I won't be even finishing the mods I'm doing

**jimmybling31** · 04-05-2008, 01:25 AM

I have had a huge thing come up that will put me in the whole for the next year or two and I am no selling my car, but I am not able to mod it at all anymore. I am very sad about that, but there is good in it. My girlfriend is pregnant and I taking full responsibility for it. We were pretty much engaged before she became pregnant, and I want the child to have the best life it can. I have a job good enough for me to support the child, but I won't have enough to go play with. I am buying a family car for my girlfriend, because her sentra is anything but safe. I know I am young and most people in my position would not want anything to do with it, but I am too caring of a person to let my child go on without a father. I am not telling my parents yet, but I will tell them when it becomes necessary. I will be moving in with my girlfriend after next semester so I can be with the child as much as possible. in march when her lease runs out on her appartment we will look for a bigger place. my girlfriend was on birth control when she got pregnant. we were not being irresponsible when it happened, but nothing always works. I am still finishing my degree in accounting. I have no intention of not finishing college. I am hoping I will be able to finish my degree on time still. it looks like it's going to be harder though. The baby is due right around christmas so I am not going to have the most fun christmas ever, but I will get a bigger gift than I have ever received before. I am actually happy that I will have my own child, but I am still scared of all the responsibility. I guess I am being thrown right into adulthood before I even finish school. I also still intend on staying with my girlfriend. I hope I can be a good provider for our family. I am going to try my best. If I have to I will ask my family for help( they would prolly have no problem paying for most anything), but I want to prove I can do it on my own.

any advice on how to help my girlfriend through her pregnancy and on good parenthood would be appreciated. Please don't post any "oh you fucked up" replies. I really don't need to hear it.

**krese** · 04-05-2008, 05:04 AM

adoption or abortion... they are your only hope! you are still a baby yourself (i know you prolly don't wanna hear that but it's the truth) and this is the worst thing that could happen......... sorry, but you need to hear it over and over and over and the next dumb 17 year old that looks at this should learn from it.

and yes, i'm adopted myself... so it's not that bad...

**Speedy_Gonzales** · 04-05-2008, 05:20 AM

Originally Posted by krese

adoption or abortion... they are your only hope! you are still a baby yourself (i know you prolly don't wanna hear that but it's the truth) and this is the worst thing that could happen......... sorry, but you need to hear it over and over and over and the next dumb 17 year old that looks at this should learn from it.

and yes, i'm adopted myself... so it's not that bad...

thats the worst two things he could do, he is already doing what is right. If thats the best post you can come up with just dont post.

Yes it will make plans in your life harder but children are awesome !!!!!!!!!!!

**Smkn_TA** · 04-05-2008, 05:38 AM

Two words...blood test. Don't get yourself into something that might not be yours.

**Bowtie_girl30** · 04-05-2008, 05:58 AM

That's good that you are sticking by her because I cannot even imagine what she is feeling right now. It will be a tough road especially at your age and I wish you the best of luck.

**Zboner** · 04-05-2008, 06:02 AM

so i assume that you are in College? is she in highschool?

**JwMonE99** · 04-05-2008, 06:14 AM

Originally Posted by Zboner

so i assume that you are in College? is she in highschool?

I think its the other way around

**FORD RECOVERY EXPERT** · 04-05-2008, 06:26 AM

Your already on the right track. Just stick with it.

**DanWS6** · 04-05-2008, 06:28 AM

Originally Posted by jimmybling31

If I have to I will ask my family for help( they would prolly have no problem paying for most anything), but I want to prove I can do it on my own.

That's admirable but really you should put your ego aside and ask them up front. It'll make your life much easier and less stressful (which will be stressful enough as it is). I'd honestly consider moving in with them during the pregnancy if they let you. No rent payment would help a lot.

At any rate, good luck and congrats on stepping up to take responsibility for your actions.

**Zboner** · 04-05-2008, 06:36 AM

if you do decide to move on your own, im sure that you already know that there are a TON of govt assit programs out there for single mothers (being that your not married to her? she is still "single") you can get rent free living and EBT card also so you can get food for free. you might as well get as much assistance as you can man and dont feel bad about asking for help or getting the help either man.

a few of my friends have had kids when they were 19-20 and they have gotten govt asistance, just go to your local center and apply for EVERYTHING that you can. lol

**Speedy_Gonzales** · 04-05-2008, 06:43 AM

Originally Posted by Zboner

if you do decide to move on your own, im sure that you already know that there are a TON of govt assit programs out there for single mothers (being that your not married to her? she is still "single") you can get rent free living and EBT card also so you can get food for free. you might as well get as much assistance as you can man and dont feel bad about asking for help or getting the help either man.

a few of my friends have had kids when they were 19-20 and they have gotten govt asistance, just go to your local center and apply for EVERYTHING that you can. lol

good advice

**Zboner** · 04-05-2008, 06:45 AM

I mean why not the money is out there, there going to give it to someone, why not someone who auctually needs it.

**Speedy_Gonzales** · 04-05-2008, 06:47 AM

Originally Posted by Zboner

I mean why not the money is out there, there going to give it to someone, why not someone who auctually needs it.

**SeVeReDiStOrTiOn** · 04-05-2008, 06:50 AM

How old is your g/f? They do make an abortion pill....she takes a few pills in front of a nurse and it forces a period later that day. Having a kid at your age would be disastrous for both of you...for your relationship and for your life in general. I'm telling you right now that later on she's going to resent you for getting her pregnant...she's going to feel like her youth was wasted and she never had a chance to "sell her oats".

Don't get me wrong, having kids is a awesome thing and I know you're excited and scared right now. Whatever route you choose I wish you the best bro.. http://www.fwhc.org/abortion/medical-ab.htm

**tnthub** · 04-05-2008, 07:11 AM

You have nothing to hide from your parents. You have decided to follow a responsible course of action but you and your girl need, in my opinion, to make the adult decision, and inform your parents of the situation.

Having a child, regardless of circumstance, is a greater responsibility that either of you have experienced before and your parents have "been there and done that", and obviously instilled a strong sense of priorities and values in you.

By excluding them you are not owning up to your responsibility. A child is an all or nothing proposition and although i can understand your wanting to wait and talk it through and think it over, I urge you not to wait long before announcing your situation.

I was in a similiar situation many years ago with a college girlfriend and we made a different decision ( abortion), and we did not tell a sole. Although I have no regrets, I would never make that decision again.

A situation shared is a situation cut in half and simply the reduction in stress for you and your lady by telling your parents, (once the bomshell has calmed down), will be of great assistance to you.

**ss_caramo** · 04-05-2008, 07:38 AM

Originally Posted by Smkn_TA

Two words...blood test. Don't get yourself into something that might not be yours.

Words well spoken actually. I was in your shoes when I was around 19-20, went through the whole ordeal and in the end DNA test excluded me as the father. Im by no means questioning the fidelity of your partner but at 17 years old, fidelity is not often practiced. Im now 30 and well established and im still not sure im ready for the commitment of a child. At 17 to be as level headed and responsible as you are being about it, I give you BIG props man. Very mature of you to be ready to go to bat for her and for your family. I also agree that getting with both of you guys parents ASAP is a great idea. From the way it sounds like you were raised, you can rest assured that the decisions they help you guys make will be the right ones. But for the love of all things good I would not go forward after it is born without proving you are the father.

**Speedy_Gonzales** · 04-05-2008, 07:41 AM

asking for a blood test opens up a whole new can of problems........I would only do it if there is a good reason to doubt you are the father

**krese** · 04-05-2008, 07:48 AM

Originally Posted by SpeedAddict38

thats the worst two things he could do, he is already doing what is right. If thats the best post you can come up with just dont post.

Yes it will make plans in your life harder but children are awesome !!!!!!!!!!!

if you post on a public forum you have put yourself in a position for other's opinions. if he didn't want other's opinions he shouldn't have posted.

imo giving a kid up for adoption is not the worst thing when you are not old enough to care for it. this will be a drain on him, his family and prolly the rest of us that pay taxes...

**ss_caramo** · 04-05-2008, 07:51 AM

Originally Posted by SpeedAddict38

asking for a blood test opens up a whole new can of problems........I would only do it if there is a good reason to doubt you are the father

That it does, but better to be sure than to possibly end up paying child support for 18 years on a child that isnt yours. This a cruel f'n world.

**Zboner** · 04-05-2008, 08:02 AM

Originally Posted by krese

if you post on a public forum you have put yourself in a position for other's opinions. if he didn't want other's opinions he shouldn't have posted.

imo giving a kid up for adoption is not the worst thing when you are not old enough to care for it. this will be a drain on him, his family and prolly the rest of us that pay taxes...

i think that is the best option really if you feel that you cant afford to take care of the child yourself