Facebook Stalker (TL;DR)

[86 IROC-Z]

Sittin front and center of my new astrology class i certainly feel like im on mars, i ripped a couple pre class blunts so i could let everyone kno what im about, made sure to bake in my Mercury Cougar and really let the smoke really soak into my new jacket, North Face.

I'm defintely smellin like a chornic blizzie mixed with some Diesel spray on men's cologne. Saw a couple kids with their laptops open, heard some emo greasers fightin about Macs vs PCs and im thinkin WTF just do what i do. So i decide to pull out both the bad boys, my new Dell XPS and my Macbook Pro. I'm lookin sick rich right now no doubt.

On the xps i pull up some facebook so I can go to my albums and show off some of my sweet facebook pics (for the hawkin btches). Showed up to class 15 min early to lock down this seat, so i figure i got time to put on some KiD CuDi and show these jokers what true street rap is. Puttin on Day N Night just loud enough so the top row could hear it, I sit back and sip on my mountain dew.

Naturally all eyes are on me, and as the professor walks in i close down the Mac but keep my facebook page up for some of the late comers. Baked out of my brain I completely forgot where i was and automatically go to surf some NSFW threads. I'm savin pics on my comp left and right, feeling pretty good about the sesh.

After about 20 minutes and 3 nsfw threads a dramatic realization comes over me. The entire class is able to see my computer screen and undoubtedly saw me surfing this softcore pron website. whatever, i quickly recovered by going to cnn.com and acted like i was reading up on world news. That should even things out. Class finally lets out and i make sure the front of my black adidas breakaways aren't stained up from my session.

I'm walkin up the stairs and ready to book it to the next class when some rando female comes up and talks to me. She's lookin like a waste of my time, i'd put her at an average 7 and my cut off is an 8, but u can peep the pic for youself (see bottom of post). She looks up at me smiling and says "hey, i like your shoes!" i reply, "fuck yea u like my shoes, these are the pro model heelies" she responds "hahaha, what are heelies?" i roll my eyes and reply without looking at her, "they're shoes."

I immediately bust out the wheels and fly off to the next class so i have enough time to pull out both laptops again. I made sure to keep it on facebook this time and not pull up any creepy sht. Towards the end of the class I see I have a new facebook friend request, that same chick that came up to me at the end of class...

Part 2 Coming

[Tonik]

"fuck yea u like my shoes, these are the pro model heelies" she responds "hahaha, what are heelies?" i roll my eyes and reply without looking at her, "they're shoes."

I immediately bust out the wheels and fly off to the next class so i have enough time to pull out both laptops again.

You have got to be joking....

[86 IROC-Z]

Blowin smoke rings as i lean back in my executive leather chair i'm lookin in the mirror admiring my nips. Goin shirtless to yoga today, really don't see why not, its a treat for everyone. Now for the most part i'm a pretty modest cat, but having the strength of a Chris Benoit and the flexibility of a Chris Benoit is just sick and needs to be called to attention. With this guerilla like strength and panther like agility i definitely feel capable of murder.

Straight swagger into the yoga dojo and the skinny flat bitch instructor is basically asking me to piledrive her and i'm tellin her I don't nail chicks w/ a smaller chest than mine. Yoga was definitely a success, i could see the sweat slide down my cannonball delts from every angle. standard i have sick delts, even more standard everyone in the room kept staring at me.

I get home and my roomate wasn't back from his shift at Hollister yet, we had a 7g blunt rolled up for supper but last week he sprayed me cologne without askin, payback time. I make sure to suck down thus 7g blizzie in record time, after about 3 minutes all I remember crawling into bed and next thing I kno i wake up and its 1a.m. I log onto facebook to hit up some dime pieces, when almost instantly i get facebook chatted by that crazy stalker chick who accosted me at the end of class.

I try to keep it short with one word answers, being signed on for less than a minute she knows I'm there and I can't let her think i'm too bitch to respond.

Her: Hi!

Me: hello

Her: How was your day?

Me: good

Her: Oh, I'm in your ASTRON 189 class if u didn't know haha.

oh Wtf is wrong w/ this pyscho. It's 1 in the morning and she's asking me how my day is? My standard line here is to say "look....i have enough friends" and then follow up with a "fuckoff" to whatever she replies.

but i'm gettin stupid hungry right now and def thinkin outside the bun. Driving to Tbell is way too much of a grind so I figure I can get this creepy freak to swing by and drop some off. So I reply with,

Me: lol I wish I could find my shirt, it's a little nipplie in here!

Her: hahahaha, awww you got no shirt?

Me: lost my shirt and my keys, now I have no way of getting some spicy mexican food from taco bell u dig?

Her: hahahah just ask your roommates to go get your some.

Me: can't, we're all too fucked up to drive, just got back from a badass kegger, you should bring me some.

Her: lol! Are u serious?!?!

Me: yea

So I give her name number, address and order and tell her to text me when she's outside. Not long after that I get a text from a random number saying “Hey, I'm outside your house!” Perfect. I reply, “put it in the mailbox” She responds “haha what?!” I text back, “put the food in the mailbox and leave.”

Part 3 soon

[67CamaroRSSS]

"What are wheelies?"

FAWK!!!! Even I know what wheelies are....

Stupid female...

[67CamaroRSSS]

...she's gonna shyte in yer mailbox...

[silverWS6]

Fucking shit.

I read the 1st part and I thought it was stupid.
Came back cause I was curious what people had replied.
I read the 2nd part and I'm hooked.

What happens?!

[KahanaReef]

"What are wheelies?"

FAWK!!!! Even I know what wheelies are....

Stupid female...

Heelys. Not wheelies

[TexasLS1]

What the hell?!?! Been like 2 hrs. Where's part 3? Gotta read it and get to bed so I can work in the morning! Better not be a part 4 or I'll be pissed. That BITCH better get the order right.


** Edit ** Whoops not 2 hours. Just impatient

[86 IROC-Z]

Her: No way! I'm not doing that.

WOW what a bitch, drive all the way here with MY food and don't give it to me? I'm 2 seconds off from going out there and taking care of this Benoit style. Only thing stopping me is my perfectly toned empty stomach, I can hear the grumbling and am finna get some nourishment. I’ll give it one more try…

Me: but im hungry


Her: You're an asshole!

Apparently she’s got a stick up her ass or something, my instincts tell me to reply "i'll let you suck my dick" but then there’s a chance my food will end up in the garbage b/c she’s a fucking lunatic. No, can't risk that, i've put too much effort into this fourth-meal, time to make her regret her actions.

Me: wow lol oops. it was a joke. = (

Her: Really?

Me: yea come bring it to me here

Her: In your house?

Me: yea my rooms upstairs on left, walk in its open

Me: kk, gimmie a min = )

Busting straight out of my breakways i wheel over to my roomate yelling “SHE’S COMIN UP!!!!” so I tell him what the plans gonna be. Out the window I can see she's slutttin up for me in the car; i got a few minutes to get everything in place. I change into proper attire, pop in a CD, turn off the lights, and hide in the closet

I close the door to my closet and hear her footsteps on the stairs. The excitement is building inside me and I’m tryin not to bust. She opens up my bedroom door and sees the lights are off. She says, "Modus...?" and slowly inches into the room. At this point I’m certain she’s crazy, its near 2 a.m. and she’s walking into a complete strangers house and into a bedroom with the lights off.

She starts looking around and repeating my name, at which time my roomate slowly closes the door from the hallway. Grinning from ear to ear I slowly pull a pair of black pair of pantyhose over my face and and press the Play button on the remote control to my BOSE Acoustimass 16 Series speakers. Yea the system all together ran me a little under 2 gerrz but that’s just nickels and dimes for a stunna like me. Couple thou is nothin, nothing at all. not when ur movin dime bags of straight herbchron on the reg. With the speakers on full blast out erupts the Halloween theme song

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UWTD-nXadaI[/ame]

The room is completely filled with the spine chilling award winning instrumental and she begins to panic and makes a run for the door. She’s desperately trying to pull the door open but luckily my boss ass roommate is holding his post and keeping the doorknob in place. She gives up on the handle and begins to scream and pound my door with fury. While shes concentrating on the door I walk out the closet and into the corner of my room. Plugging in my strobe light and producing my Italian made ivory handled 15’’ stainless steel butterfly knife I stand motionless, and wait for her to notice me.

Not long after the strobe light illuminated the room she let out a gasp and turned her back to the door. Her manic eyes began scanning the room, and the moment she spotted me I slowly tilted my head while staring directly at her. When her eyes caught the clean 15’’ blade reflecting off the strobe light she began to let out violent screams of terror and started to hyperventilate. Her wide bulging eyes slowly came to a close as she collapsed and fell limp on the floor. I take the pantyhose off my face to she’s lying unconscious, face to the floor. I glide over to scoop up my Tbell and start to chowdown as the strobe light continues to flicker throughout the room.

part 4 soon

[silverWS6]

Moooooooar!

[86 IROC-Z]

oh forgot the pic mentioned in the first post:

[TexasLS1]

Is this a Taco Bell commercial??

[86 IROC-Z]

Is this a Taco Bell commercial??

Smacking my lips n lickin my fingers I finish off what remains from my cinnamon twists. Hopping over her unconscious body as I head to the bathroom I stop in the kitchen to grab in ice cold Smart Water ($1.59 a bottle clowns). As I kneel before the toilet I stick my index finger into my gag reflex and I start to dry heave for a second, then begin to regurgitate. I can feel my diamond cut abs contract as I release those empty calories and bad carbs from my body into the toilet.

Bulimia, the oldest trick in the book, best way I kno to keep my body fat at a fresh 3.5%. i never have these impurites stay in my body for long, with the taco bell flushing out of my system i can feel my body ridding itself of the toxins contained in all those spicy mexican chalupa burritos. Getting back on my feet I start to power chug my Smart Water when my roommate comes in he asks what we’re gonna do about this chick.

When I re enter my room I’m standing over her completely digusted with the shapelessness of her ass, its miserable. While towering over her I certainly feel like a hunter reigning over his kill. I scream for my roommate to get his digi b/c I got an idea.

I break out my P90x pull up bar and start pumpin up the bi’s. Sick, I need a creatine shake, my veins gotta be swole. I throw off my black Arami Code XI tight fit shirt and check the blood flow, hit a few more chin ups and get in position. As if her unconscious body was the dead carcass of a deer I pull her head up by the ears and can’t help but break out in a wide grin as a have my kill shot. The picture is snapped and my roommate looks on the 11.8 megapixel LCD screen and says, “….something isn’t right.”

I jump up and snatch the camera from his hands in a rage thinking, how there can be out of order in this picture. Hmmmm, nope, got sick veins here and my guns are the shit, got a front shot of the abs, this is gonna be a great facebook default. I throw the camera back at him and say “FUCK YOU ITS PERFECT.” He looks a bit startled and replies, “but Modus…” and the jokes getting old so I interrupt and scream, “DUDE I LOOKIN FUCKING GREAT, SHUT UR FUCKING MOUTH I HATE YOU.”

A few seconds later in his bitch ass mouse-like voice he replies, “her eyes need to be open.” Then it hit me, her eyes sfobv have to be opened lol. I jump over and rip her head up by the ears while holding her eyelids open. The picture is taken and her dead soulless stalker eyes are completely glazed over, not much unlike the donuts I had for breakfast but its cool b/c I threw them up as well.

Then my roommate takes another pic…….and another……..and another. Next thing I kno it’s a full on facebook album u dig? I was doin it up every pose in the book, “tilted flat brim hat + peace sign”, “fat chick pouty face + peace sign”, “stunnah shades+ peace sign”, “peace sign + peace sign”. I’m lookin crispy no doubt.

After a quick change of threads I just need a couple more pics. I go to grip her ears and bring her head up again except this time she wakes up and says “..Modus??” A little stunned at first, I gather myself and awkwardly reply, “…oh…..hey”

[silverWS6]

Is there a part 5?

[silverWS6]

Come on Iroc, I gotta get some sleep man

[86 IROC-Z]

“What happened??” she replied, still a little dazed from being passed out for so long.

I reply, “well u passed out, it was fucked up.”

Her eyes widened and she asked, “What! Why?!?”

Looking away from her I say “dude I don’t kno, it was creepy as shit tho, what the hell’s wrong with you?”

She gets to her feet and seems a little embarrassed while saying, “Wow that’s never happened before…” and she starts digging through her pockets and looks up and says, “Oh no, I left my cell phone in my car. I’m just gonna go get it and tell my roommate I’m staying here for the night.” I open my mouth to reply “no, ur going home.” but she already turned around and rushed out the room. Instinctively, I go shut the door and turn the lights off again.

“She’s not fucking staying here” I’m thinking as I pull the pantyhose over my face for the 2nd time tonight. I walk over and grab the controller to my BOSE surround sound system along with my blade and head over to the window. Plugging in the strobe light and blasting the Halloween theme music again, I wait. As I stand frozen at the window I’m debating whether I shank her if she makes it all the way back up to the room. She messes around in her car for a minute before jumping back out and looking up thru the window. her speed walk came to a sudden halt as she saw my figure flickering in and out of the window as the muffled music sounded through the walls. Her face changed from happy to petrified in an instant. She remembers. I continued to stand still, staring back at her as she quickly sprinted back towards her car in terror. She got in and immediately turned on her lights and the engine roared as she peeled off down the street. Finally, I can rest in peace.

Going to bed pleased with todays turn of events I lay down with Jay-Z’s “Venus vs Mars” serenading me to sleep. Doesn’t take but a hot minute for me to pass out, I’m sick like that. Waking up in the morning I’m checkin my Blackberry Tour 9630, missed a text from the stalker around noon. I open it and it reads, “Wow you are such an asshole, my brother is going to kick your ass” Speed texting back I reply , “lol ok”. Almost as fast as I sent the text I receive another saying, “Yea, and he’s on the football team = )” I hit her back with, “fuck u” and figured shes just bluffin me. Send that off and moments later I get another text from a new number, it says “ur fucking dead kid”. Already figuring it must be stalkers brother, I reply, “suck it faggot”. Standard, it is in fact stalkers brother and he says he’s comin over tonight after practice to “put me in the hospital”.

Decide to rest up before the fight so I put down another 6g’ish blizzie of some government strand medical shit (its sick, my dealer tells me I smoke the same dro as turtle). I pass out until 8:30 while my roommate gets everything in place for the brawl. Amongst other things I made sure he facebook messaged everyone on my friends list, I need a crowd for this. Before I know it my alarm is snoozed for the 5th time and I realize I only 5 minutes until showtime. I walk over to my window and look out to see a large crowd of about 100, standing in a large half circle around my front yard, with the human wrecking machine fullback brother in the middle. Wow, he’s grandiose.

He’s big, he-is-big. Luckily in a fight that doesn’t matter, its about the dogs. I got more fight than him. This fact coupled with home court advtange I can’t say I don’t feel like an massive overdog here. I rip open my Marvel Stainless Steel mini-fridge and start to pound Monster energy drinks (low-carb sugar free). Sitting at my desk completely focused I turn on my all time favorite pump up video.

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dnECY26PSHk[/ame]

My roommate and I have it memorized and we begin to chant it aloud. As I’m screaming I can feel the Monster energy rush through my body; I’m gonna kill this mother fucker.

My roommate leaves to make sure the spectators don’t get in the way while I slant all my speakers towards to the window. I load up a new CD and open up the window. Ducking down I listen to the crowd talking. It’s already 9:15 and I haven’t made it outside yet. Chumps are sayin Modus is backin out, how’s he’s a no show, all talk… little do they kno, I’m gonna rip this kid’s f****** head off. As I exit my room I click the Play button and toss the controller on my bed. The music sounds [ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W_eCI...eature=related[/ame] on max volume and the crowd goes silent. Sick, I can feel the goosebumps on my skin and I know the crowd is lovin it. I calmly descend down the stairs and reach for my lighter. A minute later I kick down the front door and the crowd breaks out in cheers.

Advancing toward the brother I am double fisting Molotov cocktails and the crowd begins to the back off even further. The music is no match for the sound of the cheers, but I’m not hearing any of it, I’m focused entirely on my opponent. Making my way to the middle of the yard I spot the mark my roommate left, I had him wet a large circle of grass with gasoline earlier. Slowly raising the flaming cocktails above my waist I toss them on the gasoline line and we’re immediately closed in a ring of fire. The crowd erupts even louder this time and I can’t help but smirk as we finally face off.

[jiveass]

dude...bring on the next fuckin chapter..

[Grimpala]

Dude....WTF

[NE98LS1]

this is, without a doubt, your finest work. evar.

[silverWS6]

I can't believe how hooked I'm on this.

I have never ever opened ls1.com before work this early.

Moooooooooooar!!!