Joke of the day thread...

[Spaz]

A young cowboy walks into a seedy cafe in a small West Texas town. He sits
at the counter and notices an old cowboy with his arms folded staring blankly
at a full bowl of chili. After fifteen minutes of just sitting there, staring
at it,the young cowboy bravely asks the old cowpoke, "If you ain't gonna eat
that, mind if I do?"

The older cowboy slowly turns his head toward the young wrangler and in his
best Texas cowboy drawl says, "Nah, go ahead."
Eagerly, the young cowboy reaches over and slides the bowl over to his place
and starts spooning it in with delight. He gets nearly down to the bottom
and

notices a dead mouse in the chili. The sight was shocking and he immediately
barfs up the chili into the bowl.


The old cowboy quietly says, Yep, that's as far as I got, too."

[02sunsetorangeZ]

lmao!

[9t8z28]

Oh my _ _ _! That f-in awesome

[joerockhead]

That was good! LOL!! Thanks!

[ss~zoso~ss]

Lmao

[Spaz]

hehe...

['02DirtyBird]

[86 IROC-Z]

nice

[310stanger]

haha nice. heres one.

A guy walks into a bar and orders a double vodka on the rocks and tells the bartender to keep em coming. Bartender says to the guy what rough day. Guy says yes. guys leaves. Next night comes around and the guy says the same thing. The bartender goes whats wrong now. Guy says he found out his brother is gay. The bartender says man that sucks. hers one on me. Guy leaves hammered. Next night comes same thing. Bartender says whats wrong now. Guy says he jus found out his son is gay. The bartender tells him its terrible and drinks are on him again. Next night comes again and the bartender goes "Does anyone in your family like girls?" The guys says "yes, my wife!"

[Spaz]

haha nice. heres one.

A guy walks into a bar and orders a double vodka on the rocks and tells the bartender to keep em coming. Bartender says to the guy what rough day. Guy says yes. guys leaves. Next night comes around and the guy says the same thing. The bartender goes whats wrong now. Guy says he found out his brother is gay. The bartender says man that sucks. hers one on me. Guy leaves hammered. Next night comes same thing. Bartender says whats wrong now. Guy says he jus found out his son is gay. The bartender tells him its terrible and drinks are on him again. Next night comes again and the bartender goes "Does anyone in your family like girls?" The guys says "yes, my wife!"

[ss~zoso~ss]

i dont get it, did he get another free drink?

jk

pretty good

[Spaz]

i dont get it, did he get another free drink?

jk

pretty good

damn cheap bartenders...

[Tobynine9]

A Mexican, an Iraqi, and a Texas Girl are in the same bar. When the Mexican finishes his beer, he throws his glass in the air, pulls out his pistol, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, "In Mexico our glasses are so cheap we don't need to drink from the same one twice." The Iraqi, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his AK-47, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, "In Iraq we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't need to drink out of the same one twice either. The Texas Girl, cool as a cucumber, picks up her beer, downs it in one draft, throws the glass into the air, pulls out her gun, and shoots the Mexican and the Iraqi. Catching her glass, setting it on the bar, and asking the bartender for a refill, she says, "In America we have so many illegal Mexicans and Arabs that we don't have to drink with the same ones twice.

[lakmflx]

The Zipper

A man walked into a supermarket with his zipper down. A lady cashier walked up to him and said, "Your barracks door is open."


Not a phrase that men normally use, he went on his way looking a bit
puzzled. When he was about done shopping, a man came up and said, "Your
fly is open. "


He zipped up and finished his shopping. At the checkout, he intentionally got in the line where the lady was that told him about his "barracks door."

He was planning to have a little fun with her, so when he reached the counter he said, "When you saw my barracks door open, did you see a Marine standing in there at attention?;



The lady (naturally smarter than the man) thought for a moment and said
"No, no I didn't. All I saw was a disabled veteran sitting on a couple of
old duffel bags."

[SexOnWheels]

The Smart Wife

Last night, my wife and I were sitting in the living room and I said to her, "I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug."



She got up, unplugged the TV and then threw out my beer.



She's such A Bitch......

[Spaz]

The Smart Wife

Last night, my wife and I were sitting in the living room and I said to her, "I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug."



She got up, unplugged the TV and then threw out my beer.



She's such A Bitch......

[lakmflx]

*Purina Diet*

I was buying 2 large bags of Purina dog food at Wal-Mart and was in line
to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. Realizing I was
faced with one of "those" people, I told her that no, I was starting The
Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in
the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in
an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and
IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that
it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply
eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is
nutritionally complete and very tasty and crunchy, so I was going to try
it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now
enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her.

Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition
because I had been poisoned. I told her no; it was because I'd been
sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me.

I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so
hard as he staggered out the door

[SexOnWheels]

What's the difference?

A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff's deputy.

He thinks that he is smarter than the deputy because he is a lawyer and is certain that he has a better education. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the deputy's expense...

Deputy says, "License and registration, please."

Lawyer says, "What for?"

Deputy says, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign."

Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."

Deputy says, "You still didn't come to a complete stop.License and registration, please."

Lawyer says, "What's the difference?"

Deputy says, "The difference is, you have to come to complete stop, that's the law. License and registration, please!"

Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket."


Deputy says, "Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir."

At this point, the deputy takes out his nightstick and starts beating the ever-loving crap out of the lawyer and says, ........

"Do you want me to stop or just slow down?"

[86 IROC-Z]

The lady (naturally smarter than the man)

Best joke in this thread!!!

[lakmflx]

Best joke in this thread!!!

LOL