Got dumped

**JonB** · 09-22-2006, 07:03 AM

4 1/2 years down the tubes. We just moved in toghter like 4 months ago and now she decides she needs to experice life on her own. It really really sucks, we've been toghter since I was 17 and she was 16 we've done every thing toghter. Every thing just started going down hill once we moved out and she turned the big 21 last month. Once we moved out she just always was going out, which theres nothing wrong with that but she was never like that before so I just figured it was a short phase that she was going through and would come back to me not really likeing it like she always has when she tries somthing new. She says it not so much that she want to experince life but that we as a couple are not working because of lack of communication. Which looking at it now I totally agree, like i said once we moved out every went down hill we slowly did talk as much hang out as much or have as much sex. She says she is just tired of trying and that for the past 4 1/2 years she has been trying to get me to communicate with her more. Which again I totally agree with and it is my fault she was the one trying and I did't as much as I should have. I was really upset the day she dumped me and stayed home and just mopped(sp) around while she was home as well. I just tried to get her to change her mind but she did't. I have since stopped mopping around started working out making sure to leave the weights out so she sees them, not sleeping in the same bed like I did the first 2 nights I moved my ass to the couch. I went out with some a friend last night being sure to come home after she did just to she if she would care were I was. She called at like 11:30 to see if I was coming home. I have also talked to her and told her I was done trying and was going to give her space and let her do her thing and that if she want's to come back I may or may not be availabe, I was not going to put my life on hold for her and if I met someone I was going for it.

Now the real dilema is that we live in a apartment toghter and as I told her 1 of us is moving out. She said no one had to move out which I totally disagree with and told her I would move out. Then I changed my mind and said she needs to leave shes the one that want to move on so move on and get out. I just can't live with her not knowing what she is doing or who she is doing it with. I would't be able to handle seeing her with someone else or knowing she is on the phone with another dude in the other room. If she moves out should I help or just leave it to her? How can I get her back I love this girl to death? I have actually thought about marrying her but we just needed to work throught this rough patch. I know im young and women come and go but I don't want this to end I know she is made for me I just need to step up and make some changes for it to work. I plan on moving on as soon as I met someone and playing the field some but I just want her to come back wheather it tommorow or next year it does't matter obviously the sooner the better.

Sorry for the long post or if its all over the place there is just so much stuff going through my head.

Thanks
JonB

**whitelightnin99** · 09-22-2006, 07:07 AM

let her go man, if she comes back it was meant to be. i know thats really cliche' but its true. you cant stop her so let her get it out of her system and go from there

**nosfed** · 09-22-2006, 07:14 AM

Yep, let her go. This is very common in young people in relationships and then one or both hit 21 and experience the bar thing. She doesn't want to be tied down and the fact that she wasn't real happy helps. DO NOT change yourself and who you are over just because it didn't work out. One of you definetly needs to move out and you both should move on. She may come back one day but I say thank her for 4 years of good sex and find someone else.

**TMF** · 09-22-2006, 07:19 AM

By time you're my age, you won't even remember her name.

**ss~zoso~ss** · 09-22-2006, 07:22 AM

Lying Eyes

City girls just seem to find out early how to open doors with just a smile.
A rich old man and she won't have to worry. She'll dress up all in lace and go in style.
Late at night a big old house gets lonely, I guess every form of refuge has its price.
And it breaks her heart to think her love is only given to a man with hands as cold as ice.
So she tells him she must go out for the evening to comfort an old friend who's feeling down.
But he knows where she's going as she's leaving, she’s headed for the cheating side of town.
You can't hide your lying eyes and your smile is a thin disguise.
I thought by now you'd realize, there ain't no way to hide your lying eyes.

On the other side of town a boy is waiting with fiery eyes and dreams no one could steal.
She drives on through the nice anticipating cause he makes her feel the way she used to feel.
She rushes to his arms, they fall together. She whispers that it's only for awhile.
She swears that soon she'll be coming back forever, she pulls away and leaves him with a smile.
You can't hide your lying eyes and your smile is a thin disguise.
I thought by now you'd realize, there ain't no way to hide your lying eyes.

She gets up and pours herself a strong one and stares out at the stars up in the sky.
Another night, it's gonna be a long one, she draws the shade and hangs her head to cry.
She wonders how it ever got this crazy, she thinks about a boy she knew in school.
Did she get tired or did she just get lazy? She's so far gone she feels just like a fool.
My, oh my, you sure know how to arrange things, you set it up so well, so carefully.
Ain't it funny how your new life didn't change things,
you're still the same old girl you used to be.
You can't hide your lying eyes and your smile is a thin disguise.
I thought by now you'd realize, there ain't no way to hide your lying eyes.
There ain't no way to hide your lying eyes. Honey, you can't hide your lying eyes.

**SSwt00SS** · 09-22-2006, 07:39 AM

move on man. her loss, and you tell yourself that. you can do better. you can't force someone that you love to love you back. she's young, and doesn't know better. get her out of your system and don't wait for her.

in regards to moving, who's name is on the lease, yours, hers, both? if it's yours tell her to get out, and 'assist' her in doing so. just be there when she moves out and ask to get the locks changed ($30) is worth peace of mind. move on and the right girl will come your way

**MISFIT** · 09-22-2006, 07:50 AM

A differing opinion.....

Look what youve just done, youve communicated to an entire web forum of people you dont know, about the most intimate moments of your life....but you cannot communicate your emotions/thoughts/feelings to her?

you need to start doing so.....doing what your doing and being "mean" to her isnt going to win her back. Neither will crying on her shoulder and begging and pleading and moping around.

Ask her for a night to sit and talk about things, talk about the beginning of your relationship, and try to find points in it where things may hev started to go wrong. Point out the times where you didnt communicate. Showing her that you recognize your mistakes, will prove to her that your taking the steps needed to correct the problems.

After the end of the conversation, dont be afraid to ask her for a chance to prove your worth to her. Let her see that your willing to communicate.

Obviously you are, or this thread wouldnt exist.

**cujo** · 09-22-2006, 07:57 AM

I was in a similar situation...chasing someone is the worst thing. In most cases, the more you let her run, the less she will want to run. If she does run and doesnt come back, like someone else said, go tear up so new poon.

**Huskerz1** · 09-22-2006, 07:59 AM

Move on. Get another hole. A female one that is.

**JonB** · 09-22-2006, 08:26 AM

Unfortunatly both are names are on the lease. Really neither one of use can afford the place on our own, I might be able to make it if im very tight with my money but she will be in the hole every month like $300. All good advice I definetly plan on moving on as soon as possible I'm not going to sit and wait by any means but I also don't want antother serious relationship just some poon hit and have a good time. We have sat down and talked serveral times since it happened tuesday. I first was a sappy and tried to make her feel bad not really on purpose but just because I felt like shit. When we talked today I asked her what the real reason we broke up is. Was it A she wan't to experince life on her own or B that our lack of communication has lead her to drift away. She said it was because of the communication. I then asked if our relationship was good would she feel the same way and she said probably not. I also told her that I now relize everywhere I went wrong and now that we are over I can see it perfectly clear, and its sad that it took her breaking up with me to see it but i do now see it. I also told her that I knew where I wanted this relationship to go if she ever does decide to come back. I did tell her I want to get back toghter whether its tommorow next week or next year but that I was ready and learned from my mistakes. I also knew that I have to work on the communication with her or any other women because wether it was her or someone else the lack of communication would have been or be the end of the relationship. I then told her I loved her and hoped her the best and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

**MISFIT** · 09-22-2006, 08:43 AM

sounds to me like she doesnt want it to end, you probly shouldnt give up and keep doing the right thing....keep talking to her, let her see the changes. try and do things with her

**AKIRA** · 09-22-2006, 08:53 AM

Ok shes lying.

Communication? Fuck that. Did the relationship end in a hurtful argument that lacked communication? Then and ONLY then Id believe her. But you asked her, if things were better, would she still want to be seperated and the answer was NOT what you wanted to hear.

She is noticing something when she goes out. Its other people. Now you can either do one of 2 things. Take a chance and continue to wait/fight for her OR fight for yourself. It seems to me that gettign her back would be a risk that outweighed the reward. What if she goes out and sleeps around and then comes back? Oh yay. Either way, that relationship will never be the same.

Ive gone through two 4 year relationships (I am 26) and both girls cheated and I never thought they would, nor had the time to do such things, but they did. And as much as I didnt want to get rid of them, I had to. Once I did, a great wave of numbness washed over me and I was happier. Maybe not HAPPY, but happier than when I had to deal with her shit.

A girlfriend is supposed to bring you joy, not pain. Shes supposed to fuck you, not someone else. If she doesnt do her job, then fire her. Love is fleeting when youre young. 2 years from now, you might still have feelings for her, but youll be glad you MOVED OUT.

WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING MOVING IN!?! You never, EVER do that. Cuz now this shit is 10x harder for you handle. Aw, well its in hindsight. Once you get your own place, youll be getting a lot more pussy and one of them, just maybe be a nice girl to keep.

Move into a friend's house that she doesnt like. Seriously, if you can. And even if you get back together, dont move back in. Moving in with a girl when youre young is one of the fastest ways to break up.

**AKIRA** · 09-22-2006, 08:57 AM

Originally Posted by MISFIT

sounds to me like she doesnt want it to end, you probly shouldnt give up and keep doing the right thing....keep talking to her, let her see the changes. try and do things with her

This is terrible advice.

Be your own person. You shouldnt have to change a god damn thing about yourself or this allegid communication. 4.5 years went fine without it and if it were such a big problem, she woulda been complaining years ago and it wouldnt be a matter of a question, youd KNOW it was cuz of communication.

Be what you are. She is lying. Of course, what do I know. I dont knwo you or her, but its LIKELY shes lying and NOT impossible.

**MISFIT** · 09-22-2006, 09:16 AM

Originally Posted by AKIRA

This is terrible advice.

Be your own person. You shouldnt have to change a god damn thing about yourself or this allegid communication. 4.5 years went fine without it and if it were such a big problem, she woulda been complaining years ago and it wouldnt be a matter of a question, youd KNOW it was cuz of communication.

Be what you are. She is lying. Of course, what do I know. I dont knwo you or her, but its LIKELY shes lying and NOT impossible.

horrible advice, yes....sounds to me like your mixing in your own experience and hate woman. You dont know her, yet shes a liar?

Based off what he explained about himself, he is the issue. Alot of longterm relationsh end because of lack of communication, marriages end that way. Im sure its not the only fight theyve had about the subject either.

if your going to give advice about relationships for someone else, dont use your own issues to point fingers and help make the wrong decision.

**zbizkit** · 09-22-2006, 09:34 AM

Originally Posted by JonB

Unfortunatly both are names are on the lease. Really neither one of use can afford the place on our own, I might be able to make it if im very tight with my money but she will be in the hole every month like $300. All good advice I definetly plan on moving on as soon as possible I'm not going to sit and wait by any means but I also don't want antother serious relationship just some poon hit and have a good time. We have sat down and talked serveral times since it happened tuesday. I first was a sappy and tried to make her feel bad not really on purpose but just because I felt like shit. When we talked today I asked her what the real reason we broke up is. Was it A she wan't to experince life on her own or B that our lack of communication has lead her to drift away. She said it was because of the communication. I then asked if our relationship was good would she feel the same way and she said probably not. I also told her that I now relize everywhere I went wrong and now that we are over I can see it perfectly clear, and its sad that it took her breaking up with me to see it but i do now see it. I also told her that I knew where I wanted this relationship to go if she ever does decide to come back. I did tell her I want to get back toghter whether its tommorow next week or next year but that I was ready and learned from my mistakes. I also knew that I have to work on the communication with her or any other women because wether it was her or someone else the lack of communication would have been or be the end of the relationship. I then told her I loved her and hoped her the best and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

I was in similar situation with the rent. I wouldn't move out because I didn't trust her to take care of the place. If she lets it go to shit and breaks shit or whatever it will come back to you when she moves out. Don't leave with your name on the lease. If she can't afford it tell her that and try to get her to move out. My ex wouldn't leave so I shared the apt. with her for the last couple months. We shared the bed some nights alternated others. i still hit it until I left. That might be something you can do to if interested. Hope all works out for you. I know as a man emotions can be the hardest things to deal with. Remember that you are a man and communicate differently than a woman. Don't be to hard on yourself. We have our way and they have theirs. I don't communicate my feelings well to women but its easy to talk to guys about your feeling toward a woman. I tried to change but i doesn't happen. good luck fellow bro.

**AKIRA** · 09-22-2006, 10:47 AM

Originally Posted by MISFIT

horrible advice, yes....sounds to me like your mixing in your own experience and hate woman. You dont know her, yet shes a liar?

if your going to give advice about relationships for someone else, dont use your own issues to point fingers and help make the wrong decision.

Youre right. No one ever learns from their own mistakes...

**sgt0704** · 09-22-2006, 12:15 PM

fuck, there's a lot of long posts here. not gonna read all of them, but i say get a grudge fuck. you know, you fuck her sister, or her best friend. and then move on. there's too much pussy to cry over just one. especially at 22.

**Sarge** · 09-22-2006, 12:20 PM

Originally Posted by TMF

By time you're my age, you won't even remember her name.

By the time your my age you cannot even remember your own name.

**sgt0704** · 09-22-2006, 12:21 PM

Originally Posted by Sarge

By the time your my age you cannot even remember your own name.

**tnthub** · 09-22-2006, 12:24 PM

You are both young and have been together quite awhile. It is relatively easy to be in a decent relationship when everything works and everyone is healthy, and life is new. Living together takes the polish off the apple. It is just a fact of life. She has no idea what life would be like without you and wants you there to be a part of it no matter what she does.

Whatever problems you have will either be worked out or they won't. I have been in your shoes after a three year relationship in college that broke up and we were living together.

It really took me apart when it ended. Somehow I lost sight of myself and the relationship so I took it real hard. After we split up I realized what I thought I had lost and spent a couple of years in the bottle and out porking every lady I could find. Nothing worked.

I had to learn the hard way that people need to be individuals and they need to be themselves. I needed to learn that I had to be good to myself first or I wasn't worth anything in a relationship.

My suspicion is your lady all of a sudden sees a world full of night clubs and guys that is very compelling to her. Nothing you can do will change her perception of this. You could be built like a body builder, have an IQ of 190, make a million bucks a year, and have an 18 in wang and to her you are known territory. She is looking for something new, not necessarily a new dick, but something new and usually new guys come along with the search.

I suggest getting out now, getting yourself together, and letting her go. I know it seems like the wrong thing and it seems like giving up, but you need to treat yourself right, become a better person, and when the right lady comes along you can make a choice that is good for you.

I do not doubt that you both love each other but my suspicion is that the relationship will not last based on its longevity, your closeness and familiarity, and the temptations that are out there.

If you get out now you can still treat her with dignity and respect, hold your own head high, and move on with a positive attitude until waiting for the inevitable night she doesn't come home, or the night you get the phone and some guy is on it.

Don't treat her like crap. Know that she gave you as much as you gave her. It was a mutual investment and you have both learned from it. Now move on and do it right and take care of yourself. It is her job to look after herself, not yours. Don't be a dick but have some respect for yourself, what you have had, and her needs as well.

She can't have her cake and eat it too. Properly presented she will likely understand this.