Im just making these up off the top of my head so you won't find this anywhere else. If any of these offend you, take that as a sign that there's something you need to work on. Feel free to add to it as this thread could get pretty funny:

1)Your partner has more than one name tattooed on their body, and your name isn't (or is) one of them.

2)Your mate's age divided by 3 is less than or equal to your age.

3)You spend more time shopping together than having sex. Possible exception if you're married with kids.

4)You find a dildo in their closet bigger than a baseball bat... and you're the female. Definite sign u should leave your partner. This refers to straight couples of course, if you're a hot lesbian don't sweat it and feel free to send videos of your kinky baseball bat sized encounters to sisco_sports@yahoo.com. Anything else I don't want to know or hear about it.

5)Your partner is trying to decide whether they want a 5 or 7 layer cake at your wedding... and it's your second date.

6)You have had more conversations over the computer or phone than in person.

7)The closest your partner has come to giving you a blow job was that time she talked you into letting her blow dry your hair.

8)Your partner has lots of dog posters and a welcome mat that says I love my dog. And then you find a jar of peanut butter at the night stand.

9)You check your answering machine and have 42 missed calls that day... all from your partner and no is in the hospital or dead.

10)Your partner complains about how they never get to see you enough and you've been with them every day that week (and aren't in the military).

11)You've been together over six months and still haven't had sex, aren't Christian and her best friend is a male.

12)Her best friend is a male.

13)Everytime you have sex the only movement your partner makes is to part their lips for an occasional moan.

14)You're a male, your pecs are bigger than your partner's boobs and you're not a bodybuilder.

15)Your significant other wants you to meet their parents. And then tells you that they're moving in.

16)You see cum stains in your partner's car and only one of them was from you.

17)Instead of asking you if you want to do something, your girlfriend tells you what you're going to do, when you can go out with your friends and what time you need to be home by.

18)When you're getting intimate and you're about to put it in but you look between her legs and it looks like the can of corned beef you had for dinner last night.

19)She refuses to sign the prenup.

20)She weighs more than you by over 100 pounds. Call me shallow, but you'll wish you took my advice when you're being smothered to death.

Thats it for now, I'm sure I'll post more later.