The difference between guts and balls.

**02ultraZ** · 01-22-2008, 09:02 AM

There is a medical distinction. We've all heard about people having guts
or balls, but do you really know the difference between them? In an effort
to keep you informed, the definitions are listed below:

GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by
your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask:
"Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"

BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of
perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on
the butt and having the balls to say: "You're next fatty."

I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.

**SexOnWheels** · 01-22-2008, 09:04 AM

As DJ would say nioce!!

**OnEbAdReDSS** · 01-22-2008, 09:08 AM

LOL

**02ultraZ** · 01-22-2008, 09:18 AM

Down south, Bubba called his attorney and asked, 'Is It true theys suin them
cigarette companies fer causin people to git cancer?'

'Yes, Bubba, sure is true,' responded the lawyer.

'And now someone is suin them fast food restaurants fer makin them fat an
cloggin their arteries with all Them burgers an fries, is that true, Mista
Lawyer?'

'Sure is, Bubba.'

'And that lady sued McDonalds for millions when she was gave that hot coffee
that she ordered?'

'Yep.'

'And that football player sued that university when he gradiated and still
couldn't read?'

'That's right,' said the lawyer.' 'But why are you asking?'

'Well, I was thinkin. What I want to know is, kin I sue Budweiser fer all them
ugly women I slept with?

**86 IROC-Z** · 01-22-2008, 09:40 AM

**JwMonE99** · 01-22-2008, 03:12 PM

Nice man

**Stevie** · 01-22-2008, 04:20 PM

Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives household duties.
1st man married a women from baltimore and bragged - he had told his wife she was going to do all the dishes and house cleaning. He said took a couple days and on the 3rd day everything was done.

2nd man had married a women from cleveland. He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and cooking. One the first day de didn't see any results, but the next day was better. By the third day the house was clean, dishes done and a huge dinner on the table.
3rd man mrried a Pittsburgh gilr. He told her her duties were to keep the house clean, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said on the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything but on the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of the left eye - enough to fix himself a bite to eat, load the dishwasher and call the landscaper.

**Blitzed** · 01-22-2008, 04:25 PM

Originally Posted by Stevie

Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives household duties.
1st man married a women from baltimore and bragged - he had told his wife she was going to do all the dishes and house cleaning. He said took a couple days and on the 3rd day everything was done.

2nd man had married a women from cleveland. He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and cooking. One the first day de didn't see any results, but the next day was better. By the third day the house was clean, dishes done and a huge dinner on the table.
3rd man mrried a Pittsburgh gilr. He told her her duties were to keep the house clean, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said on the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything but on the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of the left eye - enough to fix himself a bite to eat, load the dishwasher and call the landscaper.

did you hear that at the salon?........ LOL

**Stevie** · 01-22-2008, 04:26 PM

lol - it is a true story

**Zapper2003** · 01-22-2008, 04:28 PM

what did you do, sit on his face?

**Stevie** · 01-22-2008, 04:32 PM

This ladfy walks into Tiffany's. She browes around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it.
As she bends over to look more closely she inadvertently breaks wind.
very embarrseed, she looks around nervousely to see if anyone noticed.
as she truns aroudn her worst nightmare materliazes in the form of a nattily dresed overindulgent salesman standing right behind her.
crisp as a cucumber and displaying an ultra effete presence, the salesamn greets the lady.
very uncomfortable and hoping the salesman may not have been there for her "accident" she asks "sir what is the price of this brcelet?"
responding in a patronizing tone he answers
Madam is you farted just looking at it - your going to sh*t when i tell you the price"

**Zapper2003** · 01-22-2008, 04:39 PM

lol

**Stevie** · 01-22-2008, 04:46 PM

A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasize to his Sunday sermon/4 worms where placed in seperate jars
1 was placed in with alcohol
2 was with cigarette smoke
3 - withchocolate syrup
4 - with god clean soil

at the end of the sermon
1 - DEAD
2 - DEAD
3 - DEAD
4 - was thriving
SoMinister asks what is themoral of the story.Little girl in back of church answered
"as long as you drink smoke and eat chocolate - you don;t have worms

**Stevie** · 01-22-2008, 05:19 PM

red neck pick-up lines
1. did you fart? cuz you just blewm me away
2. are your parents retarded? cuz you sure are specail
3. my love fer you is like diarrhea - I can't hold it in
4. do you have a library card? cuz i'd like to check you out
5. is there a mirror in yer pants - cuz i see myself in them
6. you might not be the best lookin girl here but beauty's only a lightswitch away
7. fat penguin... sorry i just wanted to say something to break the ice
8. i know i am no fred flinstone - but i bet i could make your bed-rock
9. i can't find my puppy, can you help me find him - i think he went in this cheap motel
10.yer eyes are as blues as window cleaner
11. if yer gonna regret this in the morning - we can sleep til noon
12. yer fce reminds me of a wrench - every time i think of it my nuts tighten up

**0rion** · 01-22-2008, 09:06 PM

A little boy was sitting on a street corner with a bottle of clear liquid. He would shake the bottle and watch the bubbles rise to the top.
A priest walks up and says "Whatcha got there son?"
The little boys says "Turpentine, the most powerful liquid in the world."
The priest says "Naw son, you've been misled" and pulls out a little 1oz. bottle of liquid.
He says "This here is holy water, the most powerful liquid in the world. Why, you take a drop of this here holy water and rub it on a pregnant woman's belly and she'll pass a healthy baby."
The little boy says "That aint' shit, you take a drop of this here turpentine and rub it on a cats ass and he'll pass a motorcycle."

**0rion** · 01-22-2008, 09:12 PM

Little Johnny was in math class.
The teacher says "Johnny, if you have 3 birds on a wire and shoot one off how many are left?"
Little Johnny says "none"
She holds up 3 fingers and says "There are 3 birds on a wire and you shoot one" and puts one of her fingers down "Now how many would be left on the wire?"
Johnny says "none"
She says "How do you figure there'd be none Johnny?"
Johnny says "When you shoot the one the other 2 will fly away."
She laughs and says "That's not what I was getting at Johnny but I like the way you think."
Johnny says " Teacher, 3 women are sitting on a park bench eating ice cream cones. One is licking the cone, another is sucking on the cone, and the third is biting the cone. Which one is married?"
The teacher gets red in the face and says "The one sucking on the cone?"
Johnny says "Naw, the one with the wedding ring but I like the way you think."

**02ultraZ** · 01-23-2008, 04:36 AM

at that last one

I like the pick up lines too.

**ls1blackbeauty98** · 01-23-2008, 04:40 AM

Originally Posted by 02ultraZ

There is a medical distinction. We've all heard about people having guts
or balls, but do you really know the difference between them? In an effort
to keep you informed, the definitions are listed below:

GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by
your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask:
"Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"

BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of
perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on
the butt and having the balls to say: "You're next fatty."

I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.

**Stevie** · 01-23-2008, 12:00 PM

Amna and a women went on vacation in Jerusalem. While they was away - whe women passed away.
The undertaker told the husband "you can have your wife sent home to be buried for 5,000 or you can have her buried here in the holy land for 150".

The husband thought about it and said I think I will have her shipped home.
The under taker replied "you would spend 5,000 and miss her being bureid in the holy land:

The husband responded - "A Long time ago a man died here and was buried, 3 days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance'