Divorce

**IH8EVRY1** · 08-23-2010, 12:36 PM

This sucks! I haven't talked to many people and don't really rely on the internet for things like this too much but I'm curious if anyone thinks I'm a fool. A little back ground.

The wife an I have been together for 7 years. We were young when we got married. She had a troubled past, as did I and we saw something in each other. We could lean on each other and get through our issues together. Anyway...7 years and 2 awesome little kids later, my life has been plagued with bad decisions. I'm not nor will I ever say that I'm perfect...I certainly am an asshole and have screwed up my share of things in our life together but 4 years ago I came home from a trip with the military to, "I don't love you anymore!" I fought for 2 years. Went to counseling and all. She told me I needed counseling because of PTSD and never having dealt with my father dying when I was young. She told me she needed it too. So we went to counseling together. She said she wanted to do it together and the first session turned into her bashing me for being there and telling me that I was the one who needed it. So, in order to save my marriage and keep her from taking my boys I kept going alone. I can honestly say that it helped me. Her answer to counseling was to talk to her mom on the phone. Her mom and her mom's decisions plagued my wife and were a direct reason for many of her troubles. I told her I thought it may not be the best venue and that she should seek professional help but that I stood behind her decision and supported it. Things got better for a while. She was back in college and essentially dropped out. (That's how I see it.) She was in a certificate program. The first year is in prep for a test (intermediate) and the second year for another (professional). After the first year she said she wanted to wait to take the test until she was done with the second year and just do both tests at once. I asked if that was logical and admitted to not being able to give much advise because I know hardly anything about her chosen profession. She said it would work. Again, I was behind her at first. Then she finished the second year and decided she wasn't ready to take the tests. She said she wanted to go back and re-study her books from the first year. I told her that the further she got away from formal schooling, the harder it would be to take the test and do well on it. She blew my comments off. I took a job that required us to move across the state and she quit working. She couldn't find work and started getting depressed because she didn't have any friends. She was sitting at home spending money hand over fist on our single income. I complained but tried to limit my open frustration. She finally took the test and failed it. I didn't say anything and she got mad at me. She told me I could have at least told her, "It's going to be ok." I said I was a realist and that I couldn't say that because I didn't think that. She called her mom who immediately called me and called me everything in the book for not being supportive. So my wife decided to go back to school. I kind of rolled my eyes but said if that was what she wanted to do...fine. She is doing well and I frequently ask her how its going, give her help when she asks and tell her good job when she does a good job. There were lots of thing in there that I got upset about and we had our issues but recently it's gotten kinda crazy.

It wasn't the first time something like this happened but I went out of town and she didn't have a baby sitter. A friend came to the rescue but we had to leave the kids a couple hundred miles away for the week. When I got home we went to get them. On the way home, our older son stepped in a fire ant bed. He had probably 20 ants on his feet biting him. She was brushing them off and yelling at him to stop crying before she gave him a reason to cry. When both the boys were in the car I cornered her, "Fuck babe...I'm grown and if I had ant all over me like that...I'd think about crying too. Take it easy on him." She started sulking and continued the whole home.

When we got home she fussed at me for accelerating in her car. I told her I paid the car note, insurance, bought the gas and paid for the tires. The way I saw it, I could drive it anyway I wanted to drive it. it probably wasn't the best thing to say but at the time, I was still pissed about her yelling at my boy for something totally stupid.

She didn't say much at all to me the rest of the night and I went to bed so I could get up at 6 in the morning. When I got up she said that she needed to tell me something. She told me how one of the guys at the Honda dealer she works at had gone out driving off road and gotten stuck. He called her at 2AM to see if she could help him. So she tool my truck and went to go help him. I freaked out. I told her she had no business out at that time of night, married with some dude who was too dumb to keep his truck out of somewhere he shouldn't have driven it. I've been stuck but I always go with a crew of guys and we pull each other out. I never do that shit alone. I explained all of that and she said that she was the only person he knew with a truck. Again, I opened my mouth..."I paid off my damn truck. I had it before I knew you and I work on the damn thing myself. I put the lift kit on it. It's not your damn truck to me driving off road especially with out ask me or even telling me you were going out to help that damn drama queen you work with." She started crying and I wasn't nearly done. She had gone out earlier in the month a 2 am to go walk on the beach without telling me and left me in a frenzy trying to find her. We have 2 kids and both work. I'm at work at 7am, she's at work at 8. Why the hell would a logical person want to be out at that time if they have to go to work in the morning? So I kept going. I told her she was making bad decisions and I was tired of fixing her fuck ups. I was tired of our sons having to deal with her dumb, selfish decisions and having to scrape my ass to get things back in order. I was tired of her over drafting her bank account and me having to take money out of our savings to fix it or count pennies to keep everything going and then I said something bad....Do you just want a divorce. I walked out of the room and went to work.

The next morning her friend slapped me on the shoulder for saying all of that and asked me if I meant it. I stupidly replied..."You damn right I did." as I drove away. So she told my wife. That night my wife asked me if I meant it. I knew immediately that she and her friend had talked and so I said...Yup. I did. I do. I'm pissed off and I'm tired.

I try to make decisions based on logic and keep from saying things when emotions are running high. But so far we've been working together and agreeing on how we are going to divide everything. We have an agreement on the kids.

Today she wanted us to go sit with a lawyer and told me she had the kids taken care of so we could go. Then right before we were going to leave she asked me if I was going to pick up our oldest from the bus stop. I asked if she was going to the lawyer and she said yes. I asked if we were supposed to bring the kids and she said, "No." So I asked who was watching them and she said she didn't know, she hadn't thought about it. I told her to go and I'd stay with my boys.

I know this is a long rant and that there are three sides to every story. I left a ton of stuff out to include her driving my kids home drunk. All she had to do was call me and I'd have come and gotten her and the boys. I'm so damn tired of stupidity and simple lack of thought.

I'm sure she has problems with things I've done but am I illogical to be pissed?

**IH8EVRY1** · 08-23-2010, 12:37 PM

Ok, so a lot of background. I didn't realize I was going to type that much.

**EnjoiJoe** · 08-23-2010, 12:39 PM

This is why I am never getting married. Also sorry to hear about your situation

**Spaz** · 08-23-2010, 12:42 PM

time to move on... you tried... can't fix psycho...

**86 IROC-Z** · 08-23-2010, 12:49 PM

Originally Posted by IH8EVRY1

her driving my kids home drunk.

This makes me rage. It sounds like she has the maturity level of a 13 year old.

My thoughts on this don't mean much because I don't have kids, nor have I been married, thus not having a situation to contemplate divorce... but I was erring to the divorce option before I read the drunk driving part. After that, it was game set match.

She seems too selfish, inconsiderate, and immature to be in a relationship, let alone to have kids and look after them properly.

**bluehawk2000** · 08-23-2010, 12:50 PM

Originally Posted by Spaz

time to move on... you tried... can't fix psycho...

**DIRTY JERZY** · 08-23-2010, 12:50 PM

Originally Posted by Spaz

time to move on... you tried... can't fix psycho...

+ 1 with spaz

and you cant fix stupid either

**antivenom2001** · 08-23-2010, 12:52 PM

Man If my wife went out to help a guy at 2 in the morning, by 3 her shit would be in the yard. That's just my .02 cents

**bluehawk2000** · 08-23-2010, 12:55 PM

Originally Posted by antivenom2001

Man If my wife went out to help a guy at 2 in the morning, by 3 her shit would be in the yard. That's just my .02 cents

agreed!!!

**bluehawk2000** · 08-23-2010, 12:56 PM

even when you got a divorce from her, I still wouldnt trust her with the kids cause she has proved that she is incompetent enough to drive drunk with both of them in the car.

**wheeliE-maxx** · 08-23-2010, 12:59 PM

Generally the mother in law is like that slimy guy in LOTR who's whispering into the ailing king's ear.. Caniving cunts. If you can prove the drunk driving with kids issue in court she won't be able to screw you over (probably). But our legal system is garbage. Good luck to you

**SScott** · 08-23-2010, 01:04 PM

Dude you're FUCKED with a capitol F.
These is no easy or right answer here.
ROCK you HARD PLACE

**Blackbird WS6** · 08-23-2010, 01:07 PM

Originally Posted by Spaz

time to move on... you tried... can't fix psycho...

Originally Posted by antivenom2001

Man If my wife went out to help a guy at 2 in the morning, by 3 her shit would be in the yard. That's just my .02 cents

think this just about sums up this thread.......good luck OP

***SMWS6TA*** · 08-23-2010, 01:14 PM

I had a bud that went through that same crap. We were station in Korea and for the whole yr she ran him through hell in addition to the previous 2 yrs. He tried making it work for 2 more yrs, finally he comes to me, at his wits end and tells me I'm right. We had a talk while in Korea. I told him that it's going to go 2 ways, 1 sit her down, tell her to straighten her shit out and start being a mom (he did and it was ok for a while) or 2, she'll continue to make f'k up mistakes and eventually bring you and your children down (this is what had happen). Only you can make a choice to follow her down that hole.

At some point you need to think of your kids first. There are women that can't be super moms. You may need to cut that connection and let her fend for herself. What ever you do get a lawyer that will fight for you. Trust me you'll regret it if you don't. My friend had to prove how unfit she was to get the kids. She had left them alone for 3 days while she went clubbing. The oldest was 11 and had to take care of the 18 month old. All of this while he was deployed.

Me personally I wouldn't let her have the kids. By what your stated side of the facts are she's not mature enough to raise them.

My friend eventually got divorce, has sole custody and has been happier since. has even moved on and found someone that not only likes him but his kids as well.

**FasstChevys** · 08-23-2010, 01:15 PM

Well - personally, I don't believe two things here

1. She went out at 2 AM to "help" someone that got their vehicle stuck.
2. She was out "walking on the beach" and you couldn't find her.

I'm sorry, but she's fucking this guy from work.

I'd be looking up phone records to see the frequency of phone calls.

**Grimpala** · 08-23-2010, 01:19 PM

If you're going to do it do it fast and lawyer up good. If you can afford it put the five - ten best lawyers around on retainer. The system will fuck a dad if you're not careful. get as much evidence as you can against her as soon as you can and deffinately be the first to file.

I'm by no means advocating divorce, I'd even try counseling again before moving to divorce. But the two of you need to discuss, like adults, without kids around just what's going on and if either of you want to work on it first, then make a move.

**Grimpala** · 08-23-2010, 01:20 PM

OH yeah, she is more than likely shagging the guy from work.

**Blackbird WS6** · 08-23-2010, 01:23 PM

Originally Posted by Grimpala

OH yeah, she is more than likely shagging the guy from work.

agree

**IH8EVRY1** · 08-23-2010, 01:58 PM

I've contemplated that she's screwing the guy from work...if she is...fuck it. I've dug up phone records and everything. I can't find a damn thing to indicate that she is screwing him. I have 3 sworn statements from guys I know about her driving drunk. I'm on leave from my police department for work with the military but 2 of the guys are also cops who don't do police work with me. I can swear to it also and have a pretty successful DUI history. I didn't do anything that night other than take her home when she showed up but I made a mental note of it all and the guys were all asked my WTF she was thinking.

I'm in wait mode with now. The balls in her court. I've done the lawyer thing and I know she has already. We are trying to go without it. She seems to want to cooperate. It's almmost like she knows that I'll legally slam her if she tries to screw me. I think I can go with the DUI thing and financial irresponsibility off the bat. I'm have a hard time proving manic depression type of stuff but I have friends who've seen her yelling at the kids for nothing. I almost lost my job once because she spanked our oldest for having a bad dream. He was crying and I didn't know why other than he'd had a bad dream earlier in the night. She spanked him and I realized what was going on about the 3rd swat. I had been in bed and running across the house I counted 4 more swats from our bedroom the his. She went into a gnarly arm bar because I yelled for her to stop and she didn't. I should have just called the police that night. She told my boss who was a friend and asked me what had happened. I was dumb for not calling the police. I was totally justified in the force I used on her but I was worried that I'd end up in jail over it all because I was a cop and I put my hands on my wife. THe county I lived in wasn't the one I worked in so I wasn't sure how I'd stand.

I seriously think she's bipolar.

I've made bad decisions myself but at this point I'm done. I want the best for my boys and I can't deal with her anymore.

Pending what she says when she gets home from the lawyer will determine my next action. I either continue to get along with her and we make decisions together or I'm going to have to crush hey (legally of course).

I'm so tired of the damn drama.