything your free to do anything.


A little quote from Mr. Tyler Durden himself

[joerockhead]

Tater, 19 is a tough fuckin age. You have all these great dreams and ideas of how life was going to be, and then you get hit in the face by a door.
It happens to most everyone. Some are lucky, and get up and get going right away. Some never have that door hit them.
Some struggle, and find a way to make it work. and the bad thing is some never get up.

Do not be one of those last groups.

You have posted things on here that indicate youth, but also that indicate thought and intelligence. You obviously have a opinion about certain things, and you stick with them, not matter the fight back. Use that kind of though for this.

No matter the size of that door, get back up. Work to get yourself up. Do not let this part of your life define you.

Once you get past this, you will see it for what it is, a stepping stone in life. You will then appreciate all the good things you have and will have so much more.

Life is not always going to be easy. and it will not always be this tough.
find something you like doing, and work from there. Even if you have to sacrifice the car, or the location you live in.

Hang in there!

[ArcticZ06]

Have you ever thought about joining the military? I joined at 19 when I was in a rut and felt like I was going nowhere with no job and not in college anymore. I'd say Im doing pretty good now.

[9t8z28]

Lots of people, beleive it or not, have thought about calling it quites! Even the peeps you think have got their shit together!

I have been in bad situations that made me feel like a worthless burden. I assure you that it will get better, you just have to want it to happen!