Need some life advice

**ls1camino** · 08-06-2010, 05:19 AM

This is probably going to be long...so bear with me

I've known Allie for exactly 9 years now. We met on the first day of High School in August 2001. We started dating our Junior Year and continue to the second semester of our Freshman Year of college. We broke up because we were fighting constantly about everything. We went our separate ways after that. She went to St. Louis to finish her degree and I stayed in MD and finished mine. Two years later in February 2008 we met up for lunch to catch up (she moved back to MD after college). We started dating again in March and were engaged by the beginning of May. We’ve had your typical fights about random stupid shit over the past two and a half years and we’ve managed to hold it together.

As of late though, I’ve been feeling like I don’t love her anymore. I get pissed off at her about the most retarded things. For example, I am currently steaming about what happened last night. She decided in her sleep that she was going to sleep in the middle of the bed, and every effort I made to make her move over failed. I got literally got no sleep last night, and had to be at work by 6am. Fights start everywhere and with everything. She’s even now started making comments about what I buy for my cars. “Why do you need new tires for the Trans Am, you have 6 sets of tires in the garage?” She’s never cared about how I spend my money, as long as bills get paid, which is fair.

Another thing that is pissing me off is money/bills with the house I just bought (yes, “I” not “we”). When I was looking for a house, we were talking about how we should split the bills (Mortgage, Water, Electric, Cell Phones, Internet, and Food). We decided that I would cover the Mortgage, Water, and Electric, and that she would cover the Cell Phones, Internet, and Food. This was all fine and dandy until she lost her job a little under a month ago. Now I’m paying every bill. This is fine, I can afford it. But she's basically living in a house for free, which she has been doing her entire life (parent's paid for her living during college and up until she moved in with me. My parents asked me if I was charging her rent, which threw me for a loop...is that normal for people to charge their "domestic partner" for rent? What is pissing me off is that she is not putting forth a lot of effort (imo) into looking for a steady job. She’s always worked as an Administrative Assistant (aka: Secretary). That is all she is looking for and this is not a secure position because it is so easily expendable in this economy. I’m trying to drop subtle hints that she should start looking in a “real” line of work, and that just leads to a fight about how no one will hire someone who is untrained. My response, “everyone has to start somewhere!” I started working for the government at 17 years old in the computer field. Short of Windows, I knew jack shit about computers. I got on-the-job training and I am now making just shy of six figures at 23 years old working as a Linux System Administrator.

Lastly, and this is selfish on my part, I’ll admit it. I want to sleep with other people. I want to marry Allie, because I want to spend the rest of my life with her. But while I’m young, I want to sleep around for a little bit (a year maybe). I’m not going to cheat on her, I just want a break. We’ve actually talked to each other about this. Two problems we’ve run into. We’re both afraid that while we’re on this break we’ll find someone else. And the second problem is obvious…we live in the same house. I’ve also brought up the idea of a threesome (two girls), and she counters with inquiring if we could do a threesome with two guys, which I am adamantly against (selfish again, I know). She has lesbian tendencies and she’s proved that on a few occasions, so I know she won’t have fun in my scenario. I know for a fact that a second guy in the bed with us is not going to end well. I think this all stems from the fact that sex has gotten REALLY boring for me. The best way to explain it is like this...I could watch porn/jerk off and achieve the same goal without having to get her off with a quarter of the effort. She literally does nothing in bed, but lay there...I do everything, and when I bring it up, she thinks I'm joking and goes, "you have no idea how much work I do on my end." How much effort is done lying on your back/stomach, really? Even when she's on top, I do the work. When I ask for a BJ, she puts forth no effort or emotion, so it's just like me jerking off anyway. Most of the time, I'd rather watch porn, but since he's unemployed and home all day, I can't do that.

So am I totally off on how I feel? I really don’t know what to do, and I’ve been trying to get this off my chest for some time now, and most of my friends would either let slip what is going on and Allie would find out about it, so yeah…

INB4 everything that makes this the AAG Section…

**Spaz** · 08-06-2010, 05:25 AM

why would you want to marry someone that you don't feel like you love??? it will end in divorce and hurt...

**ls1camino** · 08-06-2010, 05:36 AM

Originally Posted by Spaz

why would you want to marry someone that you don't feel like you love??? it will end in divorce and hurt...

I don't know if it that I don't love her anymore or if I'm just "settling in".

**Spaz** · 08-06-2010, 05:38 AM

also if she is under your roof you should either make her pay the utilities or half the mortgage... if she's bad in bed i don't know what to tell you other than have her watcha shit ton of pr0n and try to replicate some of the things they do...

**ls1blackbeauty98** · 08-06-2010, 05:41 AM

I'm with spaz, why would you even attempt to continue this? And if you're thinking about other people, and actually wanting to go sleep around then you are completely not ready to get married. You wanna sleep around for awhile but make sure she is there when you're done so you can marry her, so you wanna have your cake and eat it too.

doesnt work that way, either buck up and be with her or dump her and move on. I personally think you should move on, it's obvious you aren't ready to settle down with her, which in my opinion means she isn't the right one for you, because the right one will make you settle down.

AAG life coach

**ls1blackbeauty98** · 08-06-2010, 05:43 AM

Oh I also agree she should be making an effort to find a job and help pay for things. My bf pays all of our living bills and I make sure that everything is clean, and there is always food for him, plus I pay internet. Anything he needs I take care of, so that is my way of contributing. If she doesn't have that attitude you definitely need to break it off.

**JHayesLS1** · 08-06-2010, 05:45 AM

Sounds to me like you are damn successful for your age and being that you are still pretty young like me you have the bug to party and go to Vegas and do all kinds of stupid things because you're young dumb and full of cum.

But before you throw it all away, can you REALLY live without her? I'm not the biggest believer in true love but you may be feeling like she is the one keeping you from doing what you want while youre young hence the reason for all the fighting. I'd go to counseling before you throw it all away. Some guys would probably kill to be in your position right now.

**ReBop** · 08-06-2010, 05:47 AM

So, you took a trial run and it failed. Break up and move along to someone else.

**Smkn_TA** · 08-06-2010, 06:04 AM

Wow...you two live like a couple of 50 year olds at age 20. You suck at life.

**Nhra Firebird** · 08-06-2010, 06:33 AM

give SHines-IT a call

**JHayesLS1** · 08-06-2010, 06:35 AM

Originally Posted by Nhra Firebird

give SHines-IT a call

Yeah he would be a good girlfriend I'm sure

**Nhra Firebird** · 08-06-2010, 06:36 AM

Originally Posted by JHayesLS1

Yeah he would be a good girlfriend I'm sure

I was talking about the 3 way with two guys for her. lol

**JHayesLS1** · 08-06-2010, 06:39 AM

Originally Posted by Nhra Firebird

I was talking about the 3 way with two guys for her. lol

LOL it wouldn't be anything for her except seeing her husband get pounded in the ass

**Nhra Firebird** · 08-06-2010, 06:41 AM

Originally Posted by JHayesLS1

LOL it wouldn't be anything for her except seeing her husband get pounded in the ass

He would be happy with her for the rest of his life after that.

**JHayesLS1** · 08-06-2010, 06:42 AM

Originally Posted by Nhra Firebird

He would be happy with her for the rest of his life after that.

Hell yeah, especially after she gets 2 more jobs just to afford his new colon that shines busted a hole in.

**Tide** · 08-06-2010, 06:44 AM

You both need to grow up and quit being selfish, self absorbed whiny little bitches. Oh noes! She slept in the middle of the bed! WAAAH! She bitches about your tires. Guess what? Women bitch about A N Y T H I N G.

Just because you make alot of money, pay your own bills, and live on your own does not make you mature. Her bitching about your tires, the petty little fights, you whining about her sleeping in the middle of the bed are all signs of immaturity.

I was expecting to see that you're about 30 years old, but since you're 23 you (both) need to to alot more growing up, experience some REAL up and downs, and learn what battles in relationships need to be fought and what don't.

In short, broom her fast. Live a little (a lot, actually). And most importantly, grow up.

**pecha** · 08-06-2010, 06:56 AM

Originally Posted by Tide

You both need to grow up and quit being selfish, self absorbed whiny little bitches. Oh noes! She slept in the middle of the bed! WAAAH! She bitches about your tires. Guess what? Women bitch about A N Y T H I N G.

Just because you make alot of money, pay your own bills, and live on your own does not make you mature. Her bitching about your tires, the petty little fights, you whining about her sleeping in the middle of the bed are all signs of immaturity.

I was expecting to see that you're about 30 years old, but since you're 23 you (both) need to to alot more growing up, experience some REAL up and downs, and learn what battles in relationships need to be fought and what don't.

In short, broom her fast. Live a little (a lot, actually). And most importantly, grow up.

qft

**pajeff02** · 08-06-2010, 07:45 AM

Having just met you both, I am in no position to offer advice. However, Dawn and I both noticed that you two scrapped a bit at the party... the tension was obvious at times. You either work through this and fix it, or you don't. If the desire to fix it is not there then attempting to work through it is a waste of your time and hers...

**LSCyaL8R** · 08-06-2010, 09:48 AM

Jeremy PLEASE delete your browser session, cookies, history, stored logins etc etc etc etc. Lest we forget the post right here in AAG where Acura forum dudes' gf found his thread about her in the acura aag section and hilarity ensued.... for the forum... not for him

I think everyone here likes Allie. everyone certainly likes you. and the feelings you have right now actually hit pretty close to home for me. My sister is going through almost the same thing right now.

Before I get into her I'd like to share a quick lesson in biochemistry and the natural order of the human brain.

why don't many successful marriages have tons and tons of sex in their 50's and 60's and up?

inb4 cuz dey old n ugly....

it's actually because of the way the human brain is wired. We are designed to seek out sexual partners but history has shown us that we can be more successful if we partner up and stick together to raise our young. This goes against our programming. So this is what happens. You meet someone. you want to stick it in them.... a lot.... many many times.... this is because your genes want to ensure you get this chick pregnant. Their happens to be a time limit on this behavior, some call it "passion".

Turns out that humans can only maintain this passion for between 2 and 8 years. At that point your brain goes.. wtf why haven't I been porking more people, this is true of both men and women, and suddenly you find you don't "love" this person anymore. the sex is meaningless blah blah.

This is the true an ultimate test of any relationship. It's the point where you find out if there is really a reason to be with this person or if you were just there out of habit and "passion" for them. A successful relationship is much deeper than physical attraction and the people who last the longest are the ones who's relationships are built on mutual understanding. Of a true connection beyond physical attraction and sexual prowess. people who share similar likes dislikes people who enjoy each others activities and can be honestly and truly supportive because it makes them happy not because it's the right thing to do.

To me it sounds like you've reached this point. The passion is dying and you need to evaluate if this deeper meaning exists for you. Don't jump to quick conclusions, this means deep soul searching and maybe even talks together about where you both stand in life and as a couple.

My sister is going through a similar crisis at the moment. She dumped her bf of more than 4 years because she thought she lost that passion and she is now dating someone else because she felt like she had to in order to clear her head. Only then to realize how much she misses her ex. now she's in such a tricky place and is so confused and has arguments with her new bf because she still talks to her ex.....

My point is that given how intertwined your lives undoubtedly are you can't jump to conclusions. take things slow and even write down what you feel as things develop. Believe it or not being able to go back after a few days and read what you wrote can really give you perspective.

Best of luck Jeremy,

LS1.com stands with ya.

**JHayesLS1** · 08-06-2010, 09:56 AM

Originally Posted by LSCyaL8R

Jeremy PLEASE delete your browser session, cookies, history, stored logins etc etc etc etc. Lest we forget the post right here in AAG where Acura forum dudes' gf found his thread about her in the acura aag section and hilarity ensued.... for the forum... not for him

I think everyone here likes Allie. everyone certainly likes you. and the feelings you have right now actually hit pretty close to home for me. My sister is going through almost the same thing right now.

Before I get into her I'd like to share a quick lesson in biochemistry and the natural order of the human brain.

why don't many successful marriages have tons and tons of sex in their 50's and 60's and up?

inb4 cuz dey old n ugly....

it's actually because of the way the human brain is wired. We are designed to seek out sexual partners but history has shown us that we can be more successful if we partner up and stick together to raise our young. This goes against our programming. So this is what happens. You meet someone. you want to stick it in them.... a lot.... many many times.... this is because your genes want to ensure you get this chick pregnant. Their happens to be a time limit on this behavior, some call it "passion".

Turns out that humans can only maintain this passion for between 2 and 8 years. At that point your brain goes.. wtf why haven't I been porking more people, this is true of both men and women, and suddenly you find you don't "love" this person anymore. the sex is meaningless blah blah.

This is the true an ultimate test of any relationship. It's the point where you find out if there is really a reason to be with this person or if you were just there out of habit and "passion" for them. A successful relationship is much deeper than physical attraction and the people who last the longest are the ones who's relationships are built on mutual understanding. Of a true connection beyond physical attraction and sexual prowess. people who share similar likes dislikes people who enjoy each others activities and can be honestly and truly supportive because it makes them happy not because it's the right thing to do.

To me it sounds like you've reached this point. The passion is dying and you need to evaluate if this deeper meaning exists for you. Don't jump to quick conclusions, this means deep soul searching and maybe even talks together about where you both stand in life and as a couple.

My sister is going through a similar crisis at the moment. She dumped her bf of more than 4 years because she thought she lost that passion and she is now dating someone else because she felt like she had to in order to clear her head. Only then to realize how much she misses her ex. now she's in such a tricky place and is so confused and has arguments with her new bf because she still talks to her ex.....

My point is that given how intertwined your lives undoubtedly are you can't jump to conclusions. take things slow and even write down what you feel as things develop. Believe it or not being able to go back after a few days and read what you wrote can really give you perspective.

Best of luck Jeremy,

LS1.com stands with ya.

That was beautiful. And very well put. I agree entirely with the above.