the lies and deception has to stop....

**0rion** · 07-09-2008, 08:32 AM

A month or so ago I went to make me a samich. I get the miracle whip out of the door and as I'm opening it the jar catches my attention. I look and it's frigin miracle whip LIGHT. Junk. Used mustard instead although I was wanting miracle whip on it. Asked the wife why there's miracle whip light anywhere near our fridge and she said she thought she'd give it a try because it was on sale....wtf? No asking me ( the primary samich eater) if I thought it was a good move? So I went out the next day and bought a big ass jar of regular miracle whip so we now have his/hers jars of miracle whip.
2 days ago we're having french fries and I get in the pantry to get a new bottle of ketchup. There are 2-3 bottles in there and I just grab the one closest to me. I start to open it and notice it's Hunt's instead of Heinz. I've spent pretty much my whole life eating heinz ketchup with the exception of a few del monte years when I was younger so why would I switch to Hunt's at this point. Ask the wife what it's doing there. Her reply " It was on sale and I thought I'd try and figured you wouldn't notice." My first thoughts is why is all the crap on sale? The good stuff is never on sale? It's worth 35 cents for me to not change brands I've been using for 37 years. The other part was the "I thought you wouldn't notice." Does she doubt my ability to read???
I know my mom for years would pour 2% milk into vitamin D milk containers because my dad would only drink vitamin D milk although he actually never drank it. Is this where my wife is going with this? Because if it is I'll start buying my own single serving stuff to keep around.

**Y2KArcticSS** · 07-09-2008, 08:35 AM

Unfortunately, I think the only way to correct this problem is to confiscate the grocery list and do it yourself. If you want something done right, well...you know the rest.

**Spaz** · 07-09-2008, 08:41 AM

replace her tampoons with q-tips... and say they were on special...

**astyles** · 07-09-2008, 08:42 AM

i have the same prob at my house with mayonaise and t.p. .....the wife sees sale and thinks cool i can get more....never mind i wont eat that stuff and that the t.p. is so bad you have to use a roll to wipe your ass..........after many arguments i decided to take the shopping out of her hands and do it myself......the benefits are that you get to scope milfs while you shop and that you get the right stuff everytime..

**Y2KArcticSS** · 07-09-2008, 08:45 AM

Originally Posted by Spaz

replace her tampoons with q-tips... and say they were on special...

She'll piss in his Post Toasties then

**Y2KArcticSS** · 07-09-2008, 08:48 AM

Originally Posted by astyles

i have the same prob at my house with mayonaise and t.p. .....the wife sees sale and thinks cool i can get more....never mind i wont eat that stuff and that the t.p. is so bad you have to use a roll to wipe your ass..........after many arguments i decided to take the shopping out of her hands and do it myself......the benefits are that you get to scope milfs while you shop and that you get the right stuff everytime..

I can't STAND cheap t.p. Gotta have the good stuff, none of that one-ply bullshit, no matter how much you use, the fingers still try to poke through

**ls1blackbeauty98** · 07-09-2008, 08:58 AM

i cant read your posts at work, i just cant im laughing hysterically and people are looking at me like im nuts.... gotta love orion

**third_shift|studios** · 07-09-2008, 09:01 AM

Originally Posted by 0rion

A month or so ago I went to make me a samich. I get the miracle whip out of the door and as I'm opening it the jar catches my attention. I look and it's frigin miracle whip LIGHT. Junk. Used mustard instead although I was wanting miracle whip on it. Asked the wife why there's miracle whip light anywhere near our fridge and she said she thought she'd give it a try because it was on sale....wtf? No asking me ( the primary samich eater) if I thought it was a good move? So I went out the next day and bought a big ass jar of regular miracle whip so we now have his/hers jars of miracle whip.
2 days ago we're having french fries and I get in the pantry to get a new bottle of ketchup. There are 2-3 bottles in there and I just grab the one closest to me. I start to open it and notice it's Hunt's instead of Heinz. I've spent pretty much my whole life eating heinz ketchup with the exception of a few del monte years when I was younger so why would I switch to Hunt's at this point. Ask the wife what it's doing there. Her reply " It was on sale and I thought I'd try and figured you wouldn't notice." My first thoughts is why is all the crap on sale? The good stuff is never on sale? It's worth 35 cents for me to not change brands I've been using for 37 years. The other part was the "I thought you wouldn't notice." Does she doubt my ability to read???
I know my mom for years would pour 2% milk into vitamin D milk containers because my dad would only drink vitamin D milk although he actually never drank it. Is this where my wife is going with this? Because if it is I'll start buying my own single serving stuff to keep around.

OMG...button up your Depends and ask the nurse to walk you in the garden, you bitchy

old man!

**transamprincess98** · 07-09-2008, 09:04 AM

**Mr. Luos** · 07-09-2008, 09:07 AM

Time to make a sammich.
With Miracle Whip. And turkey. And pepper jack.

**Spaz** · 07-09-2008, 09:14 AM

Originally Posted by Mustang=Breakfast

I can't STAND cheap t.p. Gotta have the good stuff, none of that one-ply bullshit, no matter how much you use, the fingers still try to poke through

at least you're getting a piece of ass!!!

***doberman 152*** · 07-09-2008, 09:25 AM

....... FTW

Remember when they came out with the Green Ketchup

**0rion** · 07-09-2008, 09:26 AM

Originally Posted by ls1blackbeauty98

i cant read your posts at work, i just cant im laughing hysterically and people are looking at me like im nuts.... gotta love orion

I just like certain things and it blows my mind how she could think that I wouldn't notice something like that. I've been eating the shit my entire life.

Originally Posted by third_shift|studios

OMG...button up your Depends and ask the nurse to walk you in the garden, you bitchy

old man!

are we resorting to name calling??? I can do name calling.

**0rion** · 07-09-2008, 09:32 AM

here's one that she knows not to buy me..........lite ranch dressing. That's insta-ass beating right there. We went out to eat years ago to this place with a salad bar ( it was a classier time in my life) and I made this big ass monster salad that only a few design engineers in the world could re-create. It was stacked on the plate perfectly and within the ±3 bacon bit topple range. I spent 15 minutes creating this salad. Get back to the table and take a bite.....frigin ranch lite. The server came by and I asked why the dressing tasted like someone washed their feet in it and she said they ran out of regular ranch and had to put ranch lite in it's place. They thought no one would notice. I'm still a little emotionally scarred from having to sit there and watch that big ass salad go to waste.

**SSwt00SS** · 07-09-2008, 09:51 AM

Orion, i feel your pain. the "woman" tries to pull the same stuff on me, saying it's healthier for me, etc. yet who ends up drinking my Vitamin D Whole Milk? Eating my Captain Crunch, using my Gates BBQ sause over her own shit!? that's right: HER!!!

you are correct about Lite Ranch dressing being the insta-ass beating. there is a distinct difference in taste. my big thing is butter. Country Crock is my butter for tub butter and Blue Bonnet for stick butter. believe me, i can tell when she uses her fucking SPRAY ON "I cant believe its not butter" shit when she cooks. Then when i go whip out the tub-o-butter she tries to regulate just how much of it i can have...

**third_shift|studios** · 07-09-2008, 09:59 AM

easy remedy: BUY AND COOK FOR YOUR DAMN SELVES! what is this 1954? stop depending on your woman to satisfy you-they don't do that any more.

**0rion** · 07-09-2008, 10:00 AM

Originally Posted by SSwt00SS

Orion, i feel your pain. the "woman" tries to pull the same stuff on me, saying it's healthier for me, etc. yet who ends up drinking my Vitamin D Whole Milk? Eating my Captain Crunch, using my BBQ sause!? that's right: HER!!!

you are correct about Lite Ranch dressing being the insta-ass beating. there is a distinct difference in taste. my big thing is butter. Country Crock is my butter for tub butter and Blue Bonnet for stick butter. believe me, i can tell when she uses her fucking SPRAY ON "I cant believe its not butter" shit when she cooks. Then when i go whip out the tub-o-butter she tries to regulate just how much of it i can have...

my wife buys that spray on butter crap. I use it as breath freshener.

I'm either a land o lakes or country crock butter guy. My wife is on my ass usually for what/how I eat. I know she has the best of intentions but I just can't eat that tasteless crap she does. Her latest snack is something called hummus. I have to be honest with you, I don't even know what it is. I just know it sounds like something you should be putting on your feet to cure some type of ailment. So in order to keep with my dietary joust with her I'm going out and buying a few cans of potted meat to throw in the cabinet. That way whenever she has her feet medicine I can have some potted meat and crackers to keep the force in balance.

**Mr. Luos** · 07-09-2008, 10:00 AM

My sammich was pretty good.
Added red onion as well.

**0rion** · 07-09-2008, 10:01 AM

Originally Posted by third_shift|studios

easy remedy: BUY AND COOK FOR YOUR DAMN SELVES! what is this 1954? stop depending on your woman to satisfy you-they don't do that any more.

I do pretty much all the cooking but she does all the shopping. That's how I know what screwed up stuff she's buying.

**Zapper2003** · 07-09-2008, 12:54 PM

Another no-no is diet soda. Either get fatter from the sugar, or stay fat and grow cancer. You ain't losing weight with diet soda. Fuck that. Any weight you lose you'll grow back in the form of a tumor.

Pretty much diet anything SUCKS. You don't go out and order diet ribs? A diet strip steak? Diet mashed potatos and gravy? Kiss my ass. Next thing you know it'll be diet water.