What do you think???

[Mieux97]

I have been struggling with this issue for quite a while and I fig that I should lay it out there and get the opinions of others even tho I know that, in the end, the decision will ultimately be mine. This may be a lil lengthy, but bear with it. Humor is welcome, but serious replies are needed....

Back in high school I began dating a girl I met at an Honors meeting, who I remain close to til this day. Back then, it was myself and my family that did everything possible for her (advise, housing, food, whatever, etc.) when she got booted from her crib. I helped her through high school, taught her how to drive, got her her first job...I mean I did what ever I could while her family left her out in the cold, but stuck with each other. While her parents and sibs have had multiple run-ins with the law from petty offenses to felonies since we met, it was I who kept her away from trouble.

During that time in h.s. she asked "What would you say if I wanted to go out on a date with someone else?" Of course my answer was "NO!!! Absolutely not!!! If you feel you need to date someone else then we don't need to be together!" Needless to say...we broke up that night and she was out on a date the next day with this other dude (who later denied that date ever happened in front of her and his g/f.) I forgave her and let it be and gave her another shot.

Though we only dated for 2 1/2 years, we remained very close working some of the same jobs and attending same schools. Even during the college years my fam and I stuck by her to help her where we could. Tho we dated other people, (some of my g/f's even said that she got better treatment the them!) we eventually bore a child together (yes I love him ).

I moved away from them to take my current job and said that I would bring them up when I got settled (I was living with other fam members at the time). She chose not to wait and moved into low-income housing nearby. I told her in Oct 07 that she could finally move in with me in Nov and that she didn't even have to work unless she wanted to, but I then learned that she'd banged some dude she barely knew, which fucked that up I struggled with that for months tryin to fig why would she do that? In Jul 08 decided to date a girl I'd met while working in college. Baby Mamma was very hurt and current g/f fig that it was her loss. 3 months into that relationship I had like a epihphany(?)...I wanted my family really bad and informed the g/f of the split (who was pissed, but for whatever reason decided to stick around to see how this was goin to go down) I was now in a position to do wat I was supposed to do...so I decided to go after my fam.

We began hangin out and talking more and more, then I found out that she had been seein that same guy from h.s., but never said anything about it! I was hurt and I struggled to get her attention from that point. One night I showed up at her home at 2 a.m. after work to sleep next to my son (by now it's Dec 08 and NOT uncommon since I had been doing this for months and visitation is unlimited). Low and behold this guy was there....asleep!!! I was tired and had no intention of goin home when I arrived, but she insisted that I leave I thought out myself out loud "You are living in a furnished place, driving my car and feeding yourself and our child because I pay for it all and I have to BEG to sleep next to our child....MY SON and dude gets to lay there like a king!!! " She gave in, but dude still stayed (violence, especially in my son's presence, was not an option).

Days later...I grit my teeth and still tried to make it work. After heads were cooled, I swallowed everything that had happened, both present and past(too many to list), and asked her to marry me....3x!!! The answers I got were: no.....No....and NO!!! By then, I had the lowdown on this guy and I asked her (even my friends, current ex-g/f, co-workers, some of her friends and fam all asked the same thing): "What kind of woman would reject a responsible man, especially the FATHER of OUR child, for a guy who has 2 kids he can't support, no job, no pot to piss in or window to toss it from, no transportation....basically for a guy who has LESS than YOU?!?!" I also asked her did she really, honestly think about the welfare of our child when she considered dating this loser and she str8 told me "Yeah...I did!" I told her that I would be damned if our son grows up around a loser and think that it's ok to do nothing in life and a custody battle was on the way. I cried many nights in bed knowing that I did all I could to bring a family together for the right principle reasons, but in reality there was really nothing more that I could do I love my son more than anything and I really can't afford to have him around a mom who appears to not be able to make what appeared to be a no-brainer competent choice.

I would like some input from you guys....the more the merrier. I will try to answer any questions that you may have. Thank you in advance.

[ssgtcarroll]

Ive always felt that children take after there parents, seems shes going to. If you love your son take him with you and move on.

[ztrouble]

Damn, after that story I can't even bring myself to ask for nudes of her.... lol


Honestly do whatever you can for the kid but you should have cut ties teh first time she strayed

[Zboner]

dude it sucks, i just had a friend go through the same thing man, his lady he wanted to marry and make it all good, but after 5 years of it not working he decided it was best to just split.

mean while the mother of his son, was doing powder and shooting up on a regular basis. and he source of income was basically a stripper.

he decided to higher a lawyer and try and get full custody of him, he eventually got full custody after a long hard expensive battle. because the court system is so jacked up even after she had tested positive for dugs the court still wanted to side with the mother.

but good luck hope you get him outta there

[ls1blackbeauty98]

i didnt even read that whole damn thing, im gonna say straight up fck that girl. you sound like a guy i dated who couldnt get over his fcking ex, even though she fcked him over sssoooooooooooo bad (like real bad, i didnt even think people did that kinda shit that she did to him) sssoooooooo many times and he kept takin her back, and blah blah blah. even i wouldnt put up with that. If you wanna be happy move on and focus on the future...but it sounds like ure the same kinda guy i dated... and in that case you need to get back with her because u're always gonna be the puppy dog on her leash, your heart will always be hers blah blah blah. sorry someone had to say it and the bitch black beauty is here for ya

[SiggyZ]

She's not the woman for you bud and never was. Just because you had a child with her, doesn't mean you should spend your life with her. I'm not a believer in staying with someone because there's a child involved. The child's better off having two loving homes to spend time at, rather than one home where parents don't live as a married couple and there's negativity abound. Children are little sponges, they absorb everything.

If the life she's wanting to lead is one your child doesn't need to be subjected to, I'd pursue full custody so they can be exposed to a loving and positive environment.

[DJ Red Barron]

1. Props to my ADD for allowing me to read all of that.

2. She's a bitch. And it seems she is bent to be on a path you probably don't want your child exposed to. I would go for custody, but I wish you luck. In many states, even if the judge caught her snorting coke off her dealer's ball sack, he still wouldn't deny her custody.

Good luck and stay clear of the ex as much as possible.

[67CamaroRSSS]

"You can take the girl out of the trailer park but you can't take the trailer park out of the girl". This applies regardless of race, creed, national origin or social status. It also applies to guys if you're a girl.

Get custody of your son if you can (but be ready for a royal screwing over regardless). The courts are very disdainful of men regardless of the mothers situation. You don't sound like the type to ever be able to walk away (i.e., you sound responsible) but if you don't get custody be prepared to never know your son as an adult unless he wants a relationship.

My advice to you (and this is coming from an old guy - yes I really am 54) is get this chick out of your head and get something new to play with. It'll take a long time (maybe never - I sometimes think of the 1st wife and that was over 30 years ago) but life goes on.

[FasstChevys]

Man, you are in for an expensive ordeal in trying to gain custody of your son, and with no guarantee you'll get it. In fact, it's very doubtful, but, I guess you'll have to decide on following through with that, or not..........

tough situation...........good luck!!!

[Crimson Sin]

Perhaps she can be bought off.. Sounds crass, but could potentially cost you less than a long drawn out legal battle and lawyer fee's.

I feel for you man.. That's a rough spot to be in..I would FLEE FLEE from that chick..
She is heartache in highheels..My good friend used to laugh when I called my ex a swirling vortex of doom, despair and misery.. Reading your post.. That's the image that comes to mind.

[cammed goat]

Mieux, get your son ASAP. YOU are the responsible one, NOT HER. BUT, you sound like you're glutton(sp) for punishment. Sounds like she likes to walk over you and she knows that will happen. YOU HAVE TO MOVE ON...THERE IS NO OTHER RECOURSE! You remind me of myself. Always being the nice guy and gettin your teeth kicked in. You have the RIGHT to seek custody of your son. She turned you down THREE TIMES, sounds like a welfare mom who likes to get ahead in life on the backs of you and other straight-edge folks. This situation you are in IS NOT FAIR!!

WHATEVER THE HELL HAPPENED TO "HAPPILY EVER AFTER?!:

[Kjz99z28]

+1 for not staying just because she has had your child. Get your son, raise him in a great environment, and write this "relationship" with her off for what it is. Her being your "baby momma" does not mean you have to end up with her. She's obviously not going to change, and is gonna do what she wants. Find somebody worth all that time and effort, and show your child what real love and a real relationship actually looks like.

[Mieux97]

Ive always felt that children take after there parents, seems shes going to. If you love your son take him with you and move on.

that was most def my initial instinct. the answer lies in a court ruling tho, which i dont mind fightin, but need the capital and plenty paper trail, which i have been working on.

[Mieux97]

Damn, after that story I can't even bring myself to ask for nudes of her.... lol


Honestly do whatever you can for the kid but you should have cut ties teh first time she strayed

which time somethings u chalk up as adolescent...especially in h.s., but beyond that...yup...i prob should have.

[Mieux97]

dude it sucks, i just had a friend go through the same thing man, his lady he wanted to marry and make it all good, but after 5 years of it not working he decided it was best to just split.

mean while the mother of his son, was doing powder and shooting up on a regular basis. and he source of income was basically a stripper.

he decided to higher a lawyer and try and get full custody of him, he eventually got full custody after a long hard expensive battle. because the court system is so jacked up even after she had tested positive for dugs the court still wanted to side with the mother.

but good luck hope you get him outta there

Yeah...i keep readin the laws and hearing the stories and tho the law states that it favors no one parent over the other, but considers the welfare of the child the greatest concern....i KNOW the mom has to be a flat-out screw-up for me to win big.

[Mieux97]

i didnt even read that whole damn thing, im gonna say straight up fck that girl. you sound like a guy i dated who couldnt get over his fcking ex, even though she fcked him over sssoooooooooooo bad (like real bad, i didnt even think people did that kinda shit that she did to him) sssoooooooo many times and he kept takin her back, and blah blah blah. even i wouldnt put up with that. If you wanna be happy move on and focus on the future...but it sounds like ure the same kinda guy i dated... and in that case you need to get back with her because u're always gonna be the puppy dog on her leash, your heart will always be hers blah blah blah. sorry someone had to say it and the bitch black beauty is here for ya

lol...this is FAR from the puppy dog scenario that you lay out gettin over her was not the main issue for me cuz i have met and dated many that put her to shame. the principle and more personal issue was to do wat my dad did for me and that was stick it out no matter wat. I enjoyed havin my dad around cuz bein in my hood at the time there were very few dual parent homes. tho my folks had they ups and downs...they remained together til he passed in may '06. i admit that i owe it to my son to be there, but not at the expense of my happiness

[Mieux97]

She's not the woman for you bud and never was. Just because you had a child with her, doesn't mean you should spend your life with her. I'm not a believer in staying with someone because there's a child involved. The child's better off having two loving homes to spend time at, rather than one home where parents don't live as a married couple and there's negativity abound. Children are little sponges, they absorb everything.

If the life she's wanting to lead is one your child doesn't need to be subjected to, I'd pursue full custody so they can be exposed to a loving and positive environment.

ditto...i am a true believer in not having to stick with someone cuz u have a child, but i had to make sure I gave her every opportunity to be a fam. at that point, i can pretty much not worry about any guilt trips cuz, it was all on her. i entered the new relationship knowing that i could make a separate parent relationship work. my son really likes (and misses) the current g/f which erases any doubt of having a solid, sound household. the g/f has herself together being otw to a career and thats how a child should grow up...with positive influences

[Mieux97]

1. Props to my ADD for allowing me to read all of that.

2. She's a bitch. And it seems she is bent to be on a path you probably don't want your child exposed to. I would go for custody, but I wish you luck. In many states, even if the judge caught her snorting coke off her dealer's ball sack, he still wouldn't deny her custody.

Good luck and stay clear of the ex as much as possible.

you are absolutely right on both counts. my son deserves better and she had plenty of opportunities to come along for the ride and chose not to.

[Mieux97]

"You can take the girl out of the trailer park but you can't take the trailer park out of the girl". This applies regardless of race, creed, national origin or social status. It also applies to guys if you're a girl.

Get custody of your son if you can (but be ready for a royal screwing over regardless). The courts are very disdainful of men regardless of the mothers situation. You don't sound like the type to ever be able to walk away (i.e., you sound responsible) but if you don't get custody be prepared to never know your son as an adult unless he wants a relationship.

My advice to you (and this is coming from an old guy - yes I really am 54) is get this chick out of your head and get something new to play with. It'll take a long time (maybe never - I sometimes think of the 1st wife and that was over 30 years ago) but life goes on.

Umm...i got the g/f no...i wont walk away from my son cuz its not his fault that his mom is a repeat screw up. i dont like the courts at all in these cases. in fact...during the child supp hearing, the judge and prosecutor tried to make me look like a bad guy tho i lived with and took care of mom and child since before birth and made trips weekly/bi-weekly to indiana to see them since i took my current job. i feel i got raped...sux

[Mieux97]

Man, you are in for an expensive ordeal in trying to gain custody of your son, and with no guarantee you'll get it. In fact, it's very doubtful, but, I guess you'll have to decide on following through with that, or not..........

tough situation...........good luck!!!

tell me about it!