good sayin's

**0rion** · 07-03-2007, 09:32 PM

We talk about these at work from time to time. My mom has some of the best I've ever heard, some other people use but some I've just heard from her. It always cracks my wife up when we go home to visit and my mom will use one. She's pretty sick right now, diabetic and has already lost 1 foot and the other one is on borrowed time but she still has her sense of humor.Who in your family always has the correct saying for a situation?
A few of my mom's.

During a hard rain I've heard her say " It's raining like a cow pissing on a flat rock."
A kid ( 20 something) across the street from her was out washing his car. I asked mom who he was and she said his name followed by " Not worth the gunpowder it would take to kill him."
As a kid if she was in making her a late night snack I would go in and ask " Whatcha making?" and she'd say " Bucket of sh*t....want some?"

Once she was cooking dinner and dad was hanging around the kitchen waiting on her to finish it up. She turned around and said " Get out of here, if I fart I'll let you know."

**Anthracis** · 07-03-2007, 09:55 PM

She pulled that off "like a wedgie in a fat man!"....EASY!

**SexOnWheels** · 07-04-2007, 06:35 AM

I always liked "having sex with her would be like throwing a hotdog down a hallway"

**third_shift|studios** · 07-04-2007, 10:57 AM

Originally Posted by 0rion

We talk about these at work from time to time. My mom has some of the best I've ever heard, some other people use but some I've just heard from her. It always cracks my wife up when we go home to visit and my mom will use one. She's pretty sick right now, diabetic and has already lost 1 foot and the other one is on borrowed time but she still has her sense of humor.Who in your family always has the correct saying for a situation?
A few of my mom's.

During a hard rain I've heard her say " It's raining like a cow pissing on a flat rock."
A kid ( 20 something) across the street from her was out washing his car. I asked mom who he was and she said his name followed by " Not worth the gunpowder it would take to kill him."
As a kid if she was in making her a late night snack I would go in and ask " Whatcha making?" and she'd say " Bucket of sh*t....want some?"

Once she was cooking dinner and dad was hanging around the kitchen waiting on her to finish it up. She turned around and said " Get out of here, if I fart I'll let you know."

zbizkit is kinda like that-he's got a one-liner for EVERYTHING.

**snaggeltooth** · 07-04-2007, 06:11 PM

Dads says
Dont know the difference between his ass and a hole in the ground
Couldnt find his ass with both hands ....

**TX_WS6_02** · 07-04-2007, 06:32 PM

"Want in one hand, and shit in the other. See which gets fuller faster"

"Do as I say, not as I do"

**sgt0704** · 07-04-2007, 06:44 PM

every day is a holiday
every paycheck is a fortune
every meal is a feast.

YEAH RIGHT!

**michaelinchains** · 07-04-2007, 06:46 PM

an unlucky friend at work who hasnt been laid in awhile told me "if it was raining pus*y,id get hit with a cock" i thought that was f`n hilarious!

**TX_WS6_02** · 07-04-2007, 06:48 PM

Originally Posted by michaelinchains

an unlucky friend at work who hasnt been laid in awhile told me "if it was raining pus*y,id get hit with a cock" i thought that was f`n hilarious!

**TX_WS6_02** · 07-04-2007, 06:49 PM

"If it wasn't for bad luck, I wouldn't have any luck at all..."

**thecorrectformula** · 07-04-2007, 09:49 PM

It runs like a raped ape.
colder than a well digger's ass

**ADAM-00SS** · 07-05-2007, 06:13 AM

Originally Posted by SexOnWheels

I always liked "having sex with her would be like throwing a hotdog down a hallway"

Another one like this would be if a girl makes fun of your "size". Now you have to have other people hear it when you say it so they can get the mental picture as well. so when she makes fun of you, you tell her that "Even the titanic looked small in the ocean". That will piss them off to no end.

**SexOnWheels** · 07-05-2007, 06:21 AM

Originally Posted by ADAM-00SS

Another one like this would be if a girl makes fun of your "size". Now you have to have other people hear it when you say it so they can get the mental picture as well. so when she makes fun of you, you tell her that "Even the titanic looked small in the ocean". That will piss them off to no end.

I like that!

And how about an old LS1.com classic SIIHP?!?

Some of the padawans/younglings will not even know what it means/stands for.....

**SicWs6** · 07-05-2007, 06:24 AM

"you can take a good look at a T-bone steak by sticking your head up a cows ass, but wouldnt you rather take the butchers word?"

**ARM5280** · 07-05-2007, 07:22 AM

I got a bunch of em>>
Around here the mosquitos are so big they can stand flat footed and fuck turkeys!

Its hotter than four foxes fuckin in a forest fire!

Its hotter than two rats fuckin in a wool sock!

That girls so fine Id eat a mile of her shit to see where it came from!

Dog shit may taste like pumpkin pie but Ill never know!

Im out like Muhamed Ali playing Jenga!

**Anthracis** · 07-05-2007, 09:55 PM

"You're like a one-legged man in an asskicking contest."

...getting nowhere fast!

**secondgearscratch** · 07-05-2007, 10:48 PM

Originally Posted by SicWs6

"you can take a good look at a T-bone steak by sticking your head up a bull's ass, but wouldnt you rather take the butchers word?"

wait...its gotta be your bull.

he could sell a ketchup popsicle to a woman in white gloves....

**Modulistic** · 07-05-2007, 11:26 PM

my dad has a ton of these...

never pet a burning dog
grinning like a cat eating shit out of a hairbrush
got crap scattered around like a madwomans shit
got more problems than a one legged man in an asskicking contest
___________ makes me sick to my ass
got more problems than a prostitute with a rag on

bob: you gotta be shitting me
joe: I wouldnt shit you, youre my favorite terd.

couldnt pour piss out of a boot if the instructions were printed on the heel
the closer the bone the sweeter the meat (in reference to skinny women)
the darker the berry the sweeter the juice (in reference to black women)

id come in with stinky boots or some shit and he would raise hell and I would claim that I couldnt smell anything "skunk cant smell its own hole"

**ztrouble** · 07-06-2007, 05:23 AM

i hang out with alot of crazy ass country folks lol

hotter than a goats ass in a pepper patch.

cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey

i like my women 8 to 80 blind, cripple, or crazy

colder than a witches titty

fucked up as a football bat

nutty as a fruitbat

Harder than a preist's pecker in the alter boy room

**LS2Tuner** · 07-06-2007, 06:11 AM

Dad had a few I can think of off hand....

I'll beat you like a red headed step child!

Does your face hurt? Cause it's killing me!

I'll knock you into the middle of next week!

If someone honks at you....You yell at them to "Blow it out there ass!"