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  1. #1
    I don't sell out! blackSS01's Avatar
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    Best excuses out there?

    Ok, so today I really really don't feel like going to work. I have worked EVERY SINGLE WEEKEND not missing a day for a year and a half. I work Thursday to Monday with Tue and Wed off. I have only missed 3 days in a year and a half and none of them were during the weekend.

    1: Due to EX-GF being Prego
    2: Due to EX-GF having a misscarriage at 3 months
    3: Didn't feel like going and played hooky.

    So my work ethic is above average. Well I need a good excuse and who better to ask the the mighty LS1.com. I was thinking failed fuel pump and I'm over 180 miles from work and need to find a tow. That would be a damn good one but figured with all of your brain power, some interesting ones could pop up.
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  2. #2
    What I do? SHines-IT's Avatar
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    Swine Flu, I bought you more then one day, plus a new job when they learned you lied.

    Let me think, lol.

  3. #3
    I don't sell out! blackSS01's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SHines-IT View Post
    Swine Flu, I bought you more then one day, plus a new job when they learned you lied.

    Let me think, lol.
    I could use the sick, but thats over done. I could fall back on it if I needed

  4. #4
    I don't sell out! blackSS01's Avatar
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    Well, I called in and got written up 4 more write ups in 6 months and I don't get a raise In the last year, I have gotten a 10 cent raise not really worried about it. For one, I won't get written up anymore. For two, I could careless about a 10 cent raise. For three, I gave them twice the time notice that the company asks for. So with that being said....... I don't really need any excuses BUT........... we could still make this thread fun and put some wild (but believeable (spell?) excuses out there for others) I ended up using the break down in Chicago excuse except I didn't give a specific break down, just that the car wouldn't start after a hour of trying. So still fire away, or this thread will more then likely die off.

  5. #5
    Bone it like you own it FORD RECOVERY EXPERT's Avatar
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    /thread...

  6. #6
    Feels so good BadBlueBird*'s Avatar
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    is your job important?

  7. #7
    I don't sell out! blackSS01's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FORD RECOVERY EXPERT View Post
    /thread...
    I'm glad you like it I figured I've never seen it before and I like to make posts that aren't repost (which I have never reposted some how )

    Now on to another question, how I'm I going to spend my new found day off.... Can't take my Maro for a spin because waiting on my fuckin Y-Pipe to ship I could always do the man thing and drink, grill out, and play cards I'm kinda puzzled, all I know tho is NO WORK ON A WEEKEND

  8. #8
    I don't sell out! blackSS01's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BadBlueBird* View Post
    is your job important?
    Nope

  9. #9
    What I do? SHines-IT's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by blackSS01 View Post
    I'm glad you like it I figured I've never seen it before and I like to make posts that aren't repost (which I have never reposted some how )

    Now on to another question, how I'm I going to spend my new found day off.... Can't take my Maro for a spin because waiting on my fuckin Y-Pipe to ship I could always do the man thing and drink, grill out, and play cards I'm kinda puzzled, all I know tho is NO WORK ON A WEEKEND
    Spank the beef like Pedobear.

  10. #10
    Bone it like you own it FORD RECOVERY EXPERT's Avatar
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    You could say....


    1. I won't be in today. My fish is sick and I need to take it to the vet.


    2. My neighbor's daughter got a round hair brush stuck in her hair and I need to help her get it out.


    3. I won't be in today because I have come down with Spring Fever.


    4. I fell off a ladder fixing the roof on my house and I landed on my elbow.


    5. Last night in San Francisco I was attacked by a guy who didn't like the remarks I made about him and he hit me in the face and broke the windshield of my car with a small bat that I tried to hit him with.


    6. I have a head ache.... # 22...actual times someone at work has called in with this excuse!


    7. I don't think I'll be in work for awhile. Yesterday I was riding my son's BMX bike and I fell and broke my ankle it two places and I'm in the hospital.


    8. I won't be in today. I'm still drunk from last night.


    9. I'm not coming in because I need a mental day.


    10. Last night we had a party and I woke up with a strange man in my bed!


    11. My car caught on fire on the way to work so I can't make it in.


    12. My car ran out of gas on the way to work. I was pushing it to a gas station and I got a stomach hernia and I have to go to the doctors.


    13. My cat got ran over by a motorcycle and I need to take it to the vet.


    14. My boyfriend hit me over the head with a speaker and I'm kind of messed up.


    15. I was stepping down out of my trailer and I missed the step and when I landed on the ground I messed up my back.

  11. #11
    Bone it like you own it FORD RECOVERY EXPERT's Avatar
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    16. Called in on Tuesday I won't be able to come to work for the rest of the week. My shrink put me on a depressant pill yesterday and I was up all night wired. I'm in zombieland right now and I don't want to drive in fear of an accident, or run the machines in fear of getting hurt or dismembered. I need the rest of the week off cause my body needs to adjust to the medication. So I need the last three days as vacation days because I've missed too much time already and I can't afford to miss anymore .


    17. I won't be in today or Ever Again. I've found a way to earn money by staying at home working on my puter. I'm tired of getting paid for punching a time clock, working my but off on a J.O.B (Just Over Broke) 9 to 5 and retiring with $ 0 in my bank account, forced to live of the Government and taxpayers. If you want to know what I'll be doing, send an email to: Cookie18@SmartBot.NET Hooray! Freedom at Last!


    18. Tom Robbins says: "any one who goes to work everyday... everyday... IS sick! so, 'call in well' to work today!


    19. Had to be rushed to hospital for coffee burns on my lap be in tomorrow!


    20. I cant come to work today because the city is paving my street and I cant get out!


    21. A graphic artist I once knew told me of a person who called in and said his house had burned overnight. He was caught in the lie when word got out because co-workers took up a collection and the guy had to come clean when they gave it to him. He said it's just so much easier to say you've got diarrhea. They can't argue with that. (Imodium hadn't been invented yet.)


    22. My wife is too sick to get out of bed, so I'm staying home to take care of her.


    23. A lady took a leave of absence to cavort with her boyfriend. The supervisor looked the other way when she said she had to go to Arizona to get her stuff out of storage. After her return, she transferred to the front office. When her paramour again desired her companionship for travel, she said her father had a stroke. She was quietly dismissed when the office manager called the mother to ask how the allegedly ailing father was doing and was told the truth.


    24. Back in the olden days, female employees were not required to report their pregnancies, and she was one of the damnedably lucky ones that never showed. Her boss found out when she called to say she couldn't make it that day because she was in labor.


    25. I wont be in today I ran into a car and need to go to the doctor's I cant find my shoes I cant find my Son!!! There is a good show on T.V. I need to donate blood today I'm Drunk I left rubber cement next to my bed why I was sleeping and got really High I fell on a flashlight " Butt First " My dog ate my car keys and went to sleep and when I woke up found my self in another state.


    26. I won't be in today....I'm calling in dead.


    27. Excuse me sir, but I won't be in today. My home is flooded and I'm currently standing on my dresser in my second story bedroom. Thanks and have a nice day.


    28. Can't make it in. I have a chance of filling in for someone on jury duty.


    29. Hello, This is, ________ I've used all of my sick days and I'm calling in dead.


    30. Actually used (and believed) when I was working in Toronto. "You'll never believe it! I said with a straight face, I was heading here with plenty of time to be on time, when my car tires got stuck in the streetcar tracks! Now, I could drive forward and backwards but I couldn't turn off the tracks. I continued. Now I knew I couldn't safely stay there, so I did the only thing I could. I said, I had to drive all the way down to the rail yards and (finally) drive out free at the barns. Just to top it off, I continued, I'm sure you know how far away the rail yards are from work. I took me an extra half hour just to drive back! That's why I was late for work."

  12. #12
    Bone it like you own it FORD RECOVERY EXPERT's Avatar
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    31. I can't come into work today because of eye trouble.... I can't see working today.


    32. If it is all the same to you, I won't be coming in to work. The voices told me to clean all the guns today.


    33. When I got up this morning, I took two Ex-Lax in addition to my Prozac. I can't get off the john, but I feel good about it.


    34. I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. OK?


    35. I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at Wal-Mart.


    36. Constipation has made me a walking time bomb.


    37. The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the vet .


    38. I had missed a lot of work and my boss made me promise I would not be late, but I woke that day to find my cat bleeding. The poor cat had a hole in its belly where an abscess had burst. I called the boss and she said, " Sure it does..." The vet was very accommodating and wrote me an official excuse, and it hung on the boss's bulletin board for a very long time. It read, "Please excuse Sheryl being late to work today. Her cat had a hole in it.


    39. I am calling in because I do not feel up to par today.


    40. I am not coming in because I tried to dye my hair blonde, but it came out green!


    41. I'm not going to work today, I spent my paycheck on lottery tickets, and I'm out of Gas 'till payday. (actually used by a security guard)


    42. I have a bit of a problem. I got the end of a Q-tip stuck in my ear and have to go to the doctors to get it out.


    43. I was already at work for this and wanted to leave...Tell the boss I called home a few minutes ago and gotta go, my girlfriend went out to sunbathe naked in the back yard and locked herself out of the house and needs the door opened.


    44. Actually used and they will know me but it was 15 yrs ago.... my roommates horse overate and he has been walking it since midnight, I need to walk the horse so it doesn't lay down and die.


    45. Yesterday I Caught a bad cold while vacationing in Miami, Florida. Sorry!

  13. #13
    I don't sell out! blackSS01's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SHines-IT View Post
    Spank the beef like Pedobear.
    I would get laid by my cum dumpster but nailed her 4 times yesterday/early morning today. My cock is sore

  14. #14
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    46. A man I worked with once called in with... "My wife's breasts are sore after her breast enlargement so I need to stay home and massage her tits."


    47. My husband had a vasectomy yesterday and his balls are enlarged, so I need to stay home and help him ice them.


    48. This really Happened to me, I was on my way in to work and fell down the back steps of my apartment and I had my cell phone I phoned my work to tell them I wouldn't be in because I fell and hurt my back and also asked them to phone my husband so he could come help me and take me to the hospital .


    49. A SWAT team closed off a part of a street after a disgruntled ex-employee shot several people at a printing firm. A worker for a different a company called to report he couldn't finish his service route on that block that day (before the event was reported on the news) because there were snipers on the roof.


    50. I'm not coming to work to day because my computer has got a virus. And my computer means more to me then this job


    51. When I lived in Mesa, AZ, I was living in a 4-plex that wasn't exactly living in the best area of town (it was a little pocket of not-so-great neighborhood, actually). It shared a common parking area and driveway with the building behind us. I was working as an event planner for Motorola for the WORST boss... (She later was sued by Motorola and my former co-workers for creating a hostile workplace...heh heh) Anyway, one day I got up and got dressed for work, went out to my car, and immediately had to go back into the house to call in... Uh, Boss, I'm gonna be late today... there's about 30 police officers across the street, and I'm blocked in my driveway by a HAZMAT TRUCK!!! The Police had discovered that the tenants in the place directly across the street had built secret "tunnels" from one apartment to another, and the Police were in the process of busting the Meth Lab the tenants were running, it turns out... and there were about 15 police cars and 4 fire trucks in the way! If that's not a GOOD excuse, I don't know what is! *laugh*


    52. This is the mother of all "calling in" excuses. The other day, I went to work. And one girl didn't even show up or even call. So the supervisor called her and she was still sleeping. She said that I forgot I had to work today ....I mean please. "


    53. I needed a good excuse for missing work, and I have always felt that the more ridiculous (while still believable) the "reason" was the better. This is my favorite. Imagine me on the phone with my boss: I was playing fetch with my dog and the ball took a bad hop and broke a back window. When I went out to check out the damage, I stepped on a big piece of glass and cut my foot really bad. I had to go get stitches, and I don't think I can be on my feet a lot today. The trick to making this excuse stick -- I put a pebble in my shoe for the next couple of work days that I attended to remind me to walk gingerly due to my "stitches." It worked like a charm. Hell, it even got me some good sympathy -- stitches and a dog lover, who can resist that?


    54. One of the guys in my department phoned at 11:30 on a Tuesday to explain why he hadn't come into work that week: " I went to a party on Saturday and met a girl, we've been in bed ever since. I'm getting tired now and will be at work in an hour or so .


    55. I am sorry but I will be unable to come in to work today. My agoraphobia (fear of leaving the house) is kicking in and I am afraid to drive today.


    56. I got an excuse from the wife of one of my employees once -- he was fixing up an old school bus for them to see the world in. In order to fix it the way he wanted, he had to raise the height of the roof. This is what she said: Daniel won't be into work today. He fell off his sawhorse while cutting the roof off the bus. He landed on a pile of two by fours. It's ok tho, the saw wasn't hurt a bit. Believe me, that is only the beginning of the cake mix that Daniel went thru!!


    57. Can't come in today, the springs on the garage door broke and I can't get the car out cause the door won't open.


    58. My coworker Wilma Martinez called in and said " The snowplow was stuck in front of her driveway ". It took three days before they could get back to tow it away. Chicago January blizzards. She brought in pictures the next week.


    59. Sorry Boss I can't come into work today...my spirit guide says work is for losers!


    60. Well, you see, my boyfriend's friend's cousin, her mother is a total flake and her three kids are getting taken away by CPS and she is going to jail, and my boyfriend is working, his cousin is out of town and so you can see that I have to stay home and watch them.

  15. #15
    Bone it like you own it FORD RECOVERY EXPERT's Avatar
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    61. There has been an urgent family emergency, which I can't talk about lest I endanger any innocent bystanders. (This one could be good for a few days).


    62. My dog is having puppies and I need to help her.


    63. Someone smashed in my windows this morning with a large blunt object.


    64. (If you have a friend you want to skip work with) "At our potluck yesterday, there must have been something bad. I am so sick, I think I have food poisoning"....(a few moans for effect)... (then have your buddy call & do the same routine).


    65. I sprained my wrist cooking dinner in the microwave last nite.


    66. I slipped in the shower and torque my knee. I can't walk on it at all.


    67. I have extremely bad diarrhea. I mean REALLY bad. I am stuck in the house for a LONNNNNNNG time. A *long* time.


    68. True Story ---- A fellow employee showed up 2 1\2 hrs late because he couldn't open the trunk on his car so he drove to 3 different auto shops then on the way back from the 3rd his trunk popped open. The reason he needed to get in his trunk he had a tire low on air and wanted to change it.


    69. This one was actually used by one of my employees. "Sorry I did not show up yesterday, I locked myself in the bathroom."


    70. I won't be able to come to work next week . Were trying for a baby and the doc says next week is the best chance.


    71. These aren't excuses. They're signs at Phil's Oyster Bar in Baton Rouge. One says " In case of death in the family, please call in before 11:AM on the day of the game! " The other says " New Employment Policy: Work or Get Fired! "


    72. I'm calling in blind - just can't see myself working for you today...!


    73. This one has worked for me every time I used it, but the only issue is not to use all the time. And now the excuse. I can't make in to work today, I ate bad sushi last night.


    74. I will not be into work today because my parents dog died.


    75. Someone dumped a truck-load of sand in front of my driveway and I won't be in today

  16. #16
    Bone it like you own it FORD RECOVERY EXPERT's Avatar
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    76. A friend I hadn't seen for years came round just as I was setting off for work, I couldn't leave could I?


    77. I actually used this. It did happen. I was late yesterday because my cat was alarmed at my sleep-talking and jumped off the bed, knocked my alarm off the dresser, of which the batteries fell out; And I over slept.


    78. I won't be in today because I can't find my clothes.


    79. I'm calling in sick - of working for your company...!


    80. I won't be able to make it to work today due to my Aunt flying in from ______________, you see, she has one arm and two pieces of luggage and really needs me to be there for her.


    81. Employee....Sorry I didn't come to work yesterday. Boss....Why didn't you call off. Employee....I had to take my grandmother to the hospital and they didn't have a phone! A TRUE STORY


    82. I am sick with the Lack. Lack of ambition.


    83. Last night a friend I haven't seen in a long time came over and gave me a bear hug and broke one of my ribs, so I won't be in today.


    84. True Story .... A co-worker called in to work 2 hrs. late and said. I can't come to work today, sometime during the night, a reindeer broke it's leg and died, blocking my driveway, so I have to wait for the State Ranger to arrive and perform an investigation and remove the reindeer before I can get my car out of the garage.(this guy actually lives near the N.J. Shore Area). He also called in two weeks later with this one .... (five hours late for work, he called in and said). I'll be late for work today because the train had a flat tire and I had to help change it.


    85. This is a phenomenally effective excuse, for reasons which escape me: "Sorry I'm late; I had to buy a lottery ticket." If someone points out that you are, in fact, several HOURS late, say "oh, yeah, there was a line."For some reason, no one ever questions you. If you are working some crap minimum wage job, "poverty" excuses are always good: "Sorry I'm late, I had to pawn my alarm clock." or more elaborate ones involving having the gas cut off and hypothermia, and the like. This will instill such a feeling of guilt in your boss that he may not even dock your pay for the several hours in which you were not, in fact, at work!


    86. I won't be in today. I was up all week-end with this new girl I met and I didn't get any sleep....if you know what I mean!


    87. My name is Susan I live and work in Lexington, North Carolina. I work for a place called LampCrafters and my co-workers went out for lunch with some of her friends and smoked marijuana. After she returned from lunch another co-worker was teasing her and told her he had put a voodoo curse on her. She ran crying to the boss and said some one put a root?? on her and it had her head all messed up and she had to go home. Believe it or not it worked! (Oh this was suppose to be her first time smoking pot)


    88. I called into work a few weeks ago and told my boss that the filling in my tooth had come out and I was in Excruciating pain and that I couldn't see a dentist till the end of the week!


    89. I can't come in today because my daughter's asthma was really bad all night and I had to take her to the hospital for a treatment and I didn't get any sleep !


    90. I lost my car keys skiing and I can't leave until I find them!

  17. #17
    I don't sell out! blackSS01's Avatar
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    Hey Ford recovery, I googled it already and read those None of them would work if I was a boss. We are on the same wave length tho


    EDIT: Some of them may work, but I don't have any kids to use them for my gain

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    91. An employee who was a half hour late for work was asked (by me) why she was so late. She responded that it was Friday the 13th and she was afraid if she drove over 20 mph, she'd get in a wreck. Since she had to take a major four-lane highway to work, she was a little ticked off at me for doubting her word at driving 20 in a 55.


    92. Actual employees record. Names have been changed to protect the guilty. This was only a few days of a 6 page list for two years of employment. 8/16 Sat. 8:15 Joe called and said he was sick and probably wont be in on Monday because he is so sick today. 8/17 I called Joe's house and His mom said he went out with his friend. 8/18-8/19-8/20 Joe still stayed out sick. 9/6 10:30 Joe called in sick. I asked why he did not call me earlier and he said he was sleeping. 10/13 Monday Joe did not show up at all. 10/18 Sat. Joe asked to show up at 9:00 on Monday 10/20. 10/20 Mon. Joe showed up at 10:30 am. I spoke with him as to why he showed up later than he stated. He had no reason at all for being 1 1/2 hours late. 10/25 Sat. Joe asked to show up at 9:00 on Monday 10/27. I spoke with him in regards to not doing the same thing as the week before and he said that he would be in on time and he was sorry for being late. 10/27 Mon. Joe did not show up so I called him at 3:15 to find out where he was. Joe showed up at 3:30 p.m. with no excuse or remorse for being 6 1/2 hours late.


    93. My boyfriend can't come to work, today. He's sick and has 111 degree temperature (hope you're going to the funeral, lady). Note: This really happened and the guy was fired. Gee! Wonder why?


    94. My dad, Larry Taylor, won a radio contest in Seattle WA with this great excuse for not coming back to work from vacation... Don't call, don't write, don't let anyone know what's going on - take an extra week, or two. Then when you are ready to go back to work, just call up your boss and say.... " Don't pay the ransom - I escaped! "


    95. I can not come to work today because I do not have any shoes.!!!


    96. An employee phoned in at 9:00 am with the following. "My sister stole my money and I am out looking for her."


    97. I supervise a group of truck drivers who are paid by the hour. One of their tactics for getting more time is to give excuses for being late returning from a run. Flat tires and mechanical break-downs are too easily documented, so they often come up with excuses such as " there was an accident that closed the highway" or "the bridge at BigTown was open to let a barge pass." My favorite is: "I saw and alligator on the side of the road (we operate in Louisiana), and I stopped to help the game warden capture it."


    98. I am unable to come to work today. I tried lifting our baby daughter out of her crib and twisted my back.


    99. I can't come in to work today, my sister tripped over the dog, fell off the porch and broke her wrist. I have to take her to the hospital.


    100. I'm sorry I was late, I forgot to look at my watch!!!


    101. My co-worker once called in this excuse to me and asked me to tell our supervisor. " I have ants." It was later explained that she had ants in her basement apartment and had to call an exterminator in.


    102. I won't be into work today because my plane that was going to leave on Sunday didn't leave until today.


    103. I work in a Medical office and have to open the place at 5:30 am. well, I overslept that morning (really overslept) and didn't get there until around 10:00 am. Well, the boss shows up at 8:00 am and I can imagine was wondering where I was for all this time. When he asked I replied..." I was here, you know how the copier is out again? Well, I was under the desk trying to fix it. I don't know how you couldn't see me, my legs were sticking out far enough to trip you." He replied," we'll have to call the repair man for that I cant have you under the desk for 4 hours!"


    104. On my way to work today, my tooth cracked. I'll be going to the dentist.


    105. I'm going to be 20 minutes late, but I'll be there. 2 Hours later. . . You'll never believe this, but I fell asleep. I'm on my way now. The next day . . . I never did wake up, now I'm not feeling well so I'll see you tomorrow. Maybe it was too much sleep!

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    106. I am going to be late because this morning the soul came off of my sons tennis shoe. I have to wait until the mall opens at 10:00 to buy him some more shoes. The Boss: Well can he wear another pair of shoes to school? ME: On what you pay me, he doesn't have another pair. The bank opens at 9:00 I have to go by there and take out a loan for the new shoes. Be there as soon as I can.


    107. Late For Work.... I'll be a little late today. I washed my car yesterday and then parked it right away (and since this has happened before I should have remembered) but I set the parking brake and now one wheel is stuck. I would drive my wife's car, but the last time this happened, I just drove the car 'till the wheel broke free, but this time it stayed stuck and now my car is in the middle of the road, so I really need to fix it before I come in.


    108. I can't make it to work today, because the fan belt broke on the van, the brakes went out, and it has a flat tire.


    109. I can't come into work today, because the hot water tap broke on the bathtub.


    110. The pharmacy is making up some cream for me today - so I won't be in to work.


    111. I left the windows open in my room all night and when I woke up I had a stiff neck. I can't coming in today.


    112. A friend of mine and her brother went to Florida for a week to see her ex. She called and said she was going to be a few days late because her brother was stung by a jellyfish...of course I started laughing. She says "really, there were 3 stings on that beach in 2 days..." and went on to embellish further. Finally I said "yeah right". There was a short pause, then she began laughing. "They bought it at work!" she replied.


    113. I'll be in later today. I accidentally through away my jewelry, that was in a zip lock bag, away in the dumpster after I got back from vacation. I have to try and find it.


    114. When I was an evening manager at a grocery store, I would receive a variety of excuses for tardiness or absences. My favorite was one that was called in by a sixteen-year old carryout. He called five minutes before his shift was supposed to start and said that he would be unable to work that night because his girlfriend's house had almost caught on fire the night before, and he was tired.


    115. Work....I didn't want to be late for work again today so I called in sick instead!


    116. This excuse has been used by myself several times. I'll be out today or late, I woke up dizzy (I suffer from vertigo).


    117. Please excuse Henry for being late. He was stuck in the bathroom without any toilet paper.


    118. I can't come into work today. There is a cat sitting on the fence outside more door and he won't let me out. It looks like he will attack me if I go outside!


    119. I'll be in a little late today. During the night the power must have gone off because when I woke up my alarm clock time was flashing. And of course I over slept.


    120. My assistant called in with this one. "I cant come to work today because my cat is lonely and stressed out and if I don't spend quality time with him, he will keep peeing on the furniture!"

  20. #20
    Bone it like you own it FORD RECOVERY EXPERT's Avatar
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    Well, Others may use them....

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