How Sarge got famous

**0rion** · 03-04-2009, 06:12 PM

One summer many years ago there was a drought in a little town near where Sarge lives. Hadn't rained in months. A fire broke out in the town and a couple of the buildings were burning but since there was a drought the town didn't have the water to put the fire out.
A few minutes later here comes Sarge and his family flying into town in his truck. He drove that thing right into the burning buildings and jumped out and started stomping on the fire. Momma jumped out the other side and was stomping and the kids climbed out of the back and were stomping.
About 2 minutes later they had the fire completely stomped out. Not a hot cinder left.
The town was so grateful that they took up a collection and had a big ceremony for Sarge and his family since he saved the town from burning to the ground. The mayor was there, the city counsel, and every other important person in the county. At the awards presentation the mayor said "Sarge, we are so proud to have you and your brave family a part of our community. On behalf of the whole town here's an award and the proceeds of a collection from the whole town. What do you plan on doing with the money?"
Sarge said " The first thing I'm gonna do is fix the brakes on that damn truck."

**0rion** · 03-04-2009, 06:18 PM

Sarge and Nhrafirebird were out hunting one time and the came upon a big hole in the ground.
Sarge leaned over and said " I wonder how deep that hole is?" and Nhrafirebird said " I don't know, let's toss a rock in there and see."
Sarge throws a rock in the hole and they listen but don't hear anything. Nhrafirebird says " Let's toss a stick in there."
Sarge throws a stick and they listen but don't hear anything. Sarge looks over and says " Looky there, a 6 foot long piece of railraod track. We'll throw that in there and I bet that sucker makes some noise."
So him and Nhrafirebird toss the railroad track in there. A couple seconds later this big red goat comes running by them and jumps in the hole.
Sarge says " Did you see that big ass goat jump in the hole?" Nhrafirebird says " Sure did, wonder that that was about?"
About 10 minutes goes by and this fella comes walking up to them and says "Hey, have you guys seen a big red goat?"
Sarge says " Sure have, sum bitch come running up and jumped in this big hole." and the guy says " I don't see how that's possible..... I had him tied to a 6 foot section of railroad track."

**cammed goat** · 03-04-2009, 06:20 PM

LOL...HERE WE GO AGAIN!!!

**KahanaReef** · 03-04-2009, 06:25 PM

...

**markarvidson** · 03-04-2009, 06:42 PM

**Firebug** · 03-04-2009, 06:44 PM

**c5z28** · 03-04-2009, 06:49 PM

seriously what happened to the goat?

**TempleU_WS6** · 03-04-2009, 06:53 PM

Originally Posted by Firebug

Im in on this too bug

**FORD RECOVERY EXPERT** · 03-04-2009, 06:59 PM

Sarge was taking Mamma, who was pregnant with twins, to the hospital when his car went out of control and crashed.

Regaining consciousness, he saw his younger brother, NHRA Firebird, a relentless practical joker, sitting at his bed side.

He asked Derek how Mamma was doing and Derek said, "Don't worry, everybody is fine and you have a son and a daughter.

But the hospital was in a real hurry to
get the birth certificates filed and since both you and Mamma were unconscious, I named them for you."

Sarge was thinking to himself, "Oh no, what has he done now?" and asked with some trepidation, "Well, Derek, what did you name them?"

Whereupon, Derek replied, "I named the little girl Denise."

Sarge, somewhat relieved, said, "That's not a bad name! And what did you come up with for my son?"

Derek winked and replied, "Denephew."

**FORD RECOVERY EXPERT** · 03-04-2009, 07:04 PM

Sarge's family took a vacation to New York City. One day, Sarge took his son into a large building. They were amazed by everything they saw, especially the elevator at one end of the lobby. The boy asked, "What's this, Paw?"

The father responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life. I don't know what it is!"

While the boy and Sarge were watching in wide-eyed astonishment, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened again, and a voluptuous twenty-four-year old woman stepped out.

Sarge turned to his son and said, "Go get your maw!"

**FORD RECOVERY EXPERT** · 03-04-2009, 07:07 PM

Sarge and Orion go on a fishing trip.

They rent all the equipment: the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods.

They spend a fortune.

The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything.

The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day.

It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, Sarge catches a fish.

As they're driving home they're really depressed. Sarge turns to Orion and says, "Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred dollars?"

Orion says, "Really? Wow! It's a good thing we didn't catch any more!"

**FORD RECOVERY EXPERT** · 03-04-2009, 07:44 PM

Sarge and NHRA Firebird decided that they weren't going anywhere in life and thought they should go to college to get ahead.

Sarge went in to see the counselor, who told him to take math, history, and logic.

"What's logic?" Sarge asked.

The professor answered, "Let me give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?"

"I sure do."

"Then I can assume, using logic, that you have a yard," replied the professor.

"That's real good!" said Sarge.

The professor continued, "Logic will also tell me that since you have a yard, you also own a house."

Impressed, Sarge said, "Amazing!"

"And since you own a house, logic dictates that you have a wife."

"That's Mamma! This is incredible!"

Sarge was catching on.

"Finally, since you have a wife, logically I can assume that you are heterosexual," said the professor.

"You're absolutely right! Why that's the most fascinatin' thing I ever heard! I cain't wait to take that logic class!"

Sarge, proud of the new world opening up to him, walked back into the hallway where Derek was still waiting.

"So what classes are ya takin'?" Derek asked.

"Math, history, and logic!" replied Sarge.

"What in tarnation is logic?" asked Derek.

"Let me give you an example. Do ya own a weed eater?" Sarge asked.

"No," Derek replied.

"You're queer, ain't ya?"

**FORD RECOVERY EXPERT** · 03-05-2009, 07:10 AM

Well, this thread Failed....

**tomz28** · 03-05-2009, 08:29 AM

no keep going omg too funny!!!!!!!!!!!!

**JoshieDoom** · 03-05-2009, 08:43 AM

Originally Posted by FORD RECOVERY EXPERT

Sarge and NHRA Firebird decided that they weren't going anywhere in life and thought they should go to college to get ahead.

Sarge went in to see the counselor, who told him to take math, history, and logic.

"What's logic?" Sarge asked.

The professor answered, "Let me give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?"

"I sure do."

"Then I can assume, using logic, that you have a yard," replied the professor.

"That's real good!" said Sarge.

The professor continued, "Logic will also tell me that since you have a yard, you also own a house."

Impressed, Sarge said, "Amazing!"

"And since you own a house, logic dictates that you have a wife."

"That's Mamma! This is incredible!"

Sarge was catching on.

"Finally, since you have a wife, logically I can assume that you are heterosexual," said the professor.

"You're absolutely right! Why that's the most fascinatin' thing I ever heard! I cain't wait to take that logic class!"

Sarge, proud of the new world opening up to him, walked back into the hallway where Derek was still waiting.

"So what classes are ya takin'?" Derek asked.

"Math, history, and logic!" replied Sarge.

"What in tarnation is logic?" asked Derek.

"Let me give you an example. Do ya own a weed eater?" Sarge asked.

"No," Derek replied.

"You're queer, ain't ya?"

HAHAHAHAHAh holy shit my dad told me that joke when I was like 10 and it took me forever to get it.

**gwballin** · 03-05-2009, 09:11 AM

Originally Posted by JoshieDoom

HAHAHAHAHAh holy shit my dad told me that joke when I was like 10 and it took me forever to get it.

In your defense you hadn’t taken the logic class yet…

**KahanaReef** · 03-05-2009, 09:43 AM

Originally Posted by FORD RECOVERY EXPERT

Well, this thread Failed....

Nah, not a fail. But, I think we already used up most of the good ones on the other one

**0rion** · 03-05-2009, 10:15 AM

Sarge was standing on a street corner one day with a jar filled with a clear liquid. He'd shake it and turn it upside down and watch the bubbles rise to the top.
A priest comes walking by and notices him doing it and says " Whatcha got there Sarge?"
Sarge says "this here is turpentine.....the most powerful liquid in the world."
The priest reaches in his pocket and pulls out a little bottle of clear liquid and shakes it and says " No Sarge, you have it all wrong. THIS is holy water and it's the most powerful liquid in the world. Why you take a drop of this holy water and rub it on a pregnant woman's belly and she'll pass a healthy baby."
Sarge says " That ain't shit. You take a drop of this turpentine and rub it on a cats ass and he'll pass a motorcycle."

**FORD RECOVERY EXPERT** · 03-05-2009, 10:18 AM

^^

**0rion** · 03-05-2009, 10:26 AM

Sarge was at a dog show out of state one year. He had took the familes miniature poodle along to show.
He was out walking it and ran into Nhrafirebird that was there for the dog show also and was out walking his german shepherd.
They talked a few minutes and Nhrafirebird said " Let's go into this restaurant and have some coffee and talk a while."
Sarge says " That's a pretty fancy restaurant and there's a sign right there on the door that says 'No pets allowed'."
Nhrafirebird says " That's ok, just do as I do." So they go in and the manager stops them at the door and says " Sorry gentleman but we don't allow pets into the dining establishment."
Nhrafirebird never looking up at him says " This is my seeing eye dog." and the manager says " Oh, I'm sorry sir. Go right ahead and have a seat." He looks at Sarge and says " We don't allow pets in the dining establishment, you'll have to come back without it." and Sarge, never looking up, says " This sir is my seeing eye dog."
The manager smirks and says " A miniature poodle is your seeing eye dog?" Sarge, still not looking up, says " WHAT, that sum bitch sold me a poodle as a seeing eye dog?"