Need Advice & To Vent - Marriage

**RiceEater** · 06-08-2008, 11:16 AM

Where to start...

I've been married for about 12 years. Over the course of our marriage we have seperated numerous times. Mostly because of my wife. Something is wrong with her. She'll be fine one day and our marriage is great, then she has feelings that there is more to life and goes into depression. I believe is has a lot to do with how she grew up and her relationship with her family.

Fast forward a year and a half ago. Same thing happened. She started becoming distant and suddenly I came home to a note on the kitchen table that saying that she didn't love me anymore and that she had to find herself. I was blown away. Once again there were no flashing lights that told me anything was wrong. She didn't communicate her feelings with me before she left... she just left.

We were separated for about 4 1/2 months. I went to the court house and got all the divorce papers, etc. I was trying to make it as easy on both of us as I could. I asked to meet for dinner and somehow or another we ended back together.

Now... once again things have been going "pretty good." I am in the military and very recently received orders to Hawaii. We were both excited at first, but then the stress of everything we have to do before we leave set in. She is afraid of flying, especially the thought of over water. Her dad recently had a fire in his apartment complex and we toyed with the idea of claiming him as a dependant and having him move to Hawaii with us. I picked up all the paperwork and she called him to tell him the news. We have pets, so she had her mother work all the vet stuff and forward quarantine paperwork to Hawaii. This was about two weeks ago.

I have a motorcycle... she drives the Dodge Ram 3500 diesel. About two weeks ago we were at Honda getting new tires put on my bike. We ended up buying her a scooter to drive to and from work to cut down on diesel cost. She has a horse also. We found that it would be to much to board/feed the horse in Hawaii, so she decided to sell it.

I'm currently in San Antonio, TX in school for six weeks. The last time I talked to my wife on the phone was last Saturday... three days after leaving home. It was obvious that she was depressed/stressed. She said she didn't feel well and wanted to go lay down. She said she just needed some time to adjust to the thought leaving, etc...

I've tried texting her over the last week and I get very little response.

Yesterday, I check my email and I get an email from USAA saying I have a new insurance card available for a car recently added. I login to USAA and look at my policy changes. There's a Pontiac G6 added.

I try to call her and she forwards it to voice mail. Then text me back saying she is busy and will call later. I ask if she knows about the car and she says "Yes... I am returning the scooter, selling the horse, so I bought a car."
I'm like... "I don't understand, why would you buy a car without talking to me first?"

The purpose of her selling the horse was once again to pay off her debt. Now she's just created more.

I ask if everything is okay with her... she responds "You are my best friend, but I don't want to move to Hawaii, but you should go... I love my job and I'm trying to make something of myself." She says she is depressed and scared of life, and has a lot to sort out. That she is going to talk to someone this week about it. That she doesn't know why she gets this way. That she knows I will do great things in life.

**SeVeReDiStOrTiOn** · 06-08-2008, 11:26 AM

I read all of that and she's fucking around...all of the seperations just let her sleep better at night and let's her put reasoning to it. She doesn't want to be married bro...it's clear as day. I'd divorce her in a heart beat...good luck

**markarvidson** · 06-08-2008, 11:26 AM

WoW,thats a tough deal,have you asked her to go get help?Maybe she needs some proffesional help,or medication.It doesnt sound like your the problem so dont get down on yourself,if you are.Marriage has ups and downs but hopefully you guys can get it going good again.Sounds like you have alot going for you.Best of luck buddy.

**markarvidson** · 06-08-2008, 11:28 AM

Do you have reason to belive she is cheating?Severe has a good point.

**KyleLs1** · 06-08-2008, 11:29 AM

end it now... it will only get worse - you will come back from hawaii and some dude will be living in your house, riding your motorcycle and fucking your wife. Just ask HASTINGSRJ

**infantryws6** · 06-08-2008, 11:31 AM

www.nomarriage.com

**RiceEater** · 06-08-2008, 11:48 AM

Originally Posted by markarvidson

Do you have reason to belive she is cheating?Severe has a good point.

I suspect that she's doing something... I have access to her hotmail account and sent pictures of herself to her hotmail acct and phone. Makes me believe she's either posting them in a personal add or sending them to someone over her phone.

I don't get it... we were making plans together and talking about how something bad always happens when I leave. It's like there was no drama, so she had to create her own.

The last time we separated, we made it clear we wouldn't go through that crap again. This IS the last time.

This is terrible timing though. I don't get back to California until July 10th and leave for Hawaii the last week of September.

I have know idea how much she paid for the car or how she bought it.

If this goes south, I am screwed financially. I am secure in my finances with both of our incomes and her being practically debt free (thanks to me paying off her debt several times or assuming it). But I have about $80K in debt... I'll be selling a lot of stuff or filing bankruptcy.

I don't think she thinks she is obligated to any of the finances.

I'm also concerned about the unknowns of divorces, how it will (if any) impact my career, or finances.

**nhraformula** · 06-08-2008, 11:48 AM

Originally Posted by infantryws6

www.nomarriage.com

damm you, you beat me to it.

anyways, dump her. its only going to get worse.
women are always looking to see if the grass is greener and shes done it to you a few times.
youll be much more happy being a single man.

**RiceEater** · 06-08-2008, 11:51 AM

Originally Posted by infantryws6

www.nomarriage.com

Great site!

Made me laugh.

**Ls1_385hp_T/A** · 06-08-2008, 11:55 AM

Dude I would divorce her, when she left for 4 1/2 months she probably left with some other dude and things didnt work out for them and so she came back with you. Also if she doesn't want to move with you then she probably doesnt care enough to be with you where ever it is you have to go. If shes buying stuff without your consent then shes gold digging your ass. Sounds like things aint working and I would have a long ass talk with her to see what is going on and if she didnt have anything to say but "you are my friend" and shit like that..I would say Bye Bye Bitch, Ill have the divorce papers ready in a couple of weeks. Just my opinion

**67CamaroRSSS** · 06-08-2008, 11:55 AM

RUN! Run just as fast as you can. Nobody is worth what this messed up in the head chick is putting you through. I don't care how tight that pussy is or how good she sucks your dick IT'S NOT WORTH THE MENTAL ANGUISH!

While I know that nobody is 100% at fault for what goes on (wrong or right) in a relationship/marriage it appears that you've put up with quite a bit of BS while she "sorts out her feelings".

Check it: If she's not secure with you by now she never will be and you'll spend the rest of your life.........

Notice that I didn't finish the sentence. That's the point. You'll never be comfortable, secure or happy.

**KyleLs1** · 06-08-2008, 11:56 AM

Originally Posted by RiceEater

Great site!

Made me laugh.

I hope it made you think too....

**67CamaroRSSS** · 06-08-2008, 12:00 PM

nhraformula has posted that link in several other threads. It's not only funny it's too true!

**Nastyfoot** · 06-08-2008, 12:03 PM

Sounds Bi-polar to me.

**Boomer Sooner** · 06-08-2008, 12:29 PM

Originally Posted by Nastyfoot

Sounds Bi-polar to me.

my thoughts exactly. i think mine is sometimes. hell, i think they all are

**MagicMan** · 06-08-2008, 02:34 PM

she's had many other dicks in her. time for divorce was long ago. divorce her now before you lose your sanity & every penny you have

**310stanger** · 06-08-2008, 02:44 PM

This is very simple, she uses you to pay off all her dead and afford her irrational living. When you are gone she bangs other guys. This constant back in forth is the lil bit of a conscience she might have fucking with her head. Did she have shit loads of debt at the beginning of your relationship?

Theres a lot of women that use and take advantage of soldiers man.

**state69champ** · 06-08-2008, 03:11 PM

Originally Posted by infantryws6

www.nomarriage.com

**ATCharming** · 06-08-2008, 03:52 PM

that site is amazing lol. ive been reading it for like a half hour already

**infantryws6** · 06-08-2008, 03:58 PM

Originally Posted by ATCharming

that site is amazing lol. ive been reading it for like a half hour already

Someone should have directed me to it 4 years ago. I could have save a shit load of money by not getting married and then divorced 3.5 years later because she was a worthless cheating whore