The Illicit Affairs

**LSCyaL8R** · 04-13-2011, 08:35 PM

If you think this is finally the thread about all that pussy that's going to come flying through your window as you cruise downtown in your sexy F-body, prepare for ... well, you're probably already well-prepared for disappointment if you're harboring delusions like that. Unless a woman is really into cars herself, she's not gonna give one apathetic, faked orgasm that you scraped together a few grand and bought yourself a TransAm. Plus, why would you even want that? Pussy flying in your window is incredibly distracting. That's just an accident waiting to happen. No, this entry is about the illicit affair you're going to be having with your own car. If you thought you were just buying a neat toy, or a solid method of conveyance, then you are wholly unprepared for the odd, inappropriate, and shameful relationship you're about to participate in.

No matter how big a piece of shit that car might be, some strange alchemy worked into the metal will eventually cause you to treat it like a lover: You'll talk softly to it as you work, inadvertently catch yourself calling it a "she," stroke it secretly as you walk by, and steal fleeting but passionate glances over your shoulder every time you pass it. And, like all torrid affairs, this will probably end badly. All those gasket failures start feeling like personal betrayals; the pressing guilt every time you use your other car (how could you callously mount that Korean slut right in front of her?) will wear on you; and the exponentially worsening gas bills will pile up, all eventually culminating in a bitter and tearful goodbye. You always end up selling the first one, no matter how much you might hate to do it. And forever afterward, every time you see her model pass by on the road, you'll turn your head to watch her go, and wonder who she's with now, and if he's good to her, or if it's some unappreciative mook that's slathering his filthy paws all over her heads

Taken from cracked.com..... oh how true it is.