F my life.....

**Transamws6** · 07-30-2009, 04:21 PM

Well things are starting to go real bad for me real quick... just when i'm finally able to get a car..... theres no telling when i may be able to now... just my luck....

I found out today that my mom and dad might be getting a divorce... they keep arguing and can't agree on ANYTHING my mom says shes had just about enough of my dad and is crying a lot and says she wants a divorce it really kills me to see and hear that..... On top of that i have a brother thats only 13 years old and he doesn't know yet and honestly i really don't wanna tell him because it would hurt me to tell him as much as it hurts him to find out....

I don't know who will get custody of my brother but all i have to say about that is i wanna go with whoever he goes with... i don't wanna be spilt up.....

Another thing is i'm not going ANYWHERE this summer i'm gonna be at home all summer long... no vacation NOTHING..... i don't even know if i'm gonna play football anymore because i just don't have the heart anymore nor the determination....

I have no idea how this will effect my life... has anyone ever experienced this on here before??

If so how is it just living with one parent.... and who gets custody of the kids?
I don't know if age has anything to do with it... but if so

Me-16
Bro-13

Thanks guys... i don't want anyone to feel sorry for me on here i know this is not my blog... just need to know how is it being raised by a single parent.... and who is gonna get custody of me and my bro....

**67CamaroRSSS** · 07-30-2009, 04:36 PM

I (as well as my 3 sisters and 1 brother) was raised by my mom. Parents divorced in 1964. Your mom will no doubt get custody of both of you, although back in the day the kid had the option at 12 of deciding which parent they wanted to be with.

I've been on my own since I was 17. Parents divorcing is emotionally taxing especially if you've got parents that play one against the other (I did - it was a stone bitch and why I left out on my own at 17).

Did it affect my life - sure. Did it effect my life - no doubt. But, as they say, that's life. Soon enough you'll be an adult and you can screw up your own life. Sorry if that sounds harsh but it's how we learn. That is of course unless you continue to make (and not learn from) the same mistakes. That is the definition of insanity: Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.

There is way more to it than that but I haven't the time to elaborate right now. In any event I turned into a good (far from model) productive citizen with a good life.

**310stanger** · 07-30-2009, 04:46 PM

<<<<comes from divorced parents. more then likely your mom will get custody, but at 16 you could make a push to live with your dad if you wanted to.

Play football. Its an anger release, a diversion and its constructive. something to take your mind off whats happening. its much better to do that then to sit around and PLUS. if you are any good, that might send you to college one day, you never know.

**third_shift|studios** · 07-30-2009, 04:55 PM

might I suggest a creative outlet like a guitar/bass if you drop the football squad? I truely feel bad for you-I can't imagine what you're going through. I recall the arguments my parents always had, but they somehow managed to stick through it.

**KahanaReef** · 07-30-2009, 05:05 PM

Sorry to hear that. I have to say that I agree that you will most likely end up living with your Mom. Unless there is reason that your Dad would be the better parent.

But, it may not even happen. Hopefully things are still good enough between them to get it all worked out.

If they do officially decide to divorce, there will be a lot of changes but you will come through alright.

I also agree that Football is a great distraction from the issues going on at home. I wouldn't say anything to your little brother until it's official. Then, it needs to be done with everyone together and he needs to know that it's not his fault. You're old enough to know that

I hope it all works out for the best.

**02transamce** · 07-30-2009, 05:07 PM

agree with 310,football will keep your mind off the parents and provide stress relief,hell i wish i could go back and play h.s. football.and i also have divorced parents,but had a really great step-dad which is hard to find.

**cuervo25_1** · 07-30-2009, 05:19 PM

all the stress and anger can be released on the football field,if needed take up boxing or martial arts. you will need to release all your sadness ,anger,frustartion and so on, holding it in can and will harm you. See your school counciler, that is what they are there for,to help you.

I can't say that I know what you are going though by personal experiance, but I have seen friends go through it. Talk to your friends as well,if any of them are from split families start a support group. now you don't have to sit around and talk about your feelings all the time ,just be there for each other. Most importantly include your brother in on it as well. he needs your support more than anyones, you are his family and he needs to know that you are not going anywhere.

**Zboner** · 07-30-2009, 05:35 PM

been through it, it was not a big deal to me, maybe cause im just easy going

**0rion** · 07-30-2009, 05:51 PM

sorry to hear about that. Remember......your little brother will need you to be there for him so you have to keep that in mind. As hard as this will be on you it'll be twice as hard for him. Good luck.

**andrew rs** · 07-30-2009, 05:57 PM

Man do I feel you, My mom divorced my birth fater when I was 2 and had to deal with the every other weekend thing with him, then he kinda quit showing up. My step dad was my real dad, he coached my baseball team all the way up until I started on the high school team. I went off to college for my first year and when I get back my parents are argueing alot... Well they are in the process of a divorce now too. Just remember they both love you they may not love each other but dont take sides man... And I would try and stay in football or pick up another hobby to keep your mind sane and not sitting at home thinking about it, or getting into trouble.

sorry for the book.

**LS1FirehawkWS6** · 07-30-2009, 06:07 PM

My parents split when I graduated high school. They couldn't keep it together for one more year (my sister's graduation)... I was never super close to my father, but he was always working. So when he left, I didn't notice it at first... One day it hit me and I broke down, and I got confused. Why was I feeling so hurt by him not being here? I barely talked to him when he WAS here.... I guess just his presence was enough to soothe my psychee(sp?)
Things eventually fell into place, and a different routine was formed. I'd go visit my father every now and again. He'd stop by and have dinner with me at work (when I worked 2nd shift)...
We had a huge fight over something stupid 'bout 5 years ago and haven't spoken to him since.
... not every divorce case is the same. Some are messy, some are mutual partings... it all boils down to what the circumstances are at the given time. My friend George and his ex Penny still hang out together and even go on outings WITH their new spouses... I think that's a little fucked up myself, but they're happy.

As for outlets, I turned to religion and hobbies to keep my mind off of the mutual shit-talking each parent did about the other.

Like 67CamaroRSSS said, it will be emotionally taxing, but stay strong and you guys will be alright.

**Smittro** · 07-30-2009, 06:16 PM

Yes this has happened to alot of us gearheads, but keep your head on strait. My father was married 3 times and died when I was 22, my mother is on her 4th. YES, it's going to get hard for you and your little bro. BUT, that is how these things go. Best thing you can do now is hold your head up and be strong for you and little bro. Pain is a huge part of life. Even when it cuts deep, and rips at your heart strings, you can find your way. Gotta keep pluging away at your future cause nothing good comes easy. Dont let your hurt turn to anger, though it maybe hard at times to resist. Anger, and hurt can follow you all your days if you let it. It's okay to be angry though. Just keep in mind always that Mom and Dad still love you, even if they dont get along with eachother. Something you may want little bro to know aswell. @ 16 you have been around long enough to know this to be true, so pass it on to your brother. Most likely he's feeling very confused about why Mom and Dad are fighting so much. Best you can do is be there for him and lean on eachother you will both most likely need a shoulder in the days ahead. Try to give him comfort with the love brothers share for oneanother. I cant tell you what to do, I'm just a guy on the internet and dont know the whole deal about your life and the people around you, nor do I have all the answers. But, I can tell you this, you can come through the hardest of times and still have love for everyone involved. Dont give up on the good things tomorrow can bring even when bad things are in your face today......

**Spaz** · 07-30-2009, 06:33 PM

Originally Posted by third_shift|studios

might I suggest a creative outlet like a guitar/bass if you drop the football squad? I truely feel bad for you-I can't imagine what you're going through. I recall the arguments my parents always had, but they somehow managed to stick through it.

this... nothing keeps me from breaking some one in half like my guitar... what an outlet for frustration...

**Transamws6** · 07-30-2009, 06:44 PM

Thanks for the advice guys.

I really do appreciate it.

I don't know if they are getting a divorce my mom says this exact line " i've had just about enough of him i'm ready for a divorce". That hit me harder than anything i have ever heard or felt in my entire life....

I'm gonna not say anything to my brother until it's really offical... hopefully i won't ever have to say anything...

But really this thread can be closed...

I have to duke this out with myself not on a car forum...

This forum is for fun... not to read peoples sad stories.....

I will update you guys (if you care which the majority of you probably really don't lol) in the next week or two on what is going on....

So until then i'll see you guys.

And thanks everyone for the advice and concern.

**67CamaroRSSS** · 07-30-2009, 06:44 PM

My creative outlet was playing drums. Took me to places and allowed me to do things that I never thought possible.

And, I was harder hit by my step fathers death (he actually raised us and is my bro's father) than anybody else in my family that has died (mom has passed - father is 73 - but I haven't spoken to him in 20 years - it's a real long and messy story)....

**c5z28** · 07-30-2009, 06:45 PM

Most of us come from split families so you have plenty of support. If none of you speak up your mom will get custody on her terms more than likely. That was the way it was for me until I got sick of it and spoke up, if they stay relatively close talk to your brother about it I made it one week one house and switched it off on fridays. It sucks and i'm sorry it happened but don't let your voice go unheard.

**67CamaroRSSS** · 07-30-2009, 06:53 PM

Bonuses (or problems depending on how devious you are - I was way too devious): 2 Christmas parties, 'rents buying your affection, 'rents competing for you affection.

You get the point.

**andrew rs** · 07-31-2009, 09:50 AM

Originally Posted by 67CamaroRSSS

Bonuses (or problems depending on how devious you are - I was way too devious): 2 Christmas parties, 'rents buying your affection, 'rents competing for you affection.

You get the point.

always true... I love it. haha sounds kinda selfish but its nice.

**310stanger** · 07-31-2009, 10:49 AM

Do yourself a favor and hit the weights and go wail people on the football field. The football team will pull you through it

**Crimson Sin** · 07-31-2009, 10:50 AM

I too am the result of a single parent for most of my life.. And while I am not creating invisible aluminum.. I lead a productive and fruitfull life.. When it gets really bad, and it does and will..i just say to myself.. In five years - will this still matter.
Take it from a 40 year old guy. Five years ain't nothing. Remember always that the divorce ISN'T about you.. No matter what anyone says. Parents don't ditch each other because of kids, and they shouldn't stay together JUST for the kids..my parents tried that... Utter hell.
I caution you to sit down and SERIOUSLY think about which parent you choose - if you have the chance.. Lots of guys I know always wanted to go with the Dad.. But usually it's because the Mom was around more and had to be the disciplinarian <sp?>. I wish you the best man.. That's a hell of a thing to have to go through.
Be strong. You're NOT alone in this... Millions of us have lived through this same thing..