My morning at a psychologists office.

[86 IROC-Z]

This is the thread I originally typed up this morning and then got lost due to the AAG becoming locked while I was writing it. This recap isn't as good as the original, but it's the best I bothered to do.
***

So I'm driving this piece of shit Honda to the university health center, being glad that there aren't any T-tops to leak all the rain water on me. I go inside, and after about 20 minutes of wandering around this maze I finally find the psychiatric wing. The receptionist greets me, and hands me about 5 hours worth of forms to fill out since it's my first time here. I sit down and start filling it out. I glance up around the room. Unsurprisingly, a lot of either ugly or slutty, or even both, girls are sitting around, half of which look like they're about to cry. After making eye contact with a few purely for them to see me roll my eyes at them, I go back to writing my past drug use habits down on the paper. I get to a part of the form which asks, "What is your reason for visiting us today? Please describe in as much detail as possible." Oh, these bitches just made a mistake. There's no way I'm passing up prime April Foolery on this one. After filling in the section, I let out a maniacal cackle and a few of the girls sitting around make sideways glances towards me. Today will be a good day.

I fill out the form, turn in it, and return to my waiting room seat. Bored and wanting to pass the time in a more constructive way than twiddling my thumbs, I decided to subtly act out widely known yet uncommon and scary traits of many different mental illnesses. I thought this would be fitting, considering the situation. The other people in the waiting room gradually get more and more concerned/frightened of me.

Finally, this overweight chick with a Ph.D. or some shit comes out and meekly says my name. I instantly whip my head around and stare at her for a good 20 seconds before responding, "What?"

Her scared expression increased in magnitude as she said "I-I'm ready to see you now..."

I silently get up and walk through the door she's holding open. We get to her office and she offers me a seat. I sit, she sits.

Her: "So... H-how are you feeling today?"
(I'm fidgeting greatly at this point, as well as other odd actions/movements)
Me: "Relative to what?"
H: "I-I'm.. I'm sorry, what?"
M: "Say I tell you how I'm feeling. How do you know that what you perceive to be my feelings as is the same as the feeling I'm actually feeling? How can we be sure? How do you know that the red I see is the same red you see? What if I'm bleeding to death, and you don't know it, because my blood to you looks the same as the couch? You would just sit there and let me die???"
H: "Umm... why don't we talk about what you wrote down on the paper..."
M: "Ok."
*pause*
H: "So... why don't you take it from the top."
M: "What did I write?"
H: "y-you wrote... 'Some nights I like sitting on the kitchen floor naked. I pour milk all over myself and pretend it is my girlfriends blood. I like to play around in it. I have to microwave it first though, as I suspect real blood would normally be around body temperature. Unless of course I stored it in the refrigerator for later use. That would make sense. That would save finding new girlfriends often.' and t-then your words just trail off leading to a large scribble in the margin which looks like a b-body hanging from a noose."

M: "Wow that's an interesting story. I do that a lot myself. It seems you and I have a lot in common" (And I wink at her)
She looks scared shitless.
M: "Hey do you know what song I like?"
I pull out my cell phone (MP3 player, very loud speakers) and turn on to the highest volume, and then proceed to playing drums on my knees and head banging like a coke fiend trapped in a mosh pit.

Between head bangs I take glances at the psychiatrist. Bricks have officially been shat. She has gotten up and is slowing backing up toward her desk, and more specifically the phone. She picks up the phone and begins to dial, at which point I change my cell phone to start playing "Never gonna give you up" by Rick Astley. She stops dialing and looks up, and I jump up and yell "APRIL FOOLS!!! So anyway doc, I'm here for [Normal unrelated reason], what can ya do for me?"


I subsequently get kicked out of the health center and told not to come back. I was threatened with disciplinary action from the student judicial administration, but what ever happens, it was so worth it.

So what did you guys do for April Fools?

[gwballin]

I think you are lucky you didn’t get locked up for a 72 hour psychiatric evaluation

[86 IROC-Z]

I think you are lucky you didn’t get locked up for a 72 hour psychiatric evaluation

She left her office and outside I heard her arguing with two other voices, trying to decide whether I was actually insane or just a dumbass.

[pajeff02]

That just leaves me speechless... and I deal with crazies every day!

[gwballin]

So was the point of the trip to play this joke or did you initially have a “legitimate” reason and couldn’t pass up the opportunity once you were there?

[86 IROC-Z]

So was the point of the trip to play this joke or did you initially have a “legitimate” reason and couldn’t pass up the opportunity once you were there?

The latter.

[Pony_Eater]

im still not sure whether to think this is absolutely hilarious or to think your a sick freak lol

[Ryans99LS1]

effin great

[67CamaroRSSS]

Have you considered a career in Creative Writing?

[woodshed]

Have you considered a career in Creative Writing?

Seriously. I'm dying here

[TempleU_WS6]

hahah, you delivered as usual! Fuckin awesome!

[DrMilhouse]

im still not sure whether to think this is absolutely hilarious or to think your a sick freak lol

both?!

[86 IROC-Z]

Have you considered a career in Creative Writing?

Sometimes. But then those thoughts are subsided when my intense ambition for success comes back.

[86 IROC-Z]

Also, now and then I think about making a blog and posting past and future writings, but I'm not sure they'd have as great an effect out of context (e.g., Not on LS1.com, not including the original question/topic/previous replies, etc).

[buswwa]

Dude, you better not lose your sense of humor when you lose your Iroc. Im tryin to stifle laughter as I sit here reading this at work. Awesome.

[taylorr12]

hahhahahahaha, That's some funny shit. Im sorry it got deleted earlier : (

[Hi-Po]

I wish I did that.

[86 IROC-Z]

Dude, you better not lose your sense of humor when you lose your Iroc. Im tryin to stifle laughter as I sit here reading this at work. Awesome.

I hope I don't.


However I would hate to credit my sense of humor to that pile staring at me through my window.

I need to park on the other side of the building. Oh wait...

[big hammer]

LMAO!!!! that's awesome! good job young man

[JerseyLS1]

LMFAO how do you get away with this shit lolol