Guys are gross?

**Sarge** · 08-29-2008, 09:33 AM

OK...I have been married for 3000 years...and raised two daughters so I have been around woman all my life...and I have some comments/rants/thoughts after all these years of women running my house.....
1. Peeing off the back porch is OK. Long as nobody is around who gives a shit.
2. Taking one finger and pressing it against one side of your nose and blowing like hell through the other nostril is the ultimate nose blow. Snot has been known to come out of me an travel at the speed of light for over 30 feet. Done outside...it is not gross or rude....it is clearing the ol nasal cavity thoroughly.
3. Peeing in the shower drain is OK. I mean what is the difference? It all goes out to the septic system anyway. Who gives a shit. Aim for the drain and your civilized.
4. Scratching your balls. Anywhere anytime. Fuck em. My balls itch.
5. Trimming nose hairs with a BIC lighter. Works like a champ and is acceptable in South Texas. Once again fuck em. Nose may be a tad red for a day or two...but them lil nose hairs are nowhere to be found. Called manly man grooming 101.
6. Turn you underwear in side out and go another day. Fuck yes! I'm green baby...saving water and the planet. What I shit in my pants or piss myself?...I don't think so...
7. Trimming your toenails with wire snips. Damn right. Them cheap ass toe nail clippers aint worth a shit. Give me Northern Tool Supply wire snips for the job. After your done spray your clips down with WD40/wipe em down and put em back in your rollaway tool box like a real fucking man.
8. Cut the shit out of your hands working on your ride? Bleeding all over everywhere? Pour gas on them cuts...stops the bleeding almost instantly. Stings like a sum bitch but stops the bleeding cuz the gas makes the lil blood vessels constrict...so STFU and get the gas. Wrap a red shop towel around it and get back under the hood. We dont need antiseptic and sterile guaze....for what? Gas and red shop towels.....your good to go.
9. When changing out your differential fluid you get that shit all over you and smell like diff fluid for 14 days. Diff fluid is just like skunk spray...shit aint coming off nor going away. So everybody can just wrap a towel around there face and STFU at the dinner table for a couple of weeks while your stinking up the house with your Diff Smell.
10. Cornbread broken up put into a glass of milk and sprinkled with sugar is the best shit ever.

**shady milkman** · 08-29-2008, 09:37 AM

you sir...are more red neck then jeff foxworthy and larry the cable guy combined
lol

**ls1blackbeauty98** · 08-29-2008, 09:39 AM

feel better?

**Spaz** · 08-29-2008, 09:39 AM

Originally Posted by Sarge

10. Cornbread broken up put into a glass of milk and sprinkled with sugar is the best shit ever.

holy shit!!! i thought i was the only one that does that!!!

**third_shift|studios** · 08-29-2008, 09:44 AM

#3 FTW, but don't tell my wife!

**Sarge** · 08-29-2008, 09:45 AM

Originally Posted by ls1blackbeauty98

feel better?

Which brings up number 11.
11. Farting. When in bed with Mama and it is late at night....and you got a big ol crab cake/brussel sprout/beer fart rumbling around....it is polite and common courtesy mandates to point your fart cannon the opposite direction/spread your cheeks to kill the noise and let that bad boy go free. This is showing respect for your bed partner.

**jknelms** · 08-29-2008, 09:48 AM

Originally Posted by Spaz

holy shit!!! i thought i was the only one that does that!!!

idk about the sugar, but cornbread and milk is awesome !

and when you're really broke....crackers and milk isn't bad either...

**Spaz** · 08-29-2008, 09:50 AM

Originally Posted by jknelms

idk about the sugar, but cornbread and milk is awesome !

and when you're really broke....crackers and milk isn't bad either...

got to have the sugar on there... and if you got them strawberries go good...

**Spaz** · 08-29-2008, 09:50 AM

Originally Posted by Sarge

Which brings up number 11.
11. Farting. When in bed with Mama and it is late at night....and you got a big ol crab cake/brussel sprout/beer fart rumbling around....it is polite and common courtesy mandates to point your fart cannon the opposite direction/spread your cheeks to kill the noise and let that bad boy go free. This is showing respect for your bed partner.

so it's rude to put the covers over thier head and dutch oven them???

**Sarge** · 08-29-2008, 09:51 AM

12. It is OK to watch Saving Private Ryan first 30 minutes turned up loud as hell on your surround sound. Everybody in the house can just go outside for 30 minutes and STFU.
13. It is fully acceptable to re-run over road kill in your pick up truck. Snakes especially.
14. Shooting squirrels eating your bird food. I have about 50 pairs of mating Cardinals and I like em. So I shoot squirrels getting into the bird feeders. Dead as shit. I got a single shot .22 with a Bushnell scope and can shoot out the eye of them tree rat mother fuckers from 50 yards off the back porch drunk on my ass. I say I wont go to hell and God only made squirrels cuz he knew man would invent the .22 rifle and needed something to shoot at.

**Sarge** · 08-29-2008, 09:55 AM

15. When your buddies come over to hang in the shop and talk about car/oil/pussy it is rude for women to come out and sit down. Fucks everything up. We dont go "get our nails done" with them so they should stay the fuck out of the shop when your buddies come over. If we want to hear them women we'll go inside and sit down and listen to their bullshit. But in the shop during beer drinking/music blasting/guy talking is off limits unless you got a dick. Period.

**third_shift|studios** · 08-29-2008, 09:56 AM

Originally Posted by Sarge

15. When your buddies come over to hang in the shop and talk about car/oil/pussy it is rude for women to come out and sit down. Fucks everything up. We dont go "get our nails done" with them so they should stay the fuck out of the shop when your buddies come over. If we want to hear them women we'll go inside and sit down and listen to their bullshit. But in the shop during beer drinking/music blasting/guy talking is off limits unless you got a dick. Period.

this should be amended for strippers and nekkid chicks.

**jknelms** · 08-29-2008, 09:57 AM

Originally Posted by Spaz

got to have the sugar on there... and if you got them strawberries go good...

hmmm, you know...that does sound good. like a little strawberry short-cornbread-cake dessert...

**Sarge** · 08-29-2008, 09:58 AM

16. When you go to the hospital to see a family member/friend/whatever you don't have to take "something" every fucking time. Go in...see how their doing and leave. That simple. Dont need to stop by the flower shop in the lobby and shit.

**Sarge** · 08-29-2008, 10:00 AM

17. You don't eat shit in my muscle car. Nothing. Get in/strap in and STFU. If you bitch it is too loud I will throw your squealing ass out on the highway. STFU when in my muscle car. If you say it is too bouncy and doesn't ride soft I will stop the car and beat the shit out of you.

**jknelms** · 08-29-2008, 10:01 AM

Originally Posted by Sarge

17. You don't eat shit in my muscle car. Nothing. Get in/strap in and STFU. If you bitch it is too loud I will throw your squealing ass out on the highway. STFU when in my muscle car. If you say it is too bouncy and doesn't ride soft I will stop the car and beat the shit out of you.

i vote sarge for rewriting the constitution of texas

**Sarge** · 08-29-2008, 10:02 AM

18. Dont throw my Hot Rod/GM High Performance magazines in the holder thing next to the toilet away. I don't give a shit how old/ragged they are. I will throw your fucking entire shoe collection in the swimming pool.

**rbob93** · 08-29-2008, 10:05 AM

#8 but use laquer thinner instead

**jaslivers** · 08-29-2008, 11:54 AM

holy shit this is amazing

**LS16SPD** · 08-29-2008, 12:18 PM

sarge you are the man!! esoecially 17 and 18 !!! and i too love me some milk and cornbread!!!!! i have a lot of family in louisiana learned me some good eats at an early age!!