dog vs. cat

[1MileCrash]

DOG dairy

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 PM - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 PM - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 PM - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 PM - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 PM - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 PM - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 PM - Sleeping! My favorite thing!


CAT DIARY

Day 983 of my captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed
hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the
rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to
keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of
escape.

In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet.
I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly
demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made
condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was
placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However,
I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my
confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this
means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my
tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this
again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.

The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and
seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the
guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My
captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so
he is safe.

For now...

[snaggeltooth]

[86 IROC-Z]

I first read this a few weeks ago... still funny because it's easy to imagine my cat a dog being the same way

[Zapper2003]

[Sarge]

I hate cats....lady down the road use to have a lot of em....I shot a couple but that left evidence ( dead cat bodies in the pasture)...so I bought a "Have a Heart" trap....that dumb bitch keeps getting cats and I keep baiting the trap.....I take em across the river and let them go about 10 miles away.....she talks to my wife every once and awhile and she just cannot figure where the cats go or what happens to them

[Zapper2003]

:agree: i really dislike them too...and they dislike carb cleaner in the eyes

[nhraformula]

http://www.esnips.com/doc/5984dbee-9...8-60a6a5619739

[94z28l]

I hate cats....lady down the road use to have a lot of em....I shot a couple but that left evidence ( dead cat bodies in the pasture)...so I bought a "Have a Heart" trap....that dumb bitch keeps getting cats and I keep baiting the trap.....I take em across the river and let them go about 10 miles away.....she talks to my wife every once and awhile and she just cannot figure where the cats go or what happens to them

what's a "have a heart" trap?

[1MileCrash]

what's a "have a heart" trap?

live traps...traps that don't kill the animal but simply trap it in a small cage so that they can't get away and you can transport the animal to some other place and release it.

[shadegray]

I hate cats too. Except the one we had as a kid, but I still wasn't too fond of it. My dog killed a couple of them when they come and try to shit in my yard.

[Bobby97SS]

:agree: i really dislike them too...and they dislike carb cleaner in the eyes

Thats funny. I thought I was the first to do that. I caught the neighborhood stray in my garage the other day. He ran the wrong way and that gave me a chance to shut the door and trap him. When he realized he was trapped he freaked and tried to jump over the door. Damn cat was jumping six feet in the air. After he wore himself out I took a can of carb cleaner and hosed him down. Oh he was still trying to get away but my aim was dead on. After he was soaked I opened the door and watched him stagger away. Shoulda set him on fire first.

[nhraformula]

Thats funny. I thought I was the first to do that. I caught the neighborhood stray in my garage the other day. He ran the wrong way and that gave me a chance to shut the door and trap him. When he realized he was trapped he freaked and tried to jump over the door. Damn cat was jumping six feet in the air. After he wore himself out I took a can of carb cleaner and hosed him down. Oh he was still trying to get away but my aim was dead on. After he was soaked I opened the door and watched him stagger away.

[TransAmy]

wow you guys really hate cats. and to think im dedicating my life to helping the animals you guys hurt...

[1MileCrash]

i have a cat that i don't like...but the feeling is mutual. my cat that i did like just died a few months ago.

[Bobby97SS]

Yeah, to me cats are the illegal immigrants of the animal world.

[snaggeltooth]

Yea I like dogs more than cats ... But, we have a cat =no ground squirrels ... So I cam handel a cat that stays outside ...

[third_shift|studios]

that shit was hilarious!!!! made better by the photo

[86 IROC-Z]

wow you guys really hate cats. and to think im dedicating my life to helping the animals you guys hurt...

At least someone here likes them other than myself.

[28Marcos]

good joke, very true. sux to see this thread go off point. I dislike those who commit pointless cruelty to animals who cannot defend themselves and i'll leave it at that.

[third_shift|studios]

DOG dairy

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 PM - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 PM - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 PM - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 PM - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 PM - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 PM - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 PM - Sleeping! My favorite thing!


CAT DIARY

Day 983 of my captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed
hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the
rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to
keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of
escape.

In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet.
I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly
demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made
condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was
placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However,
I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my
confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this
means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my
tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this
again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.

The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and
seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the
guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My
captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so
he is safe.

For now...

that was funny!!!!

I hate cats....lady down the road use to have a lot of em....I shot a couple but that left evidence ( dead cat bodies in the pasture)...so I bought a "Have a Heart" trap....that dumb bitch keeps getting cats and I keep baiting the trap.....I take em across the river and let them go about 10 miles away.....she talks to my wife every once and awhile and she just cannot figure where the cats go or what happens to them

that was not funny