jokes

[Zboner]

What is a Yankee?
The Same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The position of the dirt bag.

Why is divorce so expensive?
Because its worth it.

What's the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky's mouth?
One US leader.

What do you see wen the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts.

Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

Why is Chelsea Clinton so homely?
Because Janet Reno is her real father.

What do you get when you put 50 lesbians and 50 politicians in a
room together?
100 people who don't do dick.

What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.

What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.

What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
45 lbs.

What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
45 minutes.

What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring,
and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.

What's the difference between a new husband and a dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of
driving.

A brunette, a blond, and a redhead are all in third grade, who has
the biggest boobs?
The blond, because shes 18.

What did the blond say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure its mine?"

Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.

Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
He walks around saying "Yo".

Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car
only on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday, and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

What's the Cuban National Anthem?
"Row Row Row Your Boat."

Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.

What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the
other?
A speech impediment.

What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at
half-mast?
They're hiring.

What's the difference between a northern zoo and a southern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the
cage along with a recipe.

How do you get a sweet little 80-year old lady to say the
F...word?
Get another sweet little 80-year old lady to yell BINGO.

What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern
fairytale?
A northern fair tale begins "Once upon a time..."
A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this
shit..."

Why is there no Disneyland in China?
No ones tall enough to go on the good rides.

[third_shift|studios]

not bad, that italian one is fucking hilarious!

[BIG D's SS]

Damn Boner you and your shit you come up with.

[Zboner]

i found it, i dont have the mental compasity to think that up

[BIG D's SS]

i found it, i dont have the mental compasity to think that up

Figures.

[KyleLs1]

i got some....

Q: What is better than winning a medal at the Special Olympics?
A: Not being retarded

Q: What's blue and fucks old people?
A: Hypothermia

Q: What's the first thing a woman does when she gets out of the
battered wives' shelter?
A: The dishes, if she knows what's good for her

Q: How do you swat 200 flies at one time
A: Hit an Ethiopian in the face with a frying pan.

Q: What is the definition of "making love"?
A: Something a woman does while a guy is fucking her.

Q: What do 54,000 abused woman every year have in common?
A: They don't fucking listen.

Q: What's yellow and green and eats nuts?
A: Gonorrhoea

Q: Why did God create yeast infections?
A: So women would know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt once in a while too.

Q. How can you tell a macho woman?
A. She rolls her own tampons.

Q. Why do fags like ribbed condoms?
A. Better traction in the mud.

Q. What's the difference between a woman and a sheep?
A. The sheep doesn't get upset if you screw her sister.

Q. What's the difference between acne and a Michael Jackson?
A. Acne usually doesn't come on a kid's face until he's at least 13 years old.

Q. How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
A. Marry it.

Q. What do you get when you cross two black people?
A. Your ass kicked.

Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

Q. Why do men pay more for car insurance?
A. Because women don't get blow jobs while they're driving.

Q. What's the difference between mayonnaise & semen?
A. Mayonnaise doesn't hit the back of a girl's throat at thirty miles an hour.

Q. How can you tell if you're at a bulimic bachelor party?
A. The cake jumps out of the girl.

Q. What's the difference between oral sex & anal sex?
A. Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.

Q. How is pubic hair like parsley?
A. You push it to the side before you start eating.

Q. What's so good about an Ethiopian blowjob?
A. You know she'll swallow.

Q. Why don't they teach driver's education and sex education on the same day in Iraq?
A. They don't want to wear out the camel.

Q. What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife?
A. A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewellery.

Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball.

Q. How do the little boys at Michael Jackson's ranch know when it is bedtime?
A. When the big hand touches the little hand...

Q. How do you know when it's time to wash dishes and clean the house?
A. Look inside your pants; if you have a penis, it's not time.

Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?
A. They spray paint X's on the back of the animals that kick.

[SeVeReDiStOrTiOn]

i got some....



Q: How do you swat 200 flies at one time
A: Hit an Ethiopian in the face with a frying pan.

Q. Why do fags like ribbed condoms?
A. Better traction in the mud.

Q. What's the difference between acne and a Michael Jackson?
A. Acne usually doesn't come on a kid's face until he's at least 13 years old.


Q. What's the difference between oral sex & anal sex?
A. Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.



Q. What's so good about an Ethiopian blowjob?
A. You know she'll swallow.

Q. Why don't they teach driver's education and sex education on the same day in Iraq?
A. They don't want to wear out the camel.

Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball.

Now that's funny

[1fastcamarosss11]

dude, it's like 3 in the morning and i am laughing so hard at these i will try to print these tomm. for my night out,

[it was sideways]

yeah thats some good laughs for my friday night out on the piss

if I can remember a couple of 'em

[third_shift|studios]

wow...it was just too early for me to read that last set....good stuff though!